Cheeseburger Backpack (episode)/Transcript

[Open Ext. at the beach]

Steven: *singing* Hey Mr. Postman, bring me the post, bring me the post that I love the most. *stops singing and Jamie comes in* Huh? My song came true! *excitedly* Do you have a package for me today?

Jamie: Hold on. *opens bag* Let me see what I've got here.*takes out package* Did you order a loaf of bread with a stamp on it?

Steven: No.

Jamie: *pulls out envelope* Did you order a jury summons for R.J. Finkle?

Steven: That's not me, I'm Steven.

Jamie: Oh, right, right, Steven! *pulls out a package* Here it is.

Steven: Ha! This thing's gonna help me save the world.

Jamie: Really? It says it's from Wacky Sacks Supply Company.

Steven: Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl think I shouldn't go on magic adventures because I don't know how to use my gem powers.

Jamie: That seems reasonable.

Steven: But there are other ways I can help.

Jamie: With a Wacky Sack?

Steven: Exactly!

Jamie: Do you know how you can save my world? *takes out signature pad* Sign here, please.

Steven: Aah. *writes his name*

Jamie: Barb yells at me if I don't get signatures.

Steven: That's awful. *light glows from Steven's house* Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl are back! *takes package and runs up stairs*

Jamie: Wait, Steven! What is a Wacky Sack?

[Trans. Int. Steven's house]

Steven: *enters house* Huh?

Garnet: Hello, Steven.

Pearl: Amethyst, we do not need that! It's not going to fit in the fridge!

Amethyst: What? I got this.

(slowly slides tray out and spills milk and drops bagels, puts giant egg in)

Amethyst: Look, it fits! *slams refrigerator door* Oh, man. We can make a big omelet, or a quiche, or big sunny side ups!-

Pearl: *to Steven* We fought a giant bird. We're only here for a second, we've got to go back out.

Steven: What? *holds package* Why?

Pearl: We have to place this Moon Goddess Statue on the top of the Lunar Sea Spire before midnight. Without it, the whole place will fall apart. Oh, Steven, you should have seen the spire in its heyday. *projects hologram* It was an oasis for Gems on Earth. It's abandoned now, but we can still save it with this statue!

Steven: What? That's perfect!

Pearl: What? Why?

Steven: Because I can help carry it for you in this! *takes backpack out of package and makes sound effects*

Pearl: A hamburger?

Steven: It's a novelty backpack, shaped like a cheeseburger. Aww, I blew it. *puts it on shoulder* I was just going to wear it one day, and you guys would be like "Dang, Steven, that's so cool". But this is obviously important Gem business.

Pearl: Yes, so you should let us take care of it.

Steven: What? I'm a Gem! *lifts up shirt and points to gem*

Pearl: But you've still got a lot to learn.

Amethyst: So let him come! *waves hands* It'll be educational.

Pearl: Hmm, alright. *hands statue to Steven* You can carry it in your hamburger.

Steven: Hmm. *opens backpack* Check this out! Everything's a pocket! Even the cheese is a pocket! I could fit a lot more stuff in here. Give me a minute. I'll pack extra supplies.

(Steven goes to fridge and puts doughnuts in his backpack, then he goes to his closet and puts two sweaters, an inflatable raft, and a kite. After that, he goes to his room and steps on a stuffed animal)

Steven: *gasps, then laughs* Mr. Queasy! *shakes the plush doll and laughs* You're definitely gonna come in handy! *removes first aid kit and stuffs it in*

Pearl: Steeeven, let's gooo!

Steven: Coming! *walks down stairs and onto warp pad*

Pearl: Woah, Steven, did you bring your whole room?

Amethyst: Back that thang up.

Garnet: Let's warp. *blue light flashes from pad but doesn't cover Steven's stomach*

[Trans. Int. Warp Pad]

Amethyst: Suck it in, Steven! *Steven sucks belly in*

Pearl: Do you remember how to do this? *Steven starts floating and laughing and his head falls out* Keep your head in. *pulls head in* Come on.

[Trans. Ext. Lunar Sea Spire]

(the Gems land, Steven falls down, then looks at Sea Spire)

Steven: Whoa, the Sea Spire!

(the Gems sigh, piece of Spire falls off building)

Pearl: It wasn't like this a hundred years ago.

Garnet: I'm sensing structural instability.

Steven: Oh, yeah. *crack forms around him* That's never good.

Pearl: Gah, Steven! *piece begins to fall*

Steven: What? *Pearl jumps up and saves Steven*

Pearl: Alright, hold on. We're taking Steven back! *Pearl hugs Steven; Steven leaps off her and takes Mr. Queasy out of his backpack*

Steven: Oh, Mr. Queasy! *laughs*

Pearl: Steven! This place is your heritage. I want you to stay and help, but you really got to take this seriously! Can you do that, Steven?

Steven: You got it, dude! *sticks tongue out*

Pearl: Yesss...

Garnet: Enough, we have to move. *the Gems run up the cliff when Garnet comes to a stop*

Amethyst: What's the hold-up? We can clear this easily.

Garnet: No. The magic that sustains the whirlpool creates a vortex that will pull us below. *Garnet throws a rock to show an example*

Pearl: So we can't jump?

Steven: Wait. *pulls out sweaters from backpack*

Amethyst: What are those for?

Steven: They were for keeping warm, *ties them together* but check it out.

(Steven whips one end through the window and catches the other end. Steven takes a deep breath and jumps)

Amethyst: Steven!

Pearl: Wait! *Steven gets pulled down by the vortex*

Amethyst: He's getting sucked down!

Gems: Steven!

Steven: Cheeseburger! *manages to land unharmed*

Amethyst: Steven! Way to go! C'mon, guys! *summons whip, grabs the remaining gems, and whips it through the window* Steven style! *Amethyst climbs up and brings the rest into the Sea Spire*

Pearl: Don't ever do that again!

Steven: Sorry!

Pearl: But it was pretty great.

[Trans. Int. Lunar Sea Spire- Gems walking through the Spire]

Pearl: Oh, no, no, no, this is even worse than the outside. Ugh... That's... Oh! Oh, this didn't use to be so. Oh, and the water damage. This pillar... Oh, and this had a head... Oh, Steven, once the statue is in place, it'll restore all of this to its former glory— aaah! *Pearl summons her spear and slices statue in half*

Steven: What was that goober?

Pearl: Crystal Shrimp.

Amethyst: You guys, we got a problem! *Steven and Pearl run up the stairs to Garnet and Amethyst*

Pearl: *looks at all the crystal shrimp and gasps* It's an infestation. And we have to pass through there to get to the top.

Steven: *leans towards one of the crystal shrimp* Can't you just squish 'em?

Pearl: *pulls Steven away* Don't touch that, their shards are deadly! *puts Steven down* We need to clear a path. *projects hologram Amethyst* Amethyst, if you go around to the side and disturb them with a spin attack... *projects Garnet on the ceiling* And Garnet, if you move to the ceiling and strike this exact spot... *projects an X* then I can advance with my...

Steven: Bagel sandwich!

(Steven takes two bagel sandwiches out of his backpack, then throws them on each side of the room. The shrimp proceed to follow one of the sandwiches and start to eat them, leaving a clear path for the Gems)

Garnet: Brilliant.

Amethyst: Oh hey, what do you know.

Pearl: Uh, uhh, how did you know that would work?

Steven: Well, if I were a shrimp, that's what I would do. *the Gems walk through the now clear path*

Amethyst: You are a shrimp. *the Gems begin to climb the stairs*

Pearl: I just want everyone to know: my plan would have also worked. *the Gems reach the top of the staircase*

Garnet: Watch out! *the wall to the left of them cracks, and forms a small, rushing river that drops below*

Amethyst: What are we gonna do? *the Gems look at Steven*

Steven: What? Me?

Garnet: What have you got?

Amethyst: *chanting* Cheeseburger backpack! Cheeseburger backpack! *Steven nervously reaches into his backpack* Pearl, c'mon.

Pearl: Oh, alright.

Pearl & Amethyst: *chanting* Cheeseburger backpack! Cheeseburger backpack! Cheeseburger backpack! *Steven smiles and pulls out a yellow raft*

Steven: A raft! *Steven pulls the raft's handle and it inflates; Amethyst and Garnet gasp*

Pearl: Steven, that's so sensible!

(Steven places the raft in the water. It quickly floats away, and goes over the side of the Spire; all Gems, excluding Garnet, moan. Garnet kicks a pillar and one end lands on the other side of the river, forming a bridge)

Garnet: Good idea anyway, Steven. *the Gems cross the bridge to the other side and begin to walk up another staircase*

Amethyst: Yeah, they can't all be winners.

(there is a montage of the Gems slowly climbing up the winding stairs. They finally get to the top, and Steven stares at it in awe. The Gems approach the pedestal)

Pearl: This is it. The Moon Goddess pedestal. *Pearl looks up* And the moon is almost overhead! It's not too late to save this piece of history!

Garnet: Steven, the statue.

Steven: *Steven sticks his hand in his backpack and feels for the statue but is unable to find it* Uhh, I, uh, ah, uhh...

Amethyst: What's the hold up?

Steven: *with a terrified look on his face* I don't have it. *the Gems gasp*

Pearl: What?!

Steven: I must have left it on the bed! *the Gems look at the moon*

Pearl: There's... there's no time...

Steven: Wait! *reaches into his backpack* I have an idea! *pulls out Mr. Queasy*

Amethyst: Could that work? *Garnet shrugs*

(Steven walks to the pedestal and places Mr. Queasy, who then says "Kid, don't shake me". The moon blasts a ray of light onto Mr. Queasy, who then floats up towards the moon. Only a few feet up, Mr. Queasy violently shakes and the Gems scream. Mr. Queasy explodes and the Gems scream again. The Spire begins to shake, and a bunch of cracks form in the ground. The waterfall starts to close in on the Spire)

Garnet: Everyone, keep steady! *Amethyst falls into Garnet*

Steven: No, no, no, no!

(the cracks separate and the Gems are pushed apart. Each piece sinks and a big lake is all that is left. The Gems swim to the surface)

[Trans. Ext. Lunar Sea Spire]

Steven: This is all my fault. I broke it.

Pearl: No, Steven, the Spire was falling apart when we got here. You handled everything well under pressure. You did great!

Amethyst: Yeah, two out of four of your ideas worked. That's fifty percent.

Steven: Yeah. I guess you're right. They can't all be winners. *the raft then pops up to the surface, and the Gems stare in amazement* Wooo! *the Gems get in the raft*

Pearl & Amethyst: Cheeseburger backpack! Cheeseburger backpack! Cheeseburger backpack!

Garnet: It's a three hour paddle home.

Steven: *reaches into his backpack and gets a bagel* Anyone up for a wet bagel?

[End]