Lars and the Cool Kids/Transcript

[Open Ext. Dead Man's Mouth]

(Gems look down from a small cliff at a moss covered swamp, Steven is at the bottom of it, near the swamp)

Pearl: This doesn't look good at all. *Steven jumps across the rocks and almost touches the moss*

Steven: Whoa! Cool!

Pearl: No, Steven! Don't go near that stuff! *Garnet throws a boulder at the rock and launches Steven into Pearl's arms*

Steven: Whoa! *lands* Steven's here!

Pearl: You have to be careful, Steven!

Steven: Why? *in the swamp, a duck sits on a log and the moss consumes the log, with the duck escaping* What is that stuff?

Garnet: It's the moss that Rose Quartz raised on the hill.

Steven: My mom planted this stuff?

Pearl: Rose Quartz used to climb that hill every spring and tend to the moss at the top. *shows projection of Rose tending to the moss* But now that Rose is gone, the moss is on the move!

Steven: It's lost.

Amethyst: It's not lost. It's gross.

Pearl: Yes, but Rose loved it anyway. She saw the beauty in everything, no matter how gross. Fortunately, I know just what to do in this situation.

(Pearl stands in front of the other gems, who are sitting down. She smiles, opens her eyes, jumps into the air, spins around, and strikes a pose)

Pearl: Tw-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-h! *does a dance and her gem activates* Ha-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-h!

Steven: *whispers to Amethyst* This is why I get up in the morning. *a white blob falls out of her Gem and into Steven's hands, becoming a roll of police tape* Is this...police tape?

Pearl: Isn't this great? This way, we don't even have to use magic. Humans will just see this and walk away.

(Garnet is on a knoll and slams her fist into her hand like a baseball mitt)

Garnet: Don't hold back. *to Amethyst*

Amethyst: I never...do! *throws tape to Garnet*

(montage of gems putting tape all around entrance of swamp)

Steven: *breathing heavily, sighs, grunts*

Pearl: ♪Fa la-la la-la *ties tape into present bow* Perfect!♪ Now we can come up with a plan to move the moss back to its hill!

Steven: Who wants to get some lunch? *the gems stare at him to say no* Just me, then? Nice.

[Trans. Ext. Fish Stew Pizza]

Steven: Gettin' me a p, gettin' me a za. Gettin' me a p-p-p-p-pizza! Gettin' me a  p, gettin' me a za. *starts to humming, notices Lars** Hey, is that Lars? Lars!

Lars: *groans* Why now?

Steven: Got a high five for you *starts to run at Lars* from wa-a-a-y down to-o-o-own! Ohhhhhh!

Lars: No, Steven! *whisper yelling* No high fives!

Steven: Mmmmm, okay. *high-fives his chest and Lars slaps his hand away*

Lars: Steven!

Steven: *laughs* So...how come you're not at the Big Donut?

Lars: I don't spend my whole life at work. *flips jacket over shoulder* I do...other things.

Steven: Like standing against this wall?

Lars: What does it look like?!

Steven: Looks like you're doing a lot of nothing.

Lars: That's the plan, Ste-van. *flips jacket* Just playing it cool today, you know?

Steven: We are so much alike.

Lars: Excuse me? *Raises eyebrows*

Steven: You want to get a fresh pizza right out of the oven, but you don't want to seem too desperate, right? Well, there's no need to be ashamed. Just walk right in and ask. That's what I always do. *motions towards window*

Lars: Ah uh Steven, don't go in there right now!

Steven: Oh, hey! *stares inside*

[Int. Fish Stew Pizza]

(Jenny, Sour Cream, Buck Dewey hanging around inside, Kiki, working, stands beside them)

Jenny: He opened the door, and there was doggy doo everywhere.

Buck Dewey: That's nasty. I don't like nasty stuff.

[Ext. Fish Stew Pizza and adjacent lot]

Steven: *outside window* Isn't that Kiki's sister and her friends?

Lars: Jenny, Sour Cream, and Buck Dewey.

Steven: Oh, you know those guys?

Lars: N-not quite, but I'm sure we'll hang at some point.

Steven: You should go in and talk to them.

Lars: T-T-That's not how these things work, Steven! The plan is to keep it cool and let them come to me.

Steven: Here they come. *Jenny, SC and BD leave FSP*

Lars: Aah! Steven, turn around! Act natural! *looks away quickly, sweating profusely*

Jenny: *to Kiki* Tell dad I'll be back later. *walks away*

Steven: I don't think they saw you.

Lars: Steven, you were blocking me with your...big hair! Aah!

Steven: Sorry, I'll go tell them to look over here. *walks away*

Lars: *whispering* Steven, no, don't go over there! *Steven walks towards them anyways, Lars continues to look away* I hate you!

Buck Dewey Muffins that are like this big. *motions w/ hands*

Jenny: Those things are too sweet for me.

Steven: Hi! My name's Steven. *puts hand up for Hi five*

Buck Dewey: *hi fives* "Buck Dewey".

Sour Cream: *hi fives* They call me "Sour Cream".

Jenny: *hi fives* I'm Jenny.

Lars: *hand over mouth, thinking* Aah, he's gonna wreck everything! What are they saying? I can't hear them! *Steven dances in background* Ugh! Why is he dancing?! *Lars tears up* No-ho-ho! My life is horrible!

Steven: Hey, Lars!

Lars: *snaps into "cool" pose* Yo.

Steven: They invited us along for a ride.

Lars: huh? Wait a minute, they- you-? Steven you got lucky. So don't ruin this with any of your lame schtick.

Steven: *pretends to shoot finger guns* Pew pew! You got it! *laughs*


 * Lars face palms*

(whole group walks towards Jenny's Car)

Jenny: Hop on in guys.

Steven: Ah yeah, middle seat!

(All file into car, BD, Steven, and Lars in back, SC in shotgun and Jenny driving)

Buck Dewey: Where'd you get that rad shirt Steven?

Steven: *looks at shirt* I have no idea where any of my clothes come from.

Buck Dewey: Yeah man, living free. I like it.

Lars: Hey, check out my shirt. *points to shirt w/ snake design*

Buck Dewey: Oh, that snake is nasty.

Lars: Oh, *fakes obnoxious laugh* Yeah, I hate snakes!

Buck Dewey: Oh, what? That's too bad, some snakes are pretty cool.

Steven: Sounds like it's time to buckle up.

Lars: Quit being lame Steven.

Sour Cream: Hey man, there's nothing "lame" about seat belt safety.

Jenny: Car does not move 'till everyone is buckled up.

Sour Cream: Yeah, now let's get some spaced out beats up in here. *turns radio to electronica station* Yeah, I could rave to this. *slowly waves arms in front of him*

Lars: *to Jenny* Hey, this car is really cool Jenny.

Jenny: It's just the delivery car for my Dad's lame shop. Makes me smell like pizza. Where to, y'all? *Drives out of parking lot*

Sour Cream: I don't even know.

Steven: Oh, can we stop by the Big Donut?

[Trans. Int. Beach City]

Jenny: *drives up next to Big Donut* That old place?

Buck Dewey: Man that place is a drag.

Steven: But that's where Lars works- *Lars coughs loudly*

Lars: *coughing* Quiet Steven. *cough*

Steven: You need some water?

(Group drives through heart of town)

Steven: *notices Funland Arcade* Funland arcade is the best! Let's do that.

Sour Cream: Man, I beat all the G's in there like 3 million times.

Steven: *gasp* No way!

Lars: Yeah, me too.

Steven: No way!!

Sour Cream: Honestly though, I'm just exaggerating to sound cool.

Steven: I appreciate your honesty.

(Group drives near city park, where Mayor Bill Dewey is holding a rally)

Jenny: Hey Buck, isn't that your dad?

Mayor Dewey:...another reason you should re-elect me, I love babies. Will you look at that, a baby! *Mayor's aid hands a baby to the mayor* Gonna kiss it...*kisses baby, crowd applauds*

Steven: Hmm, I like his policies on babies.

Buck Dewey: Man, he never kisses me like that.

Lars: That's rough bro.

Buck Dewey: It's not rough, the lack of daddy kisses made me what I am.

(Group drives out of town)

Jenny: Oh my gosh guys, we should check out Dead Man's Mouth.

Steven: What's Dead Man's Mouth?

Buck Dewey: Oh it's this lake where some dude died, or it looks like a mouth? I forget the specifics.

Jenny: Dead Man's Mouth. Here. We. Come. *puts car up a gear and speeds off*

Steven: Sounds good to me.

[Trans. Dead Man's Mouth]

(All pile out of car)

Jenny: We're here.

Steven: *notices Police Tape and gasps* Y-ya know what? I know this place may seem cool, but it's actually a lot less cool than you think. W-why don't we just have some more fun at the boardwalk?

Lars: *whispers* Steven stop being lame. *to others* Let's check this place out.

(Lars walks towards entrance, others murmur in agreement and accompany him)

Steven: *begins to worry but stops* Oh, pfft, the police tape. *laughs*

(All stare at tape)

Sour Cream: huh, police tape... *rips down tape, all walk through* Awesome.

Buck Dewey: *playfully* I'm above the law. *knocks down more tape*

Jenny: Who wants to go for a swim?

(Steven stares at moss which appears agitated, others begin to take off their coats, Lars takes off his shirt and Sour Cream converts his pants into shorts)

Sour Cream: Pants become shorts.

Steven: *stops Lars* Lars, don't go in there, it's dangerous!

Jenny: Steven, you trying to scare us?

Buck Dewey: Build an atmosphere, I appreciate that.

Sour Cream: *mockingly* Oooooh!

(Jenny, SC and BD jump in, Lars begins but Steven holds him in place)

Lars: *being held by Steven* Hey what are you doing man?!

Steven: *tearing up* Don't!

Lars: *pushes Steven towards lake but can't break free* Steven, what. is. your. deal?? *gasps*

(Lars struggles to break from Steven but stops when he notices the others suddenly become engulfed by the growing moss around them, which drags them under. Lars falls back in fear.)

Steven: Oh no! *small amount of moss attacks his boot* Aaah!

Lars: What's going on?!

Steven: It's some kind of Magic Moss my Mom planted!

Lars: Wait, your mom-?

(Suddenly the others reemerge covered in moss and struggle towards the lake's edge, they collapse on its shore and the moss covers them entirely)

Lars: Guys hang on! *him and Steven rip away at moss to no avail*

Steven: *gasps and notices hill in background* Lars, I know what we have to do.

Lars: *ignores him* This is all your fault! *sighs, tears up* I knew if something went wrong today it would be because of you! Now I'm never going to be friends with these guys. All because of your...weird mom!

(Steven's eyes narrow in shock, and partially in rage, his posture and expressions become extremely aggressive, Lars backs off in surprise)

Steven: *pokes at Lars' chest* What do you know about my Mom?! I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO KNOW MY MOM! But I do know, she saw beauty in everything! Even in stuff like this *points at moss* and even in jerks like you! *Lars looks away ashamedly, Steven sighs* Now help me get them to the car.

(Steven and Lars put the others' bodies, still covered completely in moss, into the car and buckle them in)

Steven: Lars, hurry! This moss belongs at the top of that hill. *points at tall hill* Come on Lars what are you waiting for?

Lars: Uh, Steven, I don't know how to drive a stick shift.

Steven: I'll work the stick, you just keep us on the road.

Lars: Okay, alright, let's do this. Ignition!

Steven: Stick power! *Car jams and goes forward*

Lars: Steven, no, put it in reverse!

Steven: Is that the one with "R" on it? *Car jolts backwards* Aaaah!

[Trans. Ext. Beach City]

Lars: Jenny's gonna kill meeeeee! *Car back up onto main road, and they drive forward* What's gonna happen when we get to the top of that hill?

Steven: I don't know!

Lars: You don't know?!

Steven: That's just where the moss wants to be! *moss begins to engulf front of Car, including Steven and Lars* Aah!

Lars: It's getting everywhere! Woah!

(The car jerks and turns sporadically until they check a large truck which straightens them out)

Steven: We did it!

Lars: We're almost there.

(Lars parks the near the top of the hill, and he and Steven quickly get out to drag the bodies to the top)

Steven: We got to get up there. *points to top of hill* Hurry!

(Steven and Lars get close to top of hill, but moss progressively engulfs them as well, slowing them)

Lars: I'm, getting stuck!

Steven: No, don't, give up.

(The moss almost completely engulfs and and leaves them immobilized near the top of the hill)

Lars: Steven... *looks away apologetically*

Steven: What?

Lars: *quickly changes* This sucks! *moss swallows him*

Steven: Laaaaars- *moss swallows him as well*

(The moss entirely engulfs them and all appears lost. Suddenly, the clouds clear and the sun comes out which immediately causes the moss to convert into pink blossoms which float away and free all of them, leaving them completely drained of energy. The air fills with the pink blossoms and Steven and Lars watch them over the hill)

Steven: *freed from moss* The moss was just trying to bloom.

Jenny: Ugh, what happened?

Sour Cream: I think I died.

Jenny: Guys, look! *points towards edge of hill, all rush towards it*

Jenny, SC and BD: Woah!

(The blossoms quickly waft gently throughout the city at sunset, which can be seen in its entirety from atop the hill)

Sour Cream: You can see all of Beach City from up here.

Buck Dewey: It's beautiful.

Jenny: Yeah...how did we even get here?

Lars: Well, Steven thought of it t--

Steven: *interrupts* Lars drove us here. *All 3 murmur in approval of Lars*

Jenny and SC and BD: Oh yeah, Lars! Super cool.

Sour Cream: I can totally rave to this.

Jenny and BD: Go go go... *SC "raves"*

(Steven attempts a hi five w/ Lars but Lars high-fives his chest instead)

Steven: *laughs* Yeah! *high-fives Lars' chest as well*

Lars: *feeling embarrassed* Okay, that's enough.

[End]