Shirt Club/Transcript

(The episode starts with Steven drawing the picture of "Guitar Dad" with pencil, then making final touches with red marker)

Steven: Pearl! (Picks up picture) Amethyst! (Walks down stairs) Garnet! - Wah! (Looks at the gems.)

(The gems are seen sitting on the couch, just below Steven)

Pearl: (Reading a manual on how to assemble stools) You don't have to yell, Steven, we're right here.

Steven: I know, but, I just finished this drawing, and I wanted to show it to you.

Pearl: Oh! Uh...Of course.

Steven: Allll right!-- (jumps to Garnet's lap) -- Hup! (shows the gems his flyer) Haha! "Guitar Dad teaches you guitar!"

Amethyst: What is that?

Steven: It's my dad, He's going to start teaching guitar lessons and he made me his P.R. Department.

Amethyst: (points to flyer) What's that stuff in his mouth?

Steven: Those are his teeth...

Pearl: What are the lightning bolts for?

Steven: Ugh...well, ah...I was trying to show that dad really rocks on the guitar, and...

Garnet: (points to flyer) Then there should be rocks falling out of the guitar.

Steven: I hear what you're saying, but it's too late for notes... this is permanent marker.

{Scene: at the Big Donut]

Steven: (puts up flyer) Mmm-Hmm!

Sadie: What's that cute flyer for Steven?

Steven: It's for my dad, - he'll teach you guitar, you guys wanna sign-up? My dad's really good.

Sadie: Maybe I'll stop by and check it out.

Steven: Here, lemme give you a flyer- (door opens)

Buck: (waves hand)

Sadie: Welcome to the Big Donut.

Steven: Hey, Buck.

Lars: (surprised) Oh! W-what? (takes headphones off) Buck, Buck, Buuuuuuuuck! Haha! What's going on man? What can we get for you today?

Buck: (looks at the menu, then the donuts) Can I get a caprese salad?

Sadie: Oh sorry, Buck. We only sell doughnuts-

Lars: (attempting to impress him) DOUGH-NUT worry, Buck! I'll whip ya up a salad (thumbs up), no sweat!(sweating) I'll be right back. (runs toward kitchen)

Sadie: Lars! We don't even have vegetables here! (runs after him into the back room)

Buck: (looks at Steven's flyer) Huh, what's a "guitar dad"?

Steven: Like my flyer? it's for my dad, (motions playing guitar) He'll teach you guitar! Here, take one of these with you. Actually, just wear it. (Tapes flyer onto Buck's shirt)

Buck: (Uncontrollable laughing)

Steven: Are you ticklish?

Buck: This would make a rad shirt, man.

Steven: Really?

Buck: Yeah, Let's make your flyer into T-shirts.

Steven: Oh man, my dad would love that!

Buck: Gimme five on it.

Steven: (High five misses)

Buck: Oh, you missed.

[Scene: at the Abandoned Warehouse]

Mayor Dewey: (lifts heavy box) Ho!, I think it's swell that you're returning the family business, son. (puts down box) Gonna help the old man get re-elected again, eah? (hugs Buck and pats his head) Aww, son!

Buck: (breaks free) Ugh! It's not for campaign stuff, dad. Steven and I are making art.

Steven: *gasps* Art!

Mayor Dewey: Art, huh? I don't understand that myself, but a boy's gotta have adventures and ambitions. (slaps Buck hard on the back which causes his visor to fall off) WOAH-HO-HO-HO!

Steven: (looks around) This stuff can be used to make T-shirts?

Mayor Dewey: Oh yeah, I've got all the latest, state of the art screen-printing equipment from years of campaigning. And other some such, marely things. Like this week, I'm commemorating: a bench! (shows the boys a banner of "Bench City", which is just a banner that says "Welcome to Beach City" with the "A" in "Beach" changed to "N" with marker)

Steven: (reads the banner)"Welcome to...Bench City"? Thrifty!

Buck: *moans* Dad, you can't use this. (points to banner)

Mayor Dewey: Why not? You know I "Gotta get that youth vote, boi!"

Buck: Dad, Stop.

Steven: What's this? (opens box to reveal flyers similar to Steven's that say:"Vote for My Dad" with a drawing of Buck and Mayor Dewey holding hands)

Mayor Dewey: What have you got there? (reads the flyer) Aww...I haven't seen this in years, Remember when you draw this, Buck? You couldn't wait to show it to all your lil' montessory friends.

Buck: (pushes Mayor Dewey out) 'Kay, dad. Thanks for your help, see ya later, Bye.

Mayor Dewey: Alright, kids. I mean..."Peace in the Middle-East, Holmes"~

Steven: (picks up another one of Buck's flyers) So cool.

Buck: (quickly grabs and crumples the flyer) Let's just get started already.

[Buck and Steven makes multiple copies of shirts with Steven's flyer printed on]

Buck: Swag!

Steven: Now everyone's gonna want lessons from Dad!

Buck: This is bigger than your dad, Steven. It's art. And it's gonna flood the public consciousness. (The t-shirts reflect on his sunglasses)

Steven: (offers Buck a t-shirt) Let's start handing them out.

Buck: Too simple. We need to get controversy. We need to create--*boom*--a scene.

[Scene:at Funland Arcade's Rooftop]

(Steven looking for victims to shoot his t-shirts through his binoculars as Buck readies the t-shirt cannon.)

Steven: Scanning for targets, T-shirt Cannon loaded and ready. Beep,beep,beep-bibibibibi! (points to Sour Cream) Sour Cream sighted!

Sour Cream: Wom, wom. Wom, wom, wom.

Steven: Get ready...Take aim.

Buck: (about to shoot) Aaand...(shoots)

Sour Cream: Wom, wom, wom-WOMP! (gets hit by the t-shirt and rubs head) What in the world? (picks up the t-shirt) Oh. This is the coolest thing that I've been hit in the head with!

Steven: Ronaldo spotted, take aim!

Buck: *fires another t-shirt*

Ronaldo: (the t-shirt knocks Ronaldo's hat off) WOW! What the heck? (notices shirt) Wow, weird! Some kind of extra-terrestrial space dad guitar shirt? Sooo...you finally decided to make first contact, huh? WHERE ARE YOU?

Steven: Lars sighted, Take aim!

Buck: *launches another shirt*

Lars: YEOWCH! What the-?! (picks up the t-shirt and reads it) What is this garbage? (looks up to see Buck and Steven) Buck made this?! (starts laughing) Oh-ohohoha, Ahahaha, Haha! This is hilarious! Thaaanks Buuuck~

[Scene: At Fish Stew Pizza]

(Steven and Buck takes a break and eats pizzas)

Steven:Cheers! (bites pizza) Buck, this was such a good idea! I didn't know why we didn't collaborate on a project sooner, This'll make my dad so happy. I can't wait to see the look on his face when I stop by later.

Buck: (eating pizza) Yeah...should be good for a laugh.

Steven: Huh? (confused) Why would it be good for-

Jenny: (enters Fish Stew Pizza wearing the "Guitar Dad" t-shirt) Giiiirl~, Check out my new shiiiiirt~! (models the t-shirt)

Kiki: It's really cute. Where'd you get it?

Jenny: I dunno, It just landed in front of me when I was out walking.

Kiki: Look, If were you, I wouldn't wear ''some random shirt that just fell out of the sky. What if there were bugs ''in it?

Jenny: Re-lax! Who cares where it came from?. This shirt is the funniest thing I've seen in my life!

Buck: Looks like that shirt has a really good buzz goin'.

Steven: Yeah, but. I think they think it's a joke.

Buck: Heh. You know the thing that's important? It's that their talking about it. That's how real art works.

Steven: Oh. Well, I guess your right.

[Scene: at the Car Wash]

(Steven visits his Dad and sees Sour Cream taking a picture of Greg.)

Greg: Ugh...how's this? (poses)

Sour Cream: Haha, ''so bad. ''(takes picture)

Greg: Okay, Let's get started with the first lesson! Have a seat and grab a- where ya goin'? Oh...I guess he's got an important text or something.

Steven: How's it been going today?

Greg: Really great! Lots of people's been coming by thanks to your t-shirts little guy.

Steven: That's great, Dad. I'm really glad I can help...

Jenny: Yoohoo Guitar Dad, I just wanted to say your wonderful and hilarious! (drives off)

Greg: Ugh... Thank You? (confused). Huh, that's kinda strange.

Steven: What is?

Greg: Well, lots of people have stopped by but, no one's taking a lesson.

Steven: (surprised) What?! Really?!

Greg: Ah, maybe they're just checking out to see before they come back to get a REAL lesson. (plays guitar)

[Scene: at the Abandoned Warehouse)

(Buck is printing more t-shirts)

Steven: Buck!

Buck: Hey, (points to Steven) There's my main man.

Steven: The shirts aren't working Buck!

Buck: Yeah they are, (picks up a t-shirt) people love' em.

Steven: But, nobody wants guitar lessons from my dad!

Buck: That's not the point.

Steven: (very confused) What? Then what is the point?

Buck: The point is, It's an amazing shirt.

Steven: (blushing thinking Buck is commenting on his art) Aww, my drawing's not that good, ahaha.

Buck: Yeah, no. It's terrible.

Steven: What?!

Buck: That's what's so great about it. Your work is so naive, You really love your dad. It's funny.

Steven: Ah...I don't wanna make these shirts anymore.

Buck: Too bad Steven, they're so current, they can't stop. I'm the taste maker, and I will keep making tastes...FOREVER.

Steven: "Forever"? (gets paranoid)

Buck: Well, forever after until I improve my dad's lame bench commemoration...Peace. (walks away)

[Scene: at the Beach House]

(Steven rushes back home)

Steven: GARNET! PEARL! AMETHYST!

(Surprised, the gems stand up)

Garnet: Steven.

Pearl: What is it?!

Amethyst: Woah, where's the fire?!

Steven: It's an emergency! You have to help me take down all the shirts and stop Buck from making more!

Pearl: Have the shirts come to life and have possessed the bodies of their wearers?!

Steven: No! They just...

Amethyst: Are people catching on fire when they put on the magic shirts?

Steven: No, no, they're just...

Pearl: Are the shirts destroying the wearer's will to continue on in this mortal coil, thereby shutting down beach City?! (panicked while spewing saliva)

Steven: No!!! They're...*sighs* they're just, using my art in a way I don't agree with.

Pearl: Oh.

(The gems see it wasn't that big of a threat and sit down)

Garnet: adjusts sunglasses) Then we'll pass.

Steven: What? But....I really need your help...

Pearl: Steven, this sounds like a very "abstract" problem.

Amethyst: It's not something we can punch. (punches her own palm)

Garnet: You MUST learn to help ''yourself. That's how you become stronger. ''(sunglasses sparkles)

Amethyst(& Pearl): Good point, good point.(nods)

Pearl(& Amethyst): Absolutely.

Steven: But!

Amethyst: Figure something OUT, Steven! (starts to get annoyed)

Pearl: Yes! Why not dust off those conflict resolution skills?

Garnet: Let your problem be known, then you can make them understand the matter.

Steven: (thinks of an idea and states evilly) Oh I'll make them understand. (walks out) I'll make them ALL understand!

(The gems are mildly surprised)

Amethyst: Eah, he'll be fine.

[Scene: at Beach City Boardwalk]

(Many people are gathered around Mayor Dewey)

Mayor Dewey: Okay, is everyone here? (blushing) *coughs slightly* Hello! I was supposed to write a speech to uhm...(adjusts neck tie) Ugh...commemorate this, ugh... new bench! But what had happened was I ran out of printer ink in my printer, that I keep at home!

(As Mayor Dewey tells his speech,Steven is hiding on the roof of the Funland Arcade and opens a guitar case with his T-shirt Cannon)

Steven: (aims at Mayor Dewey and whispers) Bye.

Bodyguard#1: Look out! (Drops sandwich and runs away)

Bodyguard#2: No! Aaaah! (Runs away)

(The crowd goes wild and runs in several directions)

Mayor Dewey: I've been...shirt.

(Buck notices everyone running and picks up a t-shirt, noticing that these t-shirts have his drawings printed on them.)

(Steven backs away, smiling)

Mayor Dewey: Huh...(picks up a shirt, feeling touched ) Did you make this?

(Buck is speechless and sees Sour Cream and Jenny looking at the shirts)

Jenny: Ahahaha! This is way funnier than "Guitar Dad"!

Lars: Ahahahahahaha, Ohoho! (holds the t-shirt)

Mayor Dewey: (stops blushing and looks at the t-shirt) This bench is actually pretty comfortable.

(Buck sheds a tear)

[Scene: At the Car Wash]

Steven: Anyone else stop by for lessons today?

Greg: So far no, but I'm sure it'll pick up tomorrow.

Steven: Yeah! Sure it will. (hands Greg a t-shirt) Oh, this is for you by the way. It's the last one so it's super limited edition.

Greg: Aw sweet! Thanks, Steven.

(Steven smiles)

Buck: (walks over to the two) Hey, Steven. Just wanted to say ugh... I'm sorry for the way I acted, and...ugh...

Steven: It's Okay, Buck. You don't have to say any more than that.

Buck: (to Steven) You're a cool cat, Steven Universe. (to Greg) Hey, Mr. U.

Greg: You wanna take a picture with me or some junk?

Buck: No way man. I want a LESSON.. (shows them his shirt) from Guitar Dad!

[End]