Back to the Barn/Transcript

[Open Int. Beach House]

Peridot: Ahem, ahem. As it seems I have no other options, I have conceded to reveal some important information to you Crystal Gems.

(Peridot snaps her fingers, cuing Steven to shuffle in. He is wearing a box, with a crudely drawn picture of Earth on it. Peridot, using a flyswatter as a pointer, smacks the box.)

Peridot: This...!

Steven: Woah!

Peridot: Is the Earth. At the very center of the planet's core lies The Cluster! Rotate.

(Steven complies, turning the box to show a representation of the Earth's core and the Cluster inside.)

Peridot: *points at the scribbles at the center of the circle* This is The Cluster. A massive, artificial fusion composed of millions of Gem Shards. It has laid dormant for thousands of years within's this planet's crust. When this gem activates, and takes its form, the result will be catastrophic. Now! *Peridot hits the box again*

(Steven turns back to the Earth picture and bobs up and down. Eventually, a green, snake-like puppet bursts through the picture, while Steven makes growling noises.)

Peridot: What is that!?

Steven: *opening the puppet's mouth as if it is speaking* It's The Cluster.

(Peridot swats the puppet with the flyswatter.)

Peridot: It does not look like that. But it is real, and it can activate at any moment!

Steven: ...Bwaaaah.

Amethyst: What a cluster.

Garnet: That abomination must be stopped.

Pearl: But how? We'll need to build some sort of machine to take us to the center of the Earth, it'll have to -

(Peridot suddenly swats at Pearl.)

Peridot: Hey! I wasn't finished speaking! What we need is to build some sort of machine to take us to the center of the Earth.

(Pearl starts glaring at Peridot. Amethyst looks at her, smiling, but Pearl glares back, causing her to stop.)

Peridot: It'll need to withstand up to 360 gigapascals of pressure and temperatures of 9800 degrees.

Pearl: Well, we mustn't waste time. We need to start finding parts for this machine immediately.

Peridot: Yes. Obviously. We'll start by dismantling all devices inside this dwelling.

Steven: Wha-?

(Peridot runs to the kitchen and grabs the microwave.)

Peridot: This primitive radiation concentrator should come in handy!

(Peridot detaches the microwave from the cupboards and throws it on the ground, then grabbing a corded phone.)

Peridot: This primitive vibration transmitter could possible serve a function!

(Peridot smashes the dials on the table, splitting it in half. She then runs up to Steven's room and grabs the television.)

Peridot: There's a remote chance something useful could be inside this primitive image cube!

(Peridot smashes the TV on the ground.)

Steven: Wait! I have a better idea that doesn't involve destroying the house!

Amethyst: Classic Steven.

[Trans. Ext. Greg's Storage Shed]

Pearl: Alright. What we have here in the barn should be adequate enough for us to get started. First, I recommend we organize the component types, and assemble a rough blueprint based off what we have available.

(Steven spins on a swivel chair with a smile on his face.)

Pearl: *looks at blackboard* Ugh... sorry, Steven, it's a lovely drawing but it won't look like this.

(Steven's stops spinning, now frowning.)

(Peridot picks up a piece of chalk, examines it and gives it back to Pearl.)

Peridot: Hmm. Good, yes, this is adequate. Thank you. You can go now.

Pearl: Uh, what?

Peridot: Hm? Um, that will be all?

(Peridot claps her hands in command. Pearl continues to stand there, looking incredulously at Peridot.)

Peridot: *whispering to Steven* How do you get her to leave?

Pearl: Excuse me, I am not leaving.

Steven: Yeah! She's gotta stay here to help us build the drill thing, right?

Peridot: *laughing slightly* No, no. You're confused. A Pearl can't build a thing like this.

Steven: Why not?

Peridot: Because Pearls aren't for this! They're for standing around, and looking nice, and holding your stuff for you... right?

Pearl: That's enough! If we're going to work together, you're going to have to listen to me.

Peridot: Listen to you? *laughs* *to Steven* Did you teach her to talk like this?

Steven: What are you talking about?

Peridot: She's a Pearl. She's a made-to-order servant just like the hundreds of other Pearls being flaunted around back on Homeworld.

Steven: Wait... there's hundreds of Pearls!?

Pearl: Well, yes, bu -

Peridot: *holding Pearl's sash* And she looks like a fancy one, too.

Pearl: *gasps*

Steven: *whispering* Hundreds of Pearls...

Peridot: So, who do you belong to anyway?

Pearl: NOBODY!

Peridot: Then...what are you for?

(Pearl recoils back.)

Peridot: Well, you can belong to me for now. Ha! A Peridot with a Pearl. What would they say back home?

Pearl: Now listen here, you tiny twerp! In case you've forgotten, you're on our turf now! And I didn't fight a thousand-year war for this planet's independence to take orders from the likes of you!

Peridot: Excuse me? I am a natural technician and a certified Kindergartener. I was made for this! You were made to take orders, not to give them!

Steven: Woah, woah, hang on guys! Now, we can all agree that you are both good at building things, so can't you just try listening to each other?

Pearl and Peridot: NO!

Pearl: I'm as good at building things as you. Better, even!

Peridot: Hah! Name one thing you can engineer better! Go on!

Steven: *whispering* Robots.

Pearl and Peridot: Hmm?

Steven: *still whispering* You should build robots. Giant robots! I see a race. A giant robo-race! With prizes! Giant robo-prizes!

Pearl: You mean like a competition?

Steven: Yeah! To see who's better at building stuff!

Peridot: What are these robots you speak of?

Steven: They're like those funky marble guys you were sending! Only bigger, and you can ride them! *imitates robot noises*

Peridot: Hah, building one of these robots will be easy!

Pearl: Well, I can build one faster!

Peridot: That's what you think!

(Pearl and Peridot run into the barn, starting to work on their respective robots. Steven looks on in awe, as Garnet and Amethyst make their way up to the barn.)

Amethyst: Yo Steven, how are the wonder nerds doing? Woah! Wh-what's going on? Are they building the drill?

Steven: *whispering* No. We're building robots now.

(The power tools start to make loud noises, causing Amethyst and Steven to cover their ears.)

Amethyst: What'd you say!?

Steven: I said-!

(Suddenly, Pearl, riding her robot, comes out of the barn, showing off the robot's mobility. She is donning her space suit.)

Steven: GIANT ROBOT!

Peridot: Hah! Pathetic. *Peridot marches out in her own robot* Now, behold, my vision of ultimate power! *laughs, showing off her robot's claws* *gasps, upon realizing Pearl's robot's height* Hey!

Pearl: Mine's taller. I win.

Steven: Ladies and gentle-gems, welcome to the first annual Robo-lympics!

Garnet: Woo.

Amethyst: *chewing on popcorn* Popcorn!

Steven: This competition will test our robo-engineers' skills of robo-construction and robo-piloting. Whoever wins will get to be in charge of building the Cluster-drill-machine-thing. Let the games begin!

(Pearl and Peridot begin competing on the various aspects of their machines, including balance, crushing, jumping, speed, and some other non-sequitur categories such as ballet, art, and rock-paper-scissors. Other competitions include jumping jacks, tug-of-war, projectile strength. Antics ensue, such as when the two robots crash into a tree during the speed competition, to which Amethyst rejoices in excitement. Steven also chooses to declare the art competition inconclusive as it is subjective. Ultimately, the two tie in terms of points, leading to a final round at early evening, involving the tossing of trucks.)

Steven: Alright guys, this is the final event!

Amethyst: You got this, P!

Garnet: Get it, girl!

Pearl: Hm!

(Peridot frowns at Pearl.)

Steven: *raises his hand* Ready, set, CHUCK!

(Both robots grab the truck and toss it over the mountains. Both trucks disappear over the summit, giving no clear indication of which went further.)

Steven, Garnet, and Amethyst: Woah. *Steven and Amethyst shrug*

Steven: You both get a point on that one. (The group returns to the barn.) Hmm, hmm. Looks like our final score is... a tie! Welp, that settles it. You both get to lead the project together!

Peridot: No! This isn't over! I demand we have a tiebreaker!

Pearl: Ugh, let's just give it a rest! That's it, we tied, we're the same, let's move on.

(Pearl begins to pilot her robot away, but Peridot grabs on with her robot's claws.)

Peridot: No! You're a Pearl! You are beneath me! I'll always be better than you and nothing I've seen today will ever change that!

Pearl: Well, have you ever seen a Pearl do this!?

(Pearl's robot kicks down Peridot's robot, causing it to land on its back. Steven, Garnet, and Amethyst audibly gasp, with Amethyst dropping her popcorn.)

Peridot: So, you want to fight!? *Peridot's robot snaps its claws* Good. We should've done this from the beginning!

(Peridot's robot tackles into Pearl's sending them both away from the barn. The two lock hands and push into each other.)

Steven: STOP! Giant robots shouldn't fight!

Amethyst: Fight, fight, fight, fight!

(Peridot, laughing, has her robot toss Pearl's robot towards Steven, Garnet, and Amethyst, who jump away from where Pearl crash lands. The impact sends the chalkboard rolling away.)

Steven: Pearl!

Pearl: It's alright, guys! I've got this.

Steven: Be careful!

Amethyst: Kick her in the butt!

(Peridot's robot is about to slam its claw atop Pearl's robot, but the robot, manages to turn around and block it, and the two lock hands again.)

Peridot: This is pointless! There's no way you're gonna beat me! You're an accessory! Somebody's shiny toy! Where'd you get that you're all THAT? (Peridot's robot rips one of the arms off of Pearl's robot.) You're just a PEARL!

(Pearl grimaces, but her expression becomes determined.)

Pearl: That's right! I am a Pearl! *Pearl punches Peridot in the face*

(Steven, Garnet, and Amethyst all gasp.)

Amethyst: WOOO-HOOOO!

(Peridot's robot takes a few steps back while Pearl's gets up.)

Pearl: What you're saying may be true, but it doesn't matter! (Pearl's robot jumps up.) I'm still gonna kick your butt!

Amethyst: Ohohohoh!

(Pearl's robot descends towards Peridot's with a kick. Peridot's robot catches the leg, however, with one of its claws.)

Peridot: *snickering*

Pearl: Uh-oh.

(Peridot's robot slams Pearl's robot on the ground repeatedly. Steven, Garnet, and Amethyst grimace with each impact.)

Steven, Garnet, and Amethyst: Pearl!

Pearl: Ugh...

Peridot: *laughs* Victory is mine! Now I'm the one in charge! Praise me, praise me!

Steven: Pearl, are you okay?

(Steven helps Pearl up.)

Pearl: Ah, I'm alright.

(Amethyst rushes in and gives Pearl a hug.)

Amethyst: Yeah, P! Aww, that was awesome! You were hardcore! *punches Pearl in the arm*

Pearl: *rubs her arm* Oh... really?

Garnet: *places her hand on Pearl's head* Oh yeah.

Peridot: Hey! Why aren't you listening to me!? I won! I'm the natural leader here! She's just a common Pearl!

Steven: You're wrong! If Pearls are really like you say they are, then Pearl isn't common at all! (Garnet and Amethyst look on, smiling. Pearl blushes and smiles as well.) She trained herself to fight! She learned how to build things! And she works hard every day to be greater than she already is! That's not common; that's amazing!

(The group stands in silence for a moment.)

Garnet: Come on, let's clean up this mess.

Amethyst: Pearl, hah, you should come wrestling with me.

Pearl: Uh... I dunno...

Peridot: B-b-but I won! What about the rules!?

Garnet: Welcome to Earth.

(Garnet, Amethyst, and Steven all help to retrieve the broken parts of Pearl's robot and put them back in the barn. Steven looks on as Peridot approaches Pearl, carrying a power drill.)

Peridot: *clears her throat* I have to admit, it's... remarkable that a Pearl such as yourself could become such a... knowledgeable technician. Mmm... *holds up the power drill* Why don't we get started?

Pearl: *takes the power drill* You're holding it upside down. *hands the drill back*

Peridot: Y-yes. Of course. Y'know, those round appendages on your machine could be useful for something.

Pearl: They're called wheels.

Steven: *sighs* Looks like we're well on our way to stopping the Cluster. *to himself, holding the puppet from before*

Steven (as puppet): You think you can stop me?

Steven: *screams*

(Steven grabs himself with the puppet, making fake devouring sounds.)

Steven: Ah, we're doomed!

(The star-shaped iris closes on the puppet, ending the episode.)