We Need to Talk/Transcript

[Open Ext. It's A Wash]

(The episode opens at sunset and Steven, Connie and Greg are next to the car wash, going through cardboard boxes of vinyl disks.)

Steven: *taking three vinyl disks* Here's all the Orange Magic Orchestra ones.

Greg: *holding a vinyl disk* Great! Put them in the transcendental space rock pile.

Connie: *taking a vinyl disk* At home, we only have classical music and movie soundtracks. I've never heard any of these.

Greg: You've never heard the Philosophy Majors? Oh man, give it here. *Connie hands the disk to Greg who puts it on a disk player* This'll really knock your socks off.

(the music starts, they start dancing then Greg fakes playing guitar)

Steven: *laughs and gives his hand to Connie* Come on!

Connie: Woah!

(They are dancing together and after a while, Steven blushes, his gem glows and they fuse into Stevonnie. They stop dancing and Greg is staring at them, shocked. He stops the music and they unfuse.)

Greg: You two can fuse?!

Steven: Uh... Yes?

Greg: Uh, huh, that's incredible! Since when? Wait, how is this even possible?

Steven: The Gems thinks it's because I'm half human-

Connie: Please don't tell my parents, Mr. Universe! They don't know I've been doing magic stuff with Steven! *starts speaking fast* I can't tell them, they're not going to understand, I-

Greg: Woah, woah, it's...it's okay. I may be the only human being on the planet who's gonna understand.

Connie: Wha-what do you mean?

Steven: *looking suspicious* Yeah, what do you mean?

Greg: Well...

Steven: *gasps* Story! Come on!

(Steven and Connie jump into and sit in the van.)

Steven: We're ready.

Greg: I didn't think I'd be telling this so soon. Probably best to start with this. *he takes a VHS tape and puts it in the VCR*

(The screen shows light gray and white pixels, then the episode goes on full flashback to the 90's mode. Garnet, Amethyst and Rose Quartz are standing next to the warp pad with a keytar, drums and a microphone while Greg is in front of the camera. The Gems' door is hidden by wood planks covered in turned on light bulbs.)

Greg: Everybody ready? *he goes in front of the warp pad with his guitar and an effects pedal* One, two, three, four. *they play What Can I Do For You?*

Greg and Rose: *singing* What can I do for you? What can I do that no one else can do? What can I do for you? *Greg walks to the warp pad and they get really close to each other* What can I do for you?

Rose: *singing* Human man, you are so much fun. I hadn't planned, on finding you quite this entertaining. I like your band...

Garnet: Woo!

Rose: *singing* ...and I like your song. I like the way, human beings play. I like playing along. Oh-woah-oh-oh-oh.

Greg and Rose: *singing* What can I do for you? What can I do that no one else can do? What can I do for you? What can I do for you? *Greg starts playing a guitar solo*

(Pearl is shown leaning on the wood planks and looking bitterly at the others. Then she smiles and goes to Rose to whisper her something inaudibly. The both of them start dancing together and fuse into Rainbow Quartz. She keeps dancing and unfuses on the warp pad. Pearl is suddenly holding a microphone and drops it.)

Greg: I can't believe I got that on video! What on Earth was that?!

Rose: That was Rainbow Quartz. Pearl thought a fusion might give your video a little... something extra. Pretty cool, right? *Rose kisses Greg* I have to go, but-are you doing anything later?

Greg: You know I'm not.

Rose: *laughs* You're adorable, Mr. Universe. See you later.

Greg: [still quiet] Bye. [Warp pad activates]

Amethyst: Hey, I hit the drums, so pay up.

(Greg hands over a bag of Pop-Pop brand popcorn.)

Greg: Here you go.

(Amethyst grabs the bag in her teeth and shakes her head like a dog. She pops it open.)

Pearl: [over her shoulder] You're just a phase. You know that, right?

Greg: *exasperated sigh* No, I actually don't know that, Pearl.

Pearl: Oh, of course you don't. You don't know anything about Rose.

Greg: I know she's super into me!

Pearl: *condescendingly* Listen, Mr. Universe. Rose may find you charming, but that's only because you're human. You're a novelty, at best.

Greg: What makes you so sure?

(Amethyst pops over behind Greg, eating the popcorn)

Pearl: Well, that's simple! Humans can't fuse! Fusion is the ultimate connection between gems. And you, are not, a gem!

Greg: Well, has any human ever tried fusing with a gem?

Pearl: (stunned), Wel-l, noo? I don't think so.

Greg: Well then, I will try! (drops the microphone)

Amethyst: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOHO!

Pearl: *exasperated sigh*

Greg: Aw geez what am I doing? These things are expensive.

[Cut to rewatching Pearl and Rose's fusion dance]

Greg: *stops the tape and tries to imitate Pearl but falls* Oh geez, how'd she get her legs to do that? Ugh...

Amethyst: Hey! *is right above him, with Garnet behind her* Are you dead?

Greg: Wha? *sitting upright* Oh, no no, I'm alive.

Amethyst: *looks at the TV set* Woah, cool! *runs up to it* It's us from before!

Greg: Yeah, I was just trying to get my head around this fusion dance.

Amethyst: A fusion dance ain't about your head! *laughs*

Greg: Wait, you guys are Gems. You gotta help me out here, I need to be able to fuse with Rose.

Garnet: First you need a gem at the core of your being. Then you need a body that can turn into light. Then you need a partner you can trust with that light.

Greg: Metaphorically?

Garnet: Literally.

Amethyst: *whispering to Garnet from far away* Shh! Come on, I still wanna see him try!

Greg: Ugh, so it's true. I really can't do it. I'm kidding myself with this, I'm never gonna be a Gem.

Garnet: *looks at a small stick on the ground and grabs it* Amethyst, give us some privacy! *she throws the stick far away and Amethyst runs after it* Let me tell you something, Mr. Universe. *kneels down to his height* I think you can do it, but it won't work if you dance like Pearl. You have to dance like you. You have to fuse your way. *puts her left hand on his shoulder* Get open, get honest, invent yourselves together. *pulls down her glasses a bit and winks with Ruby's eye* That's fusion.

Greg: "Eye"!... Think I get it.

Garnet: *puts her glasses back and smiles widely*

(Cut to Greg alone next to the van and wearing a suit. The woodplanks covered in light bulbs are now on the beach, next to him, as a makeshift dance floor. Greg hears the Warp Pad activate, to which he smooths out his hair and puts a record on. Rose appears behind him.)

Rose: *laughs* What's all this?

(Greg walks up to Rose and holds hands with her, and the two begin dancing. Greg presses a button with his foot, lighting the light bulbs on the dance floor. The two continue dancing until Greg stands on a stereo to gain some height, so that the two may share a passionate kiss. Shocked by this gesture, Rose's eyes light up, much like Steven's do. However, the two do not fuse.)

Greg: We...we didn't fuse.

Rose: ...What!? *laughing hysterically* You can't fuse! You are a human!

Greg: I know! That's the problem! I'm just a human.

Rose: That's not a problem! I love humans! You're all so funny!

(Greg grimaces, seemingly heartbroken.)

Greg: Look...these last few months have been great -

Rose: *seductively* Oh yes.

Greg: But I'm getting a little worried about the future.

Rose: Oh! Just ask Garnet.

Greg: I'm starting to wonder if you...respect me?

Rose: *starts laughing* Oh, you're hilarious, Mr. Universe. *continues laughing*

Greg: Rose, please!

(Rose continues laughing.)

Greg: Can you just -

(Rose continues laughing.)

Greg: Talk to me for one second, like a real person!?

(Rose abruptly stops laughing, with a shocked look on her face. The track on the record changes to a more somber tune.)

Rose: ...I'm...not...a real person...I thought...haven't we...is this not how it works?

Greg: *dazed* Oh...Oh boy...this is so weird, you really are an alien... *starts laughing, with tears in his eyes*

Rose: Why are you laughing?

(Greg breaks down into tears.)

Rose: Why are you crying?

Greg: How are we gonna make this work?

Rose: Fusion?

Greg: No, us. We're really, really different.

Rose: What do we do now?

Greg: Let's just...talk.

(The two hug.)

Greg: I barely know you.

Rose: That's a good thing.

Greg: We really rushed into this.

Rose: Everything on Earth seems fast to me.

Greg: Do you...miss your home planet?

Rose: No, never.

Greg: How'd you end up with, uh, Harpo, Groucho, and Chico?

Rose: Huh? Oh, ''them? ''Those are three long stories.

(Amethyst, in plain sight, waves at them. Pearl, hiding behind a rock with Garnet, peeks out from the side before quickly hiding back.)

Pearl: What are they doing?

Garnet: Shh.

Greg: Have you...loved...other humans?

Rose: Have you?

Greg: Yes.

Rose: Yes.

Greg: Have you ever been...in love...with a human?

Rose: How would I know?

Greg: It's torture.

(Rose steps away from Greg, his face sweaty from nervousness.)

Rose: Greg...

Greg: *shivers intensely* R-rose?

Rose: Is this torture?

Greg: The worst.

Rose: I'm so sorry...

Greg: Huh? No, don't be!

Rose: What!? Why not!? Oooh, I'm so confused...

Greg: *laughing* Me too!

Rose: Well! U-uh, this is good! We've got one thing in common!

Greg: Ha!

(The two begin dancing again, laughing as they do so.)

Pearl: Why are they still dancing!? I-it didn't work!

Garnet: Yes it did.

Pearl: What!?

Garnet: It worked.

(The tune changes to a jazzy one.)

Amethyst: I think this one's my favorite.

Pearl: ...I think he's her favorite too.

(The flashback ends showing Rose and Greg still dancing. When the flashback ends, it cuts to a view of Steven and Connie, both blushing heavily.)

Steven: ...Woah.

Connie: So you guys were never able to fuse?

Greg: Ah, no, but that wasn't as important as talking to each other. Look...humans and Gems...it's still some pretty new territory. You're gonna have to work it out together. And, Connie? If you ever need to talk to another human being about this, you can always talk to me.

Connie: Mm.

Greg: *holds up his hand* Human beings?

Connie: *high-fives Greg* Human beings.

Steven: Human beings. *clutches his gem*

[END]