Serious Steven/Transcript

[Open- Funland Arcade] (Steven wakes in a haze, a worried look on his face and a ringing in his ear, he observes Funland in ruins w/ giant teacups scattered across the park and several people, including the gems, appearing hurt, sans Garnet) [Time skip- 2 weeks, during warp- Gems and Steven w/ Ukulele]

Garnet: Pay attention Steven this is going to be your first serious mission. You need to be ready.

Steven: *upside down* Yes, I’m ready, I’m “so” ready.

Pearl: Steven come on, you’re going to make yourself sick. *turns him upright, hit by Steven’s Ukulele, sighs* Why did you bring that?

Steven: *anxiously* I don’t know, I was excited, and it’s mine and I like it! *Ukulele floats away, swims after it*

Pearl: Steven get back here, you could seriously-

[Trans. Strawberry Field] (Gems warp into Strawberry field, Steven warps several feet into the air and several yards away and falls, covering him in strawberry juice, Steven groans)

Pearl:...hurt! *sees him fall* Steven! Are you-

Steven: *covered in strawberry juice*I-I’m fine! I’m good, I’m just, gooey. *licks himself, butterflies swarm him* Aah! They’re in my eyes! *runs frantically yelling*

Garnet: *brushes them away* They’re just butterflies Steven.

Steven: *laughs* Well, they looked a lot bigger when they were on my eyeballs.

Amethyst: *laughs* Steven you’re a riot.

Pearl: I’m suddenly having second thoughts about bringing Steven on this one.

Garnet: Shh...Just look at him *Steven strikes pose* Now let’s go recover the gem stone.

Pearl: *observing the field* Unbelievable, this was once a gem battle field, now its wild strawberries as far as the eye can see! Oh,that’s what I love about the Earth! Maybe this will be a light mission after all. *bumps into Garnet* [Screen zoom out- Pyramid Temple comes into full view]

Garnet: *looking at Pyramid*...Maybe not. *summons missing piece in Pyramid and places it into slot, door opens*

Steven: Woah!

[Int. Pyramid Temple]

Steven: *enters temple* Woah! *yelling* Steven’s the best! *echoes back* Why thank you, temple.

Amethyst: You’re a doof.

Steven: *runs over to floating Pyramid in the center* Hey, what’s this thing? It’s like a cool floaty triangle thing.

Pearl: Well whatever it is, you probably shouldn’t touch it. *

(Steven tips it upside down, the temple begins to shake, gems rush over)

Pearl: Steven! What have we told you about touching magical things?

Steven: Definitely always never do it.

[Pyramid Temple- Inner Chamber] (All begin to float up and then fall straight down a hole, leading to an inner chamber, gems land gracefully, Steven, on his stomach. The hole is covered and torches light up all around them)

Amethyst: Looks like we’re gonna have to split up.

Pearl: Right. Steven and I will stay right here where it seems to be safe while you guys go and solve the mystery of this place.

Steven: Wait, I want to help solve the mystery!

Amethyst: Yeah Steven, let’s solve the mystery. *picks him up*

Steven: Yeah, mystery solvers!

Pearl: *takes Steven* No, no no no, You two are a disaster waiting to happen.

Garnet: Steven goes with me.

Steven: Really? Awesome!

Garnet: But remember, this is a serious mission.

Steven: *still being held by Pearl* Understood. Serious Steven- Pearl could you put me down?

Pearl: Wha-? Oh, yeah, of course. *lets him down*

Steven: I need to be standing or else it doesn’t work. Serious Steven: Activate!

Pearl: But this could be teacups all over again.

Steven: Hey, I’ve put that behind me! *walking down corridor, singing* Oooh, we’re on a magic treasure hunt, for some magic treasure junk! Something, something, something! *both enter an open room, door closes behind them* Huh?

(the room beings to randomly light glowing panels all around the room)

Garnet: We need to stay on the glowing panels.

Steven: Right! Serious Steven: Go! *hops panels to other side* Oh yeah!

(begins to dance, temple shakes and Steven falls on non-glowing panel, the panels change from blue to red and begin to fall into a bottom of open flames, Steven clings to a panel as the one beneath him falls)

Garnet: Steven! *Steven falls, Garnet catches him*

Steven: *laughs* Woo hoo! That was- *changes tone* uh, seriously dangerous, thank you Garnet.

(Steven and Garnet walk into another chamber and another door closes behind them, startling Steven)

Garnet: We can take a break if you’re not feeling well Steven.

Steven: Huh? Oh, no. I’m okay! *flexes*

Garnet: Alright, but be careful, you might trigger a trap with that gun-show.

Steven: Right, I’ll put these babies away, and you use my minds. *inspects wall* Maybe there’s a clue hidden in these ancient drawings. It looks like, there’s lots of triangles hidden in this room.*feels around wall, pushing in a section*

(A trap is triggered and ceiling spikes begin to descend which tears Steven’s shirt and makes him drop his Ukulele, Garnet steps in and stops the spikes with her gloves)

Steven: Ah, my Ukulele! *tunes Ukulele*

Garnet: *still holding up spikes* Steven! Now is probably not the best time for that.

Steven: Huh? Oh, right! *rushes to end of chamber, garnet follows*

Garnet: Now that was a pretty close one.

Steven: Yeah, that was a pretty close one.

(Both enter a room full of swinging blades, falling lava and spikes, Steven appears both nauseated and frightened)

Garnet: Get ready Steven. This is gonna be intense.

[Flash back- 2 weeks earlier] (Gems and Steven prepare to ride the spinning teacups ride, operated by Mr. Smiley)

Garnet: *light tone* Get ready Steven. This is gonna be intense.

Steven: I’m ready!

(On ride, Pearl and Amethyst in one, Garnet and Steven in the other)

Pearl: *on spinning tea cups w/ tea pot* I misunderstood the point of this ride.

Garnet: This is fun, eh Steven?

Steven: *nauseated* I think I’m gonna barf. *jumps off ride*

Garnet: Steven no!

(Steven falls on Mr. Smiley, breaking the lever to the ride, causing all of the cups to fly off the ride, causing mass destruction, Mr. Smiley grabs Steven by the shirt)

Mr. Smiley: *laughs* Steven! You are banned from all the rides, forever!

[Time skip- present: Garnet and Steven at the end of the chamber]

Steven: Woah. We made it?

Garnet: I carried you while you took a nap. *walks off*

Steven: N-nap?! *catches up, both return to the main chamber*

Garnet: We’re back where we started.

Steven: Whaaat?

Pearl: Garnet, there you are! The doors and rooms make no sense, they all bring you here!

Amethyst: *running out of a door* Get me out of here! *runs into another*

Pearl: There are 16 doors and we entered from the north east and went through 3 consecutive rooms in a straight line...*Amethyst returns, a bear trap on her head, which she removes, and runs through another* But arrived back here through the southern most door, which means...well I don’t know what it means! *Amethyst slides in, frozen in a block of an ice* This place is a death trap! *tries to break Amethyst free*

Steven: W-What do we do?

Garnet: We go back in. Again, and again, and again, and again.

Steven: I can’t!

Pearl: *concerned* Steven.

Garnet: It’s okay.

Steven: No, no it’s not, you were all right about me. I wanted to do this so bad, but now I feel like I’m gonna throw up. This is “just” like the teacups!

Pearl: Oh Steven, I-I didn’t mean that.

Steven: Wait! Wait you guys, what if this “is” just like the teacups? That’s why we’re getting so lost. That’s why I’m feeling so sick. All the rooms are spinning us around so we end up here!

(Garnet punches through the center of the room, breaking the floor and revealing a hidden lower room filled w/ spinning upside down pyramids, orbiting around a central floating obelisk embedded w/ a gem)

Steven: Woah!

Pearl: This is unbelievable! *projects hologram of rooms* This gem powered mechanism, it’s manipulating the rooms above. Every room we entered spun us until we came back to the central chamber! It’s just like the teacups ride at Funland!

Garnet: Steven already figured that out!

Pearl:*embarrassed* Oh... *hides hologram*

Steven: *notices gem, gasps* Garnet, I need to get off the ride now.

Garnet: *nods* Serious Steven: Go! *throws Steven*

(Steven lands on the obelisk, and tugs at the gem in the center causing it to glow and then eject. Once the power source is removed, the Pyramid’s energy becomes absorbed back into the gem causing the Temple to explode, creating a massive crater. The gems emerge from the surrounding bushes)

[Trans. Strawberry Field]

Pearl: Steven?! Oh, where is he?

Amethyst: He’s over here.

Steven: *still holding gem, covered in strawberry juice once more* The gem...

Pearl:*bubbles gem* Ah, Steven, I’d say you handled that adventure very well. *bubbles gem away*

Amethyst: Yeah, good job “Serious Steven”.

Garnet: I prefer, regular Steven. *hands over Ukulele*

Steven: Hey, my Ukulele! *tunes then sings* Ooh that’s the end of another day, it was mighty serious, I’d have to say. The crystal gems looked really cool, when they made the temple explo- *butterflies swarm him* aah! They’re in my eyes again! *runs around frantically*

[End]