Log Date 7 15 2/Transcript

[Open ext. of Greg's Storage Shed]

(Peridot is staring out of the hole in the side of the barn)

Peridot: Log date: 7 15 2... I can't believe I just did that! I disobeyed my orders and went against Yellow Diamond's wishes! I'm a traitorous clod! I never want to think about what I've done again! *rewinds tape recorder*

Peridot (on tape recorder): I'm a traitorous clod!

Peridot: *delightedly* Yehahaha! And I called Yellow Diamond a clod right to her face!

(Suddenly devastated, Peridot drops to her knees. Steven is watching.)

Peridot: *crying* I called Yellow Diamond a clod... right to her face!

Steven: Uh, Peridot? Are you gonna be okay?

(Peridot rewinds the tape again.)

Peridot (on tape recorder): I'm a traitorous clod! *rewind* Traitorous clod! *rewind*

Peridot: *turns to Steven with a deranged smile* No!

Steven: It's all gonna work out. You're with us now.

Peridot: You don't understand! I'm protecting a planet I was once trying to destroy! I used to follow every order. Every rule. Now I'm a traitor. A rebel! *pupils turn into stars* A Crystal Gemmmmhmhmhm!

(Peridot rewinds the tape repeatedly.)

Peridot (on tape recorder): Clod! Clod! Clod!

Steven: Well... that tape recorder seems to be helping.

Peridot: *throws tape recorder* No it's not! (The tape recorder hits Garnet in the face.) It's a chronicle of my descent into madness!

Garnet: *walks to Peridot with the tape recorder* You dropped this.

Peridot: *crawling on the floor, behind Garnet* Get it away from me. Give it to Steven; return madness to its source!

Steven: Are you sure you don't want it? (Garnet shrugs then drops the recorder into Steven's hands.)

Peridot: *holding her face* Whatever, it's yours now. Yours, not mine, not mine! Yours! Yours!

Garnet: *puts her hand on Peridot's shoulder* Let's calm down.

Peridot: ... Okay. (Garnet picks Peridot up.) So am I gonna have to wear a star? (Garnet carries Peridot away.) Where am I gonna put the star?!

Steven: They seem to be getting along well. I wonder when that happened... *looks at the tape recorder in his hand*

(Steven looks awkwardly away and presses the rewind button on the tape recorder.)

(Steven and Peridot sit in a pickup truck bed.)

Peridot (on tape recorder): Log date 7 11 2. The Steven has given me this Earth machine to replace my communicator log. It looks... extremely primitive. He also said he wanted me to stop calling him "the Steven".

Steven: It's just Steven.

Peridot (on tape recorder): I said I'll call him whatever I want.

(Peridot hisses.)

Peridot (on tape recorder): He told me that was rude.

Steven: *wags his finger* Rude.

Peridot (on tape recorder): I guess I'll call him... Steven.

(Peridot watches a ladybug crawl on a blade of grass then fly away)

Tape Recorder: The organic life forms of Earth have fascinating traits despite their poor choice of residence. I wonder if all of them of have flight capabilities.

(Peridot climbs on top of the barn. Greg is repairing the roof.)

Greg: Ohh, you must be Peridot.

(Peridot stares intently at Greg, making him nervous. Suddenly, she pushes him off the roof.)

Greg: Whooaoh aaaaahhh!

(Peridot peers over the edge. Garnet is standing on the ground, holding Greg.)

Garnet: Peridot!

Peridot: What do you want?

Garnet: You can't just shove someone off a roof!

Peridot: Why not?

Garnet: This is a human, he isn't like us. He's fragile and soft.

Greg: Hey, it's not like a six pack is going to save you from that height.

Garnet: You could've seriously hurt him!

Peridot: Well, how was I supposed to know that?

Garnet: Hmm. Greg, you have to excuse Peridot. She's far from her homeworld and she still has a lot to learn about our planet.

Peridot: No I don't!

Garnet: Yes you do!

Greg: Ahh, hey yeah, don't worry about it.

Peridot: Gahhh!

Peridot (on tape recorder): In conclusion, not all of the organic beings here can fly. Additionally it is without question that the perma-fusion Garnet is the worst.

(Peridot is in the barn, holding a broom upside down, rubbing the handle across the floor, which has several scratches from the process)

Peridot (on tape recorder): Today I was assigned a "chore" -- cleaning duty. Like I'm the pearl! These clods don't know how lucky they are to have me. Although while doing "chore", I did happen upon a container containing many... "shirts".

(Peridot is holding a pair of boxers with alien heads on them.)

Peridot (on tape recorder): Imagine -- appearance modifiers that aren't melded to your body.

(Peridot puts the shorts on.)

Peridot: Oooh, hehehehehe.

(Continues to giggle indulgently as Garnet walks in.)

Garnet: Nice shorts. *thumbs up*

Peridot: Ahh! H-how did these get here! *rips shorts off of her legs and screams*

(Peridot is working on a piece of metal outside of the barn. Steven walks up to her holding something behind his back.)

Peridot (on tape recorder): Log Date 7 12 2. Today marks the 30th earth rotation since my... capture.

Steven: *holding cans* Happy one month canniversary!

Peridot: Cylinders?

Steven: They're stilts. You tie them on to your feet and then make you taller. I tried to spruce them up a bit. I dunno what it is about flames, but they just make everything cooler.

Peridot: Why are you giving me these?

Steven: Because I want you to feel nice! That's what gifts are for. You give them to your friends to show you care. And they go "wow, thanks!"

Peridot: Hef! As if I'd stoop so low as to tie earth trash to my body. Leave me! Go-go-go-go! And WOW THANKS!

(Peridot is inside the barn, wearing the stilts.)

Peridot: *to herself* Why yes Pearl, I did get taller. How correct for you to notice. Of course, Amethyst, I will acquire those cheesy chaaps from that very high shelf. *jumps and stumbles* Hahaha! They even function in reverse! *trips over a rock*

(Peridot, in front of a mirror in the barn. She is holding a book titled "Jokes! How to Make People Laugh Around You Instead of Feel Bad".)

Peridot: Jokes. *clears throat* Why did the chicken cross the road? ... The chicken wanted to get the other side of the road. ... *forced* Ahhh, hahaha! ... What's a chicken?

Peridot: (on tape recorder): *As Steven inserts a VHS tape in the TV* It seems the earth ones are constantly filling the voids of their life with meaningless distractions.

Camp Pining Hearts announcer: On the last episode of Camp Pining Hearts...

Paulette: I don't care if you're on the yellow team Percy. We can make this work.

Percy: It's color war Paulette. Does that mean anything to you?

(Paulette and Percy kiss.)

Peridot: What is this strange ritual?

Steven: *uncomfortably* Uhh, that's umm-

Peridot: Are they attempting fusion?

Steven: *blushing* No, well, my dad told me during certain stages of your life...

Peridot: How could anyone indulge in this?! Baseless drivel, I'll have no part of it!

Peridot (on tape recorder): Hour 78 of Camp Pining Hearts.

(Peridot is staring into the television with little distance between the two)

Percy/Peridot: It's the color war Paulette, doesn't that mean anything to you?

(Steven walks in)

Steven: Uh, you've been here for a few days, is everything okay?

Peridot: I've just been.. watching your previously recorded entertainment.

Steven: Is that... the same episode from three days ago?

Peridot: There's more than one?

Steven: Ummmm... nah. *shrugs* Oh, you made a picture. (Steven reaches down to pick up a paper in front of Peridot.)

Peridot: Picture? This isn't just a picture Steven! It's a complex chart cataloging the compatible characteristics between campers. *Holds up shipping chart* Somehow the rejects at "Camp Clod" fail to recognize the superior pair that is Pierre and Percy.

Steven: Well, that's because Paulette likes Percy.

Peridot: Paulette? Ha! Paulette has no place in the camp's hierarchy. Now Pierre, Pierre is a brute, Pierre laid waste to the three legged races! Pierre and Percy present the strongest battle formations, they'd destroy the camp!

Steven: You got all this from one episode?

Peridot: It's... subtext Steven. Allow me to explain. Well, first of all, Percy and Pierre are on the yellow team, and als--

(Steven looks down at the tape recorder in annoyance.)

Steven: Ugh, I remember this part. (Steven presses the fast forward button.)

Peridot [slowed down audio from fast forwarded segment]: ...using his strategy to save her. Not to mention Percy is adept at aquatic sports. He would have won the canoe race if he weren't so busy drooling over Paulette, and the other part where Percy goes to the bottom of the lake to get Paulette's friendship bracelet proved that he has the largest lung capacity of anyone in the entire camp! And Pierre is a force to be reckoned with on land, when he ??? dunked ??? in the creek, it ruled! (Steven stops fast forwarding the tape.)

(Steven is asleep while Garnet listens to the end of Peridot's explanation.)

Peridot: ... And that's why Percy and Pierre are objectively the best for each other!

(Steven flops off the couch, still asleep. Garnet gives Peridot a thumbs up. Peridot angrily tears up her chart.)

Peridot: Log Date 7 13 2. Progress on the cluster drill is going optimal. Surprisingly, though I have a few complaints on the work ethic of-

Amethyst (shapeshifted as a Lion): Heyyyy! *giggles*

(Peridot stiffens, startled by Amethyst)

Pearl: Amethyst, really, this is no time to be fooling around.

Amethyst: Aww... Come on P, I'm just tryin'ta lion the mood. *pause* Lion the mood.

Pearl: *brings welding helmet down and grunts*

Peridot: Do you always use shapeshifting like this?

Amethyst: You mean to be really cool? *shapeshifts into Peridot* Pretty much.

Peridot: But it's such a-

Peridot/Amethyst: Significant use of energy compared to the output.

Peridot: What was that?

Amethyst: I've been practicing my 'Peri' phrasing, pretty impressive in my opinion but it's hard to beat the original.

Peridot: *blushes* Hehehe. So, can you shift into anything?

Amethyst: Sure. *shapeshifts back* Got a request?

(Short time skip. Amethyst is running around as a chicken.)

Amethyst: Bawck bawck! I'm a chicken! Ahahaha!

Peridot: Hahahaha! I get the joke now!

Pearl: Heh, yes well at least she isn't lion around anymore, heheh.

Peridot: *forced* Ahahaha!

Peridot (on tape recorder): Pearl really tries for some reason and I can appreciate that, Amethyst's company is entertaining as well, but the fused one... (Garnet gives a thumbs up.) ... eludes me.

Pearl: Okay, we can add more support as we go, but for now we just have to pick it up and put it on top.

Amethyst: No sweat. *shapeshifts into the Purple Puma* Lets do this!

Pearl: You've got the right idea but we might wanna be a bit more careful.

Amethyst: *shapeshifts back* Gotcha. Ahem, shall we?

(Pearl and Amethyst fuse into Opal. Opal stretches and puts the drill on the placement board.)

Garnet: That looks great! Let's take a break.

Peridot: Wha?

(Peridot runs to Garnet.)

Peridot: Alright, I'm at my limit!

Garnet: Evening, Peridot.

Peridot: Explain it to me, fusion! I can at least make sense of your existence if it's for a functional purpose. But you? You're not using your combined size and strength to do anything!

Garnet: I'm doing something.

Peridot: And what's that?

Garnet: Stargazing.

Peridot: Eugh. You can do that alone.

Garnet: Don't want to.

Peridot: Hmph.

(Garnet pats the hay bale beside her. Peridot sighs and sits down.)

Garnet: You can see Homeworld's galaxy from here.

Peridot: *gazes up* You're right.

Garnet: We're very different. I appreciate that.

Peridot: Really?

Garnet: If you really want to understand fusion, I can help you.

Peridot: What do you mean?

Garnet: Let's fuse.

Peridot: Oh my stars! *falls off hay bale*

Garnet: Hah, I get it -- you're not ready, that's fair. Another time then.

Peridot: No! Uh, no no no, just -- just give me a sec!

(Garnet puts music on, Peridot is wearing her stilts. Both Gems start dancing.)

Garnet: Get ready.

Peridot: *breaks away from Garnet* Nuh, no no no no no. *teeters, regains balance* I can't do it.

Garnet: That's fine! Peridot, I'm proud of you.

Peridot: Why?!

Garnet: Because you made an effort to understand me.

Peridot: But I still don't understand you! Why are you fused all the time?!

Garnet: I'm Percy and Pierre.

Peridot: ... Ohhhhh!

(Steven is sitting in the broken barn, listening to the tape recorder.)

Peridot (on tape recorder): Okay, go!

Garnet (on tape recorder): Log date (Steven gasps) seven fourteen two.

Peridot (on tape recorder): No, you say it seven one four two. Ugh! Log date 7 14 2. I have attempted a fusion with the fusion Garnet. I had hoped to gain a better understanding of fusion. Instead, I got a better understanding of Garnet.

Garnet (on tape recorder): Wait, keep it on a moment. Steven, you probably shouldn't have listened to Peridot's logs, but I know your curiosity comes from a place of caring. You should give the recorder back to her now. She's going to want to keep it.

Peridot (on tape recorder): Wait, what?

(Steven stops the tape recorder as Peridot and Garnet walk over)

Steven: Here, Peridot. Take this back.

Peridot: Wow, thanks.

(Garnet and Steven give a thumbs up. Peridot follows suit, star shape iris close on her and stars pop out.)

[END]