Open Book/Transcript

[ Music ]

[Steven reading Destiny's End, the last book in the Spirit Morph Saga.]

Steven: [Turns page, closes book, and exhales.]

Connie: (Clears throat.) So...what did you think of the ending?

Steven: Uh, I thought it was on page 917?

Connie: I thought it was a disaster!

Steven: (sweating) Uh...

Connie: [Stands up and begins pacing around.] All the books leading up to this seemed to be taking on and subverting these "Witch Tropes"...really self-aware about being a pastiche, you know?

Steven: Uhm-

Connie: But in the end, none of that even mattered. Lisa and her talking falcon, rebels challenging the stifling traditions of the magical bureaucracy? I loved that. Then her falcon turns into a human and they get married?! It completely dropped all the anti-authoritarian stuff and described a wedding cake for fifty pages!

Steven: (Going along with it) Yeah, that cake was worthy of twenty pages, tops. There weren't even strawberries on it.

Connie: I bet since the books got so popular, the publisher put pressure on the author to water down the end for a larger audience appeal. [Steven looks uneasy.] Unlike art, the real world can't always win against the iron chains of authority. [She lies down on the couch next to Steven, sighing deeply.] That's my theory, anyway.

Steven: Hmm..

Connie: It's just disappointing, considering I invested extra money in the hard cover copies...[Takes the book from Steven's hands and opens it. Colored maps fall out.]...with maps.

Steven: I wish I could give you a new ending.

[Connie looks at him and smiles.]

[Steven's gem glows, activating Rose's Room. They get up to investigate the opened door.]

Steven: The temple door! It opened for me! (Gasps) I can make anything I want in there! I can make us a new ending!

Connie: Really? Well, what are we waiting for?

[The two run inside Rose's Room.]

Steven: Uh...ta-da!

Connie: Cool.

Steven: This is my mom's room. I can control it, like this. (Announces loudly) I want a tiny floating whale to give me some fin!

[Whale appears, gives him a fin-five, makes a tiny "ah-ooo" sound, and disappears.]

Connie: (Astonished) Unbelievable! How does it work?

Steven: The room can make stuff out of clouds. We can make anything.

Connie: Anything? How about the Infinity Fair from Book 4? With merchants from a million lands, selling goods from cultures long gone and yet to be!

Steven: We should probably keep it simple. We don't want to overload the room.

Connie: How about half the Infinity Fair? ...no, that's still infinity. Simple. Okay, well, what really matters are the characters. You should be Archamicarus.

Steven: Okay. Room, I want to be a falcon! [Dramatic music plays. A falcon costume appears on him, and he poses in front of a background of a large falcon in flight.] Oh, yeah, gotta keep it simple. [Music stops and background disappears.]

Connie: [Claps.] Amazing! Okay, my turn. Room, I want to be Lisa. [Nothing happens.] Do I need to be more specific? You were pretty general with the falcon thing.

Steven: Oh, sorry. I guess the room just makes things when I want it. Maybe this won't work after all....

Connie: Why don't you just have it make a costume shop?

Steven: Oh yeah, good idea. I want a costume shop!

[Costume shop appears. Connie runs inside the shop.]

Connie: Wow, this place has everything! Even the childhood tunic! Wait, you thought it was red?

Steven: Yeah, the color of the setting sun.

Connie: (Matter-of-factly) The sun sets black over the mine, Steven.

Steven: Are you going to be young Lisa?

Connie: Well, if we're really reworking this thing, I'm gonna make the ultimate Lisa, with the best gear from every book! Like...what if she never lost her iron sword?

Steven: Whoa!

Connie: And the cloak and the clasp are too signature not to do.

Steven: For sure!

Connie: And I always liked the dragon whisker boots from the volcano stuff in Book 3.

Steven: Are you almost done?

Connie: Wait a minute!

Steven: Come out, I want to see you!

[Cloud Connie comes out of costume shop, outfitted in a Robin Hood-esque outfit, complete with an eyepatch.]

Steven: Whoa, you look awesome.

Cloud Connie: Thanks.

Steven: Okay, lets do this!

[Steven and Cloud Connie run off laughing to somewhere else in the room.]

Steven: So, at the end of the series, Lisa and her falcon familiar, Archamicarus, are at the altar...[Altar appears.] With a cleric...[Priest appears.] About to get married. [Connie's outfit becomes a wedding dress, and Steven is down on one knee.] But we don't want that ending. [Wedding scene/clothes disappear.] So instead, hmm, uhhh, I don't know. What do you think?

Cloud Connie: Hmm, what do you think?

Steven: (Caught off-guard) Uhh, well, h-how about a different proposal, Lisa...a business proposal! We can start a business together and sell......uh, sell.....turkey legs to make money to help out our fellow rebel comrades!

Cloud Connie: Yeah, that's great!

[A food cart appears.]

Steven: I want an umbrella with that, if you would, Room.

[Umbrella appears.]

Steven: Turkey Legs! Get your rebel turkey legs!

[Buildings appear and disappear as they walk by]

Steven: You think its okay for me to eat this if I'm a falcon?

Cloud Connie: You are a bird of prey.

Steven: So...what should our next move be as business partners?

Cloud Connie: You tell me!

Steven: Yeah? Oh, um...let's feed the Wind Lizard!

[Wind Lizard Appears]

Steven: (Steven laughs) Look at this guy, he totally looks like a rebel!

Cloud Connie: Wow, from book four!

Wind Lizard: (Screeches)

Steven: Now, I know he lives in the mountains but he's just visiting because he heard about these turkey legs. Lisa, would you like to do the honors?

Cloud Connie: Okay!

Wind Lizard: (Screeches) [Eats Turkey leg]

Cloud Connie: He ate the bones!

Steven: Okay! [Scratches head] I guess our business is a success!

Cloud Connie: If you think so!

Steven: So, what now? Didn't you have a bunch of ideas? That it needed to more anti-authority and stuff?

Cloud Connie: Sure!

Steven:...Okaaaaaaay.

[Wind Lizard disappears]

Steven: So, we're...we're stopped by the authorities?

[Knights appear]

Steven: Because...because we're selling without a permit!

[Scroll appears in one knight's hand]

Steven: And we're not old enough to drive a cart!

[Scroll appears in another knight's hand]

Steven: But these are uh, free-range turkeys! And they didn't listen to anybody, and that's what we're gonna do...right?

Cloud Connie: Whatever you think!

Steven: Really? All right. And then, I think they...don't like that, and they attack us!

[Axes appear in the knights hands]

Steven: You can't stop us! [Throws turkey leg]

[Knights advance, and start attacking the cart]

Steven: Jeez, these guys are corrupt! What should we do about em huh?

Cloud Connie: What do you think we should do?

Steven: [Steven Blushes] C-come on I'm really trying here! How do you want this story to end?

Cloud Connie: How do you want this story to end?

Steven: I don't know! I just wanted to do this for you. This isn't really like you I- (sigh) I don't want you to just do what I want.

Cloud Connie: Uh, you want me to not d-do what you want?

Steven: Connie are you all right?

Cloud Connie: I want what you want, what you want-want-want-want (repeats)

[Flashback]

Steven: I want a tiny floating whale to give me some fin! [Whale appears] I want a costume shop! [Shop appears] I wanna see you! [Cloud Connie comes out]

Steven: I-I created you! You're not Connie! I must've left the real Connie back at the costume shop. Sh-she could be anywhere! No, no, no, no, NO! I'm done, I'm done playing! [Steven's costume poofs away]

[Grass poofs away, then the turkey cart, then the knights, then Cloud Connie almost poofs away]

Steven: (Gasps)

[Cloud Connie reforms]

Steven: (Sweating) Why didn't you disappear with everything else?

Connie: You told me not to do what you wanted.

Steven: Uh...RRRRNG- where is Connie?

Connie: (Distantly) Steven? Steven?

Steven: Connie? C-Connie, Is that you?

[Cloud Connie grabs Steven's hand]

Steven: (gasp) Please let me go, I want to find the real Connie!

Cloud Connie: You told me you wanted-

Steven: That doesn't matter! [Runs while panting, while Cloud Connie chases after] Please don't follow me, I don't want you to follow me!

[Pans to Cloud Connie not responding]

Steven: (Still gasping) Cart!

[Cart appears and Cloud Connie jumps over it]

Steven: AH, uh, WIND LIZARD!

[Wind Lizard appears]

Wind Lizard: (Screeching sounds)

[Steven climbs on Wind Lizard while Cloud Connie follows suit]

Steven: (Stammering) Connie can you hear me?

Connie: Steven? Steven?!

Steven: Connie, I'm almost there, just a little bit further! AH! [Cloud Connie pushes Steven off]

[Steven still stammers]

Cloud Connie: Rrrr.

Steven: Please, I don't want you, I want the REAL Connie!

[Falls on the cloud floor]

Cloud Connie: I know what you really want, I know how you REALLY feel! [Appears in wedding gown]

Connie: Steven? [Runs through clouds] Ah Steven finally, there you...are.

* Pans to Cloud Connie pinning down Steven*

Steven: (Stammering) Help!

[Connie runs to Cloud Connie and pushes her away]

Connie: AH!

Cloud Connie: (Grunting noises)

Connie: Keep away from him! [Slashes sword]

[Cloud Connie poofs away, but poofs back]

Cloud Connie: I know you like her!

[Connie lifts up sword to defend Steven]

Cloud Connie: And I know you want her to like you too.

Steven: No, don't listen! [Tears up]

[Connie slashes Cloud Connie causing her to poof away again]

[Cloud Connie poofs back on top of Steven]

Cloud Connie: That's why you can't tell her the truth, but you WANT to! You wanna tell her!

Steven: No!

[Connie runs toward them]

Connie: Get off of him!

Cloud Connie: Tell her Steven!

Steven: I-NNNNGH

Cloud Connie: Tell her!

Steven: MMMRNG- I liked the ending of the book!

[Connie stops]

Connie: What?

Steven: I-I thought it was sweet that Lisa and Archimicarus got together in the end! They were always so thoughtful towards each other, and I was so happy when they found the spell to make him human, and I loved every page about the cake, I wanted to draw a picture of it! I'm-I'm sorry I pretended not to like it, I just didn't want you to think less of me.

Cloud Connie: (sigh) That's better.

[Cloud Connie poofs away]

[Connie walks towards Steven]

Steven: Do-do you think I'm a bad person for liking the ending?

Connie: Of course not I...Steven it's just a book!

Steven: But, you really care about it!

Connie: I care about you more.

Steven: Even though I liked the wedding.

Connie: Oh, of course you liked the wedding...You're Steven, you love Schmaltz.

[Connie helps Steven up]

[The gem door opens allowing Steven and Connie to exit]

Steven: You make a good point, but don't you remember how Archimicaras cried in book 3?

Connie: I thought that was because they lost the sword!

Steven: No, she almost fell into the volcano! He was worried about her!

Connie: But she had access to frost spells.

Steven: Yeah but Archimicarus didn't know that! Even birds can fall in love!

Connie: I guess you could read it that way!

* Pans to Steven's drawing of Lisa and Archimicarus, and Star closes in and fades to black.*

[End]