Board Thread:Off-topic/@comment-26612539-20151024233305

(Steven Universe Belongs to Cartoon Network and Rebecca Sugar. This is a Non Conan Fan Made Post made purely for comedy. Please support The Offical Release.)

Wood:Hey there My name's Wood and I'm a new Crystal Gem! Okay here's my story!

Once upon a time there was an Active Kindergarten where a Bunch of Gems we're incubated and then sucked all the life out of all ground and then popped out into a magical rock person! Well what you didn't know was that one day they decided to try to make Non-gems who weren't actually gems just basic non-gem matertials! There first Experiment was a success and a failure! Thats who I am Wood! I was given any abilities a normal Gem has like summoning a weapon pssst.......IT'S A STICK AND It'S AWESOME! and I can shapeshift,regenerate and fuse but without knowing I was also given a few nice stuff. Like for instense they made me extremely durable and able to withstand any hits or blast from any gem weaponry or gems themselves. I was also able to forcefully fuse with any other gems just by making them dance with me. All The gems i've done it with had this to say!

"I feel so violated!"

"Everything felt so gross!"

"It was horrible!"

"I'll never be able to fuse again!"

"May White Diamond have Mercy on your soul"

That last one was said right to my face!

Now you'r properly wondering how I became a Crystal Gem. Well here's how it happened! The Gems who came up with my idea and the ones who supported it after finding out I'm not only a big pain,a complete annoyance,and unable to get a single hint of what I should be doing they decided to poof,bubble and then lock me deeply away into a section under The Kindergarten deciding I was Earths problem incase I was ever freed! So they tied me to a chair and blasted me with every single weapon they had! At once! and soon or later in about a week my body finally poofed and they bubbled and stored me away.

Then about a Brazillion years later The Crystal Gems found me,Steven accidently popped me and then they became stuck with me because I was almost impossible to poof and kept following them around with the Warp Pads.

Oh and I may have accidently released a legendary Multi Fusion Gem in The Burning Room named Ammolite and he may or may not be loose right now breaking the gems of any he can find and swallowing the shards to further consume there powers...............and now I'm living with The F 