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This is a transcribed copy of "Adventures in Light Distortion". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
Previous: "Steven's Dream" Next: "Gem Heist"
Speaker Dialogue
[Open Int. Beach House]
(Garnet and Steven warp back onto the Crystal Temple Warp Pad, with Steven still traumatized back what happened in Korea.)
Steven This can't be happening.
Pearl Steven! You're back!
Amethyst Hey, Steve-O.
Pearl We're so sorry about earlier-
Steven Forget that! We have to catch up with her!
Pearl What!?
Amethyst Who?
Garnet Blue Diamond.
Pearl Blue Diamond!? *starts panicking* O-O-On Earth!?
Amethyst Holy smokes! They're all coming out of the woodwork.
Pearl Amethyst, turn into a chair. I-I need to sit down.
Steven She took Dad! She alien-abducted him, and it's all my fault!
Amethyst She took Greg!?
Pearl Our Greg?
Amethyst What other Greg is there!? How are we gonna get him back!?
Steven What did she even want him for? To eat him!? T-to put him in a zoo!?
Pearl Wait. That might be it.
Steven *gasps* She's gonna eat him!?
Pearl What? No. But there was a... No. No, it couldn't possibly still exist. Not since we-
Garnet That's right! Pink Diamond's insidious human zoo.
Steven What?
Garnet During her reign on Earth, Pink Diamond stole humans from their families as trophies of her conquest.
Amethyst You gotta be kidding.
Pearl Oh no. It was very serious. When I still served... *glances away for a moment* ...Homeworld, I saw it myself. A private menagerie deep in space. Humans in captivity. We were never able to rescue them. We had no way to get to them after the war. But, that was over 5,000 years ago.
Amethyst You really think Greg's there?
Pearl Steven, Blue Diamond wanted him alive?
Steven Yes! Yes! She liked him!
Pearl I can't think of anywhere else she'd put him if she wanted to keep him, that is if the zoo's still there.
Steven It's our only chance! But, how are we going to get there?
Garnet With the Roaming Eye.
Amethyst The Ruby ship?
Garnet That's right. We're going into space, and we're not coming back without Greg.
Trans. Ext. The Barn
(The Crystal Gems arrive at the barn, and Peridot is seen inspecting the interior of the Roaming Eye.)
Peridot Let's see. Rear pulsar trackers are tracking pulsars. The atmosphere shield seems functional, but you're not going to need that in space, obviously.
Garnet Well, make sure it is safe for Steven.
Peridot He should be fine. But, I think I should go in and change the system preferences the Rubies set. How do you feel about green lights instead of red?
Steven There's no time for that! If it works, then let's just do it already!
(Steven walks towards the barn while talking to Connie on his phone.)
Steven Sorry, Connie, but we just can't wait. Dad's in trouble, and we need to go into space to get him back. There's no time. We're going right now. ...Just protect Beach City while we're gone.
Pearl So, if I input the coordinates, it will take us right there?
Peridot It's a little more complicated than that. These aren't your Era 1 light kites. You're gonna be pretty much bending reality if you turn on the gravity engine. Come to think of it, I should really change the Ruby preferences on that, too.
Steven So what, so it's red! Come on! Come on! We gotta go! *gets in the ship*
Pearl Rubies aside, will it fly?
Peridot Short answer, yes.
Amethyst Okay, let's go! *gets in the ship with Pearl*
Garnet Lapis, Peridot, stay here. You'll have to protect Beach City if something happens while we're gone.
(Lapis gives a thumbs-up.)
Peridot You can count on us!
(Garnet gets into the ship, shutting the hatch, and the Roaming Eye begins flying into space. Pearl pilots the ship while Steven watches Earth shrink in distance.)
Steven Don't worry, Dad. We're on our way. *keeps gazing into space* I hope you got to see some of this. There's enough out here for a whole album about the cosmos.
(Suddenly, the ship starts rumbling.)
Pearl Space turbulence!
(The Roaming Eye encounters an asteroid field. Pearl begins skillfully piloting the ship around the incoming asteroids.)
Garnet Sweet moves.
Pearl Hold on.
(Pearl navigates the Roaming Eye until it exits the asteroid field.)
Steven Alright. How much further till we get to- Uhh!
(Suddenly, Doc, still stuck in space, collides into the ship's windscreen, before rolling away. The ship then collides into Navy and Army, who are trying to grab each other's hands, and they roll away too.
Steven Sorry, Rubies.
Garnet We should really do something about them.
Steven We can pick them up on the way back. Dad comes first. How much longer till we get there?
Pearl Well, at our current speed, we should be reaching the human zoo in... approximately seventy human years! Just in time for Greg's 110th anniversary of being alive.
Steven Pearl, my dad's not healthy enough to live that long.
Pearl Ehh... Do you think he'll be able to make it to 109?
Garnet Before we left, Peridot did mention the gravity engine.
Amethyst Oh yeah. She said it bends reality.
Pearl Oh, I'm sure she was exaggerating. It probably just alters the definition for speed by manipulating space-time, but what effect would that have on organic matter? It might flatten Steven's body into a pancake of skin and bones.
Amethyst Eww, bones are gross.
Garnet You have bones in your bedroom.
Amethyst That's different. Those are my bones.
Steven If being a pancake means saving my dad, then bring on the syrup!
(Steven slams his palm onto the control panel, activating the gravity engine. Steven screams as the ship speeds up drastically, causing him to black out.)
(Steven lays unconscious next to the captain's seat, until the Gems starts calling out to him, waking him up.)
Garnet Steven!
Pearl Steven! Are you okay?
Steven I'm fine. I-I think I just blacked out. Umm.. Are you guys okay?
(The activation of the gravity engine happens to flatten the Gems instead of Steven. Amethyst starts giggling at her peculiar appearance.)
Garnet You tell me.
Pearl Uhh... NO! We're NOT okay!
Steven Uhh, why do you guys look like that?
Garnet The gravity warp seems to be affecting our bodies.
Amethyst Please tell me this lasts forever.
Pearl Our bodies are made of light, and usually, they form a mass dependent on the air pressure and the level of gravity in the environment. But we're in a situation, where the normal laws of physics don't apply.
Amethyst Who cares? It's funny.
Pearl In what way is this funny!?
Steven So, you guys aren't doing this on purpose? Can't you shapeshift back?
Amethyst Hold on. *shapeshifts into Purple Puma, yet remaining the same height* Huh, check it out. Puma cub.
Garnet The ship seems to be putting out some kind of energy, keeping us in this shape.
Steven *ponders for a bit and turns to the control panel* Oh, I know the problem.
Pearl You do?
(Amethyst shapeshifts back to normal.)
Steven Peridot said the ship was calibrated for Rubies. It must be making you all Ruby-sized.
(An imaginative projection of Ruby appears next to the Gems, indicating their heights relative to her.)
Pearl Ugh! Why doesn't she tell us anything? This is why we don't listen to her.
Steven Maybe I can change the settings.
(Steven turns the calibration like a slot machine. It stops at three bulky figures, and the Gems turn Quartz-sized.)
Steven No.
(Steven turns the calibration again, stopping at three tiny figures. The Gems instantly shrink into Pebble-sized in mid-air and fall onto the floor.)
Steven Nope.
(Steven turns the calibration again, stopping at three diamonds. The Gems quickly grow into Diamond-sized and hit their heads on the ceiling.)
Steven Sorry!
Garnet This isn't working.
(Amethyst starts snickering at the antics.)
Pearl Try adjusting it manually.
(Steven taps on the screen to open the manual calibration menu, consisting of various symbols unknown to Steven.)
Steven Woah! Umm... Maybe this one?
(Steven made a few manual adjustments, which causes the necks of the Gems to become long and unstable.)
Steven Okay, so that does that. Uhh... Maybe this one.
(Steven made another manual adjustment, causing the limbs of the Gems to become long and unstable as well.)
Steven Agh! Why is this so complicated!?
(Steven starts to tapping randomly at the calibration. The Gems momentarily return back to normal, before Garnet is flattened into a pancake and Pearl bloated up like a ball. Garnet and Amethyst chase after Pearl as she rolls away, when Amethyst grumbles in nausea and her body extends into a long sausage.)
Amethyst *slithers up to Steven* Hey, Steven! this is getting a little weird, even for me.
(Steven continues to tapping the calibration at random, until an large red "X" error message pops up.)
Steven I think I found the off-switch!
(Steven slams his hands on the red "X" and everything turns into a red hue inside the ship. The Roaming Eye begins going into hyperdrive, forcing Steven back on his seat and the Gems onto the wall, seemingly retreated back into their gemstones.
Steven Guys! Wha- What did I do!?
(The Roaming Eye keeps accelerating into a ludicrous speed, creating visual wormholes in the fabric of space and overwhelming Steven.)
Steven *gasps* Amethyst!? Garnet!? Pearl!? Where are you!? *turns to see only the gemstones* What happened? Are you cracked!? Uhh, Amethyst is usually back by now!
(The screen starts beeping and switches display, alerting Steven that the destination is approaching at an uncomfortable speed.)
Steven Oh no. That's the zoo. Uhh, we're gonna smash right into it if we don't... slow... down!
(Steven struggles to move his arm from his seat, against the ludicrous speed of the ship, to reach the control panel.)
Steven Gah! Come on, Steven. You can do it! I-it's okay! The Gems are gonna be fine! *groans* They gotta be fine! D-Dad's gonna be fine, too! Gah! I-It doesn't seem like it right now, but later, we're gonna laugh if I just stop the ship!
(Steven continues to reach his arm out to reach the control panel, but fails at the ship's ludicrous speed.)
Steven *breathing heavily* It isn't going to stop. There's no fixing this. It's all my fault! I rushed us! I pushed us into making stupid mistakes! *starts tearing up* It didn't have to be this way. I didn't have to not listen to Garnet. I didn't have to go to Korea. Dad! I didn't have to get you taken away forever by Blue Diamond. I- I wasn't trying to be selfish. I just wanted to know what was going on for myself, for once! *sobs* But now, I lost everyone... Dad! *sobbing desperately* Dad! I want my dad! I just want my dad.
(Steven, collecting determination from his moment of weakness, reaches for the control panel again and succeeds in stopping the ship. The ship jolts a bit as the Gems phase through the wall, looking disoriented.)
Steven *panting and gasps* You're back! Where'd you go!? *hugs the Gems* I was so worried!
Pearl *sighs* I think in your attempt to fix our bodies, you may have accidentally shut off the calibration altogether. Our light-composed forms couldn't keep up with the ship moving faster than the speed of light.
Steven So, you were just... lagging behind the ship... this whole time?
(Another imaginative projection appears above Steven, of the Gems' bodies stretched outside of the Roaming Eye.)
Garnet Yeah. Don't worry about it too much. Amethyst liked it.
Amethyst I never thought I could stretch so far! Hah! I think I kind of phased through a planet. *laughs in joy, but then notices Steven's tears* Uhh... Yo, Stevie man. You heard Garnet. We're totally fine, dude.
Steven I-I was pushing so hard, I... I just wanted to get Dad back so much, I-I almost wrecked the mission! This whole thing is my fault...
Garnet Steven. You didn't kidnap Greg. Blue Diamond did.
Amethyst Woah. Do you guys see that?
(The Crystal Gems look out the windscreen, as the human zoo comes into view ahead of them.)
Garnet What you did? You got us to the zoo.
Steven Yeah?
Garnet And seventy human years ahead of schedule.
Steven I'll see you really soon, Dad. ...I hope.

ve Transcripts
Pilot Pilot
Season 1 A: Gem GlowLaser Light CannonCheeseburger BackpackTogether BreakfastFryboCat FingersBubble BuddiesSerious StevenTiger MillionaireSteven's LionArcade ManiaGiant WomanSo Many BirthdaysLars and the Cool KidsOnion TradeSteven the Sword FighterLion 2: The MovieBeach PartyRose's RoomCoach StevenJoking VictimSteven and the StevensMonster BuddiesAn Indirect KissMirror Gem/Ocean Gem

B: House GuestSpace RaceSecret TeamIsland AdventureKeep Beach City WeirdFusion CuisineGarnet's UniverseWatermelon StevenLion 3: Straight to VideoWarp TourAlone TogetherThe TestFuture VisionOn the RunHorror ClubWinter ForecastMaximum CapacityMarble MadnessRose's ScabbardOpen BookShirt ClubStory for StevenThe MessagePolitical PowerThe Return/Jail Break

Season 2 Full DisclosureJoy RideSay UncleLove LettersReformedSworn to the SwordRising Tides, Crashing SkiesKeeping It TogetherWe Need to TalkChille TidCry for HelpKeystone MotelOnion FriendHistorical FrictionFriend ShipNightmare HospitalSadie's SongCatch and ReleaseWhen It RainsBack to the BarnToo FarThe AnswerSteven's BirthdayIt Could've Been GreatMessage ReceivedLog Date 7 15 2
Season 3 Super Watermelon Island/Gem DrillSame Old WorldBarn MatesHit the DiamondSteven FloatsDrop Beat DadMr. GregToo Short to RideThe New LarsBeach City DriftRestaurant WarsKiki's Pizza Delivery ServiceMonster ReunionAlone at SeaGreg the BabysitterGem HuntCrack the WhipSteven vs. AmethystBismuthBetaEarthlingsBack to the MoonBubbled
Season 4 The Kindergarten KidKnow Your FusionBuddy's BookMindful EducationFuture Boy ZoltronLast One Out of Beach CityOnion GangGem HarvestThree Gems and a BabySteven's DreamAdventures in Light DistortionGem HeistThe ZooThat Will Be AllThe New Crystal GemsStorm in the RoomRocknaldoTiger PhilanthropistRoom for RubyLion 4: Alternate EndingDoug OutThe Good LarsAre You My Dad?I Am My Mom
Season 5 Stuck TogetherThe TrialOff ColorsLars' HeadDewey WinsGemcationRaising the BarnBack to the KindergartenSadie KillerKevin PartyLars of the StarsJungle MoonYour Mother and MineThe Big ShowPool HoppingLetters to LarsCan't Go BackA Single Pale RoseNow We're Only Falling ApartWhat's Your Problem?The QuestionMade of HonorReunitedLegs From Here to HomeworldFamiliarTogether AloneEscapismChange Your Mind
Film Steven Universe: The Movie
Future Little HomeschoolGuidanceRose BudsVolleyballBluebirdA Very Special EpisodeSnow DayWhy So Blue?Little GraduationPrickly PairIn DreamsBismuth CasualTogether ForeverGrowing PainsMr. UniverseFragmentsHomeworld BoundEverything's FineI Am My MonsterThe Future
Shorts Lion Loves to Fit in a BoxThe Classroom Gems: What Are Gems?We Are the Crystal GemsThe Classroom Gems: How Are Gems Made?UnboxingThe Classroom Gems: FusionCooking with LionGem KaraokeSteven ReactsVideo ChatSteven's Song Time
Other We Deserve to ShineCrossover Nexus