Coach Steven/Transcript

This is a transcribed copy of Coach Steven. Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.

Previous: "Rose's Room"

Next: "Joking Victim"

Speaker	Dialogue
[Open Ext. Gem Communication Hub]
(The Crystal Gems arrives by warping to the Warp Pad at the Gem Communication Hub.)
Steven	*looks up amazed* WOAH! What magical place of mystery is this?
Amethyst	Well—
Pearl	*interrupts Amethyst* Oh, I'm so glad you asked! This was once a communication hub for Gem-kind. *walks over to the pillars of the hub* But lately, it's begun transmitting bursts of electromagnetic interference!
Steven	Whazzat mean?
Garnet	It's hurting television.
Steven	Noooooooo! I'll save you television! HA-YAH! *tries to kick and push over a pillar*
Amethyst	*lifts Steven up* Sorry, but we need a Steven at least... THIS strong for this job! *shapeshifts into a stronger-looking Steven with a deeper voice*
Steven	*gasps* It's all the me I could be!
(Amethyst puts Steven down, and starts punching at the pillar as the strong Steven. Pearl catches a small piece of the pillar punched off by Amethyst and begins lecturing her.)
Pearl	Amethyst, we could be here all day taking out these pillars individually.
Amethyst	Ugh, I hate it when you're right. You get this look on your face... *looks at Pearl's face* Yeah, that's the one.
Pearl	What we need is a well thought out plan—
(Pearl's gem starts to project a hologram, when Garnet interrupts.)
Garnet	No. What we need is Sugilite. Amethyst, fuse with me.
Amethyst & Pearl	WHAAAT?!
(Amethyst begins to scream in excitement and Pearl looks annoyed.)
Amethyst	Yeah! Let's mash it up! Bigger, badder, better! Ohohohohoho! *twirls around*
Steven	Hold your horses! Are... you guys going to become a Gem Fusion?
(Amethyst replies excitedly with a scream. Steven joins in the screaming in excitement too.)
Pearl	WAIT! *turns to Garnet* Garnet, think about this. You and Amethyst can be a little... eheh... unstable when your personalities combine. We need to be careful! Fuse with me, instead.
Garnet	*places her hand over Pearl's shoulder* We don't need to be careful. We just need to be huge.
Amethyst	Oh, yeah! Let's wreck this joint!
Garnet	Synchronize.
(Garnet's gemstones begin to glow as she starts to dance.)
Steven	*eyes gets covered by Pearl* Wha-? Whu-? Pearrrl... Come on! I wanna see! *prys her fingers away*
(Garnet and Amethyst continues their fusion dance, fusing together and forming Sugilite.)
Sugilite	Hahahahaha! *laughs and cracks knuckles* I forgot how GREAT it feels to be me!
Steven	That's Sugilite?
Sugilite	You got it, baby. Hey, Steven. Wanna see something cool?
Steven	Yeah!
(Sugilite summons Garnet's gauntlets and Amethyst's whip, and fuses them together to form her flail. Steven gasps loudly in amazement.)
Sugilite	You like that, little man?
Steven	Are you gonna smash stuff with your wrecking-ball-thingy?
Sugilite	That's the plan! Where should I start?
Steven	Do that one! *points to a nearby pillar*
(Sugilite proceeds to smash some pillars with her flails.)
Pearl	Steven, I think we should go.
Steven	No way! This is awesome!
(Sugilite continues smashing more pillars, causing debris to fall everywhere.)
Pearl	Watch it!
(Pearl kicks away a debris heading towards her, but a small rock then hits Steven in the face, knocking him onto the ground)
Pearl	Steven! *yells at Sugilite* Ugh, you're just too much!
Sugilite	Maybe you're just too LITTLE!
Pearl	Steven, we're going! *picks Steven up*
Steven	What? I'm fine! What about Sugilite?
Pearl	She can find her own way home!
Steven	Awww...
(Pearl and Steven warp away, just before a huge rock destroys the Warp Pad.)
[Trans. Int. Big Donut]
(Steven enters the Big Donut wearing sunglasses and a big roll of gauze wrapped around his head.)
Steven	'Sup?
Sadie	Whoa! Steven, what happened to you?
Steven	Oh just a little battle damage from our last mission.
Sadie	Really?
Lars	Like what?
Steven	I got hit by a rock!
(Steven lifts up his gauze, revealing a tiny cut on his forehead. Both Sadie and Lars starts laughing at Steven's "battle damage".)
Sadie	It must not have been a very big rock.
Steven	*covers up the cut in embarrassment* Well... there's... internal... bleeding. My hurt is on the inside!
Lars	*keeps laughing* Toughen UP, Steven!
Steven	You're right. I'm soft. *takes his gauze off*
Lars	If I weren't so modest, I'd whip out my sweet six-pack. *struggles to open a can of sardines* And show you what... a real man... looks like!... *grunts*
(Sadie offers to open the can. Lars passes the can to her and she opens it with ease, returning it to Lars.)
Lars	Nah... I'm not gonna say thanks. *gets punched in the leg by Sadie* Aha... aha....
Steven	That's it! We all need a workout! Let's do it! Let's workout together! *points to Sadie* You can beat up Lars! *turns to Lars* And you don't have to starve to death if Sadie divorces you!
Lars	We're not married!
Steven	And I know just the guy to help us out.
[Trans. Ext. Beach House]
(Greg is fast asleep on a workbench, after constructing a makeshift gym on the beach. Steven, Lars and Sadie arrive wearing workout outfits.)
Steven	Wow! This looks great!
Greg	Huh? Wha... ? *wakes up from his nap*
Steven	Hey, dad!
Greg	Hey, Steven. You like it? It's the best I can do on such short notice.
Lars	*picks up a dumbbell made of cans, which quickly falls apart* No kidding.
Greg	Well I might join you kids show you how it's done! I've been slacking off on my workout routine for few weeks... months... years... *coughs* Decades.
Steven	Sure! The more the meatier! Oh! We'll need sweat bands!
(Steven runs up to the his house. Pearl then passes by the gym as Greg picks up a real dumbbell)
Greg	Hey Pearl. Come to check out some buff studs?
Pearl	... No. *walks up to Steven's house* Steven, what on earth are you up to?
Steven	We're starting a gym! *flexes* Imma get supa strong! Like Sugilite!
Pearl	You know, maybe this isn't a good idea.
Steven	What? I wanna be strong so I can be useful to the team!
Pearl	There are... different ways of being strong...
Steven	But I want to be strong in the real way. Come on, Pearl. *puts on a sweatband* Let's get beefy!
Pearl	*pouts* I'd rather not. *enters the house*
(Pearl sighs as she closes the door behind. She then begins to sing "Strong in the Real Way" as she picks up Steven's clothes on the floor. She sees everyone working out through the windows and pulls down the blinds in disapproval. All the while, Steven is peeking and eavesdropping on Pearl's song. Determined, Steven turns up the volume of his stereo and yells into his megaphone at the gym.
Steven	Who's ready to get buff? I don't wanna see your gut, I wanna see your guts!
(Steven sees Pearl looking at them from the porch, but she quickly looks away and goes back inside the house. Steven then continues singing "Strong in the Real Way" his own way while instructing and inspiring everyone with the workout. After he stops singing, everyone is visibly tired out.)
Sadie	Hey, Steven. Maybe um... you can work out a bit, too?
Steven	Uh-huh? I have been.
Lars	We've been working out. you've just been singing some dumb song.
Greg	But you're doing a great job pumping us up!
Steven	Thanks! But I need to get strong, too. I'm switching to four-wheel drive! *puts four tires on his body and begins running around*
[Time Skip — The next day at sunrise]
(Sadie, Lars, and Greg are all waiting outside the house for Steven.)
Sadie	Steven, come on! We're ready to get started! We can't work out without your mad coaching skills!
[Trans. Int. Steven's Room]
Steven	*groans in pain* Be there in a sec! *struggles to get off of bed and down the stairs* So sore from getting ripped...
Pearl	I don't understand. Amethyst and Garnet still aren't back yet. I tried to warp back and check on them, but the warp pad's down!
(Suddenly, the ground starts to shake and voices can be heard outside.)
Greg & Lars	What?!
Sadie	Are you seeing this too?!
(The house starts to rumble and crumbles falls from the ceiling.)
Pearl & Steven	Wha-!
(Pearl and Steven quickly exit the house and see Sugilite in the distance, marching towards them in the ocean.)
Greg	What the hey is that?!
Lars	*falls off from the makeshift monkey bars* Oohoomph!
(Sugilite arrives at the beach and everyone runs away in fear.)
Sugilite	*roars* I'M BORED!!!
Steven	It's Sugilite!
Pearl	*approaches Sugilite* Y-you're back!
Sugilite	YOU LEFT ME BEHIND!
Pearl	We just thought you didn't need any help. Now why don't you separate, and we can all sit down and relax?
Sugilite	NO! *kicks Pearl*
Steven	Pearl!
Pearl	Listen to me! You've been fused for too long! You're losing yourselves!
Sugilite	I AM MYSELF! AND I'M SICK OF BEING SPLIT UP! SO YOU BETTER GET USED TO IT, BABY. AND GET THIS JUNK OFF MY BEACH! *destroys the makeshift gym*
Steven	*struggles over to Pearl* Why is she wrecking Dad's gym? Why is she attacking you?!
Pearl	*lifts Steven up and tosses him away* Steven, get out of here!
Steven	*lands stomach-down on the ground and is stuck limp* I... can't... move... *moans in pain*
(Pearl summons her spear and stances herself for battle.)
Sugilite	WHAT? YOU WANNA FIGHT?!
Pearl	You'll thank me... LATER!!
(Pearl leaps towards Sugilite, but she is quickly swatted away.)
Greg	Come on, kid! *helps Steven to get up*
Steven	Dad, no! Pearl!
(Pearl stands back up and leaps off again, this time, managing to knock off Sugilite's visor.)
Steven & Greg	*gasps*
Sugilite	YOU THINK YOU'RE SOMETHING? YOU! *headbutts Pearl to the ground* AIN'T! *hits Pearl into the sky* NOTHING! *smacks Pearl into the ground from the sky*
(Sugilite then attempts to crush Pearl with her flail, but barely misses her. It also sends Steven and Greg flying some distance into the sand and damages Steven's house.)
Steven	My muscles!
Pearl	Steven! Ughh... *kneels in pain and starts to cry* I'm sorry... Steven, Garnet, Amethyst... *sniffs* I wasn't strong enough, to protect you. I'm not strong enough to do anything...
(Steven then sees the megaphone nearby and crawls towards it.)
Steven	*using the megaphone* Come on, Pearl! Don't give up! I know you can take her down!
Pearl	I can't...
Steven	Yes, you can! Come on! You always knew what to do! You gotta show her what you showed me! That you're strong, Pearl! Strong in the REAL WAY!
(Pearl looks up at the Crystal Temple and, regaining some confidence, slowly pulls herself back on her feet.)
Sugilite	WHAT? YOU WANT SOME MORE?!
Pearl	Anytime! You're no match for me! Not even close!
(Sugilite punches towards Pearl, which she dodges and then runs away. Sugilite then chases after Pearl up to the lighthouse on the cliff.)
Steven	GO!!!
Sugilite	GET BACK HERE!
(Pearl leaps off the cliff.)
Sugilite	*laughs* NICE TRY.
(Sugilite starts swinging her flail. Pearl then hurls her spear at the ground underneath Sugilite, causing her to lose her footing, fall off the cliff and crash onto the beach.)
Sugilite	IS THAT ALL YOU GOT? YOU THINK THAT'S ENOUGH TO BE—
(Sugilite's flail lands smack on her head, separating her back into Garnet and Amethyst in a poof of purple cloud.)
Pearl	Amethyst! Garnet! Are you OK!?
Garnet	Yeah... Sugilite just overworked our bodies. It's... a little painful.
Amethyst	I've got a monster headache.
(Pearl pulls Garnet and Amethyst for a tearful hug. Garnet and Amethyst groan in pain as the sound of bone cracking is heard, causing Pearl to quickly release them.)
Pearl	Oh, whoops.
Steven	Pearl, you did it!
Pearl	Thanks. You make a good coach.
Garnet	Pearl, we should've listened... You were right.
Pearl	Yeah. I was right.
Steven	Go, Pearl!
Pearl	Come on! I feel GREAT! Who's up for a MISSION? OR...
(Pearl continues shouting in the background, as two star irises zoom in on Garnet and Amethyst.)
Amethyst	How long is she going to keep this up?
Garnet	We deserve it. Take it like a Gem.
Lars	(Another star iris pops over him and Sadie.) Uh... What the heck just happened?!
Steven	(Another star iris pops over him.) DROP AND GIVE ME 20!!!!!!
[END]