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This is a transcribed copy of "Fusion Cuisine". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
Previous: "Keep Beach City Weird" Next: "Garnet's Universe"
Speaker Dialogue
[Open Int. Beach House]
(Steven and Connie are watching "Under the Knife" on the TV together in Steven's Room.)
Lady Doctor, it's my son. There was an accident. I-
Doctor I know what we have to do. Nurse!
Nurse Yes, Doctor?
Doctor Prep the patient for emergency surgery. We're gonna go... under the knife.
Connie *screams happily* Ugggggh! This show is so good! Aaah! Thank you so much for letting me watch "Under the Knife" here, Steven.
Steven How come you can't watch the show at home?
Connie My mom says this doesn't represent a real emergency room.
Nurse How did his legs... get into... his brain?!
Connie She just doesn't understand that it's satire.
(Connie's phone then begins to ring.)
Steven Is that your phone?
Connie It's probably my mom. *retrieves her phone from her purse* Called it. *puts on her glasses, clears her throat and answers the phone* Hi, Mother. It's Connie. Mm-hmm. Yes, ma'am. *looks at Steven* I'm at the home of Steven Universe. Mm-hmm. Yes, ma'am. We're—we're just hanging out. Oh... Steven's parents. They're, uh—they're in the other room. You would like to talk to Steven's mom? Oh, okay. Hold on a moment.
Steven *get worried* That's gonna be pretty hard since my mom gave up her physical form to make me.
Connie *covers her phone with her hand* I can't tell her that!
(Steven and Connie both run down the steps and towards Garnet, who is chilling on the couch in the living room.)
Steven Garnet, quick! You have to pretend to be my mom to Connie's mom.
Garnet *takes the phone* Hello. This... is Mom Universe. Yes. *adjusts her visor* The children are playing swords. Sorry— playing with swords. They're bleeding. Oh no, they are dead. Don't call again. *hangs up the phone and returns it to Steven* Sorry, I panicked.
(Steven and Connie both look shocked.)
[Time Skip]
(Steven chats over the phone with Connie while dressing a cake in his kitchen.)
Steven Aw, what do you mean, your mom won't let you come over? It's the midseason pre-finale of "Under the Knife"!
Connie *at her home* Steven, my parents are really upset. They say they will not let me see you again until they meet both of your parents in person.
Steven But that's impossible!
Connie I know, but they want both of our families to go out together for dinner.
Steven *putting cheeseballs on the cake* It sounds so... adult. I wonder if Fish Stew Pizza will take reservations for-- *counting on fingers* Pearl, Garnet, Dad, Amethyst— All eight of us.
Connie You can't bring everybody!
Steven Why not?
Connie Because... Because... I told my parents you have a nuclear family!
Steven *misinterprets and gets defensive* Nuclear?! Sure they make stuff blow up sometimes, but that's because they're magic, not radioactive!
Connie Steven, "nuclear" means two adults and their child and/or children. My parents think you live with your mother and father.
Steven *frowns* But none of that is true. You never told your mom and dad about the Crystal Gems?
Connie No, and it has to stay that way. If they find out I lied to them, they'll never let me hang out with you again.
(Some time passes, Steven discusses the dinner plan with the Gems while Greg struggles to put on a sweater.)
Steven *pacing in front of the Gems at the kitchen* How am I supposed to choose just one of you to bring to dinner? You're all so... cool!
Pearl *disgusted* Why does it have to be dinner? We get all the energy we need from our gems, and while our human constructs are capable of eating, I find it very uncomfortable.
Amethyst I love eating! *chuckles* Feels weird.
(Amethyst then munches on some chips from a bag loudly and grossly, spilling some bits onto Garnet's shoulders, which she quickly brushes off.)
Steven Okay, okay, okay. Let's focus. Which of you would make the best and most nuclear mom? Garnet, you keep us safe by scaring off the bad guys, just like a mom would. ...But you're not the best conversationalist. Amethyst, you would be a super fun mom!
(Amethyst is still munching on the chips, drooling from her mouth, and begins picking her nose.)
Steven Can moms be gross?
Amethyst Why not? *pulls a strand of mucus out of her nose*
Steven *walks pass Amethyst* Pearl! You're always worried about me, you teach me lots of stuff, you're approachable, and you're, like, totally not gross.
(Amethyst continues munching away with her nose still running, causing Pearl to cringe in disgust.)
Steven But... you can't eat dinner. *walks away sadly and sits beside Greg on the couch* Man, why did Connie have to say I have one mother instead of zero... or three?
Greg We'll figure this thing out. We just have to put our heads together.
Steven Why didn't I think of this before? It's so obvious! You can all come to dinner! All three of you, fused into one! *snaps his finger*
Pearl What?!
Amethyst Whoa!
Greg What?
Pearl Steven, you know we only fuse in deadly situations!
Steven It'd be like... like I'm actually bringing my whole family!
Amethyst That's insane.
Garnet Fusion is serious magic, not a trick for dinner parties.
Steven I know. Then I guess this is it. I'll never get to see Connie again. Oh, Connie! I'll never know a star that shines as bright as you.
(Steven starts to weep as the Gems all look at him in sympathy.)
Garnet *sighs* We have no choice.
[Trans. Ext. The Crab Shack Restaurant]
(Connie's family is sitting outside of the restaurant, waiting for Steven's family to arrive, while slow piano music is playing in the background.)
Mr. Maheswaran *groans in boredom*
Dr. Maheswaran We've been waiting for nearly 20 minutes.
(The ground starts to rumble, scaring seagulls away. Connie and her parents gasp in shock and surprise as Alexandrite arrives, with Steven and Greg on her shoulders, from over the hilltops.)
Mr. Maheswaran *frightened* Uh... Oh.
Steven Hi, Connie! Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Maheswaran!
(Alexandrite puts Greg and Steven on the ground.)
Greg Thanks... honeybun... ?
Alexandrite You're welcome,... Greg.
Greg I'm Greg Universe. *shakes Dr. Maheswaran's hand* And this massive drink of water is my wife, Alexandrite.
Alexandrite *awkwardly* Hiiiiii...
(Steven, Greg and Alexandrite sit at the table. Alexandrite then grabs all the breadsticks on the table and starts munching on them.)
Mr. Maheswaran I hope this place has unlimited breadsticks.
Dr. Maheswaran Don't be rude.
Alexandrite *keeps munching* Bleh. *sticks her tongue out, showing chewed up breadsticks*
Greg *chuckles nervously* Isn't my wife a riot?
Dr. Maheswaran So, tell me -- How did you two meet?
Greg Huh? How did we meet? Well, we, um-
Steven *stands up on his seat and interrupts* They met on a roller coaster!
Connie *mouths "What?" silently*
Steven She was too tall to ride! Heh-heh.
Connie *shakes head in disapproval*
Greg *laughs nervously* Uh, I remember it like it was yesterday. Right, honey? *places his hand on her leg and keeps laughing nervously* Eh... *whispers* Sorry.
Alexandrite *slams Greg's face onto the table* Have some more breadsticks... dear.
Mr. Maheswaran Uh... *coughs* What is it that you two do for a living, Mr. and Mrs. Universe?
Greg Well, you see, I own a local car wash, and my sweet, dear wife here uhh-
Steven *barges in again* My mom works on an apple farm!
Connie *sighs and slams her head onto the table*
Dr. Maheswaran What did we say about heads on the table?
Steven She uses all her arms to pick apples out of huge trees. *chuckles nervously*
Greg Well, you know what they say: An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
Alexandrite Yes, I hate doctors.
Dr. Maheswaran Well, I'm a doctor.
Connie Steven, help me find the restroom!
[Trans. Int. The Crab Shack]
(Connie leads Steven to the restrooms, holding her hands on her head in annoyance.)
Steven Things are going pretty good so far, huh?
Connie Steven, are you kidding me?! What is this thing that you brought to dinner?!
Steven Iit's my family. It's all of the Gems, fused together into a... six-armed, giant woman.
Connie Why couldn't you just bring one of the Gems?
Steven 'Cause that would be a lie. *squirts his eyes at Connie* Your... glasses.
Connie What about them?
Steven I healed your eyes. You don't even need to wear those anymore.
Connie What are you talking about?
Steven All that stuff you told your parents about my family! You're just ashamed of me!
Connie Oh, whatever, Steven. Let's just focus on getting through the evening.
(Connie and Steven, both now annoyed, return back to the table, when a waiter is serving food to the group.)
Connie So, Steven was telling me that on his mom's apple farm, they're bioengineering a gala-fuji hybrid.
Steven Yes, that's definitely true.
Dr. Maheswaran Isn't that right, Mrs. Universe?
(Alexandrite picks up a cooked shrimp with a fork, sniffs it hard and tries to eat it.)
Alexandrite (Pearl) *turns her head away from the shrimp, smooshing it on her face* What are you doing?
Alexandrite (Amethyst) *slaps her head back towards the shrimp and reveals a second mouth* I'm hungry!
Alexandrite (Pearl) *grabs the shrimp* I don't think so!
Alexandrite (Garnet) *grabs her other hands* Cut it out, you two.
(Alexandrite begins to fight herself, throwing an uppercut at her face and chomping her hand, as the group watches on.)
Steven Stop! You don't have to eat it!
(Alexandrite's face begins to crack, causing Dr. and Mr. Maheswaran to gasp in horror, as she gets up and unfuses back into Garnet, Pearl and Amethyst.)
Pearl Steven! *crawls towards him* Ohh. Thank you so much. You don't know how horrified I was when that dreck nearly fell into our mouths. Eating food is so disgusting! You chew it into nasty mush, swallow that goop, and it comes out of you? What a completely horrid experience!
Amethyst Uh, speak for yourself. Ha! I love it when mush passes through my body.
Garnet It doesn't matter what you two think. We're doing this for Steven! *summons her gauntlets and hits Pearl and Amethyst on the head*
Pearl & Amethyst Oow!
Mr. Maheswaran What is going on here? Who are they?!
Dr. Maheswaran *turns to Connie* I knew I should have trusted my bad feelings about this new friend of yours, but I never thought I wouldn't be able to trust my own daughter.
(Connie runs off.)
Steven Connie! *chases after her*
(Steven catches up to Connie at a bus stop next to the Crab Shack restaurant.)
Steven Connie.
Connie Steven, I'm so sorry. It's not that I'm ashamed of you. I was so worried that my parents would think all this magic stuff is weird. What if they don't let me hang out with you anymore? *sobs a bit*
Steven I-I'm sorry I messed everything up. I wish there was a way we could just... hang out without having to worry about stuff.
Connie Steven, let's just hop on a bus and live somewhere else without telling anyone!
Steven That's a great idea!
(A bus pulls up to the bus stop, and Steven and Connie board it. They sit down at the back of the bus.)
Steven Where's this bus taking us?
Connie Wherever we end up. We'll find a way to survive. I've been reading about sustainable living.
Steven Maybe it'll take us to a real apple farm!
Connie What's up with you and apples today?
Steven & Connie Huh?
(The ground starts to rumble. Steven and Connie looks out the back of the the bus and see Alexandrite charging towards them.)
Alexandrite STEVEEEENN!!! *roars with her second mouth*
Steven & Connie Aaaaaah!
Alexandrite *grabs the bus and picks it up off the ground* You two! Come out of that bus this instant!
Steven Aah! Okay! J-Just put the bus down first.
[Trans. Ext. The Crab Shack]
(Steven and Connie are reunited back to their respective families, as they begin to reprimand the two of them.)
Dr. Maheswaran I don't even know where to begin with you, young la-
Pearl What were you thinking, running off with Connie like that? You could have gotten yourselves hurt!
Garnet Or gotten mangled in traffic.
Amethyst Or thrown in prison.
Pearl Steven, you are in very big trouble, and we have no choice but to punish you.
Steven But-
Garnet No dinner for 1,000 years.
Steven *saddened* 1,000...?
Pearl We would never starve you, but you will lose your TV privileges... for 1,000 years.
Steven Nooo! The midseason pre-finale of "Under the Knife"! How can you do this to me?!
Greg *in disappointment* Because we love you, Steven.
Steven *groans in dismay*
Dr. Maheswaran Wow. *approaches Greg and the Crystal Gems* That was a masterful use of the "because we love you" shutdown. I'm quite partial to the "It's for your own good!" myself.
Mr. Maheswaran That "1,000 years of no dinner" bit, was pretty funny. *laughs*
Garnet All comedy is derived from fear.
Mr. Maheswaran *laughs* You are too much.
Dr. Maheswaran I did not know what to make of the two of- Excuse me, four of you, but I see that you are responsible parents. Uh, caregivers? Guardians.
Connie So, I can still hang out with Steven?
Dr. Maheswaran Sure.
Steven Alright! *runs and hugs Connie, causing her to blush*
(Dr. and Mr. Maheswaran grunts at the sight of Steven hugging their daughter. Mr. Mahaswaran then steps in and separates the two from the hug, as the star iris zoom in on Mr. Maheswaran's satisfied face.)

ve Transcripts
Pilot Pilot
Season 1 A: Gem GlowLaser Light CannonCheeseburger BackpackTogether BreakfastFryboCat FingersBubble BuddiesSerious StevenTiger MillionaireSteven's LionArcade ManiaGiant WomanSo Many BirthdaysLars and the Cool KidsOnion TradeSteven the Sword FighterLion 2: The MovieBeach PartyRose's RoomCoach StevenJoking VictimSteven and the StevensMonster BuddiesAn Indirect KissMirror Gem/Ocean Gem

B: House GuestSpace RaceSecret TeamIsland AdventureKeep Beach City WeirdFusion CuisineGarnet's UniverseWatermelon StevenLion 3: Straight to VideoWarp TourAlone TogetherThe TestFuture VisionOn the RunHorror ClubWinter ForecastMaximum CapacityMarble MadnessRose's ScabbardOpen BookShirt ClubStory for StevenThe MessagePolitical PowerThe Return/Jail Break

Season 2 Full DisclosureJoy RideSay UncleLove LettersReformedSworn to the SwordRising Tides, Crashing SkiesKeeping It TogetherWe Need to TalkChille TidCry for HelpKeystone MotelOnion FriendHistorical FrictionFriend ShipNightmare HospitalSadie's SongCatch and ReleaseWhen It RainsBack to the BarnToo FarThe AnswerSteven's BirthdayIt Could've Been GreatMessage ReceivedLog Date 7 15 2
Season 3 Super Watermelon Island/Gem DrillSame Old WorldBarn MatesHit the DiamondSteven FloatsDrop Beat DadMr. GregToo Short to RideThe New LarsBeach City DriftRestaurant WarsKiki's Pizza Delivery ServiceMonster ReunionAlone at SeaGreg the BabysitterGem HuntCrack the WhipSteven vs. AmethystBismuthBetaEarthlingsBack to the MoonBubbled
Season 4 The Kindergarten KidKnow Your FusionBuddy's BookMindful EducationFuture Boy ZoltronLast One Out of Beach CityOnion GangGem HarvestThree Gems and a BabySteven's DreamAdventures in Light DistortionGem HeistThe ZooThat Will Be AllThe New Crystal GemsStorm in the RoomRocknaldoTiger PhilanthropistRoom for RubyLion 4: Alternate EndingDoug OutThe Good LarsAre You My Dad?I Am My Mom
Season 5 Stuck TogetherThe TrialOff ColorsLars' HeadDewey WinsGemcationRaising the BarnBack to the KindergartenSadie KillerKevin PartyLars of the StarsJungle MoonYour Mother and MineThe Big ShowPool HoppingLetters to LarsCan't Go BackA Single Pale RoseNow We're Only Falling ApartWhat's Your Problem?The QuestionMade of HonorReunitedLegs From Here to HomeworldFamiliarTogether AloneEscapismChange Your Mind
Film Steven Universe: The Movie
Future Little HomeschoolGuidanceRose BudsVolleyballBluebirdA Very Special EpisodeSnow DayWhy So Blue?Little GraduationPrickly PairIn DreamsBismuth CasualTogether ForeverGrowing PainsMr. UniverseFragmentsHomeworld BoundEverything's FineI Am My MonsterThe Future
Shorts Lion Loves to Fit in a BoxThe Classroom Gems: What Are Gems?We Are the Crystal GemsThe Classroom Gems: How Are Gems Made?UnboxingThe Classroom Gems: FusionCooking with LionGem KaraokeSteven ReactsVideo ChatSteven's Song Time
Other We Deserve to ShineCrossover Nexus