| Speaker
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Dialogue
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| [Episode starts with a view of the Roaming Eye, with the Crystal Gems watching nearby.]
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| (The hatch on the top of the vessel opens, and a one eyed Ruby climbs out of it.)
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| Crystal Gems
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(Gasp)
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| (Ruby (Eyeball) looks around.)
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| Steven
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Ruby? (Garnet picks him up and takes him away) Whoa-?
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| (Ruby (Eyeball) lands on the ground, growls, and walks away.)
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| Ruby (Army)
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(Jumps out of the vessel and begins making fighting poses, then picks up a flower and kicks it) Hi-ya! (She then cartwheels to the left side of the screen.)
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| Ruby (Navy)
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*Pops out from the vessel gasps with excitement* What a lovely planet! *Walks away happily*
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| Ruby (Leggy)
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*Sticks head out of the vessel nervously* Wait! So we just... get up and walk around? Whoa-!
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| (Ruby (Leggy) gets shoved out of the vessel by Ruby (Doc). In the background, Ruby (Army) can be seen kicking a twig.)
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| Ruby (Doc)
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Now, where's the Gem the scanners locked on to? *looks around* Let's fan out and search the area!
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| Steven
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*Sticks head out from behind the barn door* Whoa, look at 'em all!
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| Peridot
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(Plants hands on Steven's head) I knew it. They're after me! (Returning back inside the barn) This is the end of the line!
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| Lapis
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You really weren't kidding.
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| Peridot
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I disobeyed a direct order from Yellow Diamond, and I called her a clod... to her face.
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| Pearl
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Oh, honestly, you call everyone a clod.
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| Peridot
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Yes, but not everyone has command over all the armies of Homeworld waiting for the word to shatter me! (Hides under a box)
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| Steven
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Peridot, we won't let them get you. (Picks up the box)
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| Peridot
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But haven't I caused you enough trouble?
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| Garnet
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Don't worry, Peridot. It's our sworn duty to protect anything that calls this planet home. And that includes clods like you.
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| Peridot
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(Quietly) That's my word...
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| Garnet
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*Turns to the others* Listen up, everyone. I have a plan. Or should I say... *Holds up hands* We have a plan?
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| (Garnet, while giggling, unfuses into Ruby and Sapphire, both holding hands.)
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| Sapphire
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Hello everyone.
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| Pearl and Amethyst
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Ruby! Sapphire!
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| Steven
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HUUUGS! *Runs up to Ruby and Sapphire and hugs them.*
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| Sapphire
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Hello, Steven!
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| Amethyst
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So, what's the plan?
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| Sapphire
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(To Ruby) You got this. Just act casual. (Kisses Ruby on the cheek.)
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| Ruby
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Yeah. (Bumps fist against palm) Casual.
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| [Int. Outside the barn.]
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| (Ruby walks awkwardly towards the other Rubies, who are chattering amongst themselves. Ruby (Doc) is standing on top of the Roaming Eye.)
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| Ruby(Doc)
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Focus, Rubies! This is an important mission from Yellow Diamond, so we can't mess it up.
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| Ruby
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(Slides next to Ruby (Navy)) *Nervously* Eh, hey, hey! Uh... (Sweating) What are we all doing over here?
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| (All the Rubies look at her with suspicious facial expressions.)
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| Ruby (Leggy)
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(Raises hand) Yeah, what ARE we all doing here?
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| Ruby (Doc)
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We're here to retrieve the leader of the Earth mission! (Raises eyebrow) Hey, wait a second. It seems like there are more of us... than usual!
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| Ruby (Navy)
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There's supposed to be five of us.
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| Ruby (Army)
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(Clenches fist) Five Rubies!
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| (Ruby (Eyeball) and Ruby (Leggy) look at their hands. Ruby (Eyeball) nods.)
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| Ruby (Doc)
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(Begins counting and pointing) One, two, three, four, five. Tch, never mind.
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| Ruby
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(Sighs in relief.)
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| Ruby (Doc)
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The leader of the Earth mission must be around here somewhere.
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| Ruby
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*Nervously* Well, she's definitely not in that barn! (Forced poker face.)
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| Ruby (Doc)
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Whoa, I didn't see that before. Maybe we SHOULD look around in there.
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| Ruby
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*Nervously* (Raises hands) Uh, I'll go! By myself! (Runs away groaning.)
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| Ruby (Navy)
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Ba-Byee!
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| [Back at the barn]
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| Ruby
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They want to search the barn!
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| Steven
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We heard.
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| Pearl
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We saw.
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| Peridot
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*Fearfully* So I'm scared!
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| Amethyst
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(Holds up a baseball bat) Let's ambush them!
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| Sapphire
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No. No one needs to get hurt. Let's be sensible.
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| Ruby
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What do I do? (Bites fingers.)
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| Sapphire
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Just go out there and tell them this is a place where humans live.
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| Ruby
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(Sighs) I don't wanna go alone...
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| Steven
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Oh! I'll come. I'll be your backup.
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| Amethyst
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(Hands him baseball bat) And here's some backup for your backup.
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| [Int. Ruby gathering]
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| Ruby
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(Places Steven down) *Nervously/transparently* I checked the barn, and I just found a bunch of humans! Hah!
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| Steven
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(Nods) *Transparently* Yup! Nothing in there but us humans!
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| Ruby (Doc)
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*Somewhat skeptical* Really?
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| Ruby
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*Nervously* Looks like we failed...! Time to go back home! Hah...!
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| Ruby (Doc)
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I think we better double-check. You remember what happened last time.
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| Ruby
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*Confused* Last time?
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| (The Rubies, except for Doc and Leggy, begin laughing.)
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| Ruby (Navy)
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Oh, Ruby, you're so forgetful!
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| Ruby (Doc)
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Alright, let's search the barn!
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| All the other Rubies
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Yes, Ruby!
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| Ruby
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Wait! *Nervously* You can't, beca-because... uh... (Glances at Steven.)
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| Steven
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You have to... uh... play baseball!
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| (The Rubies look at each other.)
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| Steven
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Yeah! It's a human thing. I-If you win, you can go inside, and if you lose, you... gotta leave forever.
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| Ruby (Doc)
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(Eyes narrowed) Base... ball.
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| [Back at the barn]
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| Peridot, Amethyst, Pearl, and Sapphire
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Baseball?!
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| (Ruby facepalms.)
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| Sapphire
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I... saw that this was a possibility, though I am surprised that this is the path we're taking.
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| Steven
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(Blows a whistle) Alright. My human baseball knowledge will lead us to victory. Let's just go out there and pretend to be humans. Except Peridot. You stay here in the barn and hide.
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| Peridot
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O... kay.
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| Steven
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Everybody in? (Glances at Lapis) Lapis?
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| Lapis
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(Chuckles) This plan sucks.
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| [Ext. Outside]
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| (Steven, Pearl, Amethyst, Lapis, and Sapphire are lined up wearing baseball clothes against all of the Rubies, including the Crystal Gem Ruby.)
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| Steven
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We're the humans! Steven!
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| Pearl
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Earl!
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| Amethyst
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Amy!
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| Lapis
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Bob.
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| Sapphire
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(Blushing) And Sophie. (Ruby is also blushing and sweating.)
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| Ruby (Doc)
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Understood. Our team is the Rubies! Consisting of... Ruby!
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| Ruby
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Ruby!
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| Ruby (Navy)
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Ruby!
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| Ruby (Army)
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*quickly* Ruby!
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| Ruby (Eyeball)
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Ruby.
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| Ruby (Leggy)
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And Ruby!
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| Steven
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Here's the rules of the game. We take turns throwing the ball at each other. The batter tries to hit the ball with the bat, and then they run around the bases. Whoever gets the most runs wins.
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| (Transition to when the game is starting. Ruby is the batter, Steven is the pitcher, Amethyst is the catcher, Sapphire is at first base, Lapis is at second base, and Pearl is at third base. Ruby puts on a cap, readies her bat, and winks at Steven. Steven winks back and throws the ball.)
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| Steven
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(Narrating the rules) You get three tries to hit the ball. (Ruby misses the ball on purpose) If you miss...
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| Amethyst
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Striiiike one!
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| Ruby (Army)
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What?!
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| (Steven tosses the ball again.)
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| Amethyst
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Striiike two!
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| (Steven tosses the ball again, and Ruby misses again.)
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| Amethyst
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Strike three!
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| Steven
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(Narrating the rules) Three strikes, and you're out!
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| Ruby
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(Acting) Oh, darn! Guess I'm out.
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| (Sapphire waves at her, and Ruby blushes. Ruby (Army) punches her in the back.)
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| Ruby (Army)
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You swung too slow! (Picks up the bat) Do it like this.
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| (Steven throws the ball and Ruby (Army) hits it so hard that it flies across the fields.)
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| Steven
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And that's called a "home run."
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| Steven
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(Narrating the rules) If the ball gets caught (Pearl efficiently catches a ball hit by Ruby (Navy)), you're out. And if you get tagged (Steven catches the ball and tags Ruby (Eyeball) and she gets angry), you're out! Uhhhh, (Steven quickly says) and after three outs we switch sides!
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| (Amethyst is batting while chewing gum and Ruby (Doc) is pitching. Once her bubble pops, Amethyst hits the ball and it goes flying out of the field. She then spin dashes around the bases and slides into home plate in a pose.)
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| Pearl
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(Enthusiastically) Nice!
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| Ruby (Leggy)
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Wow! That purple human is really good!
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| Steven
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Hahahaha. Us humans, we're full of surprises. (Whispers while pushing Amethyst offscreen) Amethyst be careful.
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| (Sapphire runs into the field as the batter)
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| Sapphire
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Heeeeey Ruby (Giggles.)
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| (Ruby (Doc) pitches and Sapphire misses it.)
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| Ruby (Doc)
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Strike ONE!!
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| Ruby
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Haven't I seen you somewhere before?
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| Sapphire
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I don't know. I don't get off planet much. (Both Sapphire and Ruby start laughing.)
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| (The Gems look at Ruby and Sapphire as they pay more attention to each other than concentrating on the game.)
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| Ruby (Doc)
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Strike TWO!!
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| Steven
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What's going on? What are they doing?
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| (Lapis comes from the back.)
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| Lapis
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(Monotone) Flirting.
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| Pearl
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(Somewhat worried tone) Uh-oh...
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| Ruby (Doc)
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Strike THREE!!
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| Ruby and Sapphire
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Uhhhh... (Sapphire and Ruby look at the Gems with embarrassment and Lapis gives a thumbs up.)
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| (Ruby (Eyeball) is the batter now and hits the ball so that Lapis just moves a little to the left and catches it. Ruby (Doc) is at third base yelling at Ruby who is more distracted by Sapphire and ceases to concentrate on the plan. Sapphire cheers as Ruby accidently hits the ball allowing Ruby (Doc) to score.)
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| Steven
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(Whispers) What?
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| Ruby (Army)
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(Because of Ruby's hit, the Rubies gather around Ruby in excitement) YEAHH!! (Ruby (Army) flexes on the field showing her happiness.)
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| (Montage of Pearl, Steven, and Amethyst as batters begin. During Lapis' at-bat, she holds her bat over the plate, letting the pitch bounce off it. She walks to first base as the Rubies rush toward the home plate and dive on top of the ball. Another point is shown where Sapphire is at the Rubies' bench chatting with Ruby; Steven drags her away. The Gems continue playing while Ruby and Sapphire continue flirting with each other.)
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| Peridot
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(Steven runs to the Barn for another bat after one of the Rubies unintentionally shatters the last one) Hey, how's it going? Are we winning?
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| Steven
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Ummm.....(Steven looks at Ruby giving Sapphire instructions on how to hit the ball)
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| Ruby
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(Ruby says to Sapphire) Now, what you want to do is lead with your hips. (Sapphire swings the bat) Yeah. That's pretty good. Let me show you again.
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| Steven
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Well, haha... (Steven hesitates) We're doing just fine. Everything's gonna be A-Okay. (Steven walks to the field nervously.)
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| Peridot
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You're lying to me!
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| Steven
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To make you feel better!
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| Peridot
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Thank you!
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| (The scoreboard shows the Rubies have 7 as their score and the Humans have 6.)
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| Steven
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(Steven is with the Gems and discusses the issue) Alright, it's the bottom of the ninth. We've got Lapis on second, but one more out and the game's over for us. We need to hit a home run. (The Gems see Sapphire at bat.)
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| Steven
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Wait! I call a timeout! Listen, you two (Steven comes in between Sapphire and Ruby), I know it's hard being separated, but we have to keep them out of the barn or they're gonna find Peridot. Remember?! Ruby, stop being cute, and Sapphire, keep your eye on the ball!
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| Ruby
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Pun...intended?
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| Steven
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(Snaps fingers and points at Ruby) What did I just say?
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| Ruby (Doc)
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Hmmm, Ughh (Ruby (Doc) throws the ball at Sapphire.)
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| (Sapphire swings the bat but misses the hit.)
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| Ruby (Doc)
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Strike one!
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| (The Crystal Gems look worried as the Rubies stay confident.)
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| Ruby
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Come on, I know you can do it. (Ruby raises Sapphire's hopes and determination.)
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| Sapphire
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Hmmmm....
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| (Sapphire fails to hit the ball again.)
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| Ruby (Doc)
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Strike two!
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| Ruby
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Just look at the ball.
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| Sapphire
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I'm trying, but all I want to look at is you.
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| Ruby
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Don't worry, you can look at me when you're running for home. (Sapphire becomes happy and concentrates on the goal.)
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| (Sapphire and Ruby (Doc) get ready. Ruby (Doc) lights the ball on fire and throws it really fast towards Sapphire.
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| Sapphire
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URRR, UGHHHH!!! (Sapphire swings the bat with determination.)
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| (When the ball touches the bat, Sapphire stands her ground and freezes the bat, withstanding force from the ball and rebounding it to give a glorious home run. The Crystal Gems celebrate as Sapphire runs around the bases while Lapis walks casually.)
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| Steven
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YEAH!
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| (Ruby and Lapis high five, Ruby (Army) throws her mitt in fury. Sapphire continues to run towards Ruby.)
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| Ruby
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Come to ME! (Both laugh and Sapphire jumps towards Ruby.)
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| (Ruby and Sapphire accidently fuse.)
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| Garnet
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Hahaha...Ha...whoops....
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| Ruby (Doc)
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They're Gems!
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| Ruby (Army)
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We've been tricked!
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| Ruby (Navy)
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What a turn of events.
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| Ruby (Eyeball)
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(Growls)
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| Ruby (Leggy)
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Huh? W-what? (Ruby (Leggy) seems confused about the current situation.)
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| Garnet
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(Gets up and joins the Gems) Sorry, guys. Game is over.
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| Ruby (Doc)
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THAT'S IT! (All the Rubies join together) RUBIES...COMBINE!
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| (The Rubies fuse to form a giant, stronger Ruby.)
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| Ruby (quintuple fusion)
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RAAAAAAAH!
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| Peridot
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Wait!! Oooh, wait! Stop! Don't hurt them! (Peridot falls to her face and then falls again. She pants excessively as she runs in front of the Gems) Wait. Oh, please, please! It's me you're after right? I'm not gonna stand by and let my friends fight my battles!
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| Steven
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Awww, Peri loves us!
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| Ruby (quintuple fusion)
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Are you the Peridot assigned to the failed Earth mission?
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| Peridot
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Not sure if "failed" would be the right word to-
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| Ruby (quintuple fusion)
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Where is Jasper?
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| Peridot
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You're looking for...Jasper?
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| Ruby (quintuple fusion)
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Correct.
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| Peridot
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Wait, but I'm the one who betrayed the mission, who called Yellow Diamond a clod, the new leader of the Crystal Gems?
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| Pearl
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What?
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| Ruby (quintuple fusion)
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Tell us where Jasper is NOW!
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| Peridot
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Jasper-umm, we know where Jasper is.
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| (Peridot looks at Pearl who shakes her head.)
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| Ruby (quintuple fusion)
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WELL?!
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| Peridot
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Uhhhh....
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| Steven
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Neptune! She's on the planet Neptune!
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| (Everyone is silent.)
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| Ruby (quintuple fusion)
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Well, why didn't you say so?
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| (Steven exhales in relief. The Rubies unfuse.)
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| Ruby (Doc)
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We all here? One, two, three, four, and...ha! (Ruby (Doc) points to herself) Five. To the planet Neptune!
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| Ruby (Army)
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Let's move out, soldiers!
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| Ruby (Navy)
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What a lovely-sounding planet.
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| Ruby (Leggy)
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But we just...got here.
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| (Ruby (Doc) drags Ruby (Leggy) to the ship.)
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| Ruby (Doc)
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Let's go, newbie!
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| Ruby (Eyeball)
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(In a strained voice) Thank you.
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| (The Rubies go inside their ship; a small black cloud appears above it, and the ship warps away.)
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| Amethyst
|
Man, Rubies are dumb.
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| Garnet
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(Star iris closes in on Garnet's face and she smiles) Not all of them.
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| [Episode Ends]
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