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This is a transcribed copy of "House Guest". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
Previous: "Ocean Gem" Next: "Space Race"
Speaker Dialogue
[Open Ext. It's a Wash!]
(Pearl is examining Greg's broken van, while Garnet and Amethyst lean nearby against the building.)
Pearl *looking at the engine of the van* Wow. Those water constructs really did a number on Greg's van. Hmm... *looks at a broken tube*
Amethyst Ah, give it a rest, Pearl. That thing will be busted forever.
Pearl I completely disagree. It's just a simple human machine. I'm sure that I can figure this whole thing out before you know it!
Steven Hey guys!
(Steven walks in, as Greg scoots over on a movable chair with a hockey stick, carrying a toolbox.)
Greg Zoop! I got something that will patch this van up real good! *looks inside the toolbox*
Pearl *gasps* Is it some kind of complex human tool?
Greg Yup, high-quality duct tape! *shows Pearl a roll of duct tape* Some well placed duct tape can patch anything up in a pinch, see? *points to his broken leg, with a ruler duct-taped to it*
Pearl I'm sure that I can fix this without your "tape".
Greg Well, gee, at least let me give you a hand. *struggles to stand up*
Steven Ah! Dad, be careful! (Greg fails to stand, and he sighs.) I'm sorry that you hurt your leg and that your van got smashed up because of me.
Greg *pats his head* You apologize too much. Maybe I shouldn't have tagged along in that crazy adventure. But at least I got to spend some time with my fave guy!
Steven What if you stayed with us until you got better?
Greg Hey, that's a great idea! But, won't I get in the way of your training-
Pearl *quickly interrupts* Yes!
Amethyst Wait, Steven. Don't you have healing powers now?
Pearl *smiles nervously* Oh, right, yes! You fix Greg, I'll fix the van. *mumbles under her breath* Nobody has to live with us.
Steven *gasp* Yeah! Mm-hmm! Here goes something new and exciting. *licks his hand* And... go! *pats his saliva-covered hand on Greg's broken leg* Okay, you should be better now.
Greg Okay, if you say so. *tries to stand up, but fails again*
Steven Why didn't it work?
Greg Hey, sorry, buddy. Maybe you just need a little more practice.
Steven But... I was doing so well before!
Pearl Steven, don't worry about it. Your powers are a bit fickle, after all.
Garnet Just give it a bit more time.
Greg Cheer up, Steven! At least now we get to spend some more time together, right?
Steven Y-Yeah, right.
Garnet Hmm...
Pearl Garnet, can you give me a hand?
(Garnet lifts the front of Greg's van up, and the engine of the van falls right through it, startling Steven and Greg.)
Steven *surprised* Ahh!
[Trans. Beach House]
(Steven and Greg throw some confetti in the air as they begin to engage in some father-and-son quality time, such as cooking breakfast, watching videos on Steven's Phone, Steven washing Greg clean after he spilled soda on himself, and singing "Dear Old Dad" together. After the song, Steven, Greg, and Amethyst are seen making paper airplanes in the living room.)
Amethyst Bombs away!
(Amethyst throws her paper airplane in the air and it hits Greg on the nose. The three start to laugh and when Pearl enters from outside, covered in oil from repairing Greg's van. She drops Greg's toolbox and wipes herself clean up, when Garnet appears as well.)
Garnet You're back. The Geode is cracked, we must leave immediately.
Pearl What?!
Amethyst Oh, no!
(Pearl and Amethyst rushes towards the Warp Pad.)
Garnet You too, Steven.
Steven *stands up excitedly* Yeah!
Greg Aw, really?
Steven Oh! Oh yeah.
Greg *frowns* It's okay, Steven, I'll be fine. You go on your mission.
Steven Are you sure?
Greg Of course.
Steven Thanks, Dad! We'll be back before you know it! *runs to the warp pad*
Greg Okay. Don't worry about your old man. My leg's not getting any more broken. If I need something, I'll just... crawl. *gets teary* My arms are still not... broken.
Amethyst Oh, brother.
(The Crystal Gems gets off the warp pad and walk towards Greg.)
Pearl Now, Greg, there's no need to be so pathetic. If anything happens to you, you can call us with this. *Pearl pulls out a small flute and hands it to Greg*
Greg *gasps* What is it?
Garnet It's a Warp Whistle.
Greg *in awe* Warp Whistle...
Garnet If you blow in it, the warp pad will activate and will alert us that we need to return.
Steven See, Dad? You'll be fine.
Greg *sighs* Right, I'll be fine. Good luck on your mission, son.
[Trans. Ent. Geode]
(The Crystal Gem warp and arrive at the warp pad outside the Geode, as a lightning storm is brewing over.)
Amethyst Man, this place is janked up.
Steven Wow. Was there an explosion or something?
Garnet *walks ahead* Almost.
Pearl What you're looking at is a synthetic storm that was contained in—
(A whistling sound is heard out of nowhere, interrupting Pearl's explanation.)
Amethyst Is that the Warp Whistle?
Steven Ah! Dad needs me, I'll be right back! *warps back to the Beach house* Dad! I'm here! Is everything...?
Greg Oh, hey, Steven! Just making sure that this thing actually works. Heh.
Steven Okay, we'll be back later! *warps back to the Geode* Sorry for the holdup!
Pearl Is everything okay?
Amethyst Hey, did Greg fall down and break his butt? Ha ha!
Garnet That's not funny.
Amethyst *looks down sadly* I know.
Pearl Like I was saying, this is a synthetic—
(The Warp Whistle is heard for the second time, interrupting Pearl again.)
Steven I'm sure it's very important. *warps back to the Beach house* Dad?
Greg *scratches back of his head* I'm really sorry, but where's the remote?
Steven That's actually... a very important question.
(Steven warps back to the Geode after helping Greg out.)
Steven It was very important.
Pearl Okay, so if the Geode breaks, then the storm will be unleashed and our bodies will be vaporized. *points at the Geode, which is absorbing the lightning**
Steven Then... we'd be dead.
Garnet That's where you come in. *turns to Steven*
Steven Say what?
Garnet You should try and seal that crack with your healing powers.
Steven But... what if... I can't do it?
Garnet It won't hurt to try.
Steven Okay.
(Steven walks toward the Geode, still doubting his power, when he sees the Gems silently cheering him on. He then begins to attempt healing the Geode with a palm covered in his saliva, but nothing happens. He begins to strain himself as the Gems watch in worry.)
Steven IT'S NOT WORKING! Ugh... I knew this would happen. Just when I thought I was getting better.
Garnet Don't beat yourself up, Steven.
Amethyst Yeah, don't worry about it!
Pearl We'll find another way!
Steven Eh. You don't understand. How am I supposed to call myself a Crystal Gem, if I can't even—
(The Warp Whistle suddenly sounds again for the third time, this time interrupting Steven. All the Crystal Gems decide to warp back to the Beach House.)
Steven Dad? Dad?! Daaad! *runs up to his bedroom and see Greg lying in front of his TV* Dad! Are you okay? Answer me!
Greg *suddenly wakes up* Steven! You just missed... the funniest commercial.
Steven ... What?
Greg *laughs* It was that one for the dog treats where the dog's dressed up like a doctor. If I ever get heartworms, I'm eating those dog treats.
Steven Dad! You're only supposed to use the Warp Whistle for emergencies. Like if you fell down and broke your butt!
Greg Ah, haha, yeah... Sorry about that.
Steven *sigh* It's okay.
Greg Since you're here, mind grabbing me a snack from the Big Donut?
Steven Yeah, sure thing. *climbs down the steps and turns to the Gems* I'll be right back guys.
Garnet We'll be in the temple. *walks off*
Pearl We have to come up with another plan, quick.
Amethyst Yo, dude, no worries about earlier. You'll get a hold of your powers before ya know it! *holds a thumbs-up to Steven*
Steven Thanks, Amethyst!
Amethyst Get me a croissant. *walks towards the temple*
Steven *exits the house* Ah, I forgot to ask Dad what kind of donuts he wants. Ugh... *goes back inside* Hey, Dad, I—
(Steven is alarmed to find Greg at the fridge, searching for food and dancing on his "broken" leg.)
Greg Olé! *notices Steven* Steven! *drops all the food he is carrying* Ha, you had me scared there, son. Didn't see you... standing in the doorway. Your old man's still got it!
(Steven angrily glares at Greg.)
Greg What, this? I guess I couldn't wait for those donuts.
(Steven crosses his arms, and Greg realizes that Steven is referring to his "broken" leg.)
Greg Uhh. Oh yeah... *pretends that his leg still hurts* Ugh... Ouch... Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! *rolls on the floor*
Steven Just stop, Dad. I get what's going on. Your leg isn't broken at all, is it?
Greg It was broken, but you healed it back at the car wash.
Steven You lied to me! Now I can't do it anymore!
Greg What?
Steven The Gems needed me to fix the broken rock, but my healing powers aren't working. It-it's because of you, you messed with my head!
Greg No! I didn't mean to... I just wanted to live with my son again!
Steven I really thought I was getting better, I finally felt like a Crystal Gem. Now, what if I can't do... anything? *tears up*
Greg Steven, don't beat yourself up! This is my fault!
Steven Yeah! Yeah it is! *runs outside the house* Ughh! What am I going to do? My powers, they're— *sees his ukulele and Greg's guitar nearby, remembers the times they had together, and walks back inside* I'm sorry, I... *gasps* Dad!
(Steven sees Greg standing on the warp pad, with the Warp Whistle and his toolbox.)
Greg It's time for me to fix the trouble I've caused.
Steven Nooooo!
(Greg blows into the Warp Whistle, activating the warp pad, and warps away. Steven quickly jumps into the warp stream, and both of them warp to the Geode.)
Steven Dad, be careful!
Greg Don't worry, Steven! Your old man's gonna- Whoa! *trips and falls down the crater*
Steven Daaad! *catches up to Greg* Are you okay?
(The lightning storm begin to worsen, as the Geode is unable to contain the storm any longer, generating strong winds and striking lightning everywhere.)
Greg Steven, get out of here! I'm responsible for this!
Steven No, you're not.
Greg But, I messed up your powers! I did everything I'm not supposed to do, and now you can't heal!
Steven I healed you, right?
Greg Hey, get in there and patch things up, just like you patched up your old man!
Steven *runs up to the Geode* Double... healing... powers! *licks both his hands and pats them on the Geode, but still nothing happens* It's still not working!
Greg Ah, forget it! I've got another idea!
(Greg spread a strip of duct tape over the crack in the Geode, sealing it up. The lightning storm quickly calms and subsides.)
Greg There, see, as good as new!
[Trans. Ext. Temple]
(The Crystal Gems and Greg are gathered on the beach. Greg is admiring his now-repaired van in awe, looking almost brand new, while Pearl reads a checklist of repairs she performed on the van.)
Greg No way.
Pearl So, I've realigned the axles...
Greg I can't believe it!
Pearl *continued* ...replaced the spark plugs...
Greg It's never looked this good!
Pearl *still continued* ...sealed the leaks in the intake manifold gaskets, and recalibrated the timing belt. As long as you ease up on second gear, your transmission should be fine.
Greg Pearl! I can't thank you enough! Haha!
(Greg hugs Pearl tightly, as she reacts in disgust. After Greg releases Pearl, she shivers and crawls backwards, hiding behind Garnet.)
Greg So, now that I'm feeling better, it's about time that I move back home. Can't have me messing up more magic stuff.(Steven walks over and hugs Greg.) Just in case you have trouble again... *hands over the roll of duct tape to Steven*
[Trans. Int. Beach House]
(Steven heads to bed for the night, with the roll of duct tape on the nightstand next to him.)
Steven Good night, Dad!
Greg Good night, Steven!
[Trans. Ext. Beach House]
(Greg's van is parked on the beach just outside the Beach House, as Greg also turns in for the night. Two heart irises, instead of stars, zoom in on the Beach House and Greg's van, ending the episode.)

ve Transcripts
Pilot Pilot
Season 1 A: Gem GlowLaser Light CannonCheeseburger BackpackTogether BreakfastFryboCat FingersBubble BuddiesSerious StevenTiger MillionaireSteven's LionArcade ManiaGiant WomanSo Many BirthdaysLars and the Cool KidsOnion TradeSteven the Sword FighterLion 2: The MovieBeach PartyRose's RoomCoach StevenJoking VictimSteven and the StevensMonster BuddiesAn Indirect KissMirror Gem/Ocean Gem

B: House GuestSpace RaceSecret TeamIsland AdventureKeep Beach City WeirdFusion CuisineGarnet's UniverseWatermelon StevenLion 3: Straight to VideoWarp TourAlone TogetherThe TestFuture VisionOn the RunHorror ClubWinter ForecastMaximum CapacityMarble MadnessRose's ScabbardOpen BookShirt ClubStory for StevenThe MessagePolitical PowerThe Return/Jail Break

Season 2 Full DisclosureJoy RideSay UncleLove LettersReformedSworn to the SwordRising Tides, Crashing SkiesKeeping It TogetherWe Need to TalkChille TidCry for HelpKeystone MotelOnion FriendHistorical FrictionFriend ShipNightmare HospitalSadie's SongCatch and ReleaseWhen It RainsBack to the BarnToo FarThe AnswerSteven's BirthdayIt Could've Been GreatMessage ReceivedLog Date 7 15 2
Season 3 Super Watermelon Island/Gem DrillSame Old WorldBarn MatesHit the DiamondSteven FloatsDrop Beat DadMr. GregToo Short to RideThe New LarsBeach City DriftRestaurant WarsKiki's Pizza Delivery ServiceMonster ReunionAlone at SeaGreg the BabysitterGem HuntCrack the WhipSteven vs. AmethystBismuthBetaEarthlingsBack to the MoonBubbled
Season 4 The Kindergarten KidKnow Your FusionBuddy's BookMindful EducationFuture Boy ZoltronLast One Out of Beach CityOnion GangGem HarvestThree Gems and a BabySteven's DreamAdventures in Light DistortionGem HeistThe ZooThat Will Be AllThe New Crystal GemsStorm in the RoomRocknaldoTiger PhilanthropistRoom for RubyLion 4: Alternate EndingDoug OutThe Good LarsAre You My Dad?I Am My Mom
Season 5 Stuck TogetherThe TrialOff ColorsLars' HeadDewey WinsGemcationRaising the BarnBack to the KindergartenSadie KillerKevin PartyLars of the StarsJungle MoonYour Mother and MineThe Big ShowPool HoppingLetters to LarsCan't Go BackA Single Pale RoseNow We're Only Falling ApartWhat's Your Problem?The QuestionMade of HonorReunitedLegs From Here to HomeworldFamiliarTogether AloneEscapismChange Your Mind
Film Steven Universe: The Movie
Future Little HomeschoolGuidanceRose BudsVolleyballBluebirdA Very Special EpisodeSnow DayWhy So Blue?Little GraduationPrickly PairIn DreamsBismuth CasualTogether ForeverGrowing PainsMr. UniverseFragmentsHomeworld BoundEverything's FineI Am My MonsterThe Future
Shorts Lion Loves to Fit in a BoxThe Classroom Gems: What Are Gems?We Are the Crystal GemsThe Classroom Gems: How Are Gems Made?UnboxingThe Classroom Gems: FusionCooking with LionGem KaraokeSteven ReactsVideo ChatSteven's Song Time
Other We Deserve to ShineCrossover Nexus