Yes, it is! Yes, you hurt him, but this isn't the time to make this all about you! That is not helping! Maybe Steven would care how sad you are because he always puts everyone else's feelings first. But he can't do that for you right now, because... he needs us this time. We all had Steven when we needed him, but the only person who's never had Steven is Steven. He's always been there for us, so... how can we be there for him now?
"I Am My Monster" is the 19th episode of Steven Universe Future and the 19th episode overall. It is the penultimate episode of the Steven Universe franchise and part 3 of the four-part series finale of Steven Universe Future.
Everything is not fine.
The episode begins with Sour Cream and Yellowtail listening to music, Vidalia painting while Onion sits in a trash can, Bismuth and Peridot cleaning up the damage in Little Homeworld from "Everything's Fine", and Bill Dewey and Buck walking when they all begin to feel the ground shake. Everyone turns and notices a giant pink monster looming over them and roaring. Noticing that it is on the beach, Bismuth, Lapis, and Peridot warp over to the Beach House and announce that reinforcements have arrived but are confused when they see the entire front wall demolished.
As they walk outside, they see Connie, Greg, and the Crystal Gems trying to reach out to the monster. Joining their friends, Peridot announces that they are ready to fight, but Garnet declines this, confusing them. Lapis notices that Steven isn't there, and Garnet says to them, "That is Steven.", to their horror. Steven bashes his head against the cliff of the temple, causing a small rockslide. As the group runs out of the way, Amethyst explains that they can't get him to listen, while Pearl is confused about what has happened to him. As Connie questions if they can change him back to normal, Garnet claims that as long as Steven thinks he's a monster, he will stay one.
Steven begins to move toward Beach City, with Bismuth noting that they have to keep him away from town. Garnet tells Connie to try and keep the citizens safe, telling Bismuth, Lapis, and Peridot to try and lure him to sea; she then fuses with Pearl and Amethyst, forming Alexandrite.
As Steven tries to climb over the lighthouse and towards Beach City, Alexandrite jumps on him and covers his eyes. In response, Steven begins to move and squirm around, bashing Alexandrite between him and the hill, forcing her to unfuse. Peridot uses her powers to move her and Bismuth through the air and hit Steven, getting his attention; Peridot immediately apologizes, and Steven jumps out to the ocean to attack them. With him now in the water, Lapis forms a whirlpool and launches some water chains to restrain Steven, keeping him from moving any further.
Lapis informs the team that she can't hold him for long. As the group looks on, Amethyst questions what to do next, with Pearl adding that they can't leave him as a giant monster, and Garnet stating that they must reach him and bring him out. Amethyst remarks in frustration that Steven would have done the best job at doing the latter. They then see the Diamond Ship landing beside them, while the Diamonds and Spinel ask if this is a bad time. Spinel exits the ship with Steven's flip-flop in hand, saying he forgot it and is blown away as she notices the monster in the ocean. As the Diamonds follow her and notice Steven themselves, White states that something bad is always happening whenever they visit Earth. When Blue Diamond asks what the monster is, Garnet informs them, to their shock, that it is Steven. Blue wonders if Steven is corrupted, and Yellow wonders how that could have happened, but Garnet tells them that the important thing is changing Steven back.
Yellow attempts to use her powers to try and revert Steven's physical form to his normal self, but this proves to be ineffective. Despite shrinking his head, it immediately reverts to full size before Yellow ceases attempting to return his form. Blue uses her clouds of joy in the hopes of calming him, but Steven forces the cloud directly towards Yellow and Spinel, causing them to burst out laughing in regards to Blue's failed attempt at curing Steven.
White then insists that she can help Steven and understand what he's going through if she can connect with him. Using her power to try and get through to Steven, he proves to be far too powerful for her to handle, and so she too fails. With a scream, she collapses as Yellow and Blue catch her, at which point she exclaims that the monster is no longer Steven. Lapis struggles even more with restraining Steven, and as his eyes and spikes glow, he lets out a furious roar that pushes everyone back and breaks the water chains holding him. This predicament goes so far as to force Garnet to unfuse.
As Steven walks towards them, the Cluster's hand emerges from the cracks in the earth caused by Steven, preventing him from coming closer to everyone else. Despite the Cluster's strength, Peridot realizes that Steven is stronger than the Cluster and will overpower it soon. Pearl says that despite the "monster" he is, Steven is still in there and must be feeling very angry at himself and everything that's happened around him.
Amethyst regrets that she wasn't there to help Steven when he needed it, whereas Ruby and Sapphire cry over the thought of him staying a monster permanently if they can't get through to him. Amethyst tells Greg that he needs to leave and get somewhere safe. Greg refuses, however, as he claims despite this being a Gem-centered problem, which he has always run from, Steven is still his son; he feels that he neglected him by not protecting him from all the trauma he experienced. Spinel and the Diamonds all burst out in tears at the hand they played in Steven's trauma, with Blue and Yellow initially taking blame only for White to argue with Spinel about who should be more at fault for Steven's mental breakdown. Spinel laments that she wanted him to die alone after wiping his powers and his friends' memories, while White Diamond notes that she neglected and abused not only Steven and Pink Diamond but all the gems in the galaxy.
Suddenly, Connie replies that while it is their fault, grieving and self-blame will not solve the problem. She points out that Steven has always put everyone's feelings before his own, and that they've had him around when they needed him, and Connie says that this time, he needs them. This motivates Ruby and Sapphire to fuse into Garnet once again, and she devises a plan to get Steven back to normal.
Steven overpowers the Cluster, sending it back into the Earth's core. Here, Garnet sets her plan into action by having Yellow make her the same size as him as Blue lifts up everyone on her clouds. The group rushes at Steven as he makes a break for shore. Garnet leaps towards Steven, giving him a hug and explaining calmly she wants to help him as he struggles to escape her arms, and he finally comes to a stop. Everyone hugs him and shares their feelings about all that he's done for them and how they can understand different facets of what he feels, wishing to help him overcome these problems. Even the Cluster grabs his hand, showing that they care for him too.
Connie comes up to him last, stating that she understands everything he went through and how he was scared to show his more negative side to those close to him. She reassures that everyone will always be with him, as he was always there for them. As she notes she doesn't have his healing powers, she kisses him to comfort him as the scene cuts to black, a pink droplet punctuating the darkness. The scene then illuminates to show pink drops falling into the ocean as Steven cries from everyone's touching words and unconditional love for him. His tears start to glow, followed by the rest of him as he starts to transform back.
As the scene fades to white, Steven has fully returned to normal. He wakes up, covered in a sheet, to find all of his friends and family standing over him, everybody standing on the Cluster's open hand and happy to have him back to normal. Steven starts to remorsefully tear up over the trouble he has caused at first, but then Lion licks him in comfort. This causes Steven to feel a little better, and he finally lets out his emotions, sobbing as he clings to Lion.
- Steven Universe
- Connie Maheswaran
- Greg Universe
- Lapis Lazuli
- Yellow Diamond
- Blue Diamond
- White Diamond
- The Cluster
- Alexandrite (non-speaking)
- Angel Aura Quartz (non-speaking)
- Larimar (non-speaking)
- Lace Amethyst (non-speaking)
- Buck Dewey (non-speaking)
- Bill Dewey (non-speaking)
- Sour Cream (non-speaking)
- Yellowtail (non-speaking)
- Vidalia (non-speaking)
- Onion (non-speaking)
- Pink Diamond (mentioned)
- The episode's title is a reference to the episode "I Am My Mom".
- This is the third episode with "monster" in the title, after "Monster Buddies" and "Monster Reunion".
- This is the only episode to take place outside Steven's point of view without someone telling him the events that happen.
- This is the first time that Lapis was seen willingly crying, as opposed to when she was exposed to Blue Diamond's radiated pathokinesis in "Reunited".
- Spinel's lack of Earth knowledge is shown as she doesn't know what a flip-flop is.
- When everyone is hugging and embracing Steven, Bismuth's distorted kick drum plays as she leaps onto him. Spinel's distorted vinyl sound plays when she leaps in as well.
- Ruby is the only character out of the main cast to not have any actual lines in this episode, only sobbing briefly before eventually re-fusing into Garnet.
- Steven's monster form is most likely a reference to Godzilla.
- Steven's monster form may also be a reference to the Great Ape (Oozaru) forms of Goku, Gohan, and Vegeta from the Dragon Ball franchise. The creature even has a similar roar to the Oozaru.
- He also resembles a Deathclaw from the Fallout video game series.
- Connie kissing Steven reverting him back to his human form is a reference to The Castle Beyond The Looking Glass where Kagome kisses Inuyasha to bring him back from his full demon state.
- The drop of tear in black screen to water appears is a reference to "Miroku's Most Dangerous Confession" that Sango crying that she be married to Miroku.
- The episode takes place immediately after "Everything's Fine".
- Garnet's line "It's time to show Steven... some love." may be a reference to her song "True Kinda Love".
- An instrumental version of the song can be heard in the background when Connie is giving her speech.
- Garnet's line "I'm here. I'm here." may be a reference to her song "Here Comes a Thought".
- The Cluster makes its first appearance since "Reunited".
- Peridot is shown to control Bismuth's armor again, the first time being in "Change Your Mind".
- Spinel, crying over Steven's condition, laments wiping his friend's memories and trying to destroy Earth during Steven Universe: The Movie.
- White Diamond, who is crying for the same reasons, laments how Spinel was angry over Pink. She herself also laments how she hurt Pink as well as Yellow, Blue, and Steven along with everyone else before and during the events of "Change Your Mind".
- Connie uses her voice to encourage everyone as she did in "The New Crystal Gems".
- During the group hug, there are several callbacks to previous episodes:
- Garnet mentions how she fell apart in "Jail Break", "Keystone Motel", and the events of the "Heart of the Crystal Gems" arc.
- Peridot mentions that Steven never gave up on her from "Catch and Release" through "Message Received".
- Amethyst mentions how she never loved herself, but Steven showed her that it's possible, referencing "On the Run", "Reformed", "Steven vs. Amethyst" and "Earthlings".
- Pearl mentions that she knows what it's like to keep part of yourself secret, referencing "Rose's Scabbard" and "A Single Pale Rose".
- Steven's monstrous transformation and the feelings he felt parallel most of these issues his friends had over the course of the original series, which he helped them overcome.
- Sour Cream's phone isn't colored in.
- When Lapis says "Sorry, buddy, I need you to stay here." before pushing Steven back with water, no Gems are visible on the land next to the Diamond Mech despite previously being there in the shot before.
- When Yellow and Blue Diamond are helping White up after she tries to help Steven, part of Blue's left sleeve isn't drawn or colored in.
View the episode's transcript here.