| Speaker
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Dialogue
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| [Open Ext. Beach City]
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| (Steven enters at Beach City, noticing flashing lights coming from inside his house.)
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| Steven
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*gasps* All right! Now that I've saved the universe... I can finally party!
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| (Steven runs to his house and sees everyone... Rhodonite, Padparadscha, Rutile Twins, Fluorite, and Lars Barriga. Including Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, and Connie Maheswaran... even Onion. Steven is eager to join the party as he begins to open his door, but it disappears.)
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| Steven
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Huh? *banging* Hey, guys! What's the deal?! Let me in!
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| Cookie Cat
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*deep voice; echos* Steven. No one needs your help, so why are you still here?
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| Steven
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What?? (Steven falls off of his house as he screams.)
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| [Trans. Int. Beach House]
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| Steven
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*gasps; wakes up heavily* Why do I keep having these horrible dreams?
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| ???
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(from afar) STEVEN!
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| Steven
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Peridot?
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| (Steven opens the door, letting Peridot in.)
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| Peridot
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STEVEN, STEVEN, STEVEN, STEVEN, STEVEN!!!~ Today is the day! Did you tape it?
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| Steven
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What are you talking about?
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| Peridot
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You promised me!
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| Steven
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Oh, are you talking about the reboot of the classic great northern teen drama Camp Pining Hearts that I recorded... on this tape?
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| Peridot
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*gasps* AAAAAH!
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| Steven & Peridot
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The return of Camp Pining Hearts!
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| [Trans. Int. Steven's Room]
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| Steven
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You know, I'm so glad you're here. I've been having some weird dreams lately-
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| Peridot
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*covers Steven's mouth* Shh! That's great, now press play you monster!
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| (Camp Pining Hearts song plays. "Starring, Olivia Bouchard, Jasmine", and "Starring, Victor Tourtiére, Rodrigo".)
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| Rodrigo
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Oh, Jasmine, I wish you would fly into my arms, *voice fades* but every time...
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| (Later that day.)
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| Steven
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Wha- *to Peridot* What-
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| Steven & Peridot
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*shouting off screen* WHAT HAVE THEY DONE?!?!
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| (Steven and Peridot appear on screen.)
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| Peridot
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What is with this Rodrigo guy!? He has no charisma!
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| Steven
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And can we talk about this cinematography?
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| Peridot
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GAHHHH! They've changed all the characters, and I don't care about any of them! *lifts up the television dramatically, slamming it on the ground* How could you do this to me?! *leaning over the TV, sobbing* Camp Pining Hearts helped me escape when everything around me was in chaos.
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| Steven
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CPH brought us together.
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| Peridot
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And now... LOOK AT THIS NIGHTMARE! (The television starts his dream.) Steven! You didn't tell me that they cast you!
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| Steven
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What?! They didn't. I-Is this... my dream from last night?
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| (In television, Steven falls off of his house. The television starts Camp Pining Hearts again.)
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| Steven
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Whoa! My- My powers must be interfering with the TV signal!
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| Peridot
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Steven! Do you know what this means?!
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| Steven
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I have to start wearing a tinfoil hat?
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| Peridot
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NO! It means that if we can put YOUR dreams on the television, we can reboot the reboot!
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| Steven
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Reboot the- Peridot, you're a genius!
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| Peridot
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I know.
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| Steven
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And, well, it might be fun to fix something that isn't the entire universe. (Peridot grabs Steven.)
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| Peridot
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This is going to be the beginning of Peridot and Steven productions!
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| Steven
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Yeah! *falls off*
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| [Trans. Int. Beach House]
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| Steven
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So, Peridot, do you think Jasmine's end game is Khaz or Rodrigo?
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| Peridot
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The writers are clearly trying to railroad us into a "Jasdrigo" partnership, but- Gah! These characters have no chemistry!
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| Steven
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Just can't get into Rodrigo, can you?
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| Peridot
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He's SO infuriatingly passive!
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| Steven
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Hey! Hey! I get that his social anxiety and poutine allergy aren't really connected to the larger story, but maybe if he just had some kind of foil?
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| Peridot
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A foil. Interesting.
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| Steven
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I got it! *drawing* A hunky lifeguard friend with nice muscles and everyone always wants to hang out with him. Despite the blessing and curse of his popularity, he still makes time to help buddy Rodrigo with his confidence!
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| (Peridot takes a look at Steven's drawing of "Stefan".)
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| Peridot
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Bold. I like it! Good work, Stefan!
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| [Trans. Int. Steven's Room at night time]
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| Peridot
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...And why are you eating right at bedtime?
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| Steven
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Oh, this chili? *gulp* I read that eating spicy foods before bed makes your dreams super vivid.
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| Peridot
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Huh, I appreciate your initiative.
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| Steven
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Huh, thanks.
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| Peridot
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Just don't forget. *whispers to Steven's ear* Action-oriented storytelling.
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| [Trans. Int. Camp Pining Hearts]
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| Stefan
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Hey, Jasmine, I hear you love birds.
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| Jasmine
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Sure! *giggles*
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| Stefan
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Well, a little birdy told me that downstream, there's an island full of rare specimens.
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| Jasmine
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*gasps* Did you hear that? Thanks, Stefan. You're the best.
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| ("Stefan" winks.)
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| Stefan
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Hey, Rodrigo. This is terrible. Jasmine is in danger!
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| Rodrigo
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W-What?
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| Stefan
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She's headed toward an island full of dangerous birds! But if we go downstream, we can save her!
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| Rodrigo
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Okay! Thanks, Stefan. You're the best.
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| ("Stefan" shrugs. Rodrigo and "Stefan" are down the river.)
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| Rodrigo
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Thanks, Stefan. You're such a great guy!
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| Stefan
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Oh, you're great, too, you know. Great enough for Jasmine to like you.
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| Rodrigo
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What?
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| Stefan
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I can tell from the way she looks at you. Huh?
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| ("Stefan" looks at Blue Diamond as a dolphin, and Yellow Diamond as a pineapple... and White Diamond's feet.)
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| Rodrigo
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Stefan! What's happening to you?!
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| ("Stefan" exits his dream, and Steven appears his dream and glowing pink.)
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| Steven
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OH, NO! NOT AGAIN!
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| [Trans. Int. Steven's Room]
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| (Steven wakes up.)
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| Peridot
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Steven! You did it! You just fell asleep and you started glowing pink. And then the TV went on the fritz, and then- Oh, I'll just show you! Our script, our story! I watched the whole thing live! Not sure what you were going for at the end there. That was pretty bizarre, but for a first attempt... Steven?
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| Steven
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Oh, sorry. Just feeling a little off. Guess maybe the chili was a bad idea.
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| Peridot
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Eh, don't worry about it. Our budget is nothing, and our schedule is infinite.
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| Steven
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That's right. I can do a re-dream. We can do as many as we want until we get it right.
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| Peridot
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Less talking, more sleeping.
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| (Steven goes down in bed.)
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| [Trans. Int. Camp Pining Hearts]
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| ("Stefan" is down the river for the second time. "Stefan" sees Dogcopter and Dogcopter flies away, and "Stefan" says "NOOO!!" with no dialogue. Steven wakes up for the second time with bags in his eyes, and goes down. "Stefan" is down the river for the third time. "Stefan" sees Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl. Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl fly away the same way Dogcopter did, and "Stefan" says "NOOO!!" with no dialogue for the second time. Steven wakes up for the third time, with darker bags in his eyes, and goes down. "Stefan" and Rodrigo are down the river. "Stefan" sees Spinel's Injector, and Rodrigo sees "Stefan" missing when he's freaked out. "Stefan" turns into himself as a baby. Steven wakes up for the last time, with the bags in his eyes even darker than the last time.)
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| [Trans. Int. Steven's Room]
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| Peridot
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*sighs*
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| [Trans. Int. Beach House]
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| (Steven is sitting at the table, eating cereal, when suddenly, Peridot slams a big stack of papers down right in front of him.)
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| Steven
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Huh?
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| Peridot
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I've come to the conclusion that we keep failing because we're relying on a script when we should've taken a more visual approach. So I've prepared this storyboard for you.
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| Steven
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... You drew all of this in one night?
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| Peridot
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Well, duh! I'm good at everything. Study these boards in preparation for this re-dream.
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| Steven
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Oh, okay. Wow. You really posed this out.
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| Peridot
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Thank you!
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| Steven
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Huh? *sees "Stefan" kissing Jasmine on the picture* Hey, Peridot, why is Stefan kissing Jasmine?
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| Peridot
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It's perfect, right? Just as Rodrigo is about to swoop in and save his teenage dream, he stumbles upon... *gasps loudly* Stefan! His good friend whom he trusts so much... kissing Jasmine... thus stoking the fire of Rodrigo jealousy!
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| Steven
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I can't do Rodrigo "dirty" like that!
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| Peridot
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Whoa, Steven. Hold on. You're talking about them like they're real people. It's just a story. And a story needs conflict.
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| Steven
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No! I can't do this!
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| Peridot
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Look, Steven, you seem pretty agitated. Let's just call this whole thing off.
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| Steven
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What?
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| Peridot
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There's no point if you're gonna get all worked up over it. *sighs* I should probably be getting back to Little Homeworld anyway.
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| Steven
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... No! Wait! I'll do it.
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| [Trans. Int. Camp Pining Hearts]
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| ("Stefan" shows up to Rodrigo.)
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| Stefan
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Hey, Rodrigo. This is terrible. Jasmine is in danger!
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| Rodrigo
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W-What?
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| Stefan
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She's headed toward an island full of dangerous birds! But if we go downstream, we can save her!
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| Rodrigo
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Okay! Thanks, Stefan. You're the best.
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| ("Stefan" shrugs. Rodrigo is down the river by himself.)
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| Rodrigo
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Wow, Stefan is so great. *gasps* What?! *sees "Stefan" kissing Jasmine* ...Stefan! How could you?!
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| ("Stefan" looks at Rodrigo but he doesn't. "Stefan" sounds weird, but Jasmine and "Stefan" exit his dream. Connie Maheswaran and Steven appear his dream by turning Connie Maheswaran into Obsidian. Obsidian tries to stomp Steven by squashing him.)
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| [Trans. Int. Beach House into the past.]
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| (Steven wakes up, and sees the past into his house.)
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| Steven
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*sighs heavily* ...Peridot? *walks over to Peridot* Peridot! Come on, we gotta stop! (Peridot does not respond.) Are you listening to me? Why won't you look at me?!
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| (Steven turns her around, her gem and visor have been filled in with the SMPTE color bars and the rest of her face is neutral. Steven's past house disappears in his dream. Steven's pajamas turn into his own clothes and sees everything.)
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| Steven
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Peridot?! Peridot! Where are you? Peridot!! *runs*
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| [Trans. Int. Steven's Dream]
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| (Steven enters at Beach City but it exits out. Peridot walks alone at Steven's own house.)
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| Steven
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Peridot! Wait! *grunts; runs up* Stop! Don't go in there! Please! I still really want to hang out with you! (Steven's door then disappears.) Huh?
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| (Steven jumps out of the black hole.)
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| Steven
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Peridot! (Steven's house turns into a glitch over SMPTE color bars.) We've always had something to fix together! The Cluster, the Diamonds, or Spinel! I don't think I know how to be friend without something to fix! But I- I just can't do it anymore! I'm so tired. Now I'm even doing it in my dreams! *starts crying* I'm sorry I can't do this for you! Please don't leave...! Don't... Leave...
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| (The dream ends with a visual similar to removing a tape from a VCR.)
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| [Trans. Int. Steven's Room]
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| Peridot
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*initially muffled* Steven? Steven! STEVEN!
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| (Steven is in bed, crying.)
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| Peridot
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Steven, I saw everything! *stammers* It's fine! We don't have to do this anymore. I don't care about the show, and I definitely don't care about Rodrigo! Ugh, I'm such a clod!
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| Steven
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But I really wanted to spend time with you! I just wanted an excuse to hang out.
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| Peridot
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We don't need an excuse to hang out.
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| Steven
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Can we still watch CPH together? Even if it sucks?
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| Peridot
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*laughing, removing her visor* Of course.
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| [Trans. Int. Steven's Room]
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| (Jasmine is onscreen.)
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| Jasmine
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How could you lie to me like that, Rodrigo? I guess you just can't help being a bad person!
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| (Cut to Steven and Peridot at the foot of Steven's bed, watching the TV. Steven is eating popcorn. Both are laughing.)
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| Peridot
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Jasmine, you just buried a body in the woods, and now you're mad that Rodrigo cheated at cards?
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| (They continue laughing.)
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| Peridot
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This show is the worst!
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| Steven
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*smiling contently* This show is the best.
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| [END]
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