| Speaker
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Dialogue
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| [Open Ext. Beach House]
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| (Steven is seen running up to his house, fleeing from something.)
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| Steven
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Pearl!
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| Pearl
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*rushes outside the house with her spear, ready for combat* Hyungh!
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| Steven
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Help me, save me, help me! *jumps and clings onto Pearl* Save me!
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| (Garnet and Amethyst, who are shapeshifted into Steven, appear and start running around Pearl while laughing.)
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| Pearl
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What on Earth?!
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| Steven
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*pokes Pearl's forehead* Tag! You're it.
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| Pearl
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Care to explain— Ugh! (Steven puts his finger in Pearl's mouth, and she quickly pulls away.) ...What's going on here?
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| Amethyst
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It's Steven Tag! Steven tagged you, now you have to turn into Steven.
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| Garnet
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It's the rules.
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| Pearl
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Ugh. Oh, please.
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| Steven
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*disappointed* Awww, no fair!
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| Amethyst
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Sooooo, that means we're out of players. *turns to Garnet* Get ready for Steven Tag Advance! *tries to tackle-tag Garnet*
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| (Garnet dodges Amethyst's tackle, grabs her and throws her up into the sky. Garnet then leaps up and slaps Amethyst back downwards.)
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| Garnet
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Tag.
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| Amethyst
|
Wahhhh! *crashes onto the beach*
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| (Steven, Garnet and Pearl look over from the house porch at Amethyst, lying in a crater in the sand.)
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| Amethyst
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*gets up* Ungh...
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| Garnet
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*smiles* Garnet wins.
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| [Trans. Int. Beach]
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| (Steven strolls along the beach, singing the "Steven Tag Song".)
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| Ronaldo
|
STOP!
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| (Steven is suddenly halted by Ronaldo, wearing a military style outfit and hiding behind a rock.)
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| Ronaldo
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This is a restricted zone! *tries to shoo Steven away* Only those with special clearance may enter!
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| Steven
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... May, I have special clearance?
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| Ronaldo
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Hmmmm... *glares at Steven* Granted.
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| (Ronaldo has Steven put on clear bags over his hands and feet, and begins rummaging into a duffel bag.)
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| Ronaldo
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Now that you're properly suited, let's investigate! *hands Steven a pair of binoculars* See those holes? (Steven looks through the binoculars and sees several holes on the cliff face.) Their shape and pattern is repeated over and over. *takes a picture with his phone* Some might say it's a coincidence. I say there's something... more.
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| Steven
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Like what? A double coincidence?
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| Ronaldo
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You'd already be in the know if you followed my blog, "Keep Beach City Weird"! *shows Steven his blog on his phone* I document all the weird thing that happen in Beach City! You can't always trust facts and books. I'm out here hunting the TRUTH!
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| Peedee
|
Oh, there you are! *runs over* Dad wants you back at the shop! You're missing out on valuable frying time!
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| Ronaldo
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It's weird time, Peedee! I'm doing big stuff! Cover for me!
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| Peedee
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Fine. But this is the last time, or I’m telling Dad. *walks away mumbling angrily* "Big stuff", I'll give you "big stuff".
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| Ronaldo
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*turns to Steven* So... you wanna get your hands really dirty? (Steven takes the clear bags off his hands.) Then follow me.
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| Steven
|
Yeah!
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| [Trans. Int. BC Boardwalk]
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| (Steven and Ronaldo walk along the boardwalk.)
|
| Steven
|
*peering through the binoculars* I can’t wait to find something paranormal.
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| Ronaldo
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*holding a detection device* Shh! I’m picking up a quantum flux on the weirdometer. There. *points to a chuck of jagged red rocks on the boardwalk*
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| Steven
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Whoaaaa, did they fall from the sky?
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| Ronaldo
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My research suggests, they grew up from the ground.
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| [Trans. Ext. Big Donut]
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| (Steven and Ronaldo explores another side of town.)
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| Steven
|
*rushes to a garbage bin covered in flower petals* Ronaldo! Look at this!
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| Ronaldo
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According to an online encyclopedia, in which I am a user/editor of, this species isn’t indigenous to this region... or this dimension! *makes a dramatic face and echoes* -sion-sion-sion!
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| [Trans. Ext. BC Fries]
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| (Steven and Ronaldo walk back along the boardwalk outside BC Fries.)
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| Ronaldo
|
We live in a strange world, Steven. Stranger than most know, stranger than they care to know. Take my brother for instance. *looks over to Peedee, working at the BC Fries counter* He’s always getting on my case, telling me to work more. He'll never understand, but Steven, I can tell you're like me.
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| Steven
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Yeah!
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| Ronaldo
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I know you're someone I can trust...
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| [Trans. Int. The Lighthouse]
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| (Steven and Ronaldo approach the Lighthouse atop the temple’s cliff and starts climbing up the stairs of the lighthouse.)
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| Ronaldo
|
You're ready for what I've found. The cause of Beach City's paranormal activity.
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| Steven
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Wait, what?
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| Ronaldo
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*leads Steven to the lantern room at the top of the lighthouse* Welcome to my office, go that way. Welcome... to the truth!
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| (Steven walks around the lantern in the room and sees a large notice board with several newspaper clips and “Snake People” written in large letters on it.)
|
| Steven
|
SNAKE PEOPLE?!
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| Ronaldo
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Snake People, or "sneople", control our government at the highest levels! Look! *shows Steven a dollar bill* The snake represents their hold on our country. The diamond represents their underground mines, or their sharp teeth... The details aren’t important. They pit us mammals against each other with elections, sports, and anime message boards. We spend so much time fighting over "dubs" or "subs" that we miss the big picture!
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| Steven
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*in awe* What's that?
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| Ronaldo
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That the world is under their control.
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| (Steven leaves the Lighthouse, deep in thought, when he encounters a small garden snake nearby, which hisses and slithers away.)
|
| Steven
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AAAAAAAH! *runs away*
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| [Trans. Int. Beach House]
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| (Steven bursts into the house, exhausted, and slams the door behind him.)
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| Pearl
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Steven, don't slam the door!
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| Steven
|
Amethyst, Pearl, we need to snake-proof the house!
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| Pearl
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Why?
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| Steven
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To stop the snake people!
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| Amethyst
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Uh, "snake people"? *chuckles*
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| Steven
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*blushes angrily* What’s so funny about sneople? Look at this!
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| (Steven takes out his phone and shows Pearl and Amethyst Ronaldo's blog, displaying a picture of the holes in the cliff face.)
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| Pearl
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That must be from when we fought those drill parasites on the beach.
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| Steven
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Wha?!... Well, what about this? *shows a picture of the red rock chunks on the boardwalk*
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| Amethyst
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That looks like pieces of that Red Eye we blew up!
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| Steven
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Well, what about this!? *shows a picture of a garbage bin covered in flower petals*
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| Pearl
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Aww, it’s the flowers from Rose's moss.
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| Steven
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*slaps his head in revelation* Is all the weird stuff that happens in Beach City because of us?
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| Pearl
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Well, yeah, obviously.
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| Steven
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I need some air.
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| [Trans. Ext. Beach House]
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| (Steven leaves the house to the porch and finds Ronaldo on the beach, investigating the crater formed earlier by the Gems.)
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| Steven
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Ronaldo?
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| Ronaldo
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*putting a cast on the crater* Steven! Did you see this crater? I think the snake people might have left it as a sign.
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| Steven
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*approaches apologetically* Yeah. Uh, Ronaldo?
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| Ronaldo
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*makes an anime-esque happy face* Yes, Steven?
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| Steven
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Are you... totally sure about this “snake people” thing?
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| Ronaldo
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*happy expression quickly fades away* Steven, are you having doubts?
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| Steven
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Not really just... doubts. I found out that those weird holes in the cliff were just something me and the Gems did.
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| Ronaldo
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Well, okay, but those red rocks...
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| Steven
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That was us.
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| Ronaldo
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But the flowers...
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| Steven
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Us too.
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| Ronaldo
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But- But the truth!
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| Steven
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Maybe the truth just isn’t what you thought it was.
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| Ronaldo
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Sure it is! Don't get hung up on these minor facts. Truth is about more than that, truth is a feeling in your gut that you know is true! Truth is searching for anything that proves you're right no matter how small, and holding on to that, no matter what.
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| Steven
|
That kinda sounds like the opposite of truth.
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| Ronaldo
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Look! The proof! This cast will show the true face of this conspiracy. *holds up cast from the crate, which looks exactly like Steven* Oh, wha-huh?
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| Steven
|
That’s probably from Steven Tag.
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| Ronaldo
|
What?! *gets disappointed*
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| Steven
|
It’s a game where, when I tag one of the Gems, they-
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| Ronaldo
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*halts Steven* I'm really not at the center of anything... I'm nothing...
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| (Ronaldo walks away in despair, dragging along the cast on the sand. It then hits a rock and breaks apart as Ronaldo keeps walking off.)
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| [Trans. Int. Beach House]
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| (Steven slouches on the couch in the living room, browsing Ronaldo's blog on his phone and finding out it has been shut down.)
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| Pearl
|
What's wrong, Steven?
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| Steven
|
I think I broke Ronaldo's heart.
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| Pearl
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Oh, Steven. Humans just lead short, boring, insignificant lives, so they make up stories to feel like they're a part of something bigger. They want to blame all the world's problems on some single enemy they can fight, instead of a complex network of interrelated forces beyond anyone's control.
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| Amethyst
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It's sad, and funny.
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| Pearl
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Don't feel bad about it, okay? It's not like he was ever going to be right.
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| (Steven looks at a coin on the table, which has a snake emblem on it, and has an idea. Pearl begins washing the dishes when she hears the door opening.)
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| Pearl
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Steven, where are you going?
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| Steven
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*holding something* I'm gonna go fix Ronaldo! I'll be back in an hour.
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| [Trans. Ext. BC Fries]
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| (Peedee is peeling potatoes in the back of the shop when Ronaldo comes out of the shop to take out the trash.)
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| Peedee
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Yo, Ronaldo! (Ronaldo remains silent.) Ehhh, so... see anything weird lately?
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| Ronaldo
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*unshaven and depressed* No, everything's... normal.
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| (Steven then appears and approaches Peedee and Ronaldo in a snake costume.)
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| Steven
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*hisses* Snake men are real, and we're puppeting the gov’ment! *hisses*
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| Peedee
|
Ahh!
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| (Peedee hides his face in fright. A startled Ronaldo starts laughing hysterically and slowly approaches Steven. He then retrieves a potato from his shirt and hits Steven over the head with it, knocking him out.)
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| [Trans. Int. Lighthouse, at Night]
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| (Steven slowly wakes up, still in his snake costume... finding himself back in the Lighthouse and chained to a chair. Ronaldo then starts interrogating Steven while Peedee records with a hand-held camcorder.)
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| Ronaldo
|
Wakey wakey, Mr. Snakey...! *uses a flashlight to examine Steven's eyes* Wave forms seem typical for a twelfth dimensional being of this size. *examines the costume's arms with his flashlight* Arms appear to be, vestigial.
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| Peedee
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*shivering* U-Uhh, R-R-Ronaldo? Is that... one of the monster people you've been hunting?
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| Ronaldo
|
No, no, not "monster", Peedee, "snerson". It's very scientific! But still, better safe than sorry. *hands Peedee a potato*
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| Peedee
|
What’s this for?
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| Ronaldo
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For me! In case the amphibianoids turn my body into a host vessel!
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| Peedee
|
No! *drops the potato and cowers, starting to tear up*
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| Ronaldo
|
Peedee, Peedee, Peedee! You gotta look at the big picture here! Something important is finally happening to me!
|
| (The wall of the Lighthouse suddenly breaks apart and the Gems burst in, fully armed.)
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| Garnet
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Hello.
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| Pearl
|
We know you have our Steven! (Garnet holds her back.)
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| Amethyst
|
Give him up, curly! (Garnet holds her back too.) Grrrr...! *starts barking*
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| Ronaldo
|
*gasps* You snake people. Hiding like cowards in your false humanoid exteriors! Steven’s got nothing to do with this, it's me you want! *reveals an breastplate under his shirt*
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| (Amethyst quickly kicks him in the face, causing him to fly backwards onto the ground. He quickly recovers and charges at the Gems with a punch. Pearl easily blocks it with her hand, causing his hand to hurt.)
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| Ronaldo
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*holding his hand in pain* AAAAAH! Aah! Aah! YOU SNONSTERS! (Garnet throws a barrel over his head.) AAAAH!
|
| (The Gems continue to attack Ronaldo while Steven continues to struggle. He then manages to wriggle free from the chair and slips off of his costume.)
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| Peedee
|
*notices* Steven!
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| Ronaldo
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*visibly injured* Okay, okay! You've forced me to use my ultimate weapon! Stand back! Psychic Ghost Powers... Activate!
|
| (Hysterically, Ronaldo begins chanting gibberish, and the Gems brace themselves for an attack. Steven then jumps in between them.)
|
| Steven
|
Everybody stop! I'm okay!
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| Garnet
|
Nice pants.
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| Amethyst
|
*chuckles*
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| Ronaldo
|
Steven, your legs! When did they get to you?
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| Steven
|
Ronaldo, it's not real! *tosses his costume on the ground, annoyed* It was just me... again.
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| Ronaldo
|
That... makes no sense. *rummages through the costume while Peedee looks on, embarrassed*
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| Steven
|
I just wanted to inspire Ronaldo to be weird again.
|
| Ronaldo
|
No! It- It just isn't that simple! There's got to be more to it than just... you.
|
| (The Crystal Gems look away in uncertainty and Ronaldo starts stressing out.)
|
| Peedee
|
But there is more! Steven is just uh... *rummages through Ronaldo's papers* uh... A small piece of the puzzle! Look at this! I think its gotta be uh, level 8 beings pulling the strings.
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| Ronaldo
|
Get real, Peedee. *pauses* Level 8 beings are a worker society incapable of such organization... whoa, wait a minute! *spread the papers out to the ground* How did I never see this before? *scans through the papers and peers at a dollar bill* I know what the diamond means... Polymorphic sentient rocks!
|
| (Ronaldo starts laughing hysterically at his new realization, as Peedee and the Crystal Gems sneak out of the Lighthouse.)
|
| Steven
|
Are you sure he’ll be better like that?
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| Peedee
|
Yeah, he's happy, ya know?
|
| Steven
|
Yeah.
|
| [Trans. Ext. Lighthouse]
|
| (Peedee and the Crystal Gems begin walking down the hill, with Steven riding on Pearl’s back, and Garnet pets his head. Ronaldo remains in the Lighthouse, standing at the balcony and yelling aloud.)
|
| Ronaldo
|
They're here to hollow out the Earth! It's part of the Great Diamond Authority! They’ll take on any form, you can read all about it... ON MY BLOOOG!!!
|
| (The star iris then zooms in on Ronaldo, ending the episode.)
|
| [END]
|
