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This is a transcribed copy of "Kevin Party". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
Previous: "Sadie Killer" Next: "Lars of the Stars"
Speaker Dialogue
[Open Ext. Fish Stew Pizza, Daytime]
(Steven puts up missing posters for Lion on the pizzeria's windows from inside. As he leaves, he speaks to someone inside.
Steven If you see him, call me right away. He's my only interdimensional gateway to space, and I love him. *walks off* Okay, I think I have enough fliers left to-
(Just then, a yellow sports car stops in front of Steven, causing the fliers to fly out of his hands.)
Steven Aah! Aah!
(The car door opens and Kevin steps out, flicking his hair.)
Kevin What are you doing Saturday night?
(Steven stares at Kevin, unamused, and starts to walk away to pick up his flyers. Kevin runs after him in shock.)
Kevin Hey! Listen! Little kid!
Steven Beat it, Kevin.
Kevin I'm throwing a party at my parents' palatial estate. All the coolest teens in Delmarva have RSVP'd, except one; the only one cooler than I am.
Steven Are you... talking about me?
Kevin What? No! Eww! I'm talking about Stevonnie.
Steven W-W-What?! You can't just- *grumbles* This is the last thing I need right now.
Kevin Look, Stevonnie is better than me, okay? Better dancer, better driver. Stevonnie truly does not care what anyone thinks. That's why they're the coolest. If I can't be the coolest, I at least got to be seen hanging with the coolest.
Steven Stevonnie only exists when Connie and I are together, and we're... I'm not coming.
Kevin *sighs* Great. So I invited that other kid for nothing. *walks back to his car*
Steven ...Wh- Connie's going?!
(Steven drops all of his fliers and runs after Kevin, panting.)
Kevin Of course she's going. No one turns down an invitation to a Kevin party.
Steven But she can't stand you. Why would she- *gasps* Wait! Did you say all of this to her, too?! Does she think I'm- *trips and falls, grunting* -I'm gonna be there?
(Kevin gets into his car and starts the engine, as Steven frantically tries to talk to him.)
Steven Is it too late to RSVP?
(Kevin rolls down his window.)
Kevin Yes. But! I'll make an exception... for Stevonnie.
(Kevin drives away, but immediately returns.)
Kevin Wait. What's your number? I'll text you the address.
Steven Oh. Yeah, uhh, 301-555...
Kevin *rolls his eyes* Here, you enter it. *hands Steven his phone*
Steven Okay, uh, how do I...?
Kevin You roll the little ball to navigate.
Steven The screen is so tiny. *enters his contact details* Here. *hands Kevin back his phone*
Kevin Huh, your name's Steven? Weird. I thought it was Clarence. See you at the party Saturday, Steven.
(Kevin turns his car around and drives away, leaving Steven behind.)
[Trans. Kevin's Estate, Night-time]
(Steven arrives in the backyard of Kevin's estate, and mid-tempo music and lots of chattering are heard. As Steven nervously walks in, he draws the attention of several party-goers.)
Kevin Steven! What took you so long?!
Steven I-I got lost coming up the driveway.
Derrick Yo, Kev, who invited the 7-year-old, bro?
Kevin Hey, shut your mouth, Derrick! I thought I told you to go buy more ice! *looks at Steven and cringes* Ugh. You just come from picture day at school or something?
Steven I brought snacks?
(Kevin grabs Steven's snacks and throws them away.)
Steven Wha...? Aah!
Kevin This party is lame enough as it is. Look at these people!
(The party-goers who were staring at Steven earlier quickly return to their previous activities.)
Kevin This is forgettable! But not for long. Every time Stevonnie shows up on the scene, everybody's talking about it. And when Stevonnie shows up at my party, everyone's gonna be talking about this night until they're old grandparents. And their last words to their grandchildren will be, "Kevin throws the best parties."
(Steven chuckles nervously, when he notices Lion standing with some of the party-goers some distance away.)
Steven Um... Lion?! *turns to Kevin* Wait, you're the one who had him the whole time?!
Kevin What? Ugh! No, I'm allergic to dogs.
Steven Then what's he doing here?
(Lion moves away, and Steven gasps as he sees Connie standing besides Lion. Both Connie's and Steven's eyes meet, and Steven hides behind Kevin in hesitation.)
Steven Connie!
Kevin Hey!
Steven I haven't seen her in so long. She looks so different. Ugh! *crotches down* I thought she'd be here to see me, but maybe she's just here to have a good time. Maybe she's moved on.
Kevin She's moved on? Wait, did you guys break up? Can 7-year-olds even do that?
Steven I'm 14.
Kevin You didn't tell me you guys broke up. You got a free ticket to what would have been the best teen party in Delmarva. But now it's just some sad kid party getting crashed by a couple of sad kids!
Steven All right, okay. I'm- I'm leaving.
Kevin *inhales* No. When did this happen?
Steven A few weeks ago.
Kevin Hmm... You been texting her?
Steven Several dozen times.
Kevin *sighs* She text you back?
Steven Umm... No...?
Kevin Hmm... But she knew you'd be here.
Steven Right! Right. I'll- I'll just go talk to her. *blushes and tears up* I'll- I'll just go tell her how sorry I am. I-I really messed up. *sniffles* I-I was an idiot! And I-
(Steven begins walking toward Connie, but Kevin grabs him and pulls him away.)
Kevin Whoa! No no no no no no no no no. Okay, kid, listen. I wouldn't normally do this, because you're a pitiful kid with snot coming out of your nose...
(Steven sobs and sniffles.)
Kevin ...But I need those old people to whisper my name when they die. And if you don't pull it together, you're gonna regret it. And it'll be Sabina all over again!
Steven Wh-Who's- *sniffles* Who's Sabina?
(Kevin's face turns red in embarrassment and frustration, but he immediately composes himself.)
Kevin You can't just dump your emotional honesty face all over her. You're gonna freak her out!
Steven *sniffles* I-I just want us to talk again.
Kevin Exactly. But look what she's doing. Life is good. She's got a dog now.
Steven *sighs* And a haircut.
Kevin Right. But your life is good, too. You don't need to talk to her either. You've got new stuff going on: new friends, new shirt.
Steven She gave this to me for my birthday.
Kevin *unimpressed* Ughh... Derrick! Gimme your jacket.
Kevin walks over to Derrick.
Derrick What? No. Dude! Aah!
Kevin Derrick! Give me the-
Derrick Come on!
(Kevin wrestles with Derrick off-screen and returns to Steven with Derrick's jacket.)
Kevin Here. Put this on.
Steven Your friend looks kind of mad, though.
Kevin He's not my friend...? Put it on. Collar up.
(Steven takes the jacket and puts it on.)
Kevin Hmm... Not quite cool enough. I got it.
(Kevin takes off his scarf and puts it on Steven.)
Kevin Nice~ It's almost like you have style.
Steven Why do I need the scarf? It's not even cold out.
Kevin When you put on a scarf like this, it's always cool. Let's show her what a great time you're having.
(Kevin and Steven begin to hang out together by drinking beverages, conversing with the other party-goers, and dancing. Throughout the part, Connie notices Steven hanging out with Kevin and becomes increasingly agitated. Late into the party, Steven and Kevin lounge on the steps of the patio, when Kevin notices Connie glancing over at them, who quickly turns away.)
Kevin *smirks* Hey, kid, you should say hi to Connie.
Steven So I can tell her about my feelings?
Kevin No. Be casual. You're showing her how you have it together. You're not dying to talk to her because you're not dying at all. You're living. Make her want that life with you.
Steven Kevin, that- that's kind of moving.
Kevin So move already. Walk over, be cool, and walk away.
Steven Got it!
(Steven beings walking toward Connie. He turns around partway and waves at Kevin, who stares back nonchalantly, before continuing toward Connie.)
Steven *to himself* Okay. Be cool. Be cool, yeah. Be cool. *reaches Connie* Hey!
Connie Hi.
Steven *coughs* Nice weather you're wearing.
Connie Uhh... I got your texts.
Steven Oh, yeah. I forgot about those, because I've been living.
Connie Wha...?
Steven Welp, back to my great life. Uh, chowzers.
(Steven turns away nervously and runs back to Kevin.)
Steven *whimpering* That was terrible! This is all wrong, Kevin!
Kevin No way. Look, little man. Your girl's making her way back for more.
(Connie runs up to Steven.)
Connie Steven! What is going on?! I came here hoping we could talk, but it seems like you only want to talk to Kevin! I guess Kevin is your best friend now!
Steven & Kevin What? No, no, no!
Connie *sighs, flustered* Anyway, I'm glad you're doing well. That's... all I really wanted to know. *walks away*
Steven No, no! But-But you're my best friend!
Kevin Best friend?! What are you kids even talking about? I thought she was your ex. Great. Now what am I gonna do? Think, Kevin. How do people treat their friends?
(Kevin begins stressing himself, and Steven runs after Connie, who is about to get onto Lion's back.)
Steven Connie! Wait, wait, Connie. Don't go.
Connie Steven, I wasn't trying to ignore you. I was going to text you back. I-I wrote, "I can't talk to you right now." But then I realized if I sent it, that would be talking to you. And it didn't make any sense- I wasn't making any sense. If we were going to talk, I thought it's got to be in person. So I rode Lion to your house, but there was a note that said, "Gone vacationing", and then I ran into Kevin and he said you'd be here, but, uhh, maybe this is still too soon. I-I don't even know what to say to you. I'm... angry? I miss you? I feel like I'm out of my mind.
Steven No, you're not. I surrendered myself to Homeworld. I let them take me away, maybe forever, and then I came back and I tried to act like it was no big deal. But it was a big deal. I couldn't stand the thought of you being taken away on that spaceship, but... Then I did that to you. I promised you we'd always be a team, and... I let you down. I'm sorry. Jam buds?
Connie Jam buds.
(Steven and Connie tear up and hug each other.)
Connie It's so good to talk to you. I've been wanting to see you so bad I accepted a party invitation from Kevin.
Steven *chuckles* I know. I took his advice. *chuckles* I think he got his heart broken, i-it's actually really sad. *takes off the clothes Kevin gave him*
Connie *chuckles* Of course he did. *chuckles* Hey, nice shirt.
Steven Nice hair.
Connie *giggles* Thank you.
Kevin All right!
(After observing Steven and Connie reconciling with each other, Kevin eagerly grabs a microphone and speaks into it.)
Kevin Hey, everybody, are you having fun?
Party-Goers Yeah!
Kevin Liars! You're all so fake. You make me sick. But get ready. I'm gonna introduce you to somebody so real you'll all feel as sick as me! This party starts now! Children! Go!
(Loud music begins to play to cue the special appearance, but Steven and Connie climb onto Lion instead.)
Connie It's pretty late. We should head out.
Steven Thanks for all your help, Kevin.
Kevin Wha? *drops the microphone in shock* You got to do the thing! What did I help you for if you're not gonna elevate my party?
(Lion begins walking away.)
Kevin Wha...?! Hey! Don't you walk away from m
(Kevin attempts to chase after Lion but falls into the pool, not realizing Lion is standing on water. Kevin emerges on the water surface, gasping for air, and Derrick laughs at him off-screen.)
Kevin Shut up, Derrick!
Connie If it helps, Kevin, I think you threw a very nice party.
Steven Mm-hmm. Good night!
(Lion roars open a magical portal and jumps through it.)
Kevin No! Wait!
(The party-goers cheer and clap as Lion disappears through the portal. The star iris then closes in on Kevin, groaning in misery and frustration.)

ve Transcripts
Pilot Pilot
Season 1 A: Gem GlowLaser Light CannonCheeseburger BackpackTogether BreakfastFryboCat FingersBubble BuddiesSerious StevenTiger MillionaireSteven's LionArcade ManiaGiant WomanSo Many BirthdaysLars and the Cool KidsOnion TradeSteven the Sword FighterLion 2: The MovieBeach PartyRose's RoomCoach StevenJoking VictimSteven and the StevensMonster BuddiesAn Indirect KissMirror Gem/Ocean Gem

B: House GuestSpace RaceSecret TeamIsland AdventureKeep Beach City WeirdFusion CuisineGarnet's UniverseWatermelon StevenLion 3: Straight to VideoWarp TourAlone TogetherThe TestFuture VisionOn the RunHorror ClubWinter ForecastMaximum CapacityMarble MadnessRose's ScabbardOpen BookShirt ClubStory for StevenThe MessagePolitical PowerThe Return/Jail Break

Season 2 Full DisclosureJoy RideSay UncleLove LettersReformedSworn to the SwordRising Tides, Crashing SkiesKeeping It TogetherWe Need to TalkChille TidCry for HelpKeystone MotelOnion FriendHistorical FrictionFriend ShipNightmare HospitalSadie's SongCatch and ReleaseWhen It RainsBack to the BarnToo FarThe AnswerSteven's BirthdayIt Could've Been GreatMessage ReceivedLog Date 7 15 2
Season 3 Super Watermelon Island/Gem DrillSame Old WorldBarn MatesHit the DiamondSteven FloatsDrop Beat DadMr. GregToo Short to RideThe New LarsBeach City DriftRestaurant WarsKiki's Pizza Delivery ServiceMonster ReunionAlone at SeaGreg the BabysitterGem HuntCrack the WhipSteven vs. AmethystBismuthBetaEarthlingsBack to the MoonBubbled
Season 4 The Kindergarten KidKnow Your FusionBuddy's BookMindful EducationFuture Boy ZoltronLast One Out of Beach CityOnion GangGem HarvestThree Gems and a BabySteven's DreamAdventures in Light DistortionGem HeistThe ZooThat Will Be AllThe New Crystal GemsStorm in the RoomRocknaldoTiger PhilanthropistRoom for RubyLion 4: Alternate EndingDoug OutThe Good LarsAre You My Dad?I Am My Mom
Season 5 Stuck TogetherThe TrialOff ColorsLars' HeadDewey WinsGemcationRaising the BarnBack to the KindergartenSadie KillerKevin PartyLars of the StarsJungle MoonYour Mother and MineThe Big ShowPool HoppingLetters to LarsCan't Go BackA Single Pale RoseNow We're Only Falling ApartWhat's Your Problem?The QuestionMade of HonorReunitedLegs From Here to HomeworldFamiliarTogether AloneEscapismChange Your Mind
Film Steven Universe: The Movie
Future Little HomeschoolGuidanceRose BudsVolleyballBluebirdA Very Special EpisodeSnow DayWhy So Blue?Little GraduationPrickly PairIn DreamsBismuth CasualTogether ForeverGrowing PainsMr. UniverseFragmentsHomeworld BoundEverything's FineI Am My MonsterThe Future
Shorts Lion Loves to Fit in a BoxThe Classroom Gems: What Are Gems?We Are the Crystal GemsThe Classroom Gems: How Are Gems Made?UnboxingThe Classroom Gems: FusionCooking with LionGem KaraokeSteven ReactsVideo ChatSteven's Song Time
Other We Deserve to ShineCrossover Nexus