Kevin Party/Transcript

This is a transcribed copy of Kevin Party. Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.

Previous: "Sadie Killer"

Next: "Lars of the Stars"

Speaker	Dialogue
[Open Ext. Fish Stew Pizza, Daytime]
(Steven puts up missing posters for Lion on the pizzeria's windows from inside. As he leaves, he speaks to someone inside.
Steven	If you see him, call me right away. He's my only interdimensional gateway to space, and I love him. *walks off* Okay, I think I have enough fliers left to-
(Just then, a yellow sports car stops in front of Steven, causing the fliers to fly out of his hands.)
Steven	Aah! Aah!
(The car door opens and Kevin steps out, flicking his hair.)
Kevin	What are you doing Saturday night?
(Steven stares at Kevin, unamused, and starts to walk away to pick up his flyers. Kevin runs after him in shock.)
Kevin	Hey! Listen! Little kid!
Steven	Beat it, Kevin.
Kevin	I'm throwing a party at my parents' palatial estate. All the coolest teens in Delmarva have RSVP'd, except one; the only one cooler than I am.
Steven	Are you... talking about me?
Kevin	What? No! Eww! I'm talking about Stevonnie.
Steven	W-W-What?! You can't just- *grumbles* This is the last thing I need right now.
Kevin	Look, Stevonnie is better than me, okay? Better dancer, better driver. Stevonnie truly does not care what anyone thinks. That's why they're the coolest. If I can't be the coolest, I at least got to be seen hanging with the coolest.
Steven	Stevonnie only exists when Connie and I are together, and we're... I'm not coming.
Kevin	*sighs* Great. So I invited that other kid for nothing. *walks back to his car*
Steven	...Wh- Connie's going?!
(Steven drops all of his fliers and runs after Kevin, panting.)
Kevin	Of course she's going. No one turns down an invitation to a Kevin party.
Steven	But she can't stand you. Why would she- *gasps* Wait! Did you say all of this to her, too?! Does she think I'm- *trips and falls, grunting* -I'm gonna be there?
(Kevin gets into his car and starts the engine, as Steven frantically tries to talk to him.)
Steven	Is it too late to RSVP?
(Kevin rolls down his window.)
Kevin	Yes. But! I'll make an exception... for Stevonnie.
(Kevin drives away, but immediately returns.)
Kevin	Wait. What's your number? I'll text you the address.
Steven	Oh. Yeah, uhh, 301-555...
Kevin	*rolls his eyes* Here, you enter it. *hands Steven his phone*
Steven	Okay, uh, how do I...?
Kevin	You roll the little ball to navigate.
Steven	The screen is so tiny. *enters his contact details* Here. *hands Kevin back his phone*
Kevin	Huh, your name's Steven? Weird. I thought it was Clarence. See you at the party Saturday, Steven.
(Kevin turns his car around and drives away, leaving Steven behind.)
[Trans. Kevin's Estate, Night-time]
(Steven arrives in the backyard of Kevin's estate, and mid-tempo music and lots of chattering are heard. As Steven nervously walks in, he draws the attention of several party-goers.)
Kevin	Steven! What took you so long?!
Steven	I-I got lost coming up the driveway.
Derrick	Yo, Kev, who invited the 7-year-old, bro?
Kevin	Hey, shut your mouth, Derrick! I thought I told you to go buy more ice! *looks at Steven and cringes* Ugh. You just come from picture day at school or something?
Steven	I brought snacks?
(Kevin grabs Steven's snacks and throws them away.)
Steven	Wha...? Aah!
Kevin	This party is lame enough as it is. Look at these people!
(The party-goers who were staring at Steven earlier quickly return to their previous activities.)
Kevin	This is forgettable! But not for long. Every time Stevonnie shows up on the scene, everybody's talking about it. And when Stevonnie shows up at my party, everyone's gonna be talking about this night until they're old grandparents. And their last words to their grandchildren will be, "Kevin throws the best parties."
(Steven chuckles nervously, when he notices Lion standing with some of the party-goers some distance away.)
Steven	Um... Lion?! *turns to Kevin* Wait, you're the one who had him the whole time?!
Kevin	What? Ugh! No, I'm allergic to dogs.
Steven	Then what's he doing here?
(Lion moves away, and Steven gasps as he sees Connie standing besides Lion. Both Connie's and Steven's eyes meet, and Steven hides behind Kevin in hesitation.)
Steven	Connie!
Kevin	Hey!
Steven	I haven't seen her in so long. She looks so different. Ugh! *crotches down* I thought she'd be here to see me, but maybe she's just here to have a good time. Maybe she's moved on.
Kevin	She's moved on? Wait, did you guys break up? Can 7-year-olds even do that?
Steven	I'm 14.
Kevin	You didn't tell me you guys broke up. You got a free ticket to what would have been the best teen party in Delmarva. But now it's just some sad kid party getting crashed by a couple of sad kids!
Steven	All right, okay. I'm- I'm leaving.
Kevin	*inhales* No. When did this happen?
Steven	A few weeks ago.
Kevin	Hmm... You been texting her?
Steven	Several dozen times.
Kevin	*sighs* She text you back?
Steven	Umm... No...?
Kevin	Hmm... But she knew you'd be here.
Steven	Right! Right. I'll- I'll just go talk to her. *blushes and tears up* I'll- I'll just go tell her how sorry I am. I-I really messed up. *sniffles* I-I was an idiot! And I-
(Steven begins walking toward Connie, but Kevin grabs him and pulls him away.)
Kevin	Whoa! No no no no no no no no no. Okay, kid, listen. I wouldn't normally do this, because you're a pitiful kid with snot coming out of your nose...
(Steven sobs and sniffles.)
Kevin	...But I need those old people to whisper my name when they die. And if you don't pull it together, you're gonna regret it. And it'll be Sabina all over again!
Steven	Wh-Who's- *sniffles* Who's Sabina?
(Kevin's face turns red in embarrassment and frustration, but he immediately composes himself.)
Kevin	You can't just dump your emotional honesty face all over her. You're gonna freak her out!
Steven	*sniffles* I-I just want us to talk again.
Kevin	Exactly. But look what she's doing. Life is good. She's got a dog now.
Steven	*sighs* And a haircut.
Kevin	Right. But your life is good, too. You don't need to talk to her either. You've got new stuff going on: new friends, new shirt.
Steven	She gave this to me for my birthday.
Kevin	*unimpressed* Ughh... Derrick! Gimme your jacket.
Kevin walks over to Derrick.
Derrick	What? No. Dude! Aah!
Kevin	Derrick! Give me the-
Derrick	Come on!
(Kevin wrestles with Derrick off-screen and returns to Steven with Derrick's jacket.)
Kevin	Here. Put this on.
Steven	Your friend looks kind of mad, though.
Kevin	He's not my friend...? Put it on. Collar up.
(Steven takes the jacket and puts it on.)
Kevin	Hmm... Not quite cool enough. I got it.
(Kevin takes off his scarf and puts it on Steven.)
Kevin	Nice~ It's almost like you have style.
Steven	Why do I need the scarf? It's not even cold out.
Kevin	When you put on a scarf like this, it's always cool. Let's show her what a great time you're having.
(Kevin and Steven begin to hang out together by drinking beverages, conversing with the other party-goers, and dancing. Throughout the part, Connie notices Steven hanging out with Kevin and becomes increasingly agitated. Late into the party, Steven and Kevin lounge on the steps of the patio, when Kevin notices Connie glancing over at them, who quickly turns away.)
Kevin	*smirks* Hey, kid, you should say hi to Connie.
Steven	So I can tell her about my feelings?
Kevin	No. Be casual. You're showing her how you have it together. You're not dying to talk to her because you're not dying at all. You're living. Make her want that life with you.
Steven	Kevin, that- that's kind of moving.
Kevin	So move already. Walk over, be cool, and walk away.
Steven	Got it!
(Steven beings walking toward Connie. He turns around partway and waves at Kevin, who stares back nonchalantly, before continuing toward Connie.)
Steven	*to himself* Okay. Be cool. Be cool, yeah. Be cool. *reaches Connie* Hey!
Connie	Hi.
Steven	*coughs* Nice weather you're wearing.
Connie	Uhh... I got your texts.
Steven	Oh, yeah. I forgot about those, because I've been living.
Connie	Wha...?
Steven	Welp, back to my great life. Uh, chowzers.
(Steven turns away nervously and runs back to Kevin.)
Steven	*whimpering* That was terrible! This is all wrong, Kevin!
Kevin	No way. Look, little man. Your girl's making her way back for more.
(Connie runs up to Steven.)
Connie	Steven! What is going on?! I came here hoping we could talk, but it seems like you only want to talk to Kevin! I guess Kevin is your best friend now!
Steven & Kevin	What? No, no, no!
Connie	*sighs, flustered* Anyway, I'm glad you're doing well. That's... all I really wanted to know. *walks away*
Steven	No, no! But-But you're my best friend!
Kevin	Best friend?! What are you kids even talking about? I thought she was your ex. Great. Now what am I gonna do? Think, Kevin. How do people treat their friends?
(Kevin begins stressing himself, and Steven runs after Connie, who is about to get onto Lion's back.)
Steven	Connie! Wait, wait, Connie. Don't go.
Connie	Steven, I wasn't trying to ignore you. I was going to text you back. I-I wrote, "I can't talk to you right now." But then I realized if I sent it, that would be talking to you. And it didn't make any sense- I wasn't making any sense. If we were going to talk, I thought it's got to be in person. So I rode Lion to your house, but there was a note that said, "Gone vacationing", and then I ran into Kevin and he said you'd be here, but, uhh, maybe this is still too soon. I-I don't even know what to say to you. I'm... angry? I miss you? I feel like I'm out of my mind.
Steven	No, you're not. I surrendered myself to Homeworld. I let them take me away, maybe forever, and then I came back and I tried to act like it was no big deal. But it was a big deal. I couldn't stand the thought of you being taken away on that spaceship, but... Then I did that to you. I promised you we'd always be a team, and... I let you down. I'm sorry. Jam buds?
Connie	Jam buds.
(Steven and Connie tear up and hug each other.)
Connie	It's so good to talk to you. I've been wanting to see you so bad I accepted a party invitation from Kevin.
Steven	*chuckles* I know. I took his advice. *chuckles* I think he got his heart broken, i-it's actually really sad. *takes off the clothes Kevin gave him*
Connie	*chuckles* Of course he did. *chuckles* Hey, nice shirt.
Steven	Nice hair.
Connie	*giggles* Thank you.
Kevin	All right!
(After observing Steven and Connie reconciling with each other, Kevin eagerly grabs a microphone and speaks into it.)
Kevin	Hey, everybody, are you having fun?
Party-Goers	Yeah!
Kevin	Liars! You're all so fake. You make me sick. But get ready. I'm gonna introduce you to somebody so real you'll all feel as sick as me! This party starts now! Children! Go!
(Loud music begins to play to cue the special appearance, but Steven and Connie climb onto Lion instead.)
Connie	It's pretty late. We should head out.
Steven	Thanks for all your help, Kevin.
Kevin	Wha? *drops the microphone in shock* You got to do the thing! What did I help you for if you're not gonna elevate my party?
(Lion begins walking away.)
Kevin	Wha...?! Hey! Don't you walk away from m
(Kevin attempts to chase after Lion but falls into the pool, not realizing Lion is standing on water. Kevin emerges on the water surface, gasping for air, and Derrick laughs at him off-screen.)
Kevin	Shut up, Derrick!
Connie	If it helps, Kevin, I think you threw a very nice party.
Steven	Mm-hmm. Good night!
(Lion roars open a magical portal and jumps through it.)
Kevin	No! Wait!
(The party-goers cheer and clap as Lion disappears through the portal. The star iris then closes in on Kevin, groaning in misery and frustration.)
[END]