Speaker
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Dialogue
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[Open Int. Beach House]
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(Steven and Amethyst are seen discussing in the living room.)
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Steven
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And then we go into the tricks.
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Amethyst
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Alright. But I really think we should save the Dog Walker for next time.
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Steven
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This is our first impression. We gotta go big. A-And we should go soon, too, before they get suspicious.
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(Steven glances at Pearl and Garnet, who are making a pie in the kitchen.)
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Pearl
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Those two are acting very suspicious. Should we ask them what's going on?
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Garnet
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I can't.
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Pearl
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Riiight... Steven, Amethyst! Is there something you'd like to tell us?
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Steven
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So you guys know how we recently had an epic showdown in the Beta Kindergarten.
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Amethyst
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And you know that during it, we beat Jasper.
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Steven & Amethyst
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But do you know, who beat Jasper?
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Pearl
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You two?
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Garnet
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Peridot.
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Amethyst
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It didn't land.
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Steven
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Pick it back up, pick it back up!
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Amethyst
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Ahem. We have someone we'd like you to meet!
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Pearl
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Alright, let's meet this mysterious stranger.
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(Garnet and Pearl walk over to sit on the living room couch. Steven and Amethyst grab each other's hand and begin to fuse.)
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Smoky
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Heya, I'm Smoky Quartz! Nice to meet ya. *summons Amethyst's whip and Steven's shield*
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(Garnet and Pearl are dumbfounded by Smoky's entrance.)
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Pearl
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AAAAAWOAHHH WHAAAAT???
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Smoky
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Don't bother putting your socks back on, 'cause I'm about to knock 'em off again. *fuses the two weapons in their yo-yo*
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(Garnet begins smiling with sheer joy, while Pearl continues to mumble in shock.)
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Smoky
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Now you guys can see exactly how I beat Jasper. This is a little trick I like to call "Walk the Dog"!
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(Smoky rolls their yo-yo across the floor smashing it into the wall.)
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Pearl
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Wait! Explain EVERYTHING!
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(Garnet picks up Pearl and starts shaking her while yelling happily.)
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Smoky
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*summons a second yo-yo* This one's called "Jog the Dog"!
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(One yo-yo smashes through the pie ingredients on the kitchen counter, and the other shatters Steven's TV.)
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Pearl
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Oh.. NO!
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Smoky
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Whoops! *summons a third yo-yo* Uh, this one's called "Dog-Walking Is Just My Day Job 'til I Finally Get That Callback"!
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Pearl
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Garnet, a little help?
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(Pearl and Garnet instantly fuse into Sardonyx and she catches all three of Smoky's yo-yos.)
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Sardonyx
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Mnh-mnh-mnh! *shakes her head*
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Smoky
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*gasps* Sardonyx!
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Sardonyx
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You know the rule about weapons in the house! Mostly allowed, really, but with some exceptions.
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(Smoky dispels their yo-yos in dismay.)
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Sardonyx
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Oh what a pleasure it is to meet you! *shakes' Smoky's hand* You've made quite the impression already. In fact, there's one on the wall over there, and there...
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(Sardonyx twists her body around to point out all the holes Smoky caused with their yo-yos.)
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Smoky
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Uh... Sorry, looks like I got a bit carried away. I can uh... "reel it in".
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Sardonyx
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Oh-ho-ho-ho-hooo! Stop! *inches in towards Smoky* But really, please stop. Your act is tremendous, but your stage is too small. We need some space to get to know each other. *crawls towards the Temple Gate* Somewhere a bit more... infinite.
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(Pearl's and Garnet's symbols light on on the door, and it opens up, turning into a set of curtains.)
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Smoky
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You have a room in the temple?
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Sardonyx
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It exists as long as I exist. And here.. I am!
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(Sardonyx crouches and squeezes her way through the door, using her lower set of hands to push herself all the way in. She then sticks out her hand and beckons Smoky.)
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Sardonyx
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Come now, don't be shy!
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Smoky
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Bwooop! *slides between the curtains*
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[Trans. Int. Sardonyx's Room]
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(Smoky and Sardonyx enter a pitch black chamber, with only their eyes visible in the darkness.)
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Smoky
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I can't see nothin' in here.
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Sardonyx
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You "cannot see anything", my darling. Because the show hasn't started yet!
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Smoky
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"Show"?
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Sardonyx
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Live, from a metaphysical room deep in the temple, it's "Sardonyx Tonight"!
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(A neon sign reading "Sardonyx Tonight" hangs above a talk-show styled room, consisting of a large desk and a comfortable sofa chair, which Smoky is sitting in. Sardonyx greets an audience under a spotlight while holding a microphone.)
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Sardonyx
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Goooood evening, everybody!
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(The room fills with cheers from the audience.)
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Sardonyx
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We have a brand-new fusion with us tonight! I'm so excited, I could just shatter!
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(Sardonyx throws her microphone off-stage; a crash and a cat's yowl are heard, implying the microphone hitting a cat off-screen. Sardonyx then walks over to the desk and crouches behind it.)
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Sardonyx
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Everyone welcome Smoky Quartz!
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(The audience claps and cheers, and Smoky waves sheepishly.)
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Sardonyx
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So tell me literally everything there is to know about yourself, and do not skip out on any of the juicy details.
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(The audience woos in anticipation and cheers.)
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Smoky
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Well... heh... I like, uh, long walks through the Kindergarten.
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(A small laughter is heard from the audience.)
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Smoky
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Uh, actually that's where I sort of- pow- became me. And, uh, pow!- Beat Jasper.
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Sardonyx
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Oh, that Jasper! Always running 'round Kindergartens and causing trouble! Boy, that didn't quite work out for her. Guess she should go back to preschool, am I right, folks!?
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(The audience laughs loudly.)
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Smoky
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Yeah. She lost her mind in a corrupted fusion. I guess you could say she has a... short fuse?
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(Sardonyx and the audience laugh together..)
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Smoky
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A-ha! Easy crowd, huh? Where'd you get 'em? *sips from a cup*
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Sardonyx
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I made them myself.
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(There is an uneasy silence as Smoky sips uncomfortably..)
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Sardonyx
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But Smoky, I think what we really want to know is, who are you? Who is... Smoky Quartz?
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Smoky
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Eh. Well, between the fight and now, I've really only existed for like ten minutes, so I... I dunno, but I do know how to do this! *summons a yo-yo* This one's called "Sad Baby in a Diaper"! Pow!
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(The audience applauds.)
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Sardonyx
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Yes, the yo-yo. Seen it, lived it, loved it, but what about the rest of your game?
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Smoky
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I ain't exactly a deck of cards here.
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(The audience laughs.)
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Smoky
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Oh! I can lick my elbow. I have three of them now! Ahhh! *sticks their tongue out and tries to lick an elbow*
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Sardonyx
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We'll be right back after a word from our sponsors! *snaps her fingers, and the overhead light goes out*
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Smoky
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Huh?
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Sardonyx
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Listen Smoky, let's talk. Fusion-to-fusion. *starts applying make-up on herself* That's a nice yo-yo, but I want to know the yo-you.
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Smoky
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What? *laughs as Sardonyx brushes their cheek with a make-up duster*
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Sardonyx
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Smoky. There's bound to be way more to you than just... a yo-yo. *tosses her make-up kit away, causing a loud crash of broken glass, and reaches behind her back* You're a fusion, you're full of surprises! *pulls a pencil in each hand from her back* You just don't know it yet.
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Smoky
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Yeah. Yeah I guess that is how surprises work!
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(Sardonyx taps the pencils on the desk in thought, when her eyes widens with inspiration.)
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Sardonyx
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I've got it! *throws the pencils away, and a "Wilhelm Scream" is heard* Every fusion gets something new: a new power, a new weapon...
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Smoky
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Like a yo-yo?
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Sardonyx
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Yes... but better. Let's find out what's new about you!
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(Sardonyx snaps her fingers and the spotlight comes back on. The audience cheers as the talk show continues.)
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Sardonyx
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And welcome back! Don't those cartoon characters make you want to buy those products? I sure hope so, or else I'd be off air!
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(Sardonyx and the audience laugh out loud.)
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Sardonyx
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We have a new segment for you all tonight. That's right, everyone, it's time to Hit! That! Bird!
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(A large mountain-shaped prop appears with spring-loaded bird targets on it, and Sardonyx and Smoky walk up to it.)
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Sardonyx
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During Opal's adventures at the Sky Spire, she took down a flock of bird monsters with her bow.
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(As Sardonyx is making her presentation, a monitor drops in, playing a video clip of Giant Woman of the said event, captioned with "Footage Courtesy of Cartoon Network".)
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Sardonyx
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Let's see if you've got her 'Opal'escent aim. Whaddya say, Smoky? Are you ready to "Hit That Bird"?
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(Sardonx hands Smoky a bow and a quiver with four arrows.)
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Smoky
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Oh! Oh wow, a bow is kinda like a yo-yo, right? Except if the string went this-a-ways and hmm...
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Sardonyx
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Mm-hmm, let's start, shall we? *pulls out an alarm clock* Time is an impatient thing!
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(The game segment starts, Smoky takes aim and begins shooting arrows, however, missing every shot. Two arrows nearly hit Sardonyx, when the alarm clock goes off.)
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Sardonyx
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Uh-oh! Time's up! Let's see. The score tallies to... *does a quick calculation in her head and sighs sadly* one, two, three... zero.
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(The audience "awwws" in disappointment.)
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Smoky
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Guess I'm a real..."bow-zo"?
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(The audience laughs in reponse.)
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Sardonyx
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Whaddya say we move on to the next segment, everybody?
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(Sardonyx throws away the alarm clock, while Smoky throws away the bow and quiver, resulting in more comedic noises. Sardonyx then leads Smoky to a high striker, with pictures on the score bar indicating the strength levels from lowest to highest: Pearl, Stevonnie, Garnet, Opal, and Sugilite at the top.)
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Sardonyx
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Here we are! I call this segment...
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Sugilite (Voiceover)
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"You Like That, Little Man?"
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Sardonyx
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'Cause everybody loves a callback. *snaps her fingers* (The audience laughs.) *whispering to someone "off-stage"* She's not... actually in this episode, do we still have to pay her? Yes? Fair enough. *thinks for a bit* Now it's no secret that us fine fusions pack an extra punch, but Sugilite is a standout for being a heavy-hitting powerhouse! But maybe you've got something to top Sugilite's swing?
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Smoky
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Mmm... maybe?
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(Sardonyx spins a mallet, styled like Sugilite's flail, in the air and hands it to Smoky.)
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Sardonyx
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Just hit the base with this mallet, and we'll see how you measure up.
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Smoky
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Okay!
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(Snoky walks up to the high striker and prepares themselves. They then slams the mallet on the base, and the puck reaches up to Pearl's picture.)
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Sugilite (Voiceover)
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"Is that all you got?"
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(The audience "awwws" in disappointment.)
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Smoky
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Hush...
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Sardonyx
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Ooh, very close. An extra spin around always helps me! *rotates her torso around*
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(The audience and Sardonyx laugh together.)
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Smoky
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An extra spin, huh? Okay...
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(Smoky spins around once and brings the mallet down harder. The puck manages to reach between Stevonnie and Garnet on the score bar.)
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Sugilite (Voiceover)
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"Ha ha! Nice try!"
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Smoky
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What?! One more time.
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(Smoky slams the mallet one final time, and the puck reaches Garnet's picture.)
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Sugilite (Voiceover)
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"You. Ain't. Nothing!"
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Sardonyx
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Hmm... Yes. Something just isn't hitting right here. Maybe you're just strong, ♪ in a different way~ ♪ We'll find out in just a moment. Play us over to stage right, Jorge.
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Smoky
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Uuhh...
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Sardonyx
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*leads Smoky away* Okay, don't worry about that crowd. Don't worry about Jorge. It's just you and me.
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Smoky
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Heh. No duh. Actually, who's Jorge?
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Sardonyx
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Smoky, you're holding out on me. I'm ready to see your main event!
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Smoky
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Eh. You and me both.
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(Sardonyx leads Smoky to a bulls-eye target hanging from a rope)
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Sardonyx
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Now, Alexandrite has a throat full of flames. Whether that's the cause of her raspy voice is up for debate.
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(As Sardonyx speaks, a video clip of Super Watermelon Island is shown, of Alexandrite fighting Malachite.)
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Sardonyx
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But there's no room for questions when she attacks, exhaling a burning blaze. So I call this segment... "Breath of Fire"!
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Smoky
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Uh, Sardonyx...I don't know...
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Sardonyx
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C'mon Smoky. Step up and see if you can spit some elemental chaos at the target!
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(Smoky takes a few deep breaths, leans forward and lets out a small burp, causing the bulls-eye to wave slightly. A member of the audience coughs in awkwardness and Smoky lets out an embarrassed laugh.)
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Sardonyx
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Ha ha, we seem to be experiencing some magical difficulties, but don't change the channel! There must be some common thread between Steven and Amethyst that's heightened by their fusion...
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Smoky
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I dunno, Sards, I guess zero plus zero equals zero.
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(The audience laughs at Smoky's joke.)
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Sardonyx
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Something they both think, something they both do.
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Smoky
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They say two wrongs don't make a right. I guess I'm living proof that that's true!
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(The audience continues laughing at Smoky.)
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Smoky
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I'm just one big, super-wrong, good-for-nothing dud with a yo-yo!
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(The audience's laughter gets louder as Sardonyx looks around uncomfortably at Smoky and her self-deprecating humor.)
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Sardonyx
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*speaking to herself* They want to impress us... They were planning this all morning; we hijacked the show! I was excited! IT'S NOT ABOUT... US!!!
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(Sardonyx covers her face in guilt as the studio goes completely black. Smoky watches as Sardonyx unfuses and separates back into Garnet and Pearl. The room then lights up and immediately begins falling apart.)
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Smoky
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What's happening?!
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Garnet
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It's Sardonyx! If she's not here, the room can't exist!
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Pearl
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Garnet!
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Garnet
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Pearl!
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(The "Sardonyx Tonight" sign collapses between Garnet and Pearl, blowing a huge hole in the floor, and the two Gems are trapped on the ledges. Smoky spots the curtain door and quickly rushes towards Pearl to grab her. They summons their yo-yo, does some tricks with it, and throws it through the curtain door, as it begins to glitch. They then swings on the rope of the yo-yo, grabbing Garnet on the way, and swings towards the door. The three of them pass through the temple door and tumbles into the living room, causing Smoky to unfuse into Steven and Amethyst. The four groans in pain as they slowly get up.)
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Steven
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Sorry for the rough landing.
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Amethyst
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Ugggh...
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Pearl
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What are you talking about?!
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Garnet
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That was amazing!
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(Garnet pats Steven's head and he giggles.)
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Pearl
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*hugs Amethyst* Oh Amethyst! You've been such a good influence on him!
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Amethyst
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It's... kinda the other way around.
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Garnet
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You didn't tell us that yo-yo can grapple.
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Steven
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It can do so much stuff!
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Pearl
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Wait, so do you use it like a lasso or a flail?
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Amethyst
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It's better than a flail!
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Steven
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It's a toy!
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Pearl
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It's so unexpected.
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Garnet
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Give us the play-by-play.
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Amethyst
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So...there we were...
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(The scene cuts to outside of the Beach House as Amethyst begins to retell the tale. The star iris then closes on the Beach House's door, ending the episode.)
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[END]
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