Lars and the Cool Kids/Transcript

This is a transcribed copy of "Lars and the Cool Kids". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.

Previous: "So Many Birthdays"

Next: "Onion Trade"

Speaker	Dialogue
[Open Ext. Dead Man's Mouth]
(The Gems are standing at the top of a cliff, overlooking a moss-covered swamp. Steven is seen hopping on the rocks in the swamp.)
Pearl	This doesn't look good at all.
Steven	*on a rock, reaching to touch the moss* Whoa! Cool!
Amethyst	No, Steven, wait!
Pearl	No, Steven! Don't go near that stuff!
(The moss starts crawling towards Steven. Garnet throws a nearby boulder at the rock Steven is standing on, catapulting him into Pearl's arms.)
Steven	WHOA!!! *lands on Pearl* Steven's here!
Pearl	*puts Steven down* You have to be careful, Steven!
Steven	Why? (A duck is seen attempting to sit on a floating log in the swamp, when the moss engulfs the log.) What is that stuff?
Garnet	It's the moss that Rose Quartz raised on the hill.
Steven	My mom planted this stuff?
Pearl	Rose Quartz used to climb that hill every spring and tend to the moss at the top. *projects a hologram of Rose at the top of a hill* But now that Rose is... gone, the moss is on the move!
Steven	*saddened* It's lost.
Amethyst	It's not lost. It's gross.
Pearl	Yes, but Rose loved it anyway. She saw the beauty in everything, no matter how gross. *flicks her hair* Fortunately, I know just what to do in this situation.
(The Crystal Gems gets off the cliff and onto ground level. Garnet, Amethyst and Steven sit down on the ground, as they watch what Pearl is going to do. She then strikes a pose.)
Pearl	Twooooh! *dances briefly* Haaaaaah! (Her gem starts to glow.)
Steven	*whispers to Amethyst* This is why I get up in the morning!
(A small glowing object appears out of Pearl's gem and into Steven's hands, revealing a roll of yellow tape reading "POLICE LINE".)
Steven	Is this... police tape?
Pearl	Isn't this great? This way, we don't even have to use magic. Humans will just see this and walk away.
(Garnet, perched on a rock, slams her fist into her palm like a baseball mitt.)
Garnet	Don't hold back.
Amethyst	I never... do! *throws the roll of tape to Garnet*
(The Crystal Gems starts wrapping the entrance to the swamp in police tape.)
Pearl	♪La la-la la-la~ *ties the police tape into a bow shape* Perfect!♪ (The Crystal Gems gather to inspect the handiwork.) Now we can come up with a plan to move the moss back to its hill!
Steven	Who wants to get some lunch? (The Gems turn and stare at him silently.) Just me, then? ...Nice.
[Trans. Ext. Fish Stew Pizza]
Steven	*walking along the boardwalk and singing to himself* Gettin' me a pi, gettin' me a -zza. / Gettin' me a p-p-p-p-pizza! / Gettin' me a pi, gettin' me a -zza. / Hmm, mmm, mm, mm~ Hey, is that Lars? Lars!
Lars	*groans* Why now?
Steven	Got a high five for you from waaaay doowwwwn toooown !*starts to run towards Lars with his arm raised high* Ohhhhhh!
Lars	*whisper-yells* No, Steven! No high fives!
Steven	Mmmmm, okay. *high-fives his chest, and Lars smacks it away*
Lars	STEVEN!
Steven	*laughs* So... how come you're not at the Big Donut?
Lars	I don't spend my whole life at work. *flips a jacket over his shoulder* I do... other things.
Steven	Like standing against this wall?
Lars	What does it look like?!
Steven	Looks like you're doing a lot of nothing.
Lars	That's the plan, Steven. *flips his jacket* Just playing it cool today, you know?
Steven	We are so much alike.
Lars	Excuse me?
Steven	You want to get a fresh pizza right out of the oven, but you don't want to seem too desperate, right? Well, there's no need to be ashamed. Just walk right in and ask. That's what I always do.
Lars	Ah, uh Steven, don't go in there right now!
Steven	*looks through the windows* Oh, hey!
(Three cool kids are seen hanging around inside, while Kiki stands behind them.)
Jenny	He opened the door, and there was doggy-doo everywhere.
Buck	That's nasty. I don't like nasty stuff.
(Sour Cream's eating a pizza.)
Steven	Isn't that Kiki's sister and her friends?
Lars	*whispering* Jenny, Sour Cream, and Buck Dewey.
Steven	Oh, you know those guys?
Lars	N-not quite, but I'm sure we'll hang at some point.
Steven	You should go in and talk to them.
Lars	*starts to fluster* T-T-That's not how these things work, Steven! The plan is to keep it cool and let them come to me. *leans on the wall again*
(Jenny, Sour Cream, and Buck exits Fish Stew Pizza.)
Steven	Here they come.
Lars	Aah! Steven, turn around! Act natural! *looks away quickly, sweating profusely*
Jenny	*to Kiki* Tell Dad I'll be back later. *walks off*
Steven	I don't think they saw you.
Lars	Steven, you were blocking me with your... big hair! Aah!
Steven	Sorry, I'll go tell them to look over here. *walks towards the cool kids*
Lars	*whispering* Steven, no, don't go over there! (Steven walks towards them anyways, Lars continues to look away.) I hate you!
Buck	Muffins that are like, this big. *gestures with his hands*
Jenny	Those things are too sweet for me.
Steven	Hi! My name's Steven. *raises his hand up for high-fives*
Buck	*high-fives* Buck Dewey.
Sour Cream	*high-fives* They call me Sour Cream.
Jenny	*high-fives* I'm Jenny.
Lars	*hand over his mouth, thinking to himself* Aah, he's gonna wreck everything! What are they saying? I can't hear them! (Steven waves at Lars in the background.) Ugh! Why is he dancing?! *starts sobbing* No-ho-ho! My life is horrible!
Steven	Hey, Lars!
Lars	*snaps into a "cool" pose* Yo.
Steven	They invited us along for a ride.
Lars	Huh? W-Wait a minute, they— you—? Steven, you got lucky. So don't ruin this with any of your lame schtick.
Steven	*pretends to shoot his fingers* Pew pew! You got it! *laughs*
(Lars face-palms. The whole group then walks towards Jenny's Car.)
Jenny	Hop on in guys.
Steven	Ah yeah, middle seat!
(The group files into the car. Buck, Steven, and Lars are seated in the back, Sour Cream in the front passenger, and Jenny is the driver.)
Buck	Where'd you get that rad shirt, Steven?
Steven	*tugs his shirt* I have no idea where any of my clothes come from.
Buck	Yeah man, living free. I like it.
Lars	Hey, check out my shirt. *points at his own shirt with a snake design*
Buck	Oh, that snake is nasty.
Lars	Oh. *fakes an laugh* Yeah, I hate snakes!
Buck	Oh, what? That's too bad, some snakes are pretty cool.
(Jenny starts up the car.)
Steven	Sounds like it's time to buckle up!
Lars	Quit being lame, Steven.
Sour Cream	Hey man, there's nothing "lame" about seat belt safety.
Jenny	Car does not move 'till we're all buckled up. (Steven and Lars puts on their seat belts.)
Sour Cream	Yeah, now let's get some spaced-out beats up in here. *tunes the car radio to an electronica station* Yeah, I could rave to this. *slowly sways his arms in front of him*
Lars	*to Jenny* Hey, this car is really cool Jenny.
Jenny	It's just the delivery car for my Dad's lame shop. Makes me smell like pizza. Where to, y'all? *starts driving off*
Buck	I don't even know.
Steven	Oh, can we stop by the Big Donut?
Jenny	*drives up next to the Big Donut* That old place?
Buck	Man that place is a drag.
Steven	But that's where Lars works—
Lars	*starts coughing loudly* Quiet Steven. *coughs*
Steven	You need some water?
[Trans. Int. Beach City]
(The group drives through the heart of town.)
Steven	*notices the Funland Arcade* Funland Arcade is the best! Let's do that!
Sour Cream	Man, I beat all the "G's" in there like 3 million times.
Steven	*gasps* No way!
Lars	Yeah, me too.
Steven	No way!!
Sour Cream	Honestly though, I'm just exaggerating to sound cool. (Lars feels sheepish.)
Steven	*pats Sour Cream on the shoulder* I appreciate your honesty.
(The group drives up next to the city park, where Mayor Dewey is holding a rally.)
Jenny	Hey Buck, isn't that your dad?
Mayor Dewey	... Another reason you should re-elect me, I love babies. Will you look at that, a baby! (Mayor Dewey's aid holds a baby towards him.) Gonna kiss it... *gives the baby a long kiss, and the crowd applauds*
Steven	Hmm, I like his policies on babies.
Buck	Man, he never kisses me like that.
Lars	That's rough, bro.
Buck	It's not rough. The lack of daddy kisses in my life made me who I am. (Lars looks away sheepishly.)
Jenny	Oh my gosh guys, we should check out Dead Man's Mouth. *approaches to drive the group out of town*
Steven	What's Dead Man's Mouth?
Buck	Oh it's this lake where some dude died, or it looks like a mouth? I forget the specifics.
Jenny	Dead Man's Mouth. Here. We. Come! *shifts up a car gear, and the car speeds off*
Steven	Sounds good to me.
[Trans. Dead Man's Mouth]
(The group steps out of the car.)
Jenny	We're here..
(Steven notices the police tape the Crystal Gems put up earlier and realizes.)
Steven	Y-ya know what? I know this place may seem cool, but it's actually a lot less cool than you think. W-why don't we just go have some more fun at the boardwalk?
Lars	*glares at Steven* Steven, stop being lame. *to the others* Let's check this place out.
(Lars walks towards the entrance of the swamp. The others murmur in agreement and accompany him.)
Steven	*begins to worry but stops* Oh, pfft, the police tape. *laughs it off*
(The group stares at the police tape surrounding the entrance.)
Sour Cream	Huh, police tape.. *rips down the tape bow, Steven gasps, walks through* Awesome.
Buck	I'm above the law. *tears down more tape*
Jenny	Who wants to go for a swim?
(Steven stares in worry at the moss, visibly agitated. The others begin to take off their coats, while Sour Cream converts his pants into shorts.)
Sour Cream	Pants become shorts.
Lars quickly takes off his shirt and begins to walk toward the swamp.
Steven	*stops Lars* Lars, don't go in there, it's dangerous!
Jenny	Steven, you trying to scare us?
Buck	Build an atmosphere, I appreciate that.
Sour Cream	*swaying his fingers* Oooooh!
Steven	Wait!
Buck	I'm not that slow.
(Jenny, Sour Cream and Buck jump into the swamp. Lars tries to follow suit but Steven holds him in place.)
Lars	Hey, what are you doing man?!
Steven	*tearing up* Don't!
Lars	*pushes Steven along towards the swamp* Steven, what. Is. Your. Deal?? *gasps*
(Lars tries to push Steven off but stops when he notices the others are suddenly engulfed and dragged underwater by the growing moss around them. Lars falls back in fear.)
Lars	Aah!
Steven	Oh no! (A small patch of moss attacks his foot, clinging to it.) Aaah!
Lars	What's going on?!
Steven	It's some kind of magic moss my Mom planted!
Lars	Wait, your mom—?
(Suddenly, Jenny, Sour Cream and Buck reemerge on the water surface, covered in moss. They crawl towards the edge of the swamp and collapse, as the moss covers their whole bodies entirely.)
Lars	Guys, hang on!
(Lars and Steven starts ripping away the moss off of Jenny, Sour Cream and Buck, but the moss rapidly grows back. Steven thinks for a moment and sees the hill in the background.)
Steven	Lars, I know what we have to do-
Lars	This is all your fault! *tears up and yells at Steven* I knew if something went wrong today it would be because of you! Now I'm never going to be friends with these guys. All because of your... weird mom!
(Steven's eyes narrow in shock and rage.)
Steven	*pokes at Lars' chest* What do YOU know about my mom?! I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO KNOW MY MOM! But I DO know, she saw beauty in everything! Even in stuff like THIS! *points at the moss* And even in jerks like YOU!
(Lars looks away, ashamed, and Steven sighs.)
Steven	Now help me get them to the car.
(Steven and Lars drag the moss-covered bodies into the car and buckle them in.)
Steven	Lars, hurry! This moss belongs at the top of that hill. *points at the hill in the background* Come on Lars, what are you waiting for?
Lars	Uh, Steven, I don't know how to drive a stick shift.
Steven	I'll work the stick, you just keep us on the road.
Lars	Okay, alright, let's do this. Ignition!
Steven	Stick power! *shifts the gear, and the car goes forward towards the swamp*
Lars	Steven, no, put it in reverse!
Steven	Is that the one with "R" on it? *shifts the gear again* Aaaaah!
(The car jolts backwards and reverses all the way back onto the road. Lars starts driving towards the hill as the moss engulfs the back of the car.)
Lars	Jenny's gonna kill MEEEEEE! What's gonna happen when we get to the top of that hill?
Steven	I don't know!
Lars	You don't know?!
Steven	That's just where the moss wants to be! (The moss begins to engulf the front of the car too, including Steven and Lars.) Aah!
Lars	Huh? Aaaah! It's getting everywhere! Woah!
(Lars and Steven momentarily loses control of the car, until they bump into a large truck, leaving a dent in it, but straighten them back on their path.)
Steven	We made it!
Lars	We're almost there. *eventually reaches and parks the car near the top of the hill* What do we do now?
Steven	We got to get up there. Hurry!
(Steven and Lars starts dragging the bodies up the hill, but the moss progressively engulfs them as well, slowing them down.)
Lars	I'm... getting stuck!
Steven	No, don't... give up.
(The moss completely engulfs Steven and Lars' bodies, leaving their faces, and immobilizes them.)
Lars	Steven...
Steven	What?
Lars	... This sucks! *is completely engulfed by the moss*
Steven	Laaaaar—— *gets engulfed too*
(All seems lost, as the moss-covered bodies lay still on the hill. Just then, the clouds begin to clear and the sun starts shining in. Pink flowers begin to blossom all over the moss and float away. The group is freed from the moss as they gasp for air. Steven and Lars watch over the edge of the hill as the pink flowers fill the sky.)
Steven	The moss was just trying to bloom.
Jenny	Ughh, what happened?
Sour Cream	I think I died.
Jenny	Guys, look!
Jenny, Sour Cream & Buck	*rushes to the edge of the hill* Woah!
(The group watches as the flowers waft gently in the sunset all over Beach City.)
Sour Cream	You can see all of Beach City from up here.
Buck	It's beautiful.
Jenny	Yeah... how did we even get here?
Lars	Well, Steven thought that—
Steven	*interrupts* Lars drove us here.
Jenny, Sour Cream & Buck	*murmur* Oh yeah, Lars! Super cool.
Sour Cream	I can totally rave to this.
Jenny & Buck	Go go go... (Sour Cream starts raving.) Sour Cream! Sour Cream!
(Steven attempts a high five with Lars but Lars high-fives his chest instead.)
Steven	*laughs* Yeah! *high-fives Lars' chest as well*
(The star iris starts zooming in on Lars' face.)
Lars	*feeling embarrassed* Okay, that's enough.
[END]