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This is a transcribed copy of "Lars of the Stars". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
Previous: "Kevin Party" Next: "Jungle Moon"
Speaker Dialogue
[Open Ext. Beach House]
(Connie and Lion are seen on the porch of the Beach House. Lion is lounging around, and Connie is standing beside him, carrying a backpack, Rose's Sword, and wearing her father's jacket.)
Connie *calling out* Steven, come on!
(Steven emerges out of the house, carrying a white package with a pink bow.)
Steven Sorry. I just had to make sure I had everything.
(Steven grabs one of his teddy bears off-screen and places it on top of the package.)
Steven *walks out of the house* I bet Lars will really appreciate this package his parents put together for him. And MC Bear Bear! To hug if he gets scared.
(Steven puts the package in Connie's backpack.)
Connie I'm so excited we're finally going to have a space adventure together. *closes her backpack* Steven and Connie in space!
Steven I'm not so sure this is gonna be an adventure. Last time I saw Lars, he was huddled up in a dark cave with some other Homeworld fugitives.
Connie *looks down* Oh. Yeah. *puts back on her backpack* Well, I'm ready for anything.
Steven Lion. You ready?
(Lion stands up and rolls over, exposing his belly and making a purr-like noise. Steven and Connie gazes in admiration of his cuteness.)
Connie Eee!
Steven Oh, my gah.
(Steven and Connie compose themselves and look at each other seriously.)
Steven We have to stay on task.
Connie Mm.
(Lion rolls upright, and Steven and Connie enters his mane.)
[Trans. Int. Pink Dimension]
(Steven and Connie emerge from the pink savannah, holding their breaths. They spot "Lars' tree" in the distance and nod at each other.)
[Trans. Int. Unknown Spaceship]
(Steven and Connie, holding hands, fall out of Lars' hair and land on the floor.)
Steven Aah!
Connie Waah!
(Steven and Connie turn over and notice Lars is sitting in a chair, wearing a uniform.)
Lars *surprised*Steven?
Steven *confused* Lars?
(Steven and Connie look to their side as they hear someone speaking on a live video feed in the ship: a green Gem with a green, square, faceted gem where her right eye would be.)
Green Gem *yelling angrily at Lars* It's over! I've got you now, you miserable Off Colors!
Lars *gets up and points at the Gem* You'll never take us alive, Emerald!
Steven W-What is... going on?
(Steven and Connie look around the green interior of the spaceship they are currently in, and spot the Off-Colors controlling the control panels of the ship.
Padparadscha *looks up and raises her hands* Captain, I'm having a vision. We're about to be discovered... by Emerald!
Steven & Connie W-Wait. Captain?!
(Steven and Connie look at Lars in sheer awe, seeing he is in command of a Gem spaceship.)
Lars Thanks Padparadscha. Fluorite, how are the engines looking?
Fluorite *from the staircase to the lower floor*
(Fluorite descends down to the lower floor to inspect on the ship engine.)
Lars Twins, fire up the nova thrusters!
Rutile Twins Yes, captain! Right away, captain!
Emerald No! No! Those are my nova thrusters! That is my ship!
Lars Rhodonite, everything clear up ahead?
Rhodonite For now.
Emerald It was a minor inconvenience when you stole my personal shuttle and crashed it on Upsilon 9. It was an insult when you impersonated imperial officers during a cosmic jubilee.
(Lars smiles smugly, and the Rutile Twins and Rhodonite start laughing as Emerald describes her shortcomings.)
Emerald But to steal my Sun Incinerator is unacceptable!
Lars *smugly* If this ship means so much to you, maybe you shouldn't have left it unguarded in the docking bay of Klavius 7.
Emerald *furiously* There were 67 elite Citrines guarding it!
Lars Oh. I didn't see them. No, wait. I did. *crosses his arms smugly* They didn't see us!
Emerald I'll... get you! I'll get you myself! I'll do it right now. *chuckling* I'll blow you up to smithereens!
Lars Good luck catching us. We stole your fastest ship!
Fluorite *emerges from the lower floor* The engines...are all...set...
Lars Twins, hyperspeed us out of here.
Rutile Twins Right!
Emerald You will not go at hyperspeed!
Lars *makes finger-guns* Bingo, bongo.
Emerald OFF COLORS!!
(Emerald's transmission is cut and the ship blasts off at hyperspeed.)
Lars Man, she's been on my tail since Sector 4. That's like three sectors ago. Get over it, right?
Steven Lars! I have so many questions! *hugs Lars* Uh, where'd you get this ship? And more importantly, where'd you get that cape?
Lars *giggles* Stole 'em.
Fluorite *emerges from the lower floor* Ste...ven... Is that...another...human friend?...
Connie Yeah, I'm Connie. *salutes* Happy to be aboard. You must all be Lars' crew.
Lars Heh, they're more than that. Without them, I'd still be stuck in a cave on the Gem Homeworld. They were able to figure out a way off that lame old planet.
Rhodonite But we never would have been able to steal a ship without Lars. He can slip past all the scanners undetected.
Padparadscha Her name is Connie.
Lars And now a few stolen ships and a couple of space crimes later, we're finally on a course toward Earth.
Connie Hey, you know, speaking of Earth, your parents put this together for you. *gives Lars the package from her backpack*
Lars Oh! *opens the package* Oh-ho, finally! Clean jeans! *holds up the pair of jeans* Oh, man! And my skull gauges! These are perfect!
(Steven and Connie watch on as Lars puts on the gauges on his ears. Lars then hands up Steven's teddy bear and sighs.)
Lars They didn't have to do all this. I'll be back on Earth soon.
Rutile Twins We are excited about your Beach City. I look forward to a planet of sand and water.
Lars Yeah! And my house. And my trampoline. The Big Donut! And... Sadie. How is Sadie?
Steven Oh! Really really good!
Lars *surprised* Oh. Yeah?
Steven Now she's Sadie Killer and the Suspects. Her band is awesome!
(Steven hands Lars his phone and he looks at a photo of Steven and Sadie hanging with the Cool Kids.)
Lars She looks... really happy... without me...
(Suddenly, an alarm begins blaring and warning alerts pop up all around the ship.)
Connie What's going on?
Steven Lars? Lars! Lars!
(Lars scrolls through the photos of Sadie, ignoring Steven.)
Rhodonite Captain Lars, a huge battleship is approaching fast. It'll be here in just five quads. What are your orders?
Lars *still staring at Steven's phone* I don't believe this. *inhales deeply, and yells angrily* How is she having such a good time without me?! Does she even know I died out here?! *zooms in on Sadie on a photo*
Steven Of course she does! She's been worried sick!
Rhodonite *observing her screen nervously* Already three quads away.
Connie *walks up beside Rhodonite* What should we do?
Rhodonite We could drop out of warp and ambush them, but that might be too risky. Or maybe we find a nearby planet to hide on? I'm not sure!
Connie What do you usually do?
Rhodonite Usually? Usually we just follow Captain Lars' orders!
Rutile Twins Captain Lars has taken so many risks on our behalf. We need him!
Padparadscha Oh no! The warning alarm! We're in danger!
Steven Do you hear that? Your crew needs you!
Lars *staring intently at Steven's phone* You don't get it, do you, Steven? *begins tearing up and sniffles* It should be me. *starts crying* I'm the one that should be hanging out with the Cool Kids! She's getting back at me for everything I've done!
Connie *stomps up to Lars* Do you really think Sadie is living her life just to get back at you?
Lars Why else would she be having so much fun without me?!
Steven Because life goes on, no matter what happens. She was so upset when she found out you'd be stuck in space, Lars. She really misses you, but, she can't stay sad forever. She started hanging out with the Cool Kids. She quit the Big Donut, all because she needed to do something to feel better.
(Lars looks up at Steven in surprise.)
Connie And look at you! Steven said you'd be hiding in some cave on Homeworld, but you're not! You're out here fighting for freedom with all your new friends in tow! Are you doing any of this to hurt Sadie?
Lars No! I'm doing this because I have to. *tears up* I'd never do this to hurt Sadie because-
Steven Because!
Connie Because!
(Steven and Connie grasp each other's hands and Steven's gem begins to glow.)
Steven & Connie Because you're best friends!
(Lars watches in shock as Steven and Connie fuse.)
Stevonnie And best friends wouldn't do anything to hurt each other.
[Title Introduction: "STEVONNIE: AN EXPERIENCE"]
Lars Whoa...
Rhodonite It's here... An imperial warship has just caught up to us!
Lars What?
Stevonnie An imperial warship?
(A larger ship catches up to the Sun Incinerator, dropping it out of hyperspeed, and turns toward the Incinerator, charging its beams towards it.)
Rhodonite The Destiny Destroyer! Their main weapons are pointed right at us!
Lars *looks at a photo of Sadie, and smiles* Hmm, pulling out the big guns just for us, huh? *gets off his chair* With a ship like that, Emerald could wipe us out in an instant, if she really wanted to. *hands Stevonnie back Steven's phone*
Rhodonite *panicking* Of course she wants to!
Rutile Twins Incoming message from the Destiny Destroyer.
Lars Onscreen.
(A transmission from Emerald appears onscreen.)
Emerald *laughs menacingly* Did you really think I wasn't going to be able to track my own ship? The Sun Incinerator's specialized nova thrusters give off an energy signature I could recognize from the other side of the galaxy. Now, surrender to me, or be destroyed...!
Lars *laughs back* I'd never surrender to you! *turns away* Blow us into stardust like you've always dreamed of.
Emerald *pauses briefly in surprise* Very well. Prepare yourselves for destruction!
(The transmission ends, all while Lars is smiling smugly.)
Stevonnie Lars, what are you doing?!
Lars Drop the shields, Rhodonite.
Rhodonite But that would leave us open to their attack! We wouldn't stand a chance!
Lars Trust me, we'll be just fine. Now lower the shields.
Rhodonite But-!
Rutile Twins The destroyer's weapons are charged at 90%. They're preparing to open fire!
Lars Lower the shields! That's an order!
Rhodonite *gulps* L-Lowering shields...
(Rhodonite reluctantly lowers the ship shields, just as the Destiny Destroyer opens fire. The laser beams graze the Sun Incinerator, causing the ship to shake and the crew to scream in panic.
Lars Twins, what's our status?
Rutile Twins Our weapons and shields have been knocked offline, but otherwise... We're fine?
Rhodonite We're still... alive! The lasers barely grazed us!
Padparadscha Emerald is about to attack, but... She's going to miss on purpose.
Lars *chuckles* Bingo, bongo!
(A furious Emerald appears on the ship's screen again.)
Lars *laughs hysterically* You really do have a heart, don't you, Emerald?
Emerald W-WHAT?!
Lars *turns around and points triumphantly at Emerald* You're not going to hurt the ship! You love this ship! It's your... best friend. You'd much rather let it get away than destroy it. *poses smugly and giggles*
Stevonnie Wow, Lars, I missed you.
Emerald You're right about that. I won't destroy my beautiful ship. But I will make it so you can't get away! Aim for their nova thrusters!
(The Destiny Destroyer fires at the Sun Incinerator again. The smaller ship shudders and the crew shouts in fright.)
Lars Evasive maneuvers! If only our weapons and shields were online.
Rutile Twins I think she has us this time.
Lars Unless we use... that.
Rhodonite That?!
(A video message from Fluorite pops up on Rhodonite's screen.)
Fluorite Not...that...
Stevonnie What's "that"?
Rhodonite The captain's experimental fighter jet that only he knows how to drive. It's too risky!
Lars We're out of options. *returns to his chair*
Stevonnie But Lars, your crew needs you here on the ship.
Lars You got a better idea?
Stevonnie *salutes* Captain Lars, permission to go in your place! If it's anything like driving a car, I should be fine!
Lars *blushes* Permission... granted! Take out the enemy's main cannons while we get our weapons system and shield back online.
(Lars presses a button on his chair, and Stevonnie crouches down as a green blob engulfs them from the floor, pulling them into a chute. As Stevonnie falls through the chute, screens of the crew appear around them.)
Lars Fluorite, how long before we have full power to shields and weapons?
Fluorite Give me five...minutes...
Rhodonite Can they really fly it?!
Rutile Twins If anyone can fly it, I'm sure it's friends of our captain.
(Stevonnie falls into the cockpit of the fighter jet.)
Stevonnie Whoa! It is like a car!
Lars *pops up on a screen on the windshield* We'll watch your back while you take out those guns. Now launch!
Padparadscha *pops up on screen too* Captain Lars is about to give the order to launch.
Stevonnie Okay. Launching.
(Stevonnie shifts the gear of the jet from "P" to "D3". A hatch opens on the Sun Incinerator, and the jet launches out of it.)
[Title Introduction: "THE STAR SKIPPER"]
(Stevonnie begins piloting the Star Skipper towards the Destiny Destroyer, which begins firing on the fighter jet.)
Lars Get in close! They can't aim at themselves.
Stevonnie Roger. Target within range. Targeting!
(Stevonnie begins destroy the Destiny Destroyer's main guns in quick succession.)
Lars One down! That's two! Yes! All right! Everything's almost fixed here. Come on back.
(Several missiles are then launched from the Destiny Destroyer towards the Star Skipper.)
Lars Incoming missiles straight ahead!
(Stevonnie quickly shifts the gear of the jet to "R". The jet's thrusters flip around to the front and blast off, sending the craft in reverse. As Stevonnie tries to evade the missiles, they realize the last missile will catch up to the Star Skipper.)
Stevonnie It's too late, Lars. I can't... No! *screams*
(The Star Skipper is caught in the last missile's blast radius and sustains critical damage. The smoking jet begins spiraling towards a distant planet.)
Lars Steven?! Connie?! NOOOOO!!

ve Transcripts
Pilot Pilot
Season 1 A: Gem GlowLaser Light CannonCheeseburger BackpackTogether BreakfastFryboCat FingersBubble BuddiesSerious StevenTiger MillionaireSteven's LionArcade ManiaGiant WomanSo Many BirthdaysLars and the Cool KidsOnion TradeSteven the Sword FighterLion 2: The MovieBeach PartyRose's RoomCoach StevenJoking VictimSteven and the StevensMonster BuddiesAn Indirect KissMirror Gem/Ocean Gem

B: House GuestSpace RaceSecret TeamIsland AdventureKeep Beach City WeirdFusion CuisineGarnet's UniverseWatermelon StevenLion 3: Straight to VideoWarp TourAlone TogetherThe TestFuture VisionOn the RunHorror ClubWinter ForecastMaximum CapacityMarble MadnessRose's ScabbardOpen BookShirt ClubStory for StevenThe MessagePolitical PowerThe Return/Jail Break

Season 2 Full DisclosureJoy RideSay UncleLove LettersReformedSworn to the SwordRising Tides, Crashing SkiesKeeping It TogetherWe Need to TalkChille TidCry for HelpKeystone MotelOnion FriendHistorical FrictionFriend ShipNightmare HospitalSadie's SongCatch and ReleaseWhen It RainsBack to the BarnToo FarThe AnswerSteven's BirthdayIt Could've Been GreatMessage ReceivedLog Date 7 15 2
Season 3 Super Watermelon Island/Gem DrillSame Old WorldBarn MatesHit the DiamondSteven FloatsDrop Beat DadMr. GregToo Short to RideThe New LarsBeach City DriftRestaurant WarsKiki's Pizza Delivery ServiceMonster ReunionAlone at SeaGreg the BabysitterGem HuntCrack the WhipSteven vs. AmethystBismuthBetaEarthlingsBack to the MoonBubbled
Season 4 The Kindergarten KidKnow Your FusionBuddy's BookMindful EducationFuture Boy ZoltronLast One Out of Beach CityOnion GangGem HarvestThree Gems and a BabySteven's DreamAdventures in Light DistortionGem HeistThe ZooThat Will Be AllThe New Crystal GemsStorm in the RoomRocknaldoTiger PhilanthropistRoom for RubyLion 4: Alternate EndingDoug OutThe Good LarsAre You My Dad?I Am My Mom
Season 5 Stuck TogetherThe TrialOff ColorsLars' HeadDewey WinsGemcationRaising the BarnBack to the KindergartenSadie KillerKevin PartyLars of the StarsJungle MoonYour Mother and MineThe Big ShowPool HoppingLetters to LarsCan't Go BackA Single Pale RoseNow We're Only Falling ApartWhat's Your Problem?The QuestionMade of HonorReunitedLegs From Here to HomeworldFamiliarTogether AloneEscapismChange Your Mind
Film Steven Universe: The Movie
Future Little HomeschoolGuidanceRose BudsVolleyballBluebirdA Very Special EpisodeSnow DayWhy So Blue?Little GraduationPrickly PairIn DreamsBismuth CasualTogether ForeverGrowing PainsMr. UniverseFragmentsHomeworld BoundEverything's FineI Am My MonsterThe Future
Shorts Lion Loves to Fit in a BoxThe Classroom Gems: What Are Gems?We Are the Crystal GemsThe Classroom Gems: How Are Gems Made?UnboxingThe Classroom Gems: FusionCooking with LionGem KaraokeSteven ReactsVideo ChatSteven's Song Time
Other We Deserve to ShineCrossover Nexus