Speaker
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Dialogue
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[Open Ext. Beach Citywalk Fries]
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(Steven and Amethyst run toward the counter of Beach Citywalk Fries.)
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Steven
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Hey, Fryman, give me the bits!
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Mr. Fryman
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*flips sign* Steven! We’re closed.
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Steven
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*disappointed* Aww, what?
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Amethyst
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*hits counter* Give 'em the bits! *chants while continuously hitting the counter* The bits, the bits... (Steven joins in.)
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Steven & Amethyst
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*both chanting* The BITS! The BITS! The BITS! *banging on counter*
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Mr. Fryman
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Okay, okay! Take it easy on the counter, will ya? *goes to cook fry bits*
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Steven & Amethyst
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Yes! *high-five each other*
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Mr. Fryman
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*hands Steven a bag of fry bits* I can give you actual fries if you want.
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Steven
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Just the bits, please. *takes bag* Thanks. *walking away while Amethyst picks a handful of bits* Ah, sunset, my favorite time of day. When the sun goes down, and the second sun gets bigger and bigger in the sky.
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Amethyst
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*bursts out laughing* Yeah, that big hot second su— *gasps, notices the Red Eye* Oh no, what is that doing here?
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Steven
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What is it? (Amethyst picks him up and runs while Steven drops his bits.) Ah, my bits!
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[Trans. beach near Crystal Temple
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Garnet
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This is bad.
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Pearl
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*peering through telescope* Look at the size of it, I had no idea these things were so big!
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Amethyst
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*running towards them carrying Steven* Garnet! Pearl!
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Pearl
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We saw. Some of us are trying to protect humanity. *angry* Where were you?
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Amethyst
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*puts Steven down* ... Eating fry bits. (Pearl sighs.)
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Steven
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Oh, can I see? *peers* Woah. It's a giant eyeball! Awesome!
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Pearl
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*angrily* NOT awesome! It's a Red Eye!
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Steven
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A Red Eye?! It’s going to infect us all!
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Garnet
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That’s pink eye, Steven. (Amethyst laughs.)
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Pearl
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It’s going to crash into Beach City and crush us, along with a bunch of oblivious, innocent people! We have to stop it.
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Steven
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What are we going to do?
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Garnet
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*adjusts visor* The only thing powerful enough to destroy it is a Light Cannon that belonged to Rose Quartz.
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Steven
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My mom?
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Amethyst
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*moans angrily* If Rose were here, this would be so easy.
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Pearl
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I know, but she’s not, and the cannon is missing. We’ll have to find another solution.
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Steven
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If it belonged to my mom, I bet my dad knows where it is. He can help us save the day! *silence* Huh? Eah?!
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Pearl
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*sugarcoats her opinion of Greg* Greg is... nice, Steven, but I doubt Rose would entrust someone like him with such a powerful weapon.
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Amethyst
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Your dad is kind of a mess, Steven. *puts hand on Steven's shoulder*
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Pearl
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AMETHYST!
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Amethyst
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I’m just sayin’, even if she did leave it with him, he probably broke it, or lost it, or dropped it in the ocean by now.
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Garnet
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True.
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Steven
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No way, I’m sure he’s just keeping it somewhere safe. I’ll go ask him.
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Garnet
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We can handle this, Steven. *to Amethyst* Ready?
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(Garnet picks up Amethyst and tosses her at the Red Eye, to no effect, making Amethyst fall into the ocean.)
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Steven
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Ugh, I’m gonna go.
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Pearl
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*half-heartedly* ... Okay, good luck.
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[Ext. It's a Wash]
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Steven
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*bangs on van doors* Dad, it’s me! Dad, are you in there? Wake up! We have to save... the— WORLD! *climbs on van* Dad! *trips and sets off car alarm* *smiles*
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Greg
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*bursts out with a waffle iron* Who’s there? I have a waffle iron!
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Steven
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*on top of the van* Dad, it’s me!
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Greg
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*looks up* Steven? (Steven jumps down and hugs his dad.) I almost waffled your face! What are you doing up so late?
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Steven
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What do you mean? The sun just went down an hour ago.
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Greg
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*blushes* Oh, heh. It was a... slow day at the car wash. Anyway, what’s up? Just needed to see your old man, pal around, learn some lessons about life?
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Steven
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*blushes* No! I need the light cannon that belonged to Mom, to blow up that eyeball! *points to the Red Eye*
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Greg
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Eyeball?
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Steven
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*points* That!
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Amethyst
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(Amethyst is seen flying towards the Red Eye, but falls back into the ocean.) Raaaah!!!
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Greg
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Wait, is that a magical thing? The Gems told me not to get involved with magic stuff. It... it could be dangerous or interfere with what’s left of my hair. *rubs hair*
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Steven
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But they need Mom’s cannon. You've gotta know where it is, like a cave dungeon or a cloud fortress, or in a clam at the bottom of the ocean!
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Greg
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Well, I don’t know about all that. But I have an idea where it might be.
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[Ext. U-Stor]
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Steven
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A magical storage unit! *rushes to U-Stor*
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Greg
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Ha, not exactly. But some would say there’s magic inside. *winks as Steven who looks at him cluelessly* It’s just a shed I use to keep things that don’t fit in the van. If it’s anywhere, it’ll be in here.
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(He opens the door and reveals a shed filled to the brim with boxes and clutter.)
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Steven
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If I’m going in there, I’m gonna need some gear. *ties a flashlight to his head with sock and electric cord wrapped around waist* Here I go.
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Greg
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Good luck!
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Steven
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*crawls into shed* Woah, cool! It’s like a dad museum. *goes deeper* There it is! *pulls down golf clubs* Do you golf?
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Greg
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Eh, I’d like to think of myself as someone who would golf... eventually.
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Steven
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*notices cannon shaped object* Hmm, yes! ... A drum. *rummaging* No, no... *gasp* Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh! Is this— *shoots T-Shirt Cannon* “Buy T-shirt Cannons”? *notices box full of CDs* Hey, there’s a bunch of copies of your old CD! *gets one and stores it in his pocket*
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Greg
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Huh. Oh, man, I couldn’t give those things away. You know, before I ran the car wash, when I was a one-man band, I traveled the whole country.
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Steven
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*chuckle* I know, Dad.
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Greg
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When I came to play a concert here in Beach City, no one showed up except—
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Steven
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An ALLIGATOR!
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Greg
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No, it was your mother.
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Steven
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*goes deeper* Hahaha, I know.
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Greg
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And we were always together after that. Until she gave up her physical form to bring you into the world. I don’t know what a magic lady like her ever saw in a plain old dope like me.
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Steven
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*breaks photo frame of Greg and Rose, gasps* Uh, Dad, I broke a photo.
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Greg
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It’s okay buddy. If every pork chop were perfect, we wouldn’t have hot dogs. *cannon begins to glow*
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Steven
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*notices glow* Huh? *gasps* The light cannon!
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Greg
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*looking at Red Eye* Oh boy, that thing’s giving me the willies. *rubs stomach*
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Steven
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Dad, I found it!
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Greg
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Really?
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Steven
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*tying cord around cannon* Get the van! (Greg pulls it out.) This thing could save the city, we've gotta get it to the beach!
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Greg
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How? It’s too big for the van. *wagon rolls by* Easy does it. *puts cannon on wagon*
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[Int. Greg's Van]
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(Steven and Greg are driving to the beach.)
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Steven
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Is it gonna be okay?
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Greg
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*shrugs* If every pork chop were perfect—
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Steven
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*chimes in* We wouldn’t have hot dogs!
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Greg
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*watches enlarged Red Eye* That thing’s getting huge, it's freaking me out.
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Steven
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Can’t the van go any faster?
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Greg
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This is faster.
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Steven
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Don’t worry. Come on, let’s put on your CD.
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Greg
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*embarrassed* What? Really? Come on, you’ve heard it.
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Steven
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*chuckling* You come on. *inserts disc*
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Steven
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*singing along with "Let Me Drive My Van (into Your Heart)"* Let me drive my van into your heart! *song continues to play in the background*
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(Sadie walks by in her jacket looking at Greg's van while Lars looks at the Red Eye and Mr. Smiley looks at the van pass by)
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[Beach]
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Amethyst
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*washes up back on shore* Throw me again, I think I’m cracking it. *notices Steven* Is that... ?
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Steven
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Hey, guys!
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Pearl
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*gasps* He really had it!
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Amethyst
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*jumping in front of Garnet and Pearl* We’re SAVED!!!
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Pearl, Amethyst and Garnet
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Woah! (Red Eye’s gravity begins to pull everything towards it, causing rumbling and destruction.)
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[Trans. Ext. Beach Citywalk Fries]
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(Mr. Fryman is observing the destruction affecting his restaurant.)
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Mr. Fryman
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Whoa, whoa, whoa, easy! (A sign rips off of the building.)
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[Trans. Beach]
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Garnet
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We have to use it now.
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Pearl
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I don’t know how it works, it was Rose’s!
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Steven
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Dad, how do we use it? (Greg shrugs.)
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Pearl
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Steven, this is serious. *realizes* The gem. You have Rose’s gem.
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Amethyst
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That’s it! *lifts Steven and rubs him against the cannon* Ah, come on!
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Garnet
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Stop that.
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Pearl
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It’s no use.
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Amethyst
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Fine, forget it. Throw me again.
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Pearl
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That’s not going to work.
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(The gravitational pull intensifies and pulls the van and cannon.)
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Greg
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*unhooks cord from cannon* I got this. *gets pulled* Ugh, wait, nope, maybe I don’t! *tries to stop van*
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Steven
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*to cannon* Please work, unlock, activate, go, please! Everyone’s counting on you, you can’t just be useless! I know you can help.
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Greg
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It’s okay, Steven. We’ll figure out something else, something even better.
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Steven
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R-r-r-right, if every pork chop were perfect, we wouldn’t have hot dogs. *cannon begins to activate*
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Pearl
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It’s working!
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(The cannon unlocks and falls. There is a collective gasp. Steven attempts to lift it and the Gems soon help.)
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Pearl
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Steven!
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Amethyst
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This is it!
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Garnet
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BRACE YOURSELVES!!!
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(The cannon shoots a rose shaped blast that destroys the Red Eye, causing it to explode and shrapnel to fall, destroying parts of the city boardwalk.)
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Amethyst
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Steven, you just saved most of Beach City!
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Steven
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*to Mr. Fryman* Sorry about that!
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Mr. Fryman
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What?
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Pearl
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How did you get it to work?
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Steven
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I just said that thing that Dad always says.
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Pearl
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That thing about pork rinds?
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Garnet
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Hot dogs.
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Greg
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*tears up* Rose...
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(The tide suddenly comes in and washes the van towards the beach but is still surrounded by water. There is collective laughter.)
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Greg
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My van!
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Steven
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It’s okay, Dad, if every pork chop were perfect—
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Greg
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I LIVE in there! *rushes towards van*
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Steven
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Wait up! *goes towards van*
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Greg
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Oh geez, wait, wait, wait!
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[END]
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