If every pork chop were perfect, we wouldn’t have hot dogs.
- This article is about the episode. For the object, see Laser Light Cannon (object).
Steven and Amethyst are at Beach Citywalk Fries ordering French fry bits when Amethyst notices a Red Eye going towards the Earth. Amethyst and Steven join Garnet and Pearl at the beach to come up with a plan to stop the ball, referred to as a Red Eye. They try throwing Amethyst at it, but to no avail. The only way the Crystal Gems can think of to destroy it is to use Rose Quartz's laser light cannon, the issue being that none of them know where it is. Steven suggests getting his dad to help, even though the other Gems tell Steven that his dad probably would not have the light cannon. While he is gone, they continue to launch Amethyst into the ball, but she merely bounces off it and plops into the ocean below.
Steven goes to his dad's van and tries to wake him up by jumping on the vehicle's roof. He sets off the car alarm, which causes Greg Universe to fall out of the van. Steven tells him about the problem at hand, to which Greg suggests that he might have the laser light cannon in his old storage unit. They drive to the storage unit and Steven goes in, trying to get past an array of junk, while Greg tells him about his mom, Rose Quartz. He tells him that they had met at one of his concerts, and that she gave up her physical form to give birth to Steven. Just as he says that, Steven steps on something that produces a loud crack. Steven looks down and sees a picture of his mom and his dad before he was born, the picture frame's glass now broken and the frame itself cracked. Steven admits he broke the picture, but his father shrugs it off and simply recites the quote: "If every pork chop were perfect, we wouldn't have hot dogs." As he says this, a pink glow emanates from the back of the unit. Steven follows this glow to the very back and finds the laser light cannon. Greg and Steven drive it to the beach (though the cannon weighs down the back of the vehicle considerably) while listening to Greg's old album. Greg is embarrassed to have the song played, but Steven loves it.
As they arrive at the beach, they come across the Gems still launching Amethyst at the Red Eye, the likes of which is getting dangerously close to the Earth. Pearl is shocked to see that Greg actually had the cannon all along. Suddenly, the ball starts emitting a gravitational pull and begins destroying everything in its range. Quickly, the group tries to activate the cannon. They try various methods- looking for a switch and putting Steven's gem near the cannon itself- but nothing works. His dad reassures them that they will find another way, and Steven agrees, repeating the quote: "If every pork chop were perfect, we wouldn't have hot dogs." Upon the quote being spoken aloud, the cannon glows and opens up in a manner similar to flower petals unraveling, but the barrel falls to the sand. The Gems help Steven lift and aim it at the Red Eye, and then out blasts a strong beam of light, in the shape of Rose Quartz, which swiftly destroys the incoming entity. The Red Eye explodes into many fragments, damaging several parts of the city, but the damage is overshadowed by the relief of getting rid of the danger just in time. Amid the celebration, Greg notices that his van is in the ocean. Steven starts to comfort him with the pork chop saying, but Greg cuts him off, shouting "I live in there!" The two Universes then try to pull the van out of the tide as the episode ends.
- Red Eye (Antagonist/Debut)
- Greg (debut)
- Mr.Fryman (debut)
- Lars (cameo)
- Rose Quartz (mentioned, cameo)
- Sadie (cameo)
- Onion (debut, cameo)
- Mr. Smiley (debt, cameo)
- Laser Light Cannon (First Appearance)
- Greg and Rose's Picture (First Appearance)
- T-shirt Cannon (First Appearance)
- This is the first episode in which Rose Quartz was mentioned.
- This marks the first appearance of Greg Universe.
- Virgin Media (UK) offers this episode and "Cheeseburger Backpack" on their TV Choice service.
- For the majority of scenes in this episode, Amethyst is in her "Nearly Final Version".
- It is revealed that Greg played at a concert in Beach City when he was touring the country in his younger years, and the only person who came was Rose Quartz. (The story told in "Story for Steven")
- Inside Greg's store unit, there are many items that refer to pop culture, such as a Super Mushroom from the Mario games.
- While it may be a bit trivial, many of the events of the episode are very similar to the events of the video game The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask. The Red Eye threatening to slam into the planet could be seen as being akin to the Moon from Majora's Mask, as both are large spherical entities from space. As well, in both scenarios, the main issue that the protagonists face in their quest is their very limited time in which to stop their respective threat. Again, it's trivial, but it's still worth a thought.
- If you look at the window on It's A Wash, it says a wash is $3, connecting the currency gap from the Pilot, in which Amethyst gave Steven a $3 bill.
- It is revealed in "Marble Madness" that Peridot sent the Red Eye to check Earth to see if any Gem life remained. She believed that the fact that it didn't report any Gem life (due to its destruction) meant that there was no longer any Gems on Earth.
- The Laser Light Cannon changes position between frames without being visibly moved.
- The Crab Shack was not near any body of water or any docks in this episode, but it was supposed to be, as seen in "Fusion Cuisine."
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