Speaker
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Dialogue
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[Open Int. The Barn]
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(Peridot is staring out of the hole in the side of the barn, recording a log in her tape recorder.)
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Peridot
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*calmly* Log date 7 15 2... *hysterically* I can't believe I just did that! I disobeyed my orders and went against Yellow Diamond's wishes! I'm a traitorous clod! I never want to think about what I've done again! *rewinds her tape recorder*
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Tape Recorder (Peridot)
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"I'm a traitorous CLOD!"
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Peridot
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*snickers delightedly* Yehahaha! And I called Yellow Diamond a clod RIGHT TO HER FACE! (Suddenly devastated, Peridot drops to her knees, while Steven watches.) *whimpering and sweating profusely* I called Yellow Diamond a clod... right to her face!
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Steven
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Uh, Peridot? Are you gonna be okay?
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Tape Recorder (Peridot)
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"I'm a traitorous CLOD!" *rewinds* "-traitorous CLOD!" *rewinds*
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Peridot
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*turns to Steven with a deranged smile* No!
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Steven
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It's all gonna work out. You're with us now.
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Peridot
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*clings onto Steven* You don't understand! I'm protecting a planet I was once trying to destroy! I used to follow every order. Every rule. Now I'm a traitor. A rebel! *eyes turn into stars* A Crystal Gemmmmmmm! *chuckles*
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(Peridot rewinds her tape recorder repeatedly.)
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Tape Recorder (Peridot)
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"-CLOD!" "-CLOD!" "-CLOD!"
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Steven
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Well... That tape recorder seems to be helping.
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Peridot
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No it's not! It's a chronicle of my descent into madness!
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(Peridot throws away her tape recorder, which hits Garnet in the face and she catches it. Garnet then approaches Peridot with her tape recorder.)
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Garnet
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You dropped this.
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Peridot
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*crawls on the floor and hides behind Garnet* Get it away from me. Give it to Steven; return madness to its source! *curls up*
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(Garnet shrugs and hands the tape recorder to Steven.)
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Steven
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Are you sure you don't want it?
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Peridot
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*holding her face* Whatever, it's yours now. Yours, not mine, not mine! Yours! Yours!
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Garnet
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*puts her hand on Peridot's shoulder* Let's calm down.
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Peridot
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... Okay. So am I gonna have to wear a star? Where am I gonna put the star?!
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(Garnet gently lifts Peridot up and carries her out of the barn.)
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Steven
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They seem to be getting along well. I wonder when that happened...
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(Steven looks at the tape recorder in his hand. He then looks awkwardly away and presses the rewind button, rewinding the tape all the way back to the beginning of Peridot's logs on Earth, cuing in several flashbacks.)
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[Trans Int. the Barn]
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(Steven and Peridot are sitting on the back of the truck in the barn.)
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Tape Recorder (Peridot)
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"Log date 7 11 2. The Steven has given me this Earth machine to replace my communicator log. It looks... extremely primitive."
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(Peridot snatches the tape recorder from Steven.)
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Tape Recorder (Peridot)
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"He also said he wanted me to stop calling him "the Steven"."
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Steven
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It's just Steven.
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Tape Recorder (Peridot)
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"I said I'll call him whatever I want."
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(Peridot hisses at Steven.)
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Tape Recorder (Peridot)
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"He told me that was rude."
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Steven
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*wags his finger at Peridot* Rude.
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Tape Recorder (Peridot)
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"I guess I'll call him... Steven."
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[Fast-Forward; Trans. Ext. the Barn]
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(Peridot observes a ladybug crawling on a blade of grass and then flying off.)
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Tape Recorder (Peridot)
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"The organic life forms of Earth have fascinating traits despite their poor choice of residence. I wonder if all of them of have flight capabilities."
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(Greg is repairing the roof of the barn, when Peridot climbs atop and sits down in front of him.)
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Greg
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Ohh, you must be Peridot.
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(Peridot stares intently at Greg, making him nervous. Suddenly, Peridot pushes Greg off the roof.)
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Greg
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Whooaoh aaaaahhh!
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(Greg falls backwards off the roof and Peridot walks over to peek over the edge. Garnet is seen standing on the ground, holding Greg, having caught him from his fall.)
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Garnet
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Peridot!
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Peridot
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What do you want?
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Garnet
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You can't just shove someone off a roof!
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Peridot
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Why not?
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Garnet
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This is a human, he isn't like us. He's fragile and soft.
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Greg
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Hey, it's not like a six pack is going to save you from that height.
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Garnet
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You could've seriously hurt him!
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Peridot
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Well, how was I supposed to know that?
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Garnet
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Hmm. Greg, you have to excuse Peridot. She's far from her homeworld and she still has a lot to learn about our planet.
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Peridot
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No I don't!
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Garnet
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Yes you do!
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Greg
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Ahh, hey yeah, don't worry about it.
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Peridot
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Gahhh! *runs off*
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Tape Recorder (Peridot)
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"In conclusion, not all of the organic beings here can fly. Additionally it is without question that the perma-fusion Garnet is the worst."
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[Fast-Forward; Trans. Int. the Barn]
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(Peridot is cleaning the inside the barn, holding a mop upside down and rubbing the handle across the floor, causing several scratches on the floorboard.)
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Tape Recorder (Peridot)
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"Today I was assigned a "chore"; cleaning duty. Like I'm the Pearl! These clumps don't know how lucky they are to have me."
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(Peridot violently sweeps some items off a chest.)
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Tape Recorder (Peridot)
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"Although while doing "chore", I did happen upon a container containing many... "shirts"."
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(Peridot opens the chest and lifts up a pair of boxers with alien heads pattern on them.)
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Tape Recorder (Peridot)
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"Imagine: appearance modifiers that aren't melded to your body."
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(Peridot puts the shorts on.)
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Peridot
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Oooh, hehehehehe.
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(Peridot begins to giggle indulgently, when Garnet walks in.)
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Garnet
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Nice shorts. *gives a thumbs-up*
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Peridot
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Ahh! Ho- How did these get here?! *rips the shorts off off her and screams*
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[Fast-Forward; Trans. Ext. the Barn]
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(Peridot is working on a piece of metal with a blowtorch outside of the barn. Steven then walks up to her from behind, holding something behind his back.)
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Tape Recorder (Peridot)
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"Log date 7 12 2. Today marks the 30th earth rotation since my... capture."
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Steven
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*holds out a pair of paint cans* Happy one month canniversary!
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Peridot
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...Cylinders?
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Steven
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They're stilts. You tie them on to your feet and then make you taller. I tried to spruce them up a bit. I dunno what it is about flames, but they just make everything cooler.
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Peridot
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Why are you giving me these?
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Steven
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Because I want you to feel nice! That's what gifts are for. You give them to your friends to show you care. And they go "wow, thanks!"
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Peridot
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*takes the stilts* Hef! As if I'd stoop so low as to tie your earth trash to my body. Leave me! *shoves Steven away* Go-go-go-go-GO! AND "WOW THANKS!"
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[Time Skip - Night-time]
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(Peridot is inside the barn, trying on the stilts.)
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Peridot
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*talking to herself* Why yes Pearl, I did get taller. How correct for you to notice. Of course, Amethyst, I will acquire those Chee-Z Chaps from that very high shelf. *jumps and stumbles backwards* Hahaha! They even function in reverse! *trips over a rock*
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[Fast-Forward; Trans. Int. the Barn]
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(Peridot stands in front of a mirror in the barn, holding a book titled "Jokes! How to Make People Laugh Around You Instead of Feel Bad".)
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Tape Recorder (Peridot)
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"Jokes."
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Peridot
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*clears her throat and talks to herself in the mirror* "Why did the chicken cross the road?" ... "The chicken wanted to get the other side of the road." ... *forces a laugh* Ahhh, hahaha! ... What's a chicken?
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[Fast-Forward; Trans. Int. the Barn]
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(Steven installs a TV inside the barn for Peridot to watch.)
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Tape Recorder (Peridot)
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"It seems the earth ones are constantly filling the voids of their life with meaningless distractions."
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(Steven inserts a VHS tape in the TV and "Camp Pining Hearts" begins to play.)
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TV Narrator
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On the last episode of Camp Pining Hearts...
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Paulette
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I don't care if you're on the yellow team, Percy. We can make this work.
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Percy
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It's color war, Paulette. Does that mean anything to you?
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(Paulette and Percy close in for a kiss.)
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Peridot
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What is this strange ritual?
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Steven
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*uncomfortably* Uhh, that's umm—
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Peridot
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Are they attempting fusion?
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Steven
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*blushes* No, well, my dad told me during certain stages of your life...
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Peridot
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How could anyone indulge in this... baseless drivel!? I'll have no part of it!
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[Fast-Forward]
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(Peridot is sitting extremely close to the TV screen.)
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Tape Recorder (Peridot)
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"Hour 78 of Camp Pining Hearts."
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Percy & Peridot
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It's the color war, Paulette. Doesn't that mean anything to you?
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(Steven walks in, wearing his banana pajamas.)
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Steven
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Uh, you've been here for a few days, is everything okay?
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Peridot
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I've just been.. watching your previously recorded entertainment.
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Steven
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Is that... the same episode from three days ago?
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Peridot
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There's more than one?
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Steven
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Ummmm... nah. *shrugs* Oh, you made a picture. *reaches down to pick up a paper in front of Peridot*
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Peridot
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*quickly grabs and holds up the paper, revealing a shipping chart* Picture? This isn't just a picture Steven! It's a complex chart cataloging the compatible characteristics between campers. Somehow, the rejects at "Camp Clod" fail to recognize the superior pair that is Pierre and Percy.
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Steven
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Well, that's because Paulette likes Percy.
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Peridot
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Paulette? Ha! Paulette has no place in the camp's hierarchy. Now Pierre, Pierre is a brute, Pierre laid waste to the three legged races! Pierre and Percy present the strongest battle formations, they'd destroy the camp!
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Steven
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You got all this from one episode?
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Peridot
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It's... subtext Steven. Allow me to explain.
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(The flashbacks suddenly pause, returning to Steven in the present, listening to Peridot's logs while eating chips.)
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Tape Recorder (Peridot)
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"Well, first of all, Percy and Pierre are on the yellow team, and als—"
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Steven
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*annoyed* Ugh, I remember this part.
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(Steven presses the fast-forward button, speeding through the log Peridot energetically explaining her theories.)
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Tape Recorder (Peridot)
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*sped through* "Percy is using his pogo stick to save her. Not to mention Percy is adept at aquatic sports. He would have won the canoe race if he weren't so busy drooling over Paulette, and the other part where Percy goes to the bottom of the lake to get Paulette's friendship bracelet proves that he has the largest lung capacity in the entire camp! And Pierre is a force to be reckoned with on land, when he hung Bunk Seven's underwear in the tree, the whole-"
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(The tape then stops fast-forwarding at this point and the flashback resumes. Steven is asleep on couch while Garnet sits in to listen to the end of Peridot's explanation.)
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Peridot
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... And that's why Percy and Pierre are objectively the best for each other!
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(Steven flops off the couch, still asleep. Garnet gives Peridot a thumbs-up and Peridot tears up her chart while screaming angrily.)
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[Fast-Forward; Trans. Ext. the Barn]
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(Pearl is working on the drill while Garnet watches on and Peridot records in her tape recorder.)
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Peridot
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Log Date 7 13 2. Progress on the cluster drill is going optimal, surprisingly. Though I have a few complaints on the work ethic of—
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Amethyst
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*suddenly pops in, shapeshifted as Lion* Heyyyy!
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(Peridot stiffened, startled by Amethyst, giggling in delight.)
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Pearl
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Amethyst, really. *lifts up her welding helmet* This is no time to be fooling around.
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Amethyst
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Aww... Come on P, I'm just tryin'ta "lion" the mood. *pause* "Lion" the mood.
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(Pearl brings down her welding helmet and grumbles in annoyance behind it.)
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Peridot
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Do you always use shapeshifting like this?
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Amethyst
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You mean to be really cool? *shapeshifts into Peridot* Pretty much.
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Peridot
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But it's such a—
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Peridot & Amethyst
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Significant use of energy compared to the output.
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Peridot
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What was that?
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Amethyst
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I've been practicing my "Periphrasing", pretty impressive in my opinion, but it's hard to beat the original.
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Peridot
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*blushes* Heheheh. So, can you shift into anything?
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Amethyst
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Sure. *shapeshifts back to normal* Got a request?
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[Time Skip]
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(Amethyst, shapeshifted as a chicken, begins running around the place while the other Gems watch.)
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Amethyst
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Bawk-bawk! I'm a chicken! Ahahaha!
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Peridot
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*points and laughs* I get the joke now!
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Pearl
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Heh, yes well at least she isn't "lion" around anymore, heheh.
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Peridot
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*forces a laugh* Ahahaha!
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Tape Recorder (Peridot)
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"Pearl really tries for some reason and I can appreciate that, Amethyst's company is entertaining as well, but the fused one..." (Garnet gives a thumbs-up.) "... eludes me."
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[Fast-Forward]
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(Pearl and Amethyst stand in front of the completed drill.)
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Pearl
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Okay, we can add more support as we go, but for now we just have to pick it up and put it on top.
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Amethyst
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No sweat. *shapeshifts into Purple Puma* Let's do this!
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Pearl
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You've got the right idea but we might wanna be a bit more careful.
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Amethyst
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*shapeshifts back to normal* Gotcha. Ahem, shall we?
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(Pearl and Amethyst dance and fuse into Opal, startling Peridot, who is working nearby. Opal stretches, picks up the drill and puts it on a pair of placement boards.)
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Garnet
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That looks great! Let's take a break. *walks off*
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Peridot
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Wha?
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(Peridot glares at Opal and then runs up to Garnet, who is relaxing on a hay bale.)
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Peridot
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Alright, I'm at my limit!
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Garnet
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Evening, Peridot.
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Peridot
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Explain it to me, fusion! I can at least make sense of your existence if it's for a functional purpose. But you? You're not using your combined size and strength to do anything!
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Garnet
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I'm doing something.
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Peridot
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And what's that?
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Garnet
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Stargazing.
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Peridot
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Eugh. You can do that alone.
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Garnet
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Don't want to.
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Peridot
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Hmph.
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(Garnet pats the hay bale beside her, and Peridot sighs and sits down next to Garnet.)
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Garnet
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You can see Homeworld's galaxy from here.
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Peridot
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*gazes up* You're right.
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Garnet
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We're very different, I appreciate that.
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Peridot
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Really?
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Garnet
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If you really want to understand fusion, I can help you.
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Peridot
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What do you mean?
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Garnet
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Let's fuse.
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Peridot
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Oh my stars! *falls off the hay bale*
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Garnet
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Hah, I get it. You're not ready, that's fair. Another time then.
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Peridot
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No! Uh, no no no, just— Just give me a sec!
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(Peridot walks into the barn. Later, Peridot returns on her paint bucket "stilts". Garnet starts playing music, and begins dancing with Peridot.)
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Garnet
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Get ready.
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Peridot
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Nuh, no no no no no.
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(Peridot backs away from Garnet, nearly falling over in the process.)
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Peridot
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I can't do it.
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Garnet
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That's fine! Peridot, I'm proud of you.
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Peridot
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Why!?
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Garnet
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Because you made an effort to understand me.
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Peridot
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But I still don't understand you! Why are you fused all the time?!
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Garnet
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I'm Percy and Pierre.
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Peridot
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... Ohhhhh! *slams her fist in her palm in realization*
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[Trans. Int. the Barn, Present Day]
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(The flashback ends, returning to Steven, still listening to the tape recorder as he fast-forwards the tape again.)
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Tape Recorder (Peridot)
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"Okay, go!"
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Tape Recorder (Garnet)
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"Log date—" (Steven gasps) "—seven fourteen two."
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Tape Recorder (Peridot)
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"No, you say it seven one four two. Ugh! Log date 7 14 2. I have attempted a fusion with the fusion Garnet. I had hoped to gain a better understanding of fusion. Instead, I got a better understanding of Garnet".
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Tape Recorder (Garnet)
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"Wait, keep it on a moment. Steven, you probably shouldn't have listened to Peridot's logs, but I know your curiosity comes from a place of caring. You should give the recorder back to her now. She's going to want to keep it."
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Tape Recorder (Peridot)
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"Wait, what?"
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(Steven stops the tape recorder, as Peridot and Garnet walk back into the barn.)
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Steven
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Here, Peridot. Take this back. *hands the tape recorder back to Peridot*
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Peridot
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Wow. Thanks.
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(Garnet and Steven both give a thumbs-up. Peridot blushes and gives a thumbs-up too. The star iris then closes on her face, ending the episode.)
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[END]
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