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This is a transcribed copy of "Mr. Greg". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
Previous: "Drop Beat Dad" Next: "Too Short to Ride"
Speaker Dialogue
[Open Ext. Greg's Van]
(Static flickers on the screen and a pre-recorded video begins to play. A variation of the song "Comet" is then heard, sung by a younger Marty.)
Marty ♫ From the moment the meat hits the flame, / My stomach is growling without any shame! / And I know in my gut, / It's been worth the $5.95! / Would you like a burger? / From Pepe's Burgers? ♫
(A commercial style advertisement is played, featuring Pepe's Burgers and its burger meal at $5.95, with Marty being the face of the commercial, as he takes a bite out of a burger and winks to the audience. Steven, joined by Greg and Pearl, watches in awe as the commercial concludes on the TV inside Greg's van, parked outside the Crystal Temple.)
Steven Whoa! Your song is on TV!
Greg Yeah. Apparently, Marty sold my song as a burger jingle, and now I'm filthy stinking rich. *holds out the check slip Marty gave him*
Steven *sighs* The sweet stench of success.
Pearl *leans towards the TV curiously* What is this?
Greg You know when Rose came to my concert? The night we met? I was playing this song!
Pearl This is what did it? Burgers?
Greg It wasn't about burgers back then. She probably would've like this, though, right?
Pearl *sighs* She would have loved it. *walks away, looking upset*
(Greg groans in discontent as he turns off the TV.)
Steven So, what are you gonna do with all the money?
Greg I don't know.
(Greg climbs into the back of his van and grabs his guitar. Steven sit next to him, and Greg begins to sing "Don't Cost Nothing'" with him.)
Greg ♫ Bright sunny day, don't cost nothing. / Light summer breeze, don't cost nothing. / What do I do, with all this money? / When the only thing I want is you? ♫
(Steven shrugs.)
Greg ♫ Palling around, don't cost nothing. / Singing a song, don't cost nothing. / How do I spend, all this money? I'd rather just spend time with you. ♫
Steven ♫ You could buy a house, and a car. ♫
Greg ♫ I guess that I can, but I've already got a van. / I could put you through college. ♫
Steven But I'm with the Gems all the time?
Greg ♫ Or I could buy you all the finest courses online. ♫
Steven ♫ What if we took a trip? ♫
Greg Do you think?
Steven Yeah, I do! ♫ We could take a vacation. ♫ We could go somewhere new.
(Steven and Greg begins to ponder, when Greg has an idea and begins rummaging inside his van. The song then transitions to a more upbeat one: "Empire City".)
Greg ♫ I know a place that's always exciting! / The show and the sights and the lights that are blinding! / Empire City! I'm talkin' Empire City! ♫
(Greg pulls out a postcard illustrating the city of Empire City.)
Greg The streets and the sounds and the buildings towering! / Subways that run from Brooklyn to the Bowery! / Empire City! Let's go to Empire City!
(Greg and Steven starts singing in harmony as they run into the Beach House to pack for the trip.)
Greg & Steven ♫ I know a place that's always exciting! (We don't need money!) / The shows and the sights and the lights so blinding! (But could be funny!) / The streets and the sounds and the buildings towering! (So let's go today!) / Subways that run from Brooklyn to the Bowery! (Just point me the way to...) / Empire City! (Empire City!) ♫
(A spotlight shine upon Greg and Steven as the words "Empire City" appear above them in neon lights.)
Steven ♫ And let's bring Pearl! ♫
(Another spotlight shine on Pearl, her name in neon lights appears above her, as the song ends.)
Greg What!?
Pearl ... I don't know. Past experiences have taught me that three is a crowd.
Greg *whispers to Steven* Steven, me and Pearl haven't gotten along that well since, uh... Well, since I started dating your mother. *glances at the painting of Rose in the house*
Steven Aw, come on! We're all a big family. It'll be great. Just you, me, Pearl, and don't forget Mom.
(Steven pulls up his shirt to reveal his gem. Greg and Pearl gasp and stare at each other, in response to the awkward situation.)
[Trans. Empire City]
(An orchestral fanfare is heard as Greg drives Steven and Pearl into Empire City in his van. He parks outside a hotel called Le Hotel and the trio enters it. Greg goes to the counter and rings the bell. The desk clerk, Ricky, glances at Greg, seemingly unamused by his appearance, until Greg hands him a card, reading "Mr Greg: Bazzzillionaire". Steven then appears and puts a stack of money on the counter. Ricky's eyes widen in sheer surprise and he, along with several hotel employees suddenly popping in, begins to sing "Mr. Greg" in his honor.)
Ricky ♫ Hey, shake a leg! ♫
Hotel Employees ♫ Hey, shake a leg! ♫
Ricky ♫ It's Mr. Greg! ♫
Hotel Employees ♫ It's Mr. Greg! ♫
Ricky ♫ And he's here to spend his dough all over the town! ♫
(The hotel employees carry Greg, Steven and Pearl over their heads and bring them to a fancy restaurant, seating them down at a table.)
Hotel Employees ♫ He's got the bucks. ♫
Greg ♫ I've got the bucks! ♫
Hotel Employees ♫ It's all deluxe. ♫
Greg ♫ It's all deluxe! / When you're dining out with me, it's the finest steak and brie. / And if I break a table, it ain't no- Whoa!
(Greg dances on the table, but accidentally slips off and breaks it. The concerned Ricky pops in and Greg hands him a currency note.)
Greg Just bill it to my bank.
Ricky A hundred bucks?! ♫ Gee, thanks! ♫
(The hotel employees then carry Greg, Steven and Pearl into the elevator and up to the hotel penthouse. Steven and Greg get changed into fine tuxedos with top hats and begin having fun in the penthouse's pool. Pearl does not seem to enjoy herself though, and Greg and Steven glare at her. They then grin again, as Pearl get changed into a tuxedo and top hat as well.)
Pearl ♫ I must admit... ♫
Steven & Greg ♫ You must admit. ♫
Pearl ♫ It's a perfect fit! ♫
Steven & Greg ♫ You look great in it!. ♫
Pearl ♫ And those fountains I found wasteful, are actually quite tasteful. / This city's got its charm, unlike that termite-ridden barn. / And any time with Steven makes for a delightful evenin'! ♫
(Pearl begins tap-dancing with Steven.)
Greg ♫ You're having fun! ♫
Pearl ♫ More or less. ♫
Greg ♫ So dance with me! Just say-
Pearl NO!
(Greg tries to dance with Pearl, but Pearl immediately pulls herself away in revulsion, abruptly ending the song.)
Pearl I... I mean... *sighs* Maybe later... *walks away sulking*
Hotel Employee Boo! You ruined the song!
Greg *holds out a handful of cash* Sorry, guys. Thanks for singing with us.
(Steven looks at Pearl in dismay, as she stands in front of the windows.)
Greg Don't worry about it, kiddo. It's always been this way.
(Steven keeps looking at Pearl sadly as the hotel employees begin to leave.)
[Time Skip]
(Pearl walks in to look around the penthouse, now unlit and in a messy state from Greg and Steven's activities. She then enters the bedroom, where Steven and Greg are fast asleep on a king-sized bed. Pearl walks over to glance down at the snoring duo and sighs deeply. She looks at a bouquet of roses by the bedside and smiles, as she begins to sing "It's Over Isn't It".)
Pearl ♫ I was fine with the men, / Who would come into her life now and again. / I was fine 'cause I knew, / That they didn't really matter, until you. ♫
(Pearl pulls out a single rose from the banquet and puts on her top hat. She then walks out onto the balcony, when Steven is waken up by Pearl's song.)
Pearl ♫ I was fine when you came, / And we fought like it was all some silly game. / Over her, who she'd chose. / After all those years, I never thought I'd lose. ♫
(Pearl dances on the balcony and leans against the glass edge of the balcony. She then lets her hat roll down her arm and catches it in his hand.)
Pearl ♫ It's over, isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it over? / It's over, isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it over? / You won, and she chose you, and she loved you, and she's gone. / It's over, isn't it? Why can't I move on? ♫
(Steven sits up on the bed, staring sadly at Pearl, as she jumps on the glass railings, putting on her top hat.)
Pearl War and glory, reinvention. / Fusion, freedom, her attention. / Out in daylight, my potential. / Bold, precise, experimental. ♫
(Pearl begins jousting, using the rose like a sword, and dancing on top of the railing. She then lays on her back on the railings, gazing up and reaching out to the sky.)
Pearl ♫ Who am I now in this world without her? / Petty and dull with the nerve to doubt her. / What does it matter? It's already done! / Now I've got to be there for her son! ♫
(Clouds in the sky form into silhouettes of Rose, Pearl, and Greg. Cloud Rose turns her attention to Cloud Greg, leaving Cloud Pearl as it looks down in sorrow. Steven begins climbing off the bed, as Pearl gets off the glass railings too and leans against it.)
Pearl ♫ It's over, isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it over? / It's over, isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it over? / You won, and she chose you, and she loved you, and she's gone!
(Pearl throws the rose high into the air, and the wind carries it off the balcony. A single tear then falls from Pearl's eye.)
Pearl ♫ It's over, isn't it? Why can't I move on? / It's over, isn't it? Why can't I move on? ♫
(A shooting star flies through the sky as Pearl concludes her song. She then slowly returns back into the bedroom, and gasps and blushes in shock when she finds Steven, and Greg, are awake. Steven is sitting by the bed while Greg is sitting on the bed, with his back facing Pearl.)
Pearl Greg! You were... awake?
(Greg puts on a white bathrobe and straightens out his hair.)
Greg Nothing's gonna fix this, is it? *gets up and walks off*
Pearl Greg!
Greg I'm sorry you had to be around me. *exits the bedroom, moping*
Steven Dad!
Pearl ... I shouldn't have come along.
Steven No. This is exactly why I brought you.
(Pearl stares at Steven in shock and confusion.)
[Trans. Hotel Lobby]
(Greg is seen sorrowfully indulging himself with cherries out of a cup, as serene piano music plays in the background.)
Greg *sighs* Cherry man.
(Greg eats a cherry and throws the stem into the cup. Steven clears his throat from behind Greg and he turns around, seeing Steven holding hands with Pearl, smiling awkwardly. Greg gets up from his seat and Steven prompts him and Pearl to make up. Greg and Pearl look away from each other uncomfortably, when the piano music suddenly and inappropriately transitions into upbeat ragtime. Steven walks up to the pianist and offers him a bundle of cash. The pianist gleefully accepts the cash, singing to himself, and walks away. Steven then takes over the piano, cracks his knuckles, and begins to sing "Both of You".)
Steven ♫ Why don't you talk to each other? / Why don't you talk to each other? Just give it a try. / Why don't you talk about what happened? / I know you're trying to avoid it, but I don't know why. ♫
(Greg and Pearl walk up to Steven, noticing he is singing about them, and continues to look away awkwardly from each other.)
Steven ♫ You might not believe it. / You might not believe it. / But you got a lot in common, you really do. / You both love me, and I love both of you. ♫
(Spotlights shine upon the trio, as Greg and Pearl slide closer to one another. Greg turns into a shade of yellow, and Pearl into a shade of blue. The background turns into a pink starry sky, and Greg, Pearl and Steven all begin to cry. Greg and Pearl then begin talking to one another while lying down.)
Greg Look, if I were you, I'd hate me too.
Pearl I don't hate you.
Greg But I knew how you felt about Rose, and I stayed anyway.
Pearl That wasn't the problem.
Greg Then, what was?
Pearl She fell in love with you.
(Greg and Pearl sit up, looking at each other.)
Greg Well, you know Rose.
Greg & Pearl She always did what she wanted!
(Tear beads form in their eyes as Greg and Pearl laugh together, and Steven continues singing.)
Steven ♫ I know you both need it. / I know that you both need it. / Someone who knows, / What you're going through. ♫
(Pearl stands up and offers a hand to Greg. Greg accepts Pearl's hand, and they begin to dance together.)
Steven ♫ And you might now believe it. / You might not believe it. / But you got a lot in common, you really do. / You both love me, and I love both of you. / You both love me, and I love both of you. ♫
(Steven concludes his song while Greg and Pearl conclude their dance, smiling at each other, and the hotel employees pop out from behind tables to cheer on the trio. Greg and Pearl then laughs together when Ricky runs over to Greg, holding a covered platter in hand.)
Ricky *uncovers the platter* Le bill.
(Greg takes the bill, examines it and cringes. He then begins singing a reprise of "Don't Cost Nothing".)
Greg Ugh! ♫ Tailor-made suits, those cost something. / Room with a view, those cost something. ♫
(Greg unfolds the bill, revealing its tail reaching all the way to the floor.)
Pearl ♫ Dancing with you... ♫
Greg ♫ Don't cost nothing. ♫
Pearl Why'd we even come? We could've done this at home.
(Steven chuckles in delight, and the trio begins to pack up, preparing to return home.)
Pearl ♫ Singing a song, don't cost nothing. / Or was it palling around, don't cost nothing. ♫
(Steven shakes his head.)
Pearl *sweating* ♫ Getting it wrong...! ♫
Greg ♫ Don't cost nothing. ♫
Pearl *shrugs and chuckles* I tried.
Greg I'm surprised you remember any of it.
Pearl *blushes* What can I say? It's catchy.
(Greg begins driving, happily chatting with Pearl in the front seat, while Steven slouches in the back seat with his eyes closed, serenely singing Pearl's song to himself.)
Steven ♫ It's over, isn't it? / It's over, isn't it? / It's over, isn't it? ♫
(The van drives past a sign reading "Now leaving Empire State", and another reading "Welcome to Jersey". The star iris then closes on the van shrinking in distance, ending the episode.)

ve Transcripts
Pilot Pilot
Season 1 A: Gem GlowLaser Light CannonCheeseburger BackpackTogether BreakfastFryboCat FingersBubble BuddiesSerious StevenTiger MillionaireSteven's LionArcade ManiaGiant WomanSo Many BirthdaysLars and the Cool KidsOnion TradeSteven the Sword FighterLion 2: The MovieBeach PartyRose's RoomCoach StevenJoking VictimSteven and the StevensMonster BuddiesAn Indirect KissMirror Gem/Ocean Gem

B: House GuestSpace RaceSecret TeamIsland AdventureKeep Beach City WeirdFusion CuisineGarnet's UniverseWatermelon StevenLion 3: Straight to VideoWarp TourAlone TogetherThe TestFuture VisionOn the RunHorror ClubWinter ForecastMaximum CapacityMarble MadnessRose's ScabbardOpen BookShirt ClubStory for StevenThe MessagePolitical PowerThe Return/Jail Break

Season 2 Full DisclosureJoy RideSay UncleLove LettersReformedSworn to the SwordRising Tides, Crashing SkiesKeeping It TogetherWe Need to TalkChille TidCry for HelpKeystone MotelOnion FriendHistorical FrictionFriend ShipNightmare HospitalSadie's SongCatch and ReleaseWhen It RainsBack to the BarnToo FarThe AnswerSteven's BirthdayIt Could've Been GreatMessage ReceivedLog Date 7 15 2
Season 3 Super Watermelon Island/Gem DrillSame Old WorldBarn MatesHit the DiamondSteven FloatsDrop Beat DadMr. GregToo Short to RideThe New LarsBeach City DriftRestaurant WarsKiki's Pizza Delivery ServiceMonster ReunionAlone at SeaGreg the BabysitterGem HuntCrack the WhipSteven vs. AmethystBismuthBetaEarthlingsBack to the MoonBubbled
Season 4 The Kindergarten KidKnow Your FusionBuddy's BookMindful EducationFuture Boy ZoltronLast One Out of Beach CityOnion GangGem HarvestThree Gems and a BabySteven's DreamAdventures in Light DistortionGem HeistThe ZooThat Will Be AllThe New Crystal GemsStorm in the RoomRocknaldoTiger PhilanthropistRoom for RubyLion 4: Alternate EndingDoug OutThe Good LarsAre You My Dad?I Am My Mom
Season 5 Stuck TogetherThe TrialOff ColorsLars' HeadDewey WinsGemcationRaising the BarnBack to the KindergartenSadie KillerKevin PartyLars of the StarsJungle MoonYour Mother and MineThe Big ShowPool HoppingLetters to LarsCan't Go BackA Single Pale RoseNow We're Only Falling ApartWhat's Your Problem?The QuestionMade of HonorReunitedLegs From Here to HomeworldFamiliarTogether AloneEscapismChange Your Mind
Film Steven Universe: The Movie
Future Little HomeschoolGuidanceRose BudsVolleyballBluebirdA Very Special EpisodeSnow DayWhy So Blue?Little GraduationPrickly PairIn DreamsBismuth CasualTogether ForeverGrowing PainsMr. UniverseFragmentsHomeworld BoundEverything's FineI Am My MonsterThe Future
Shorts Lion Loves to Fit in a BoxThe Classroom Gems: What Are Gems?We Are the Crystal GemsThe Classroom Gems: How Are Gems Made?UnboxingThe Classroom Gems: FusionCooking with LionGem KaraokeSteven ReactsVideo ChatSteven's Song Time
Other We Deserve to ShineCrossover Nexus