Onion Friend/Transcript

This is a transcribed copy of Onion Friend. Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.

Previous: "Keystone Motel"

Next: "Historical Friction"

Speaker	Dialogue
[Open Int. Beach House]
(Steven stands in attention in the kitchen, with various ingredients on stand-by. The toaster then goes off, and Steven prepares a sandwich with a bagel, fried egg, smoked salmon and cream cheese.)
Steven	Yesss... Perfectly timed afternoon sandwich... complete. *about to eat it* Wait, I can't eat such a perfect sandwich all on its own, it needs a side! But what?
(The Temple Gate opens and Amethyst walks out, looking somber.)
Steven	Oh! Hey, Amethyst! I made lunch! *holds up the cream cheese container* You wanna eat this empty container?
Amethyst	No, thanks.
Steven	O-okay! You've seen Garnet or Pearl?
Amethyst	*lies on the couch, her back facing Steven* Nope.
Steven	Any... idea where they might be?
Amethyst	I dunno? Somewhere not talking to each other?
Steven	Hmmm... *thinks* Wait, I know what this meal needs! *opens a cupboard* A bag of- *gasps* Onion!?
(Onion is seen inside the cupboard, holding a bag of Chaaaaps Steven is going to take. He snatches the bag of Chaaaaps and jumps out of the cupboard.)
Steven	What the-? Oh no you don't!
(Steven runs to the door and shuts it before Onion can run outside. Onion then looks around and proceeds to jump through the screen window, escaping Steven.)
Steven	*shouting* ..ONION! *walks out onto the pouch, seeing Onion running away* We just put that screen in! *chases after Onion* Come back here! Those were going to complete my perfect lunch! *breathing heavily* It's a special flavor that's only in stores for a limited time!
(Steven chases Onion all the way into the town of Beach City.)
Steven	I know how you are with food, you're not even going to eat them! At least let me have just one!
(Onion runs into the garage of a house and Steven follows, sweating and exhausted.)
Steven	This... is it, Onion, nowhere to hide! *enters the garage* Now just... just drop the bag and, uh... Onion? *looks around and sees several paintings of Amethyst* Uh... Amethyst!? Uh... That's really weird...
(Steven exits the garage. Time passes by, and Steven brings Amethyst over.)
Steven	Um... so... I always knew Onion was weird, but... I think he's obsessed with you... What do you think, Amethyst?
Vidalia	Who's in there!? I don't know how you got past that tarp, but this is private property!
(A lady with a bulb hairstyle then emerges from behind a curtain, wielding a shotgun.)
Amethyst	Vidalia!?
Vidalia	Amethyst!?
(Vidalia sets her shotgun aside, and she and Amethyst run to hug each other, laughing.)
Vidalia	It's been years!
Amethyst	Man, you've changed! You look TERRIBLE! *laughs*
Vidalia	You look the same... *smiles* Terrible!
(Amethyst and Vidalia laughs again.)
Steven	Wait, whaaat? Who's she? How do you know each other?
Amethyst	Oh, we both kinda hung around your dad, but Vidalia's cooler than your dad, so... we started hanging out without him.
Vidalia	*looks surprised* Is that Steven? Look at him! He looks just like Greg! That's good, that's good. He used to be super hot.
(Amethyst and Vidalia scoff and laugh together.)
Steven	*blushes* Uh... so... did you paint these when you used to hang out?
Vidalia	Yeah, some of them. Some are new, though. Amethyst was my favorite model! *winks to Amethyst* Can you still turn into anything?
Amethyst	Heh... Anything but respectable. *shapeshifts into an abstract form of a painting behind her*
Vidalia	*laughs* Oh, man... We used to get into all sorts of trouble. *hands a photo of a younger her and Amethyst to Steven* Now tell me, Steven, aren't we just the spitting image of mischief?
Amethyst	Pfff... hardly! *chuckles* You're wearing slippers.
Vidalia	You don't know what I've done in these shoes. *laughs with Amethyst again, and takes back the photo* It's great to see you again... Sorry, it's been so long. I guess we've both been busy.
Amethyst	Oh, yeah... I get it. Kids. *pulls Steven in*
Steven	What about kids?
Vidalia	Oh, here's one now!
(Onion enters and clings to Vidalia's leg.)
Steven	*surprised* YOU'RE ONION'S MOM?!?
Vidalia	*giggles and lifts Onion* Yup, he's my little troublemaker. *takes a pair of scissors Onion is holding and throws them away* And Steven, he loves talking about you. (Onion mumbles into Vidalia's ear.) Oh! That's a great idea! Steven, Amethyst, Onion wants to know if you'd like to stay for dinner.
Steven	*hesitated* Ummm-
Amethyst	*interrupts Steven* We'd love to! *laughs* R-Right Steven? Onion's like, your best friend? *follows Vidalia into the house* Now tell me what you did in those shoes, girl.
[Trans. Int. Onion's House]
(Steven and Amethyst have dinner together with Vidalia's family in the kitchen.)
Amethyst	Mmm! I can't eat another bite of... heh, whatever that was.
Vidalia	Oh, it's just a little dish I like to call, noodles and butter.
Amethyst	I can't believe how long it's been! I mean, check this guy out! *points at Sour Cream, listening and jazzing to music on his earphones* I used to be bigger than him! *laughs, and then sighs* Do you ever hear from ol' Farty Marty?
Vidalia	Him!? *laughs* I dunno where that fool is! Don't care either. It's just been me and Yellowtail for a while now.
Amethyst	*notices Vidalia's wedding ring* Whaaaat? Yellowtail?
Vidalia	Yeah, things just kinda happened. *points at various family photos on the walls* Next thing you know, I'm living with a fisherman. Hahah, you should see your face right now.
(While Amethyst and Vidalia are chatting, Steven greets Sour Cream.)
Amethyst (Background)	*laughs* I just didn't expect any of this!
Vidalia (Background)	Well, it's just how it is now.
Steven	Hey, Sour Cream!
(Sour Cream responds to Steven with a peace sign, then continues listening to his music.)
Amethyst (Background)	So where's ol' Fishtail at?
Vidalia (Background)	Uh, it's Yellowtail... He spends a lot of time out at sea somewhere.
(Steven then turns to Onion, who is sitting besides Sour Cream. He glares at Onion as he is sculpting something with his food. Onion then turns his plate around to reveal that he sculpted his food into a rough bust of Steven's head.)
Steven	*happily* Hey! It's me!
Amethyst (Background)	Haha, dude, you used to complain so much about the smell of the docks.
(Onion then disturbingly licks a piece off the back of the food sculpture and chews on it. Stevens keeps glaring, as Onion opens his mouth and spills the chewed-up food out onto the table.)
Vidalia (Background)	It used to be so gross over there, now there are these fancy boats around. Remember when we snuck under the mayor's boat and trashed it?
Amethyst (Background)	Ha ha, yeah, I remember.
Steven	Why do you hate food?
[Time Skip]
(Vidalia begins washing the dishes.)
Vidalia	What about you, Amethyst?
Amethyst	Huh?
Vidalia	You haven't said a word about yourself all night.
Amethyst	Well, that's because my life is boring.
Vidalia	Alright, how are the Gems?
Amethyst	I dunno. *sighs* They're boring too.
Steven	*hastily* Okay, thanks for dinner, time to go! Right, Amethyst?
Amethyst	What's the hurry? We've got nothing to do. Besides, an Amethyst-Vidalia party don't end 'till the sun come up.
Onion	Mama!
Vidalia	What's that?
(Onion murmurs something to Vidalia.)
Vidalia	Oh! That's a great idea. Steven, Onion wants to show you around the house. What do you say? Can Onion show you around?
(Steven starts sweating in hesitation as he sees Onion staring at him, when the electricity begins to falter)
Steven	Uhhh! W-What's going on?
Vidalia	Oh, whenever Sour Cream starts DJing, it uses all the electricity in the house. Good thing Yellowtail's not here. It drives him nuts.
Amethyst	Dude! Your house is jacked.
Vidalia	What can you do? Kids gotta express themselves.
(Onion then slams his hands into his food sculpture, splattering it everywhere and startling Steven.)
Vidalia	*laughs* You too, Onion. Very expressive. *turns to Steven* Looks like he's ready for you, Steven.
(Onion looks up and smiles slightly at Steven. Steven glares back with unrest.)
[Trans. Int. Onion's room]
(Onion brings Steven into his room, shutting the door behind him, and Steven begins looking around.)
Steven	Uh... cool shopping cart.
(Onion runs off, startling Steven, and hops onto a small trampoline and then onto his bed. He then starts jumping up and down on the bed. Steven retreats into a corner in hesitation.)
Steven	Why don't you just jump up and down on that trampoline? I mean, it's like... right there. But it's your room, so do whatever you want. (A mouse crawls onto Steven's foot, and he gasps.) You have a little mousey roommate friend! Awww! Oh?
(The mouse runs off Steven's foot and Onion jumps off the bed to scoop it up once it is close to him.)
Steven	Is that your pet?
(Onion walks over to a large container at the side of his room.)
Steven	Oh, that must be where he lives, right? *walks over* Let me help you put him in his home. *looks into the dark container* This is a pretty large container for a little baby—.
(Onion turns on the light inside the container.)
Steven	*flinches* SNAAAKE?!? Onion, you... want me to feed our little friend to this snake, huh?
(Onion nods.)
Steven	Oh. *shudders and groans, and then looks at the mouse* Sorry, but... We all gotta eat. I... can't...! Ugh! *tears up and hands the mouse to Onion* Just take him from me! I-I'll be over here! *runs off*
(Onion takes the mouse by its tail. Steven shivers and sweats, facing away from the container, as he hears squeaking, and then the sound of the container closing. Onion turns off the container light and walks over to Steven.)
Steven	Uh... you don't have any more... weird pets to show me, do you?
(Onion walks over to a TV with a built-in VCR player.)
Steven	You... gonna put on a movie? That'd be nice, and not creepy at all.
(Onion inserts a VHS tape in the TV, and plays it.)
Steven	Cool hospital setting.
Vidalia (VHS Tape)	Okay, I'm ready.
Steven	Hey, that's your mom!
Vidalia (VHS Tape)	I'm ready!
Steven	What's she getting ready for?
Vidalia (VHS Tape)	*moaning* Ohhh, oh, Yellowtail... I think... *moans louder* It's happening!
Steven	Ah! Wait! What's going on? *covers his eyes in panic*
(Onion hands the VHS case to Steven.)
Vidalia (VHS Tape)	*moaning* Here he comes!
Steven	*reads the VHS case label* "Happy Birthday... Onion"? Is this you being born!? Aaah!
(Steven covers his eyes again with the VHS case as more moaning is heard from the video. Onion then turns off the TV.)
Steven	*sighs* I can't take much more of this.
(Onion walks back to his bed and climbs onto it. He peels off a poster on the wall, revealing a secret vent at the head of his bed.)
Steven	Where... ?
(Onion beckons to Steven with his hand with a blank expression. The electricity then starts to falter again, casting an eerie shadow on Onion's face. Steven finally snaps.)
Steven	Okay, I'm out, can't do this anymore, need to go home. *opens the door, leaves Onion's room, and walks downstairs* Amethyst, I'm sorry, but it's time to-
(Steven stops on the stairs and spots Amethyst and Vidalia, drinking tea, and having a serious conversation in the living room.)
Amethyst	Even Garnet! Like, I've never seen Garnet this upset. *sighs* It's awful at home. I feel trapped.
Vidalia	That's crazy! I know what you mean though.
Amethyst	You do?
Vidalia	Hey, we don't always get along in this family. Yellowtail and Sour Cream are always at each other's throats. It makes me nuts. Actually, when I get like that, I think about you! And how you could always just roll with it.
Amethyst	*blushes* Whaaat? No, that was you! You were so, ah, cool! I was just like, a dumb sponge following you around.
(Steven keeps watching the conversation, shocked in revelation.)
Vidalia	But you were down for anything, not afraid of anything. You know how much I wanted to be like you? *sighs* I still think about it. To be honest, that's why I started painting you again. I'm... I'm inspired by you, Amethyst. Ooh, looks like I'm gonna need more tea! *holds up a teabag from her cup* You wanna eat this bag?
Amethyst	Yeah! *chuckles* My favorite. *accepts the teabag and eats it*
Vidalia	Okay, I'll be riiight back. Good thing the kids are keeping themselves busy.
(Steven sighs and decides to head back upstairs to Onion's room.)
Steven	Okay Onion, let's do this. *shuts the room door* Whatever weird or horrible thing you have planned for me, I can take it.
(Onion, still waiting on his bed, crawls into the hidden vent, and Steven follows him. Onion crawls on ahead at a fast pace, and Steven tries to catch up.)
Steven	*panting* Hey, slow down!
(Steven keeps crawling through the vent after Onion, as it gradually gets darker the deeper they go, till it is complete darkness.)
Steven	Oh boy, this is gonna be bad. U-uh... Onion, where are you?
(Onion then flicks on the light, standing in and revealing a small room, lit with Christmas lights.)
Steven	What's this room? *climbs out of the vent and falls* Oof!
(Onion walks towards a small chest near the back of the room.)
Steven	What's in there? Something horrible?
(Onion opens the chest as Steven watches anxiously. He then turns and smiles at Steven, as Steven gasps in awe.)
Steven	Onion! It's full of G.U.Y.S.! *picks up a capsule that is fallen out of the chest* Wow! I've never seen this red variant of Ninja Guy before! You have G.A.L.S. too? *picks up each capsule and identifies them* Hard-hat Gal, Triangle Gal, Orange Gal, Karen! Karen... How did you get a hold of- No, don't tell me.
(Onion holds up a capsule to Steven.)
Steven	Hm? ...No way! It's... Explorer Gal! She's so cool-looking! Thanks for showing her to m--
(Steven hands the capsule back to Onion, but he refuses to take it back.)
Steven	...Y-You should take your Explorer Gal back.
(Onion shakes his head and pushes the capsule towards Steven.)
Steven	Are you... giving this to me?
(Onion nods.)
Steven	*gasps* I can't believe it! Thank you so much, Onion! Oh man, what other G.A.L.S. and G.U.Y.S. you got?
(Onion shows an empty looking capsule to Steven.)
Steven	Huh, cool. Invisible Guy.
[Time Skip - Night-time]
(Steven and Amethyst prepares to leave Onion's house, when Vidalia and Onion outside sending them off.)
Vidalia	And STAY OUT! *chuckles*
Amethyst	Umm, thanks for dinner. And for listening.
Vidalia	Well, thanks for breaking into my house! And don't worry about that other stuff. It's gonna blow over. You're a rock! That's what you are, right?
Amethyst	Eh, something like that.
Vidalia	Well, whatever you are, don't be a stranger.
Amethyst	Yeah, I can stop by any time if you need... "inspiration". (Vidalia chuckles.) *blushes* Or if you want, you could come over to the temple sometime too. You could even bring Onion for Steven to hang with.
(Steven gives a start at Amethyst's invitation.)
Vidalia	Oh, well, that sounds great to us. What about you, Steven? *looks at Onion* Ready for another round with this guy?
(Steven smiles at Onion. Onion smiles back, and then opens his mouth to reveal the mouse from earlier; it squeaks and hops out of his mouth. The star iris then closes on Steven, sweating anxiously.)
Steven	*laughs nervously* Yeah, we'll see!
[END]