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Steven gallery This is a transcribed copy of "Onion Trade". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
Previous: "Lars and the Cool Kids" Next: "Steven the Sword Fighter"
Speaker Dialogue
[Open Ext. Beach House]
(Amethyst is lounging on a chair, on the porch of the Beach House.)
Steven *from inside* Amethyst?
Amethyst Outside, dude~
Steven *exits the house* Have you seen Ranger Guy?
Amethyst Excuse me?
Steven Ranger Guy, one of my "G.U.Y.S.". You know, G.U.Y.S.? *waves two figurines in his hands*
(Amethyst stares cluelessly. Steven starts explaining in a commercial advertising style.)
Steven G.U.Y.S.!! Guys, Under, Your, Supervision!! There's Ninja Guy, Construction Guy, Cop Guy, Eye Guy, Invisible Guy, Jagged Guy, Cat Guy, Apple Guy, and my main man, Ranger Guy, the best of all the guys, has gone missing. Have you seen him?
Pearl What's that I hear? *exits the house too* You can't find one of your little men in that super junky room of yours.
Steven It's not that bad.
Pearl A-hem!
(Pearl opens the window of the house, and a seagull, wearing a banana peel on its head and carrying a slice of pizza, flies out from inside.)
Steven How'd that get in there? *shrugs nervously*
Pearl You left your window wide open for things to just fly in and out. *swatting the air*
Amethyst Aw, give him a break, P. My room's messy, but I always find what I'm looking for.
Pearl Then, why haven't you found my magic axe?
Amethyst I haven't looked for it yet.
Pearl Amethyst, go and find it right this second.
Amethyst Hey... feel free to go look for it yourself.
Pearl There's no way I'm going into that dump!
(Steven looks down at his two G.U.Y.S. figurines and walks away.)
Amethyst *sighs* Pearl, all your nagging's made Steven depressed.
Pearl Is everything okay, Steven?
Steven Yeah... I'm fine, just got to break the bad news to my dad.
[Trans. It's A Wash]
(Steven walks into the car wash to look for Greg.)
Steven Dad? Daaaddddd!? *is suddenly sprayed with water* Augh! I'm so sorry!
Greg Yeah, you're sorry, sorry you walked through that door without a hose in your hand! *approaches Steven* Ready for battle! Aaaah! *continues spraying*
Steven Wait! *blocks the nozzle of the hose*
Greg Man, you look sad and wet. What happened to your life, little guy?
Steven I... lost something... something precious.
Greg *gasps* Your innocence?!
Steven I lost Ranger Guy. (Greg stares blankly.) One of my G.U.Y.S.? From our special day at the beach last summer? You bought him for me at the end of the day. He was one of a kind. He had a miscolored hat, how could you not remember?
Greg *scratches his head* Ahh... Was this the same day we ate that awesome funnel cake?
Steven Uh... Huh?
Greg Yeah, man, that funnel cake. Ha, I even kept the plate. Come on! *signals Steven to follow him*
(Greg and Steven walk towards his van and he starts searching inside.)
Steven *sees balloons flying out of the van* Cool balloons.
Greg *begins rummaging the van* Ah, let's see here. Got some cans, napkins, oh, a yo-yo! A book about yo-yo tricks, a sandwich I've been meaning to catch up on. (Steven flings a nearby marble at Greg's butt.) Ow, my butt! (Steven laughs.) ... Wait. What's your story again?
Steven I lost my special Ranger Guy, and I'm quite upset over it.
Greg Huh, well, here's a bag full of quarters. *pushes a nearby bag to Steven* Now you can get all the G.U.Y.S. you want!
Steven *gasps and whisper-shouts with starry eyes* Thank you!!
Greg What'd you say?
Steven *yells* THANK YOU!!!!
[Trans. Funland Arcade]
(Steven stands in front of a line of vending machines, the G.U.Y.S. vending machine, specifically.)
Steven We'll be reunited soon, Ranger Guy. Here we go. *puts a quarter in, the machine whirls and blinks as it picks at random* And-
G.U.Y.S. Machine Dave Guy!
Steven What?!
G.U.Y.S. Machine *dispenses a Dave Guy figure in a plastic capsule* Lucky!
Steven Not lucky! He's, like, the worst G.U.Y.! *grabs the dispensed toy* Maybe he comes with something cool. *opens the capsule and takes out a toy tax form prop* Taxes? Come on, Dave Guy, is this all you have to offer? A bunch of paperwork? Answer me! Thank goodness I have all these quarters. *puts another quarter in*
G.U.Y.S. Machine Dave Guy!
Steven No! *inserts another quarter*
G.U.Y.S. Machine Dave Guy!
Steven Stop it! *throws the Dave Guy capsule at the machine*
G.U.Y.S. Machine Dave Guy!
Steven Ranger Guy-y-y...! *falls over exhausted, with a large pile of Dave Guys next to him*
G.U.Y.S. Machine This machine is out of G.U.Y.S. Please try again another time.
Steven *lies on the ground in defeat* It's over. (A snack machine next to the G.U.Y.S. machine starts to rumble and Onion pops out of it with a snack.) Huh? Oh, Onion. What are you doing? (Onion ignores him and walks away. Steven notices a figurine in his back pocket andgasps.) He's got a Ranger Guy?! Onion! Wait up! *packs up all of his Dave Guy in a bag* Let's trade! *tries to follow Onion* Which way did he go?
[Trans. Ext. Suitcase Sam's]
(Steven sees Onion entering Suitcase Sam's and observes through the window, as Onion haggles with Suitcase Sam.)
Steven Oh, I guess he needs a suitcase? Is he haggling with that guy? He's a tough customer. (Sam gives Onion a bag.) Looks like they worked something out. (Onion exits, Steven realizes the bag is a lunch bag.) Huh? Did he get that guy's lunch? I wonder how this is gonna play out. *follows Onion*
[Trans. Beach City Pier]
(Steven watches Onion from a distance as he sits on the pier with the bagged lunch.)
Steven (Onion takes out a delicious-looking burger.) Oh, man. Hey good lookin'... (Onion start flinging the burger piece by piece into the water, and Steven gasps.) What the heck is he doing?! He's not even hungry?! Oh, not the tomatoes!
(A boat whistle is heard, and a fishing boat pulls into the pier. A bearded man in a yellow raincoat jumps out and greets Onion, lifting him up.)
Steven Hey, is that... Onion's dad?
(Onion and Yellowtail communicate via murmurs that Steven cannot understand.)
Steven I guess they don't need words.
(Yellowtail sets Onion down on the pier and jumps back into his boat. He sails off again as he waves goodbye to his son.)
Steven Huh? He's leaving so soon? (Onion watches his dad leaves.) Does Onion just... sit around and wait for his dad all day? *gasps and suddenly remembers* Ranger Guy! Okay, let's do this.
(Steven approaches Onion on the pier.)
Steven Hey, Onion, how are ya? (Onion shrugs.) That's good, that's good. I couldn't help but notice that you're a G.U.Y.S. fan. (Onion stares blankly.) You know, G.U.Y.S.? ... The little man in your back pocket? (Onion pulls out the figurine from his pocket.) Yeah, Ranger Guy! How would you like to trade that boring old Ranger Guy for a brand spankin' new, mint in box, Dave Guy?! *pulls out a Dave Guy from bag* Pretty nice, right?
(Onion shakes his head and makes a beckoning gesture.)
Steven Oh, I see where this is going. You're getting quite the deal here, with TWO Dave Guys! (Onion shakes his head and beckons for more.) What? You want more? Like, two more? Five more? Ten more? Twenty more? This whole bag? All thirty of these Dave Guys for just one Ranger Guy. (Onion just keeps shaking his head and beckoning.) But there aren't anymore. The machine is empty; I bought them all. (Onion starts walking away.) Where are you going? Hey! Let's work something out! Ranger Guuuyyyyy!!
[Trans. Ext. Beach House]
(Steven returns to the house while Amethyst is still lounging on the porch.)
Steven *frustrated* Ugh, stupid Dave Guy. Got no future, your hair cut's gross, you smell bad.
Amethyst *laughs* You talking about Pearl?
Steven No, I'm talking about dumb old Dave Guy. I mean just look at him. *pulls out a Dave Guy* Does it look like his life is going anywhere?
Amethyst Aw, cut him a break. Maybe this is the year he gets his life together. Maybe he'll get a cool internship.
Steven Tsk, I doubt it. I can't even trade thirty Dave Guys with Onion to get ONE Ranger Guy.
Amethyst So you need more of that little man to get some other little man?
Steven Yeah, and the machine's sold out of them.
(Amethyst pulls out a strange wand from her hair.)
Steven What is that?
Amethyst Pearl's Replicator Wand. You can use it to make copies of stuff. You're magic, I'm sure you can figure out how to use it.
Steven Have you been sitting here all day with this in your hair?
Amethyst Nah, I got up to look for Pearl's dumb axe but found that instead. Then I replicated a bunch of garbage and stuffed it all in Pearl's Room. *snickers maliciously*
[Trans. Beach City Boardwalk]
(Onion throws a bunch of ketchup packets on the boardwalk and runs them over with his moped. He performs tricks on it until the moped spins out of control from him. Onion lets go of the moped and it explodes off-screen, erupting a wall of fire in front of him. Steven approaches from behind as Onion takes off his helmet.)
Steven Hey, Onion! *starts replicating Dave Guy with the wand and shoots another Dave Guy at Onion's feet* That makes 31. (Onion shakes his head and approaches towards Steven.) You want more? *shoots more Dave Guys* 31? 32? 33? 34? 35? 36? 37? 38? 39? 40?! (Onion continues to approach stoically.) Enough! What is it that you want?! (Onion points to the Replicator Wand, and pulls out Ranger Guy.) You mean, you want this, for Ranger Guy?
(Onion nods. Steven's hand starts shaking nervously. Onion's face slowly becomes wan and ominous, as sirens can be heard in the background.)
[Trans. Beach]
(Steven plays with the newly-traded Ranger Guy on the beach.)
Steven We are on the scene with Ranger Guy on Beach Patrol. *pretends to be Ranger Guy* "Things are looking just great out here, Steven." Yup, everything is great... Great... *falls backwards on the sand* Were you always this boring, Ranger Guy? *as Ranger Guy* "I used to be a doctor." Maybe you're just more fun around other— (A Dave Guy in a capsule suddenly drops on his stomach.) Umph!... G.U.Y.S.? Dave Guy? I thought I saw the last of— (Another Dave Guy drops on his face, followed by a steady stream of Dave Guy.) Hey, what's the big i— *notices massive wave of Dave Guys* —dea...? *gasps* Oniiooonnnn...!
[Trans. Ext. Funland Arcade]
(The Gems approach Onion as he stands atop a massive mountain of Dave Guys, spanning higher than the Funland Arcade building and as wide as the entire Boardwalk, and shoots Dave Guys straight up into the air with the Replicator Wand.)
Pearl This is ridiculous. How did he get my Replicator?
Garnet That child should not be in possession of such an item.
Amethyst Aren't these Steven's little men? *gets hit in the face with a Dave Guy* Oh!
Steven They're called G.U.Y.S.! *emerges from the pile of Dave Guys*
Pearl Can you please explain this mess?
Steven I traded that Replicator for Ranger Guy.
Pearl Steven! Why didn't you just replicate Ranger Guy?!
Steven ... Dang it!
Garnet Let's go before this gets any worse. (Garnet and Pearl leap off.)
Amethyst *sinks, waist-deep, into the pile of Dave Guys* Wah! How do you move in this stuff?
Steven Try and act like a rich duck. *dives underneath the pile*
Amethyst What does that mean?
Greg *pops up in front of Amethyst* Oh my gosh, I just wanted some ice cream!
Amethyst Hi, Greg.
Greg What the heck is going on out here?
Amethyst Eh, you know, just doing our thing.
(Garnet and Pearl attempt to climb the massive pile of Dave Guys capsules to reach Onion.)
Garnet Hand it over! It doesn't belong to you. (Onion turns the wand on Garnet and shoots a steady stream of capsules at her, which she blocks with her gauntlet.) This is not a game.
(Onion stops and shoots the wand at a car outside of Garnet and Pearl's field of view.)
Pearl What did he shoot? (Onion replicates a car above them.)
Garnet Go under! (She pushes Pearl under the pile and catches the car, but Onion buries her under a pile of cars.) *grunts*
(Greg and Amethyst wade through the Dave Guys.)
Greg Well, at least it stopped raining toys... (A car falls towards them from above.)
Amethyst Ah, rich duck! *pushes Greg under the pile and dives in too, just before the car crashes on top*
(Steven sneaks up on Onion from below the pile.)
Steven Oooon-ioooon!!! *tackles Onion off the mountain of Dave Guys and grasps the wand* Oof! Onion, please stop! Let's trade back. Take Ranger Guy, he's the best. He even has a miscolored ha— *turns the figurine over, notices his own initials on the feet of the toy and gasps* This is MY Ranger Guy! You traded me my own Guy! Our trade didn't count! *takes the wand from Onion and tosses it on ground, attempting to break it* That didn't work.
Pearl *pops up from the pile* I'm never letting Amethyst borrow anything again. (Garnet stomps on the wand, crushing it.) Garnet!
Garnet I'm not cleaning up this mess.
(All the replicas of cars and Dave Guys begin to disappear en masse.)
Steven I think I understand why you took my Ranger Guy, Onion. I bet you get pretty lonely waiting for your dad all day. (Onion nods.) You were probably really bored too. (Onion nods.) And 'cause you missed your dad, you took my Ranger Guy, which is a symbol of the relationship I have with my dad. (Onion shakes his head.) No, just the first thing? (Onion nods.) Well, here. You need him more than I do. (Onion takes the Ranger Guy Steven offers and runs off.)
Garnet Let's go. (The Gems walk off.)
Amethyst So, all the stuff that got copied turned into nothing?
Pearl Yep.
Amethyst Rats...
(Greg then approaches Steven.)
Greg That was really cool what you did back there.
Steven Thanks, Dad.
Greg But you went through all that trouble for a toy?
Steven It was more about the memories than the toy. Now we have new memories. Horrible, horrible memories.
Greg Aww.
(The camera pans upwards to the air, as the star iris zooms in and ends the episode.)
[END]


ve Transcripts
Pilot Pilot
Season 1 A: Gem GlowLaser Light CannonCheeseburger BackpackTogether BreakfastFryboCat FingersBubble BuddiesSerious StevenTiger MillionaireSteven's LionArcade ManiaGiant WomanSo Many BirthdaysLars and the Cool KidsOnion TradeSteven the Sword FighterLion 2: The MovieBeach PartyRose's RoomCoach StevenJoking VictimSteven and the StevensMonster BuddiesAn Indirect KissMirror Gem/Ocean Gem

B: House GuestSpace RaceSecret TeamIsland AdventureKeep Beach City WeirdFusion CuisineGarnet's UniverseWatermelon StevenLion 3: Straight to VideoWarp TourAlone TogetherThe TestFuture VisionOn the RunHorror ClubWinter ForecastMaximum CapacityMarble MadnessRose's ScabbardOpen BookShirt ClubStory for StevenThe MessagePolitical PowerThe Return/Jail Break

Season 2 Full DisclosureJoy RideSay UncleLove LettersReformedSworn to the SwordRising Tides, Crashing SkiesKeeping It TogetherWe Need to TalkChille TidCry for HelpKeystone MotelOnion FriendHistorical FrictionFriend ShipNightmare HospitalSadie's SongCatch and ReleaseWhen It RainsBack to the BarnToo FarThe AnswerSteven's BirthdayIt Could've Been GreatMessage ReceivedLog Date 7 15 2
Season 3 Super Watermelon Island/Gem DrillSame Old WorldBarn MatesHit the DiamondSteven FloatsDrop Beat DadMr. GregToo Short to RideThe New LarsBeach City DriftRestaurant WarsKiki's Pizza Delivery ServiceMonster ReunionAlone at SeaGreg the BabysitterGem HuntCrack the WhipSteven vs. AmethystBismuthBetaEarthlingsBack to the MoonBubbled
Season 4 The Kindergarten KidKnow Your FusionBuddy's BookMindful EducationFuture Boy ZoltronLast One Out of Beach CityOnion GangGem HarvestThree Gems and a BabySteven's DreamAdventures in Light DistortionGem HeistThe ZooThat Will Be AllThe New Crystal GemsStorm in the RoomRocknaldoTiger PhilanthropistRoom for RubyLion 4: Alternate EndingDoug OutThe Good LarsAre You My Dad?I Am My Mom
Season 5 Stuck TogetherThe TrialOff ColorsLars' HeadDewey WinsGemcationRaising the BarnBack to the KindergartenSadie KillerKevin PartyLars of the StarsJungle MoonYour Mother and MineThe Big ShowPool HoppingLetters to LarsCan't Go BackA Single Pale RoseNow We're Only Falling ApartWhat's Your Problem?The QuestionMade of HonorReunitedLegs From Here to HomeworldFamiliarTogether AloneEscapismChange Your Mind
Film Steven Universe: The Movie
Future Little HomeschoolGuidanceRose BudsVolleyballBluebirdA Very Special Episode
Shorts Lion Loves to Fit in a BoxThe Classroom Gems: What Are Gems?We Are the Crystal GemsThe Classroom Gems: How Are Gems Made?UnboxingThe Classroom Gems: FusionCooking with LionGem KaraokeSteven ReactsVideo ChatSteven's Song Time
Other Crossover Nexus
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