 "Don't worry, bro. None of this is canon." This article contains information on a subject that is not considered canon in Steven Universe.
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| This is a transcribed copy of Pilot. Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode. |
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| Speaker | Dialogue |
|---|---|
| [Open Int. Steven's Room] | |
| (Steven eating potato chips, staring at the Warp Pad for the Gems to return then, Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl warp in) | |
| Steven | You're back! |
| Amethyst | Hey, Steven, look at this! *pulls out a small Electric Skull which cackles* |
| Pearl | Whoa! What are you, crazy?! *knocks the Electric Skull out of Amethyst's hand and steps on it* |
| Steven | What the heck was that? |
| Pearl | An Electric Skull. Our Crystal Palace was swarming with them. *sits down on couch* |
| Amethyst | They were after this. *takes out The Hourglass from fanny-pack* |
| Steven | *entranced* Can I see that? |
| Amethyst | Yeah, sure. *Hourglass falls into Steven's hand* |
| Pearl | *interrupts* No! It's extremely powerful, we shouldn't have even brought it home. |
| Steven | Garnet, tell Pearl to let me see the thing. *Garnet puts finger to his lips* |
| Garnet | Shh... *puts her finger on Steven's lip* |
| Steven | Aw, man. I wanna come next time. I even wrote us a song. *takes out ukulele* It’s like “If you’re...” W-wait, hold on. *tunes ukulele, sings We Are The Crystal Gems* |
| Steven | ♪ If you're evil, and you're on the rise |
| All Gems | *clapping* |
| Amethyst | *chuckles* What’s with the part about pizzas? |
| Steven | That's just a best case scenario. |
| Pearl | You wanna sing that during battle? |
| Steven | Yeah. |
| Pearl | Why? |
| Steven | Because I'll look really cool! |
| Pearl | *laughing* You'll look... like a clown! |
| (Pearl and Amethyst laugh.) | |
| Garnet | Hey! Don't make fun of Steven. |
| Pearl | Look, Steven, you're still too young to come with us. You don't even have powers in your gem. |
| Steven | But I wanna help! |
| Amethyst | Why don't you grab us some doughnuts? *gives him a wad of money and hints at it* |
| [Trans. Ext. Steven's Room] | |
| Steven | *looks in hand and finds The Hourglass, gasps* The thing! *excitedly goes to Big Donut* |
| [Trans. Int. Big Donut- Steven, Lars and Sadie] | |
| Lars and Sadie | *Murmuring to each other* |
| Lars | Well, if it isn't Steven, of the "crystal femmes". |
| Steven | *sighs* Hey, Lars. *slams money on counter* Just give me three doughnuts. |
| Lars | You want me to connect them with a hot dog? |
| Steven | *gasps, looks at "dog-nut" ad* Oh, no, they're not for me. It's for Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl. |
| Lars | *getting doughnuts* What are they anyways? Witches or ghosts or something? |
| Steven | They're Crystal Gems and they save the world, like all the time. And I'm a Crystal Gem too. |
| Lars | Aren't they all like, hot girls? You're not exactly a hot girl, Steven. |
| (Steven grabs doughnuts and walks out) | |
| Sadie | Ugh, lay off! |
| [Trans. Ext. Big Donut- Steven] | |
| Steven | *grumpily to himself* "Not exactly a hot girl." Well, if I was, I wouldn't be talking to you. *gasps* Aw, I should have said that, that's really funny! *Hourglass activates, whites out screen* |
| [Trans. Int. Big Donut] | |
| (Steven is suddenly back in the Big Donut, at the counter) | |
| Lars | You're not exactly a hot girl, Steven. |
| Steven | *confused gasps, stuttering* Well, if I was, I wouldn't be talking to you! *triumphantly laughs* |
| Sadie | *laughing* Steven, good one. *hi-fives* |
| Lars | *frustrated in expression* You're a joke! You know that right?! You're a big joke! |
| Sadie | Lay off! *Steven walks out again* |
| [Trans. Ext. Big Donut] | |
| Steven | The thing! Did it let me do that comeback to Lars? Ugh, what’s his problem? Calling me a joke. *pretending to talk to Lars* Must be tougher for you, Lars, at least people like jokes. Ah, that's what I should've-! *Hourglass activates, gasps happily* |
| [Trans. Int. Big Donut, back once more] | |
| Lars | *frustrated in expression* You're a joke! You know that right?! You're a big joke! |
| Steven | *excited* It must be tougher for you, Lars. At least people like jokes! *laughs* |
| (Steven grabs doughnuts and runs out) | |
| Sadie | *laughing* Oh, Steven! You're on fire! |
| [Trans. Int. Steven's Room] | |
| Garnet | I just have a bad feeling. |
| (Steven enters as the Gems look at him.) | |
| Steven | I was at the Big Donut, and Lars was giving me trouble, and he was like "You're a joke!" and then, the thing *reveals Hourglass* took me back in time, and I was like- |
| Pearl | Wh-Why do you have that? *stares at Amethyst* Why did you give him that!? |
| Amethyst | He wanted to see it! I was letting him see it! |
| Pearl | *to Steven* We've been protecting that Hourglass for a thousand years. Now that it's activated, it can only be used by you for its chosen purpose! What did you use it for? |
| Steven | Comebacks...? |
| Amethyst | *laughs* |
| Pearl | Comebacks? You used it for comebacks?! |
| Garnet | *suddenly* Look outside! (All rush to window) |
| [Trans. Ext. Big Donut] | |
| (Electric Skull wandering around outside, bringing thunder clouds, Gems and Steven approach) | |
| Pearl | We've led it right to us. Oh, Steven, it can see the holes you've ripped in the fabric of time! |
| Garnet | Steven! Why are you such a butt face? |
| Steven | *hurt* W-W-What? |
| Garnet | Gems! Call your weapons! |
| (Gems summon their weapons and attack the ES (Electric Skull), Pearl is grabbed, and thrown, Amethyst attempts to save her w/ her whip but is thrown against the Big Donut sign and both it and her fall to the ground while Sadie and Lars watch) | |
| Steven | Pearl! Amethyst! |
| (Steven catches Amethyst, pushes Sadie and Lars out of the way and then crawls over to Pearl. Garnet punches the ES, pulling one of its hair tendrils out) | |
| Steven | Is this normal? Are we winning? |
| Garnet | No, this is bad, Steven. Help! |
| Steven | *tearing up* Ah, I can't. I-I'm... *realization* "A butt face". *takes out Hourglass* Why am I such "a butt face"? I know you are but what am- No, that's not good enough! I-I can come up with a better line than that with my... butt closed. Oh, that doesn't make any sense! Uh, butt face... Why am I- *shocked by lighting* Aah! Garnet! Uh, butt face... I can't... I can't help it... WHAT'S YOUR EXCUSE?! *Hourglass activates* |
| (Garnet, previously) | |
| Garnet | Why are you such a butt face? |
| Steven | *eyes closed* I can't help it, what's your excuse? |
| Garnet | *gasps* You did it! What happened? |
| Steven | *analyzing* Get back! *pushes Garnet, ES slams ground, throwing Steven up near Big Donut sign* Oh, oh, get up here! (The Gems jump up, behind sign) We can't get close to it but we've got to take out its hair thingies! Everybody push! |
| (The Gems now push the sign.) | |
| Steven | Eat this! |
| (Sign falls on ES, pinning it and causing lightning to blast it, burn its hair and explode, clouds dissipate) | |
| Steven | *victory scream, to Lars and Sadie laughing* I saved you, I saved you! And you guys! I wish I could’ve told you this morning, that this "clown" was going to save your lives-! *Hourglass activates* No-no-no-no-no-no-no...! *repeatedly* |
| [Trans. Int. Steven's Room] | |
| Pearl | *laughing* You'll look... like a clown! |
| Steven | NOOOO!!! *throws Hourglass to floor, breaking it into pieces* |
| Pearl | What the-? |
| Amethyst | It's okay, Steven. You're our clown. |
| Pearl | Yes, a very hilarious clown. |
| Garnet | Hey! Don't make fun of Steven. |
| Steven | Yeah! This clown is gonna save your lives. |
| [END] | |