Pilot/Transcript

"Don't worry, bro. None of this is canon." This article contains information on a subject that is not considered canon in Steven Universe.

This is a transcribed copy of Pilot. Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.

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Speaker	Dialogue
[Open Int. Steven's Room- Steven]
(Steven eating potato chips, staring at the Warp Pad for the Gems to return then, Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl warp in)
Steven	You’re back!
Amethyst	Hey Steven, look at this! *pulls out a small Electric Skull which cackles*
Pearl	Woah, what are you, crazy?! *knocks the Electric Skull out of Amethyst's hand and steps on it*
Steven	What the heck was that?!
Pearl	An Electric Skull, our Crystal Palace was swarming with them. *sits down on couch*
Amethyst	They were after this. *takes out The Hourglass from fanny-pack*
Steven	*entranced* Can I see that?
Amethyst	Yeah, sure. *Hourglass falls into Amethyst's hand*
Pearl	*interrupts* No! It’s extremely powerful, we shouldn’t have even brought it home.
Steven	Garnet, tell Pearl to let me see the thing- *Garnet puts finger to his lips*
Garnet	Shh... *has finger on Steven's lip*
Steven	Aw, man. I wanna come next time. I even wrote us a song. *takes out ukulele* It’s like
All Gems	*clapping*
Amethyst	*chuckle* What’s with the part about pizzas?
Steven	That’s just a best case scenario.
Pearl	You wanna sing that during battle?
Steven	Yeah.
Pearl	Why?
Steven	Because I’ll look really cool!
Pearl	*chuckling* You’ll look...like a clown! *Pearl and Amethyst laugh*
Garnet	Hey! Don’t make fun of Steven.
Pearl	Look Steven, you’re still too young to come with us. You don’t even have powers in your gem.
Steven	But I wanna help!
Amethyst	Why don’t you grab us some doughnuts? *gives him a wad of money and hints at it*
[Trans. Ext. Steven’s Room- Steven]
Steven	*looks in hand and finds The Hourglass, gasps* The thing! *excitedly goes to Big Donut*
[Trans. Int. Big Donut- Steven, Lars and Sadie]
Lars and Sadie	*Murmuring to each other*
Lars	Well, if it isn’t Steven, of the “crystal femmes”.
Steven	*sighs* Hey Lars. *slams money on counter* Just give me three doughnuts.
Lars	You want me to connect them with a hot dog?
Steven	*gasps, looks at “dog-nut” ad* Oh, no, they’re not for me. It’s for Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl.
Lars	*getting doughnuts* What are they anyways? Witches or ghosts or something?
Steven	They’re Crystal Gems and they save the world, like all the time. And I’m a Crystal Gem too.
Lars	Aren’t they all like, hot girls? You’re not exactly a hot girl, Steven. (Steven grabs doughnuts and walks out)
Sadie	Uh, Lay off!
[Trans. Ext. Big Donut- Steven]
Steven	*grumpily to himself* “Not exactly a hot girl.” Well, if I was, I wouldn’t be talking to you. *gasps* Aw, I should have said that, that’s really funny! *Hourglass activates, whites out screen*
[Trans. Int. Big Donut](Steven is suddenly back in the Big Donut, at the counter)
Lars	-not exactly a hot girl Steven.
Steven	*confused gasps, stuttering* Well, if I was, I wouldn’t be talking to you! *triumphantly laughs*
Sadie	*laughing* Steven, good one. *hi-fives*
Lars	*frustrated* You’re a joke! You know that right? You’re a big joke!
Sadie	Lay off! *Steven walks out again*
[Trans. Ext. Big Donut- Steven]
Steven	The thing, did it let me do that comeback to Lars? Ugh, what’s his problem? Calling me a joke. *pretending to talk to Lars* Must be tougher for you Lars, at least people like jokes. Ah that’s what I should’ve-! *Hourglass activates, gasps happily*
[Trans. Int. Big Donut](Back once more)
Lars	You’re a joke! You know that right? You’re a big joke!
Steven	*excited* It must be tougher for you, Lars. At least people like jokes! *laughs*
(Steven grabs doughnuts and runs out)
Sadie	*laughing* Oh Steven, you’re on fire!
[Trans. Int. Steven’s Room- Pearl, Garnet and Amethyst]
Garnet	*to Amethyst*...I just have a bad feeling. *Steven enters*
Steven	I was at the Big Donut, and Lars was giving me trouble, and he was like “You’re a joke!” and then, the thing *reveals Hourglass* took me back in time, and I was like-
Pearl	Wh-why do you have that? *stares at Amethyst* Why did you give him that!?
Amethyst	He wanted to see it! I was letting him see it!
Pearl	*to Steven* We’ve been protecting that Hourglass for a thousand years. Now that it’s activated, it can only be used by you for its chosen purpose. What did you use it for?
Steven	Comebacks...? *Amethyst laughs*
Pearl	Comebacks? You used it, for comebacks?
Garnet	*suddenly* Look outside.(All rush to window)
[Trans. Ext. Big Donut- Gems, Steven, Sadie, Lars and Electric Skull](Electric Skull wandering around outside, bringing thunder clouds, Gems and Steven approach)
Pearl	We’ve led it right to us. Oh, Steven, it can see the holes you’ve ripped in the fabric of time.
Garnet	Steven! Why are you such a butt face?
Steven	*hurt* W-w-What?
Garnet	Gems! Call your weapons!
(Gems summon their weapons and attack the ES (Electric Skull), Pearl is grabbed, and thrown, Amethyst attempts to save her w/ her whip but is thrown against the Big Donut sign and both it and her fall to the ground while Sadie and Lars watch)
Steven	Pearl! Amethyst!
(Steven catches Amethyst, pushes Sadie and Lars out of the way and then crawls over to Pearl. Garnet punches the ES, pulling one of its hair tendrils out)
Steven	Is this normal? Are we winning?
Garnet	No, this is bad, Steven. Help!
Steven
(Garnet, previously)
Garnet	Why are you such a butt face?
Steven	*eyes closed* I can’t help it, what’s your excuse?
Garnet	*gasp* You did it. What happened?
Steven	*analyzing* Get back! *pushes Garnet, ES slams ground, throwing Steven up near Big Donut sign* Oh, oh, get up here! *Gems jump up, behind sign* We can’t get close to it but we’ve got to take out its hair thingies! Everybody push! (All push sign) Eat this!
(Sign falls on ES, pinning it and causing lightning to blast it, burn its hair and explode, clouds dissipate)
Steven	*victory scream, to Lars and Sadie laughing* I saved you, I saved you! And you guys! I wish I could’ve told you this morning, that this “clown” was going to save your life! *Hourglass activates* No, no no! *repeatedly*
[Trans. Int. Steven’s Room]
Pearl	*laughing* You’ll look, like a clown.
Steven	NOOOO! *throws Hourglass to floor, breaking it into pieces*
Pearl	What the?
Amethyst	It’s okay Steven. You’re our clown.
Pearl	Yes, a very hilarious clown.
Garnet	Hey! Don’t make fun of Steven.
Steven	Yeah! This clown is gonna save your lives.
[End]