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This is a transcribed copy of "Restaurant Wars". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
Previous: "Beach City Drift" Next: "Kiki's Pizza Delivery Service"
Speaker Dialogue
[Open Beach Citywalk Fries]
(Steven walks up to the shop, silently slamming his fists on the counter, as an unamused Peedee watches.)
Steven Give...! me...! the...!
Peedee Just hurry up and say it, Steven.
Steven Mm, Actually... what else you got?
Peedee You could order actual fries.
Steven Nah! Let's really try and shake things up today. I want to order "off-menu". *makes air quotes*
Peedee *sighs* You always order off-menu, Steven. Let me see what I can find. I'll be back in a sec. *walks off inside the shop*
Steven I really appreciate it!
(Peedee returns enthusiastically back to Steven.)
Peedee Steven! Check this out! Boom!
(Peedee puts a tray of mozzarella sticks on the counter.)
Steven Mozzarella sticks!? *picks up the tray* With all the fixin's?!
Peedee I can't believe it either! They were way back in the freezer for some reason. Feels good to fry something else for a change.
Steven Thanks, Peedee!
(Steven walks down the boardwalk and begins taking a bite out of one of the mozzarella sticks. He passes by Fish Stew Pizza, when Kofi Pizza suddenly bursts out of the door.)
Kofi STEVEN! *rushes in front of Steven* What is this!?
Steven *mouth full of cheese* Um...
Kofi Bread... Cheese... Marinara sauce!? The basic elements of a pizza! Where did it come from?
(Steven points to Beach Citywalk Fries.)
Kofi Fryman... infringing on my business?! I have been ready for this day!
(Kofi walks back into Fish Stew Pizza and puts up a new sign, that says "Now serving fries".)
Steven "Now serving... fries"?!
(Mr Fryman then suddenly appears from behind Steven.)
Mr. Fryman So... it begins anew. Eh, Kofi?
Kofi Just like old times, Fryman.
Mr. Fryman KOFIIIII!
Kofi & Mr. Fryman RES-TAU-RANT WAAAAAAAR!!!!!!
(Steven watches in confusion, as the two shouts at each other.)
[Title Card - Restaurant War: First Strike]
[Trans. Beach City Boardwalk]
(Some time passes, the boardwalk is seen littered with fries, ketchup, pizza slices and pizza crusts. Several people are also seen outside the two restaurants, murmuring with nausea and discomfort. Steven comes walking in, passing by a shirt shop as a store employee hides in fear and nearly stepping on a person lying face-down on the ground.)
Fallen Person Too many carbs...
(Steven cautiously steps over the fallen person and spots a pizza mascot slouching and standing outside Beach Citywalk Fries.)
Steven Peedee?
(A saddened Peedee, wearing the pizza costume, turns to Steven.)
Peedee Don't look at me, Steven. *turns away*
Steven But... *reaches his hand out to Peedee*
Steven W-What happened?
Peedee I violated the food treaty.
Steven What do you mean?
Peedee Years ago, my dad and Kofi signed an agreement to not steal each other's business.
(A imaginative scene of a treaty is shown being signed, with Mr. Fryman and Kofi shaking hands.)
Peedee But when I fried up those mozzarella sticks, I re-ignited the hot oil of war.
(The imaginative scene turns into walls of flames, as Peedee sighs and puts his hand over his face.)
Steven *sighs* Don't blame yourself. I was the one who wanted to "shake things up".
Peedee Oh, yeah. It's your fault.
Mr. Fryman *pops out of the counter* Hey, Steven! As a valued customer, I want to know your thoughts on a new menu item. Deep-fried pizza! *holds a plate of a deep-fried pizza*
Steven A-Actually, could I just get some fries?
Mr. Fryman Sorry, we're all out of fries.
Steven What?! Even the bits?
Mr. Fryman We have pizza bits now. *holding a tray of pizza bits*
Steven But how can you guys be out of fries? This is the fry shop! You're Fryman! Look at your hair.
Mr. Fryman ...What about my hair?
(Steven sweats in awkwardness, when he hears Ronaldo groaning from the back of the shop.)
Ronaldo I can't connect to Fish Stew Pizza's wifi.
Mr. Fryman Hey, you got no time for interneting. You're doing deliveries now.
(Mr. Fryman takes Ronaldo's laptop and gives him a bag of food to deliver.)
Ronaldo But I don't even have a car!
Mr. Fryman You got those wheelie shoes, don't ya?
Ronaldo Yeah...
(Ronaldo turns on the wheels at the bottom of his sneakers and skates out of the shop sadly. Steven, looking guilty, walks away and heads into Fish Stew Pizza, where Kiki is taking orders and Jenny is the cashier.)
Steven Jenny, you're working the counter?
Jenny I know right?! Things have been crazy since the war has been back on! The phones have been ringing off the hook.
Kiki I'll get it! *picks up the phone off-screen* Thanks for calling Fish Stew Pizza. We do fries now.
Jenny Anyway, I'm obligated to tell you about our special new menu item. *takes out a pen and notepad* French-fried pizza with French-fried crust and twice-baked French fries on the side. *sighs* 'Cause we do fries now.
Steven I'd just rather have my usual-
Kofi *pops in and shouts behind Jenny* Steven!
Steven Oh. hey, Kofi.
Kofi Before you place your order, you must sign... these papers... *grunts and places out a stack of papers on the counter* And pledge your allegiance to Fish Stew Pizza! Not only that, you'll be issued a brand-new, permanent, V.I.P. pizza-eater card!
(Kofi pulls out a branding iron, reading "VIP" on it, and Steven runs out of Fish Stew Pizza screaming in fear.)
Kofi Steven! Come back!
Mr. Fryman Hey, Steven! *running towards Steven* Y-You forgot your pizza bits!
Steven Wha-? Aah!
Kofi Steven! *wielding the branding iron* Let me reward you for being such a good customer!
Steven *yells and runs away* AAAHH! What have I done?!
[Title Card - Restaurant War: Hearts & Mind]
[Trans. Int. Beach House, Night-time]
(Steven gathers Ronaldo, Kiki, Jenny and Peedee in his house.)
Steven Thank you all for coming. Ronaldo... Kiki... Jenny... and Peedee, I've called you all here tonight because... *slams his hands on the living room table* This war between your parents has to stop!
Jenny Steven, how do you think we feel!? Do you know how many metal concerts I've missed because of this war?
Kiki How many?
Jenny Mm, like... one?
Ronaldo Do you know how much blogging I haven't been able to do?! *slams his hands on the table too*
Steven I don't, but this is all my fault. If only my taste buds weren't so adventurous. I promise to find a way to work this out.
Peedee How? There's no end in sight to all this fighting.
Steven Hmm... We need to stop this hate with some sort of... opposite of hate. *gasps* Ronaldo!
Ronaldo Hmm?
Steven Kiki!
Kiki Hmm?
Steven You're sitting next to each other.
Kiki Where are you going with this, Steven?
Steven You guys should pretend to be in love! There won't be any time for fighting if your families have to plan a wedding together.
Kiki Well... I guess we could try? Anything to get this war over with.
Steven All right! We'll fight this war with the power of love!
Ronaldo No way! We can't do this because I... have a girlfriend.
(Everyone stare intently at Ronaldo.)
Jenny Where's she at, though?
Peedee You said what I was thinking.
Steven Okay, you don't have to pretend to get married. Just pretend to be in love long enough to get this feud over with.
Ronaldo I... got a bad feeling about this!
Jenny Shut up, Ronaldo! Nothing bad is going to happen. *pulls Kiki in for a hug* And you'll get to spend time with the cutest girl in Beach City.
(Jenny blows a raspberry on Kiki's cheek as Kiki giggles.)
[Trans. BC Boardwalk, The Next Day]
(Ronaldo and Kiki begin setting Steven's plan in motion.)
Ronaldo *holding a banquet of flowers dramatically* Ah, Kiki, my darling.
Kiki Oh, Ronaldo, my sweet. *holding the same type of banquet behind her back*
Ronaldo *runs towards Kiki* My dear, sweet Kiki, who I love with all my blog.
Mr. Fryman *sticks head out of the fry shop window* What the...
Kiki *giggles* Oh, Ronaldo, you're so sweet and quirky in a way I can tolerate.
Kofi *runs out of the pizzeria door* Kiki, why aren't you in here, working your shift?!
(Both Mr. Fryman and Kofi approach Ronaldo and Kiki.)
Mr. Fryman Yeah, come on, Ronaldo. We got customers to take care of.
Ronaldo But Dad, ever since this war started, I've had to spend countless hours away from my beloved Kiki.
Kofi & Mr. Fryman What?!
Kiki It's true. The only way for us to be together is if we quit working!
Steven *from a distance* Are you telling me that you two are involved in a romantic relationship?!
Ronaldo That's right, Steven. We have been for some time now.
Kofi *stares at Ronaldo intensively* Mm-hmmm! You two are only hugging, right?
Ronaldo Uh, yes, sir! Just hugs and longing looks. *chuckles nervously*
Mr. Fryman Well, Kofi, love is a beautiful thing.
Kofi Yes, love is beautiful. We must end this feud in order for this love to blossom.
Mr. Fryman Yeah! The restaurant war is officially over!
(Mr. Fryman and Kofi are about to shake hands as the hopeful Peedee, Jenny and Steven watch, when another girl appears with tears in her eyes.)
Jane Ronaldo? I come all this way to return your "Koala Princess" DVDs, only to find you with another girl?
Jenny & Peedee *slide in and holds their cheek in surprise* Whaaaaat?!
Ronaldo Jane, my sweet, this was all just a trick to get my dad to stop selling mozzarella sticks!
Jane Save it for your blog: Keep Beach City Single! *runs away crying*
Ronaldo Jane, my Ohime-sama- Oof!
(Ronaldo tries to skate after Jane with his wheelie sneakers, but trips and falls flat on his face. Mr. Fryman and Kofi cross their arms and look away from each other in fury.)
Kofi The deal is off!
Mr. Fryman Guh! Fine by me! *starts walking away* Peedee, fire up those fryers!
Kofi *runs off* Kiki, pick up the phone!
(Everyone else sighs.)
Ronaldo *still on the ground, whimpers and reaches his hand out* Ja-a-a-ane...
[Trans. Int. Beach House]
(Steven, the Pizza kids and the Fryman kids gather back in Steven's house. A heartbroken Ronaldo walks around while texting on his phone while the others mope in the living room.)
Jenny Ugh, what are we gonna do?!
Steven Hmm... Peedee said the last time the war ended because your dad and his dad came together to sign a treaty. How did that happen?
Kiki Well, you know where Suitcase Sam's is? It used to be a restaurant called "The Everything Buffet".
Jenny Oh, yeah! They sold everything!
Kiki But it wrecked the boardwalk's economy! Not one store could compete. But just when everyone thought all hope was lost, our dad and Mr. Fryman teamed up and ran them out of town.
Steven Hmm. Another restaurant eh? I think I have a plan.
[Title Card - Restaurant War: Operation: Let's Get Cooking]
[Trans. Ext. Beach House, Night-time]
(The Pizza family and the Fryman family are waiting outside of Steven's house, which has been rebranded as a cardboard sign reading "Steven's". Steven, wearing a waiter uniform, opens the door and steps out.)
Steven Welcome to the Grand opening of Steven's. Right this way.
(Steven leads the two families into the house, redecorated into a restaurant with star-shaped light bulbs and candle-lit tables, when Garnet watches on in the kitchen. Mr. Fryman removes his cap as a sign of respect and manners.)
Peedee Hmm. Nice ambiance.
Mr. Fryman Ahem! *crosses his hands* It's all right.
Kofi There are not enough tables!
Kiki There are just enough tables, daddy.
(The Frymans take their seats at the closest table, while the Pizzas take their seats at the only other table in the room. Mr. Fryman and Kofi glare at each other when Pearl, dressed up as a waiter too, approaches the Frymans.)
Pearl Hello, gentlemen. May I take your order?
Ronaldo I'm full... of sadness! *slams his head down on the table and begins sobbing uncontrollably*
Mr. Fryman I will have the Fantastic Fries.
Pearl Order taken. *writes on her notepad and walks to the Pizzas' table*
Mr. Fryman *whispers to Peedee* I bet they're not as fantastic as ours.
Pearl And for you?
Kofi I will have the Pizza Bagel! (Pearl walks away.) I doubt a pizza bagel can beat pizza that isn't on a bagel. *chuckles*
(Pearl hands Steven the orders.)
Steven Ah, let's see. Wonderful, two of our best dishes!
Pearl Our only dishes?
Steven Amethyst, order up! Fire one fry and one pizza! *claps twice*
Amethyst Yes, chef! *claps back twice*
(Steven and Amethyst begin preparing the meals together.)
Pearl *sets a plate of pizza bagels in front of Kofi* Here's your order, sir.
Kofi Heh, pizza on a bagel, indeed!
Pearl *sets a plate of neatly-arranged fries in front of Mr. Fryman* And for you, sir.
Mr. Fryman Uh, can I get some ketchup?
Pearl Sorry, no additions or substitutions.
Mr. Fryman Ha! This place is all talk! You can't have fries without ketchup. *eats a fry and is suddenly stricken with disbelief* The ketchup... is inside the fries!?
(Steven smirks, realizing that he has bested Fryman. Kofi drops his pizza bagel in disbelief too, after taking a bite into it.)
Kofi There's cream cheese in this pizza bagel. It adds a whole other level of flavor! And with pizza on a bagel, you can eat pizza any time!
Mr. Fryman It's amazing!
Kofi It's genius!
(Mr. Fryman and Kofi look at each other and nod in agreement. The two then angrily approach Steven.)
Steven Ah, gentlemen, I hope you enjoyed your meal. Is there something I can help you with?
Mr. Fryman Steven! *cracks his knuckles* We didn't want to have to do this, but... *glances at Kofi*
Kofi *with distress* Please, shut this place down!
Steven What's this? You want me to close my lovely establishment?
Mr. Fryman *drops to his knees, hands clasped* Steven, we're begging you!
Kofi *drops to his knees too* We can't compete with a place like this!
Mr. Fryman You'll drive us out of business!
Kofi There's already a line!
(Kofi points at the door, where Onion is seen standing outside, fork in hand.)
Steven I'll close up shop, under one condition.
Kofi & Mr. Fryman Anything!
Steven Stop this foolish war! Cook for yourselves and the good of the boardwalk! No more cooking out of hate and spite.
(Mr. Fryman and Kofi look at each other and smile.)
Kofi Let's just do, what we do best!
Mr. Fryman Agreed!
(Mr. Fryman and Kofi hug each other.)
Peedee, Kiki, & Jenny Yeah! *cheer and walk up to their fathers*
Jenny Good job, daddy.
Mr. Fryman Do you hear that, Ronaldo? The war's over!
(Ronaldo, still crying face-down on the table, gives a thumbs up.)
Steven Glad that's settled. *turns to the Gems in the kitchen* Y'all help me clean this place up.
Amethyst Sorry. We on break.
(The star iris closes on Garnet, who then claps twice, ending the episode.)

ve Transcripts
Pilot Pilot
Season 1 A: Gem GlowLaser Light CannonCheeseburger BackpackTogether BreakfastFryboCat FingersBubble BuddiesSerious StevenTiger MillionaireSteven's LionArcade ManiaGiant WomanSo Many BirthdaysLars and the Cool KidsOnion TradeSteven the Sword FighterLion 2: The MovieBeach PartyRose's RoomCoach StevenJoking VictimSteven and the StevensMonster BuddiesAn Indirect KissMirror Gem/Ocean Gem

B: House GuestSpace RaceSecret TeamIsland AdventureKeep Beach City WeirdFusion CuisineGarnet's UniverseWatermelon StevenLion 3: Straight to VideoWarp TourAlone TogetherThe TestFuture VisionOn the RunHorror ClubWinter ForecastMaximum CapacityMarble MadnessRose's ScabbardOpen BookShirt ClubStory for StevenThe MessagePolitical PowerThe Return/Jail Break

Season 2 Full DisclosureJoy RideSay UncleLove LettersReformedSworn to the SwordRising Tides, Crashing SkiesKeeping It TogetherWe Need to TalkChille TidCry for HelpKeystone MotelOnion FriendHistorical FrictionFriend ShipNightmare HospitalSadie's SongCatch and ReleaseWhen It RainsBack to the BarnToo FarThe AnswerSteven's BirthdayIt Could've Been GreatMessage ReceivedLog Date 7 15 2
Season 3 Super Watermelon Island/Gem DrillSame Old WorldBarn MatesHit the DiamondSteven FloatsDrop Beat DadMr. GregToo Short to RideThe New LarsBeach City DriftRestaurant WarsKiki's Pizza Delivery ServiceMonster ReunionAlone at SeaGreg the BabysitterGem HuntCrack the WhipSteven vs. AmethystBismuthBetaEarthlingsBack to the MoonBubbled
Season 4 The Kindergarten KidKnow Your FusionBuddy's BookMindful EducationFuture Boy ZoltronLast One Out of Beach CityOnion GangGem HarvestThree Gems and a BabySteven's DreamAdventures in Light DistortionGem HeistThe ZooThat Will Be AllThe New Crystal GemsStorm in the RoomRocknaldoTiger PhilanthropistRoom for RubyLion 4: Alternate EndingDoug OutThe Good LarsAre You My Dad?I Am My Mom
Season 5 Stuck TogetherThe TrialOff ColorsLars' HeadDewey WinsGemcationRaising the BarnBack to the KindergartenSadie KillerKevin PartyLars of the StarsJungle MoonYour Mother and MineThe Big ShowPool HoppingLetters to LarsCan't Go BackA Single Pale RoseNow We're Only Falling ApartWhat's Your Problem?The QuestionMade of HonorReunitedLegs From Here to HomeworldFamiliarTogether AloneEscapismChange Your Mind
Film Steven Universe: The Movie
Future Little HomeschoolGuidanceRose BudsVolleyballBluebirdA Very Special EpisodeSnow DayWhy So Blue?Little GraduationPrickly PairIn DreamsBismuth CasualTogether ForeverGrowing PainsMr. UniverseFragmentsHomeworld BoundEverything's FineI Am My MonsterThe Future
Shorts Lion Loves to Fit in a BoxThe Classroom Gems: What Are Gems?We Are the Crystal GemsThe Classroom Gems: How Are Gems Made?UnboxingThe Classroom Gems: FusionCooking with LionGem KaraokeSteven ReactsVideo ChatSteven's Song Time
Other We Deserve to ShineCrossover Nexus