Restaurant Wars/Transcript

This is a transcribed copy of Restaurant Wars. Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.

Previous: "Beach City Drift"

Next: "Kiki's Pizza Delivery Service"

Speaker	Dialogue
[Episode begins at Beach Citywalk Fries]
(Steven walks up to the counter where Peedee is)
Steven	Give... me... the...
(Steven puts his fists down on the counter and pauses)
Peedee	Just hurry up and say it, Steven.
Steven	Mm, Actually... what else you got?
(Steven points his fingers at Peedee)
Peedee	You could order actual fries.
Steven	Nah. Let's really try and shake things up today.
(Steven throws his arms in the air)
Steven	I want to order (Steven puts his fingers in quotations) "off-menu."
Peedee	[sigh] You always order off-menu, Steven. Let me see what I can find. I'll be back in a sec.
Steven	I really appreciate it!
(Peedee goes into the back of the shop)
[Moments later]
Peedee	Steven! Check this out!
(Peedee puts a tray mozzarella sticks on the counter)
Peedee	Boom!
Steven	Mozzarella sticks!
(Steven picks up the tray)
Steven	With all the fixin's?!
Peedee	I can't believe it either! They were way back in the freezer for some reason. Feels good to fry something else for a change.
Steven	Thanks, Peedee.
(Steven walks down the boardwalk, taking a bite out of one of the mozzarella sticks. He passes Fish Stew Pizza where Kofi Pizza watches through the door. Kofi runs out of the pizzaria towards Steven.)
Kofi	Steven! What is this?!
Steven	(Steven's mouth full of food) Um...
Kofi	Bread... cheese... sauce! The basic elements of a pizza! Where did it come from?
(Steven points to Beach Citywalk Fries)
Steven	Mm.
Kofi	Fryman... infringing on my business. I have been ready for this day!
(Kofi walks back into Fish Stew Pizza and puts up a new sign that says "Now serving fries.")
Steven	[Muffled] "Now serving... fries"?!
(Drums play in the background)
Mr. Fryman	So... it begins anew. Eh, Kofi?
Kofi	Just like old times, Fryman.
Mr. Fryman	Kofi!
Kofi	Fryman!
Kofi and Mr. Fryman	Res-tau-rant wa-a-a-a-a-a-a-r!
(Steven watches the two, confused.)
[Black screen that says Restaurant War in red text. Underneath in white text it says First Strike]
(Later in the day, fries, ketchup, pizza slices, bread sticks, and people are seen lying down on the ground. A seagull swoops down and takes a bread stick, and when Steven passes a shirt shop, the employee hides in fear and a random person Steven passes by says "Too Many Carbs". Then Steven spots a pizza mascot outside Beach Citywalk Fries.)
Steven	Peedee?
(Peedee turns to Steven and then looks away.)
Peedee	Don't look at me, Steven.
(Steven puts his hand on the mascot's shoulder which causes Peedee to scream.)
Steven	But...
Peedee	I said, don't look at me!
Steven	W-what happened?
Peedee	I violated the food treaty.
Steven	What do you mean?
Peedee	Years ago...
(A treaty is shown in the background with Mr. Fryman and Kofi shaking hands.)
Peedee	My dad and Kofi signed an agreement to not steal each other's business, but when I fried up those mozzarella sticks, (The background turns into flames.) I re-ignited the hot oil of war.
(Peedee sighs and puts his hand on his eye.)
Steven	[Sighs] Don't blame yourself. I was the one who wanted to shake things up.
Peedee	Oh, yeah. It's your fault.
Mr. Fryman	Hey, Steven! As a valued customer, I want to know your thoughts on a new menu item.
(Mr. Fryman pulls out a fried pizza.)
Mr. Fryman	Deep-fried Pizza!
Steven	A-actually, could I just get some fries?
Mr. Fryman	Sorry, we're all out of fries.
Steven	What?! Even the bits?!
(Mr. Fryman pulls out a tray of pizza bits.)
Mr. Fryman	We have pizza bits now.
Steven	But how can you guys be out of fries? This is the fry shop! You're Fryman! Look at your hair.
Mr. Fryman	What about my hair?
(In the back of the fry shop.)
Ronaldo	[Groans] I can't connect to Fish Stew Pizza's wifi.
Mr. Fryman	Hey, you got no time for interneting. You're doing deliveries now.
(Mr. Fryman takes Ronaldo's laptop and gives him a bag of food to deliver.)
Ronaldo	But I don't even have a car!
Mr. Fryman	You got those wheelie shoes, don't ya?
Ronaldo	Yeah...
(Ronaldo turns on the ball at the bottom of his left sneaker and skates out of the shop. Steven, looking guilty, walks away into Fish Stew Pizza where Kiki is taking orders and Jenny is behind the counter.)
Steven	Jenny, You're working the counter?
Jenny	I know right? Things have been crazy since the war has been back on!
Jenny	The phones have been ringing off the hook.
Kiki	I'll get it!
(Kiki picks up the phone off-screen.)
Kiki	Thanks for calling Fish Stew Pizza. We do fries now.
Jenny	Anyway, I'm obligated to tell you about our special new menu item.
(Jenny takes out a pen and notepad.)
Jenny	French-fried pizza with French-fried crust and twice-baked French fries on the side. [Sighs] 'Cause we do fries now.
Steven	I'd just rather have my usual --
Kofi	Steven!
Steven	Oh. hey, Kofi.
Kofi	Before you place your order, you must sign [Grunts as he picks up papers] these papers... and pledge your allegiance to Fish Stew Pizza! Not only that, you'll be issued a brand-new, permanent, V.I.P. pizza-eater card!
(Kofi takes out a branding iron that says VIP on it, scaring Steven out of Fish Stew Pizza.)
Mr. Fryman	Steven! Come back! (Running towards him) Hey, Steven, y-you forgot your pizza bits!
Steven	What? Aah!
Kofi	Steven! (Pulls out branding iron) Let me reward you for being such a good customer!
Steven	(Yells and runs away) Aah! What have I done?!
[Black screen with red text "Restaurant War" with white text under it saying "Hearts & Minds"]
(At The Temple)
Steven	(Off screen) Thank you all for coming. (Steven walks while in front of them while talking) Ronaldo... Kiki... Jenny... and Peedee, I've called you all here tonight because... (Turns around and slams hands on nearby table) this war between your parents has to stop!
Jenny	Steven, How do you think we feel?! Do you know how many metal concerts I've missed because of this war?
Kiki	How many?
Jenny	Mm, like... one?
Ronaldo	Do you know how much (Slams fists on table) blogging I haven't been able to do?!
Steven	I don't, but this is all my fault. If only my taste buds weren't so adventurous. I promise to find a way to work this out.
Peedee	How? There's no end in sight to all this fighting.
Steven	Hmm. We need to stop this hate with some sort of opposite of hate. [Gasps] Ronaldo!
Ronaldo	Hmm?
Steven	Kiki!
Kiki	Hmm?
Steven	You're sitting next to each other.
Kiki	Where are you going with this, Steven?
Steven	You guys should pretend to be in love! There won't be anytime for fighting if your families have to plan a wedding together.
Kiki	Well... I guess we could try? Anything to get this war over with.
Steven	All right! We'll fight this war with the power of love.!
Ronaldo	No way! We can't do this because I... have a girlfriend.
Jenny	Where's she at, though?
Peedee	You said what I was thinking.
Steven	Okay, you don't have to pretend to get married. Just pretend to be in love long enough to get this feud over with.
Ronaldo	I... got a bad feeling about this.
Jenny	Shut up, Ronaldo! Nothing bad is going to happen, and you'll get to spend time with the cutest girl in Beach City.
(Back at Beachcity boardwalk)
Ronaldo	(Holding up flowers dramatically) Ah, Kiki, my darling.
Kiki	Oh, Ronaldo, My sweet. (Holding the same type of flowers behind their back)
Ronaldo	(Running towards Kiki and her running to him) My dear, sweet Kiki, who I love with all my blog.
Mr. Fryman	(Sticks head out of window) What the...
Kiki	[Giggles] oh, Ronaldo, you're so sweet and quirky in a way I can tolerate.
Kofi	(Runs out the door) Kiki, why aren't you in here, working your shift?!
Mr. Fryman	Yeah, come on, Ronaldo. We got customers to take care of.
Ronaldo	But, Dad, ever since this war started, I've had to spend countless hours away from my beloved Kiki.
Kofi and Mr. Fryman	What?!
Kiki	It's true. The only way for us to be together is if we quit working!
Steven	(From a distance) Are you telling me that you two are involved in a romantic relationship?!
Ronaldo	That's right, Steven. We have been for some time now.
Kofi	(Watching Ronaldo) Mm-hmmm! You two are only hugging, right?
Ronaldo	Uh, yes, sir! Just hugs and longing looks. (chuckles nervously)
Mr. Fryman	Well, Kofi, love is a beautiful thing.
Kofi	Yes, love is beautiful. We must end this feud in order for this love to blossom.
Mr. Fryman	Yeah! The restaurant war is officially over!
Jane	Ronaldo? I come all this way to return your "Koala princess" DVDs, only to find you with another girl?
Jenny and Peedee	(Both slide between their Dads) Wha-a-a-a-a-t?!
Ronaldo	Jane, my sweet, this was all just a trick to get my dad to stop selling mozzarella sticks!
Jane	Save it for your blog -- Keep Beach City Single! (Jane runs away crying.)
Ronaldo	Jane, my Ohime-sama. Ooh! (Ronaldo falls on his face, crying of who he lost.)
Kofi	(Kofi and Mr. Fryman cross their hands) The deal is off!
Mr. Fryman	Guh! Fine by me! (Mr. Fryman starts walking away) Peedee, fire up those fryers!
Kofi	(Runs to his restaurant) Kiki, pick up the phone!
(Everyone else sighs.)
Ronaldo	(Whimpering and crying on the floor while holding out his hand) Ja-a-a-ane...
[Cut to the Temple Home.]
(Peedee's seated on a stair, Kiki, Steven, and Jenny on the couch, and Ronaldo walks around crying while texting on his phone.)
Jenny	Ugh, what are we gonna do?!
Steven	Hmm... Peedee said the last time the war ended because your dad and his dad came together to sign a treaty. How did that happen?
Kiki	Well, you know where Suitcase's Sams is? It used to be a restaurant called The Everything Buffet.
Jenny	Oh, yeah! They sold everything!
Kiki	But it wrecked the boardwalk's economy! Not one store could compete. But just when everyone thought all hope was lost, our Dad and Mr. Fryman teamed up and ran them out of town.
Steven	Hmm. Another restaurant eh? I think I have a plan.
[Black screen with red text "Restaurant War" with white text under it saying "Operation
[Outside Steven's house, this time with a cardboard sign stating "Steven's"]
(Kofi's family and Mr. Fryman's family await as Steven opens the door.)
Steven	Welcome to the Grand opening of Steven's. Right this way. (Steven holds the door as he points his customers to their seats.)
(Mr. Fryman removes his cap as a sign of respect and manners.)
Peedee	Hmph, Nice Ambiance.
Mr. Fryman	Ahem! (Mr. Fryman crosses his hands) It's all right.
Kofi	There are not enough tables!
Kiki	There are just enough tables, daddy.
(The Frymans take their seats at the closest table, while the Pizzas take their seats at the only other table in the room.)
Pearl	(Approaches the Frymans, dressed as a waiter) Hello, gentlemen. May I take your order?
Ronaldo	I'm full... of sadness! (Begins sobbing uncontrollably and slams his head down on the table)
Mr. Fryman	I will have the Fantastic Fries.
Pearl	(Writing the order down) Order taken. (Walks to the Pizzas' table)
Mr. Fryman	(Leans toward Peedee) I bet they're not as fantastic as ours.
Pearl	And for you?
Kofi	I will have the Pizza Bagel! (Pearl walks away.) I doubt a pizza bagel can beat pizza that isn't on a bagel. (Chuckles)
(Pearl hands Steven the orders.)
Steven	Ah, let's see. Wonderful -- two of our best dishes!
Pearl	Our only dishes.
Steven	Amethyst, order up! Fire one fry and one pizza! (Claps twice)
Amethyst	Yes, chef!
(Steven and Amethyst prepare the meals.)
Pearl	(Setting down the pizza bagel in front of Kofi) Here's your order, sir.
Kofi	Heh, pizza on a bagel, indeed!
Pearl	(Setting down a plate of fries in front of Mr. Fryman) And for you, sir.
Mr. Fryman	Uh, can I get some ketchup?
Pearl	Sorry, no additions or substitutions.
Mr. Fryman	Ha! This place is all talk! You can't have fries without ketchup. (Eats a fry and is suddenly stricken with disbelief) The ketchup... is inside the fries!?
(Steven smirks, realizing that he has bested Fryman.)
Kofi	There's cream cheese in this pizza bagel. It adds a whole other level of flavor! And with pizza on a bagel, you can eat pizza any time!
Mr. Fryman	It's amazing!
Kofi	It's genius!
(Mr. Fryman and Kofi look at each other and nod in agreement. The two then angrily approach Steven.)
Steven	Ah, gentlemen, I hope you enjoyed your meal. Is there something I can help you with?
Mr. Fryman	Steven, (Cracks his knuckles) we didn't want to have to do this, but... (Clasps his hands together)
Kofi	Please, shut this place down!
Steven	What's this? You want me to close my lovely establishment?
Mr. Fryman	(Drops to his knees, hands clasped. Kofi does the same.) Steven, we're begging you!
Kofi	We can't compete with a place like this!
Mr. Fryman	You'll drive us out of business!
Kofi	(Points at the door) There's already a line!
(Screen cuts to show the door, with Onion standing on the other side, fork in hand.)
Steven	I'll close up shop under one condition.
Kofi and Mr. Fryman	Anything!
Steven	Stop this foolish war! Cook for yourselves and the good of the boardwalk! No more cooking out of hate and spite.
(Mr. Fryman and Kofi smile at each other.)
Kofi	Let's just do, what we do best!
Mr. Fryman	Agreed!
(Mr. Fryman and Kofi hug each other.)
Peedee, Kiki, and Jenny	Yeah!
(The families celebrate, with the exception of Ronaldo, who still has his face down on the table.)
Jenny	Good job, daddy.
Mr. Fryman	Do you hear that, Ronaldo? The war's over!
(Ronaldo, still crying, gives a thumbs up.)
Steven	Glad that's settled. (Looks at the Gems in the kitchen) Y'all help me clean this place up.
Amethyst	Sorry. We on break.
(Screen stars in on Garnet, who gives two claps before the screen cuts to black.)
[Episode ends.]