Restaurant Wars/Transcript

This is a transcribed copy of Restaurant Wars. Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.

Previous: "Beach City Drift"

Next: "Kiki's Pizza Delivery Service"

Speaker	Dialogue
[Open Beach Citywalk Fries]
(Steven walks up to the shop, silently slamming his fists on the counter, as an unamused Peedee watches.)
Steven	Give...! me...! the...!
Peedee	Just hurry up and say it, Steven.
Steven	Mm, Actually... what else you got?
Peedee	You could order actual fries.
Steven	Nah! Let's really try and shake things up today. I want to order "off-menu". *makes air quotes*
Peedee	*sighs* You always order off-menu, Steven. Let me see what I can find. I'll be back in a sec. *walks off inside the shop*
Steven	I really appreciate it!
[Time-Skip]
(Peedee returns enthusiastically back to Steven.)
Peedee	Steven! Check this out! Boom!
(Peedee puts a tray of mozzarella sticks on the counter.)
Steven	Mozzarella sticks!? *picks up the tray* With all the fixin's?!
Peedee	I can't believe it either! They were way back in the freezer for some reason. Feels good to fry something else for a change.
Steven	Thanks, Peedee!
(Steven walks down the boardwalk and begins taking a bite out of one of the mozzarella sticks. He passes by Fish Stew Pizza, when Kofi Pizza suddenly bursts out of the door.)
Kofi	Steven! *rushes in front of Steven* What is this!?
Steven	*mouth full of cheese* Um...
Kofi	Bread... Cheese... Marinara sauce!? The basic elements of a pizza! Where did it come from?
(Steven points to Beach Citywalk Fries.)
Kofi	Fryman... infringing on my business?! I have been ready for this day!
(Kofi walks back into Fish Stew Pizza and puts up a new sign, that says "Now serving fries".)
Steven	"Now serving... fries"?!
(Mr Fryman then suddenly appears from behind Steven.)
Mr. Fryman	So... it begins anew. Eh, Kofi?
Kofi	Just like old times, Fryman.
Mr. Fryman	Kofiiiii!
Kofi	Frymaaaaan!
Kofi & Mr. Fryman	Res-tau-rant WAAAAAAAR!!!
(Steven watches in confusion, as the two shouts at each other.)
[Title Card - Restaurant War: First Strike]
[Trans. Beach City Boardwalk]
(Some time passes, the boardwalk is seen littered with fries, ketchup, pizza slices and pizza crusts. Several people are also seen outside the two restaurants, murmuring with nausea and discomfort. Steven comes walking in, passing by a shirt shop as a store employee hides in fear and nearly stepping on a person lying face-down on the ground.)
Fallen Person	Too many carbs...
(Steven cautiously steps over the fallen person and spots a pizza mascot slouching and standing outside Beach Citywalk Fries.)
Steven	Peedee?
(A saddened Peedee, wearing the pizza costume, turns to Steven.)
Peedee	Don't look at me, Steven. *turns away*
Steven	But... *reaches his hand out to Peedee*
Peedee	I SAID, DON'T LOOK AT ME!
Steven	W-What happened?
Peedee	I violated the food treaty.
Steven	What do you mean?
Peedee	Years ago, my dad and Kofi signed an agreement to not steal each other's business.
(A imaginative scene of a treaty is shown being signed, with Mr. Fryman and Kofi shaking hands.)
Peedee	But when I fried up those mozzarella sticks, I re-ignited the hot oil of war.
(The imaginative scene turns into walls of flames, as Peedee sighs and puts his hand over his face.)
Steven	*sighs* Don't blame yourself. I was the one who wanted to "shake things up".
Peedee	Oh, yeah. It's your fault.
Mr. Fryman	*pops out of the counter* Hey, Steven! As a valued customer, I want to know your thoughts on a new menu item. Deep-fried pizza! *holds a plate of a deep-fried pizza*
Steven	A-Actually, could I just get some fries?
Mr. Fryman	Sorry, we're all out of fries.
Steven	What?! Even the bits?
Mr. Fryman	We have pizza bits now. *holding a tray of pizza bits*
Steven	But how can you guys be out of fries? This is the fry shop! You're Fryman! Look at your hair.
Mr. Fryman	...What about my hair?
(Steven sweats in awkwardness, when he hears Ronaldo groaning from the back of the shop.)
Ronaldo	I can't connect to Fish Stew Pizza's wifi.
Mr. Fryman	Hey, you got no time for interneting. You're doing deliveries now.
(Mr. Fryman takes Ronaldo's laptop and gives him a bag of food to deliver.)
Ronaldo	But I don't even have a car!
Mr. Fryman	You got those wheelie shoes, don't ya?
Ronaldo	Yeah...
(Ronaldo turns on the wheels at the bottom of his sneakers and skates out of the shop sadly. Steven, looking guilty, walks away and heads into Fish Stew Pizza, where Kiki is taking orders and Jenny is the cashier.)
Steven	Jenny, you're working the counter?
Jenny	I know right?! Things have been crazy since the war has been back on! The phones have been ringing off the hook.
Kiki	I'll get it! *picks up the phone off-screen* Thanks for calling Fish Stew Pizza. We do fries now.
Jenny	Anyway, I'm obligated to tell you about our special new menu item. *takes out a pen and notepad* French-fried pizza with French-fried crust and twice-baked French fries on the side. *sighs* 'Cause we do fries now.
Steven	I'd just rather have my usual-
Kofi	*pops in and shouts behind Jenny* Steven!
Steven	Oh. hey, Kofi.
Kofi	Before you place your order, you must sign... these papers... *grunts and places out a stack of papers on the counter* And pledge your allegiance to Fish Stew Pizza! Not only that, you'll be issued a brand-new, permanent, V.I.P. pizza-eater card!
(Kofi pulls out a branding iron, reading "VIP" on it, and Steven runs out of Fish Stew Pizza screaming in fear.)
Kofi	Steven! Come back!
Mr. Fryman	Hey, Steven! *running towards Steven* Y-You forgot your pizza bits!
Steven	Wha-? Aah!
Kofi	Steven! *wielding the branding iron* Let me reward you for being such a good customer!
Steven	*yells and runs away* AAAHH! What have I done?!
[Title Card - Restaurant War: Hearts & Mind]
[Trans. Int. Beach House, Night-time]
(Steven gathers Ronaldo, Kiki, Jenny and Peedee in his house.)
Steven	Thank you all for coming. Ronaldo... Kiki... Jenny... and Peedee, I've called you all here tonight because... *slams his hands on the living room table* This war between your parents has to stop!
Jenny	Steven, how do you think we feel!? Do you know how many metal concerts I've missed because of this war?
Kiki	How many?
Jenny	Mm, like... one?
Ronaldo	Do you know how much blogging I haven't been able to do?! *slams his hands on the table too*
Steven	I don't, but this is all my fault. If only my taste buds weren't so adventurous. I promise to find a way to work this out.
Peedee	How? There's no end in sight to all this fighting.
Steven	Hmm... We need to stop this hate with some sort of... opposite of hate. *gasps* Ronaldo!
Ronaldo	Hmm?
Steven	Kiki!
Kiki	Hmm?
Steven	You're sitting next to each other.
Kiki	Where are you going with this, Steven?
Steven	You guys should pretend to be in love! There won't be any time for fighting if your families have to plan a wedding together.
Kiki	Well... I guess we could try? Anything to get this war over with.
Steven	All right! We'll fight this war with the power of love!
Ronaldo	No way! We can't do this because I... have a girlfriend.
(Everyone stare intently at Ronaldo.)
Jenny	Where's she at, though?
Peedee	You said what I was thinking.
Steven	Okay, you don't have to pretend to get married. Just pretend to be in love long enough to get this feud over with.
Ronaldo	I... got a bad feeling about this!
Jenny	Shut up, Ronaldo! Nothing bad is going to happen. *pulls Kiki in for a hug* And you'll get to spend time with the cutest girl in Beach City.
(Jenny blows a raspberry on Kiki's cheek as Kiki giggles.)
[Trans. BC Boardwalk, The Next Day]
(Ronaldo and Kiki begin setting Steven's plan in motion.)
Ronaldo	*holding a banquet of flowers dramatically* Ah, Kiki, my darling.
Kiki	Oh, Ronaldo, my sweet. *holding the same type of banquet behind her back*
Ronaldo	*runs towards Kiki* My dear, sweet Kiki, who I love with all my blog.
Mr. Fryman	*sticks head out of the fry shop window* What the...
Kiki	*giggles* Oh, Ronaldo, you're so sweet and quirky in a way I can tolerate.
Kofi	*runs out of the pizzeria door* Kiki, why aren't you in here, working your shift?!
(Both Mr. Fryman and Kofi approach Ronaldo and Kiki.)
Mr. Fryman	Yeah, come on, Ronaldo. We got customers to take care of.
Ronaldo	But Dad, ever since this war started, I've had to spend countless hours away from my beloved Kiki.
Kofi & Mr. Fryman	What?!
Kiki	It's true. The only way for us to be together is if we quit working!
Steven	*from a distance* Are you telling me that you two are involved in a romantic relationship?!
Ronaldo	That's right, Steven. We have been for some time now.
Kofi	*stares at Ronaldo intensively* Mm-hmmm! You two are only hugging, right?
Ronaldo	Uh, yes, sir! Just hugs and longing looks. *chuckles nervously*
Mr. Fryman	Well, Kofi, love is a beautiful thing.
Kofi	Yes, love is beautiful. We must end this feud in order for this love to blossom.
Mr. Fryman	Yeah! The restaurant war is officially over!
(Mr. Fryman and Kofi are about to shake hands as the hopeful Peedee, Jenny and Steven watch, when another girl appears with tears in her eyes.)
Tearful Girl	Ronaldo? I come all this way to return your "Koala Princess" DVDs, only to find you with another girl?
Jenny & Peedee	*slide in and holds their cheek in surprise* Whaaaaat?!
Ronaldo	Jane, my sweet, this was all just a trick to get my dad to stop selling mozzarella sticks!
Jane	Save it for your blog: Keep Beach City Single! *runs away crying*
Ronaldo	Jane, my Ohime-sama- Oof!
(Ronaldo tries to skate after Jane with his wheelie sneakers, but trips and falls flat on his face. Mr. Fryman and Kofi cross their arms and look away from each other in fury.)
Kofi	The deal is off!
Mr. Fryman	Guh! Fine by me! *starts walking away* Peedee, fire up those fryers!
Kofi	*runs off* Kiki, pick up the phone!
(Everyone else sighs.)
Ronaldo	*still on the ground, whimpers and reaches his hand out* Ja-a-a-ane...
[Trans. Int. Beach House]
(Steven, the Pizza kids and the Fryman kids gather back in Steven's house. A heartbroken Ronaldo walks around while texting on his phone while the others mope in the living room.)
Jenny	Ugh, what are we gonna do?!
Steven	Hmm... Peedee said the last time the war ended because your dad and his dad came together to sign a treaty. How did that happen?
Kiki	Well, you know where Suitcase Sam's is? It used to be a restaurant called "The Everything Buffet".
Jenny	Oh, yeah! They sold everything!
Kiki	But it wrecked the boardwalk's economy! Not one store could compete. But just when everyone thought all hope was lost, our dad and Mr. Fryman teamed up and ran them out of town.
Steven	Hmm. Another restaurant eh? I think I have a plan.
[Title Card - Restaurant War: Operation: Let's Get Cooking]
[Trans. Ext. Beach House, Night-time]
(The Pizza family and the Fryman family are waiting outside of Steven's house, which has been rebranded as a cardboard sign reading "Steven's". Steven, wearing a waiter uniform, opens the door and steps out.)
Steven	Welcome to the Grand opening of Steven's. Right this way.
(Steven leads the two families into the house, redecorated into a restaurant with star-shaped light bulbs and candle-lit tables, when Garnet watches on in the kitchen. Mr. Fryman removes his cap as a sign of respect and manners.)
Peedee	Hmm. Nice ambiance.
Mr. Fryman	Ahem! *crosses his hands* It's all right.
Kofi	There are not enough tables!
Kiki	There are just enough tables, daddy.
(The Frymans take their seats at the closest table, while the Pizzas take their seats at the only other table in the room. Mr. Fryman and Kofi glare at each other when Pearl, dressed up as a waiter too, approaches the Frymans.)
Pearl	Hello, gentlemen. May I take your order?
Ronaldo	I'm full... of sadness! *slams his head down on the table and begins sobbing uncontrollably*
Mr. Fryman	I will have the Fantastic Fries.
Pearl	Order taken. *writes on her notepad and walks to the Pizzas' table*
Mr. Fryman	*whispers to Peedee* I bet they're not as fantastic as ours.
Pearl	And for you?
Kofi	I will have the Pizza Bagel! (Pearl walks away.) I doubt a pizza bagel can beat pizza that isn't on a bagel. *chuckles*
(Pearl hands Steven the orders.)
Steven	Ah, let's see. Wonderful, two of our best dishes!
Pearl	Our only dishes?
Steven	Amethyst, order up! Fire one fry and one pizza! *claps twice*
Amethyst	Yes, chef! *claps back twice*
(Steven and Amethyst begin preparing the meals together.)
Pearl	*sets a plate of pizza bagels in front of Kofi* Here's your order, sir.
Kofi	Heh, pizza on a bagel, indeed!
Pearl	*sets a plate of neatly-arranged fries in front of Mr. Fryman* And for you, sir.
Mr. Fryman	Uh, can I get some ketchup?
Pearl	Sorry, no additions or substitutions.
Mr. Fryman	Ha! This place is all talk! You can't have fries without ketchup. *eats a fry and is suddenly stricken with disbelief* The ketchup... is inside the fries!?
(Steven smirks, realizing that he has bested Fryman. Kofi drops his pizza bagel in disbelief too, after taking a bite into it.)
Kofi	There's cream cheese in this pizza bagel. It adds a whole other level of flavor! And with pizza on a bagel, you can eat pizza any time!
Mr. Fryman	It's amazing!
Kofi	It's genius!
(Mr. Fryman and Kofi look at each other and nod in agreement. The two then angrily approach Steven.)
Steven	Ah, gentlemen, I hope you enjoyed your meal. Is there something I can help you with?
Mr. Fryman	Steven! *cracks his knuckles* We didn't want to have to do this, but... *glances at Kofi*
Kofi	*with distress* Please, shut this place down!
Steven	What's this? You want me to close my lovely establishment?
Mr. Fryman	*drops to his knees, hands clasped* Steven, we're begging you!
Kofi	*drops to his knees too* We can't compete with a place like this!
Mr. Fryman	You'll drive us out of business!
Kofi	There's already a line!
(Kofi points at the door, where Onion is seen standing outside, fork in hand.)
Steven	I'll close up shop, under one condition.
Kofi & Mr. Fryman	Anything!
Steven	Stop this foolish war! Cook for yourselves and the good of the boardwalk! No more cooking out of hate and spite.
(Mr. Fryman and Kofi look at each other and smile.)
Kofi	Let's just do, what we do best!
Mr. Fryman	Agreed!
(Mr. Fryman and Kofi hug each other.)
Peedee, Kiki, & Jenny	Yeah! *cheer and walk up to their fathers*
Jenny	Good job, daddy.
Mr. Fryman	Do you hear that, Ronaldo? The war's over!
(Ronaldo, still crying face-down on the table, gives a thumbs up.)
Steven	Glad that's settled. *turns to the Gems in the kitchen* Y'all help me clean this place up.
Amethyst	Sorry. We on break.
(The star iris closes on Garnet, who then claps twice, ending the episode.)
[END]