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This is a transcribed copy of "Rising Tides, Crashing Skies". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
Previous: "Sworn to the Sword" Next: "Keeping It Together"
Speaker Dialogue
(The film opens with a Movie-Maker-esque title card reading "Studio Fryman Presents", followed by the logo of Ronaldo's blog "Keep Beach City Weird", as Ronaldo begins to narrate.)
Ronaldo (Narrator) Beach City, a sleepy seaside town. From far away, it looks ordinary, but take a closer look, and you'll start to notice the cracks in the facade.
(The film pans across Beach City from the perspective of the beach, pointing towards the Lighthouse hill, and a screen tear effect rips the scene apart.
[Trans. Int. Lighthouse Lantern Room]
(Ronaldo then appears on-screen, sitting in front of a banner reading "KBCW".)
Ronaldo My name is... *spins his chair too much* Uh... *blushes and clears his throat* My name is Ronaldo. (A slideshow of different conspiracies from his blog appears on-screen.) For years, I've run a blog called "Keep Beach City Weird". My mission: keep Beach City weird, and also to expose the truth. Most people choose to ignore my mind-blowing revelations, but no one can deny it when the truth was pointing right in the town's collective face!
(A footage, with a subtitle reading "Actual Footage", begins to play an event during "The Return", where the Gem Warship was about to land upon Beach City.)
Ronaldo (Footage) *gasps* It's an invasion! Look at that thing, it's right there!
(The footage pauses and zooms in on the warship.)
Ronaldo (Narrator) Beach City needed to be saved, but from what? (A picture of the Crystal Gems is shown.) Duh, duh, duh!
(A documentary title card reading "Rising Tides/Crashing Skies" is then shown, followed by more sub-texts: "Danger On The Boardwalk", "The Truth About The Most Dangerous Boardwalk" and "A KBCW Investigative Documentary".
[Trans. Ext. Fish Stew Pizza]
(Ronaldo begins interviewing various Beach City citizens, starting with Nanefua: "Local Business Owner".)
Nanefua Ehh, I was just cleaning up some fish for a very big order when it happened. I heard this veeery peculiar rumbling, like "boom boom boom boom boom boom!" and then a sonic "BOOM!" and the fish I was preparing flew up into the air and fell on the ground! (A lax-animated re-enactment of a fish tumbling around plays.) I ran outside and saw this great big thing in the sky.
Ronaldo The town was under attack!
Nanefua What is this for again?
Ronaldo It's a web exclusive for my blo-
[Trans. Ext. Beach Citywalk Fries]
(The film cuts away abruptly, and Ronaldo begins interviewing Peedee: "Fry Shop Employee")
Peedee Oh! Uh, yes! *sweats anxiously* That day was crazy. The Mayor said—
Ronaldo Were you scared?
Peedee What?! No! I wasn't. I was just concerned that something bad would happen to the shop...
Ronaldo So, you cried a lot.
Peedee I don't know what you're talking abo-
(An "Actual Footage" then cuts in, showing Peedee clinging to the shop counter while Mr. Fryman tried to pull him away.)
Mr. Fryman ("Footage") Let it go!
Peedee ("Footage") Dad... dad... no! *cries* Please, no!
(The footage ends, returning to Peedee being interviewed.)
Peedee I was under a lot of stress at that time, argh!
Ronaldo Aww... *walks on-screen* Hey...
Peedee What?
Ronaldo I'm here for you, bro. *hugs Peedee*
Peedee I'm fine, let me go!
Ronaldo You can't make up drama this good!
(Another "Actual Footage" plays, of Mr. Fryman driving Peedee and Ronaldo out of town to evacuate alongside other Beach Citizen citizens.)
Ronaldo (Narrator) With the space hand closing in for a high-five of the third kind, we fled the town. But then, just as mysteriously as the space hand appeared, it exploded into an explosion.
(The place then rumbled with a loud explosion noise, and everyone stopped driving.)
Mr. Fryman (Footage) What in blue blazes was that?
Peedee (Footage) I think it was an explosion!
(The shot turns towards the Lighthouse hill, now emanating lots of smoke on the side.)
Ronaldo (Footage) Unbelievable, I missed it!
[Trans. Int. Lighthouse Lantern Room]
Ronaldo There's no actual footage of the giant hand thing crashing into the beach, but here's a little re-enactment for you.
[Trans. Beach]
(The film cuts to an re-enactment of the warship crashing, represented by Ronaldo's hand, on the beach.)
Ronaldo (Re-Enactment) Whoooaahwooo-phhhh-woah! *slams his fist onto the sand, making a sand explosion, and gets pinched by an one-eyed crab* Ouch! Ouch, ouch, ouch! Ahhhh... My hand! Ah!
[Trans. Int. Lighthouse Lantern Room]
Ronaldo Beach City was saved, but by whom?
[Trans. Int. Big Donut]
(Ronaldo keeps interviewing people, next being Sadie: "Horror Movie Enthusiast", as she is serving Mr. Smiley.)
Ronaldo Miss?
Sadie Huh?
Ronaldo Who do you think saved Beach City from the giant handcraft?
Sadie Oh! Hey Ronaldo... *blushes* Wait, a-are you filming?
Ronaldo *whispers* Just answer the question!
Sadie Oh, okay... Um, yeah sure... Who saved us? Um... well... wasn't it Steven's... family? I-I think they pretty much keep to themselves... Steven says that they protect the planet and the human race and that they have magic powers... It sounds hard to believe, but I've seen some pretty wild stuff...
[Trans. Int. Fish Stew Pizza]
(Ronaldo interviews Kiki: "Pizza Heiress" next.)
Kiki Once, they made us hamburgers, and we were having a pretty good time, but then we were attacked by a huge creature!
(Jenny: "Intimidating Teenage Girl" then walks into the shot.)
Jenny Hey... You makin' a movie?
Kiki Oh, let him be...
Ronaldo It's a docu-web-a-mentry about the Crystal Gems.
Jenny Oh, they are c-ray-zy! One of them tried to knock me in the face! I ain't mad though...
[Trans. Int. Mayor's Office]
(Ronaldo then interviews Mayor Dewey: "Mayor Dewey" in his office.)
Ronaldo Mayor Dewey, who do you think saved Beach City from the handcraft?
Mayor Dewey Why, young man, I credit the voters with saving Beach City! My constituents know they've elected a mayor they can trust to—
Ronaldo Huh? No, I'm talking about the Crystal Gems.
Mayor Dewey Heh, w-why?
Ronaldo Well I'm covering the story—
Mayor Dewey Cover up? WHAT COVER UP?!
Ronaldo But—
Mayor Dewey SECURITY!
(Mayor Dewey's bodyguards rush in to cover up the shot.)
Ronaldo H-hey! You can't suppress the truth!
[Trans. Int. Lighthouse Lantern Room]
Ronaldo Obviously, the Crystal Gems were involved, even at the highest levels of local government. I decided to go to the source.
[Trans. Ext. Crystal Temple]
(Ronaldo is standing in front of the temple, speaking inaudibly.)
Peedee *shouts to Ronaldo* Speak up!
[Trans. Ext. Beach House]
(Ronaldo is now standing in front of the house door, preparing to knock on it.)
Ronaldo I'm now going to attempt to make contact with the mysterious, reclusive, and— AH!
Steven *opens the door and steps out* Hi, Ronaldo! Uh, hi, Peedee! Is that a camera?
Peedee Yeah! We're making a movie about—
Ronaldo It's an investigative report, shot camera vérité.
Steven Cool!
Ronaldo So, want to participate in a groundbreaking interview?
Steven Hmm... Only if you participate in a glass of fresh-squeezed lemonade!
[Trans. Int. Beach House]
(Ronaldo is invited into the house for some lemonade and begins interviewing Steven "Gracious Host".)
Steven Oh, that giant hand? It was a spaceship coming to get us!
Ronaldo Us? I knew it! Steven, we know too much!
Steven No, not "us" us. I meant me and the Crystal Gems.
Ronaldo Wait, so the hand wasn't here to snatch up humans for a human zoo? Or interfere with our subsidized Beach City wind farm?! OR THAW OUT THE CRYOGENICALLY FROZEN PETS OF THE ONE PERCENT?!?!
Steven Um... no, I'm pretty sure it just came to Beach City for me and the Crystal Gems.
Ronaldo Oh. So... if you and the Crystal Gems weren't here... we wouldn't have been attacked by the giant hand?
Steven Oh-ho-ho, definitely not!
(The film then zooms in on Steven's face and turns negative.)
Ronaldo (Narrator) And there it was. (The conspiracy slideshow sweeps away, showing the picture of the Crystal Gems from before.) The Crystal Gems weren't saving us, they were putting us in danger!
(A big red "X" is drawn over the Crystal Gems picture.)
[Trans. Int. Lighthouse Lantern Room]
Ronaldo I felt I had no choice but to lay bare this ugly truth to the unwitting citizens of Beach City!
[Trans. Ext. Fish Stew Pizza]
(Ronaldo then begins interviewing the Beach City citizens about the "truth", starting with Nanefua and Kofi, as they are putting trash in the dumpster behind the restaurant.)
Ronaldo Ma'am! (Nanefua reacts in surprise.) Are you aware that the Crystal Gems not only saved the town, but also caused the invasion in the first place?
Nanefua Oh, well... No more fish are getting knocked out of my hands, so I'm not complaining.
[Trans. Ext. BC Boardwalk]
(Ronaldo interviews Onion: "??????" next.)
Ronaldo *points a microphone to Onion* Sir, sir! How do you feel about the Crystal Gems attracting an onslaught of dangerous space beings? Do you feel safe?
(Onion inhales to speak, only to knock the microphone out of Ronaldo's hands and run away.)
Ronaldo Hey! You can't keep quiet forever!-
[Trans. Int. Beach Citywalk Fries]
(Ronaldo next asks Mr. Fryman: "Executive Producer, "Rising Tides, Crashing Skies"", frying fries inside the shop kitchen.)
Ronaldo How can you possibly go on, knowing that we are under siege by forces meant to destroy the Crystal Gems?
Mr. Fryman *annoyed* How close are you to being done with this project?
Ronaldo Just answer the question, Dad!
Mr. Fryman Ugh. I-I guess it's pretty bad, but what's a regular old guy like me supposed to do about it? I've got work to do... and so do you, put down that camera.
(Mr. Fryman approaches and places his hand over the screen. The film fizzles and cuts to Ronaldo setting up a camera in the kitchen, acting and voicing over himself.)
Ronaldo (Narrator) Everyone was too afraid to realize that they were actually afraid. (Peedee starts mopping the floor behind Ronaldo and puts up a "Wet Floor" sign.) Beach City needed a hero, and that hero would have to be me. (Ronaldo steps backwards and slips on the wet floor.) WHOA, WHOA—
[Trans. Ext. Crystal Temple]
(Ronaldo switches the film to night vision, while fighting and yelling are heard in the background.)
Ronaldo Okay, everything's ready for our full on night time stealth coverage.
Peedee Is it really okay for us to be lurking around like this?
Ronaldo We're not lurking, we're investigating! This is a moment of true bravery, are you brave like me? I'm so brave to be doing this. Come on!
(Ronaldo runs to peek behind a rock. Amethyst then lands into the scene and Steven falling from the air, while small one-eyed crabs crawl by.)
Amethyst Race you back to the danger zone. *runs and leaps off*
Steven Wait up!
Ronaldo Steven!
Steven Uh, hey, Ronaldo! Uh, hey, Peedee! You guys should be careful—
(Ronaldo runs up to Steven, and Peedee follows suit, holding the camera while running.)
Ronaldo You're all a danger to our city!
Steven What are you talking about?
Garnet PEARL! NOW!
Peedee Oh my gosh. What the heck is that?
(Ronaldo runs up to Steven, and Peedee follows suit, holding the camera while running.)
Garnet PEARL! NOW!
(Garnet parries the Crab Monster's claw attack. Pearl then starts blasting away at it with her spear.
Garnet Aim for the eye!
Pearl Aye-aye, Garnet! Where's Amethyst?
Amethyst Right here!
(The Crab Monster tries to shield its eyes with its other claw, but Amethyst slices it off with her hair. The monster shrieks and runs away.
Garnet Let's finish the job!
(The Gems chase away the monster while Ronaldo continues shouting at Steven.
Ronaldo This is exactly the thing I'm talking about, Steven!
Steven But the Crystal Gems are here to help people!
Ronaldo But all the monsters just come here to get you guys, and then wreck things and put us in danger! Beach City would be way safer if you guys weren't here!
(The Gems defeats the Crab Monster off-screen and bubbles its gem. They then walk in to join Steven, and Ronaldo starts chastising the Crystal Gems: "Beach City would be way safer if they weren't here".
Pearl Listen, Frybo, magic beings are indeed drawn to us, but we were here long before Beach City even existed.
Ronaldo Who cares how long you've been here? Innocent people are in danger as long as you're hanging around!
Garnet You're right, I guess we'll just leave then.
Pearl Excuse me?
Amethyst Really?
Steven But, Garnet...!
Garnet Put your buts away, Steven. *puts Steven on top of her hair* We're not wanted here, so let's just leave.
Pearl But Garnet, we'll have to move all the bubbles, a-and what about Steven's things?
Amethyst Maaaaaaan, ugh, I kinda liked it here!
(The Crystal Gems walk off, leaving Ronaldo behind.
Ronaldo Uh... Mission accomplished! Uh, you can turn the camera o—
[Trans. Int. Beach Citywalk Fries]
(Ronaldo: "Successful Documentarian" sits triumphantly, while Peedee is putting potatoes in a sack in the background.)
Ronaldo Aahhh... That's right, I did it! Thanks to me, the Gems are gone forever!
Peedee Hm, that's too bad, now you won't have anything to blog about anymore.
Ronaldo Come on, dude, I'm trying to finish the movie!
Peedee Well this relates to your movie, you said it yourself, the Gems cause all the weird stuff in Beach City, so now that they're gone, there'll be no more weird stuff.
Ronaldo No. Nooo! WHAT HAVE I DONE?!?!
(The film pauses and flashes red dramatically.)
Ronaldo (Narrator) What had I done.. I done bad.
[Trans. Int. Lighthouse Lantern Room]
Ronaldo I made a terrible mistake. *shakes his head*
[Trans. Ext. Crystal Temple]
(Ronaldo is running and panting heavily towards the Beach House.)
(Peedee tries to catch up to Ronaldo, holding the camera while running.)
Peedee *panting* I'm going... as fast as I can!
(Peedee arrives at the porch and starts filming Ronaldo banging on the door.)
Ronaldo CRYSTAL GEMS!!! You have to stay! Every messed up consequence of your presence gives me reason to wake up in the morning! Without you, my blog doesn't stand a chance! Ah, I'm too late, what have I done? I've made Beach City... NORMAL! *cries* I've broken my promise to the city, and to myself!
(Garnet then appears at the door.)
Ronaldo Ooooooooooh, you're still here! Please don't leave! I was wrong, stay and keep this town weird!
(The film flashes red dramatically again.)
Ronaldo (Narrator) I had no idea how this Crystal Gem would respond to my plea. The answer will SHOCK YOU.
(The film unpauses.)
Garnet Okay.
Ronaldo *sobbing* Thank you, thank you, thank you!
(Garnet returns back into the house, leaving Ronaldo sobbing on the porch, as he slowly starts laughing maniacally.)
[Trans. Brooding Hill]
(Ronaldo stands alone on the Brooding Hill, staring out to sea and voicing over his monologue.)
Ronaldo (Narrator) I had skillfully negotiated for the Gems to stay, perhaps I have a future in... intergalactic diplomacy? *laughs* In the end, I suppose the Gems really do save Beach City— from being not weird!
Ronaldo *turns to the camera* Okay, Peedee, I think that about wraps it up! Good job with the camera, bro!
Peedee Oh, thanks!
(The film ends with a Movie-Maker-esque credits sequence. It is then revealed that the Crystal Gems are just watching Ronaldo's video on Steven's laptop.)
Garnet That was very poorly edited.
Steven Were we really gonna leave Beach City?
Garnet No, I just wanted him to get that camera out of my face.
Pearl I wonder how many people have seen this thing?
Amethyst Oh, *laughs* I think WE'RE the only ones, see?
(Amethyst points to the TubeTube screen, showing that the video only has exactly only "1" view.)
Steven Hm, click!
(Steven clicks on the "Like" button of the video, and the star iris closes in on the button, ending the episode.)
This is a transcribed copy of Rising Tides, Crashing Skies. Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
Previous: "Sworn to the Sword" Next: "Keeping It Together"