Rocknaldo/Transcript

This is a transcribed copy of Rocknaldo. Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.

Previous: "Storm in the Room"

Next: "Tiger Philanthropist"

Speaker	Dialogue
[The episode starts with a panoramic view of Beach City. Steven is taking a stroll on the boardwalk.]
Steven	[Sighs] Space is great, but nothing beats some good ol' atmosphere.
Ronaldo	The horror! The terror! Protect yourself against the menace that threatens Beach City!
(Onion jumps in out of the blue)
Ronaldo	Protect yourself against the menace that threatens Beach City? Mr. Smiley, protect yourself against the menace that threatens Beach City?
Steven	I'll protect myself from the menace that threatens Beach City.
Ronaldo	Steven! I knew I could count on you!
(Steven takes a pamphlet and sits down on a bench)
Steven	Let's get knowledgeable! "How to Protect Yourself Against Rock People"? What? "Alien entities walk among us"? "They're adding mind-controlling minerals to our water suppl-" "They hate men"?!
Ronaldo	Protect yourself against the menace that-
Steven	Ronaldo! Wait! What is this?
Ronaldo	Well, technically, it's an infozine pamphlet, but I've been calling them "Ronalphlets."
Steven	I get that part. I'm talking about all this mean stuff you're saying about the Crystal Gems!
Ronaldo	No-no-no. Crystal Gems aren't Rock People. Crystal Gems fight Rock People. See my documentary Rising Tides, Crashing Skies.
Steven	Crystal Gems don't just fight Rock People. We are Rock People! Also, don't say "Rock People". It's offensive.
Ronaldo	Rock People are different, obviously. For starters, they have rocks embedded in their bodies.
Steven	(Lifts up shirt, showing his gemstone) Like this?
Ronaldo	But they can summon weapons from the Mud Dimension.
(Steven summons his shield)
Ronaldo	No-no, you're not getting it. They can alter their forms. That's how they trick humans into loving them!
(Steven shapeshifts his finger into a cat finger)
Ronaldo	Aww! Wait a second. You're a Rock Person?!
Steven	I'm a Crystal Gem, Ronaldo. (Dismisses cat finger and his shield) And you're not wrong about everything. We're just ignored and misunderstood.
Ronaldo	I'm so glad you're the only one that took a Ronalphlet! I'm so sorry! [Weeps]
Steven	Hey, it's okay. Everyone makes mistakes. Just as long as you realize that the Crystal Gems and I aren't that different from you.
Ronaldo	Right. Thanks, Steven. I gotta go... rethink some things.
[The scene switches to the interior of the Beach House. The Crystal Gems are reading Ronaldo's blog]
Amethyst	(Reading Ronaldo's post) "I'm shutting down my blog," blah blah blah, "social media," blah. "I may never come back to the Internet!" [Chuckles] Whoa, dude.
Pearl	I suppose it's a good thing that he's taking time to think.
Steven	There's a new post.
Pearl	Hmmm.
Steven	It's a video.
Ronaldo	Good day, loyal followers of Keep Beach City Weird. I've come to you today because I pride myself in bringing you the truth about all the weird stuff in Beach City the Man doesn't want you to know about. But today, I need to tell you some truths about this man! I've mixed up what is right and wrong and ended up saying some pretty mean things about the Crystal Gems. I feel terrible about my mistake because I know more than anyone what it's like to do thankless work and to be an outsider. That's why I'm joining the Crystal Gems!
Amethyst	[Snorts, laughs]
Pearl	What?!
(Ronaldo's video keeps playing in the background)
Ronaldo	(Knocks door, and then slam opens the door) Steven!
Steven	Ronaldo...
Ronaldo	Guess what!
Steven	You want to join the Crystal Gems.
Ronaldo	[Gasps] I thought you'd never ask! You know, I always felt strangely at home here.
Pearl	Unh-unh. No. You are not living here. And you certainly can't join the Crystal Gems.
Ronaldo	But...
Garnet	You don't have a gem. Your body is organic.
Steven	My body's organic and I'm a Crystal Gem.
Pearl	You're going to entertain this?
Steven	We're all different, but we love and accept each other. That's what Crystal Gems do. And isn't it great that someone is actually interested in what we do? What better way to show him what we're about than to accept him as a Crystal Gem, too?
Pearl	Uhhh...
Garnet	(Slowly claps)
Amethyst	(Claps) Let's do this!
Pearl	Well, it's not the strangest house guest we've had.
[Steven and Ronaldo are in Steven's room; Ronaldo is rummaging through his luggage]
Ronaldo	So, when do I get issued my gem?
Steven	Oh... It doesn't really-uh-eh- But if you had a gem, what would you want it to be?
Ronaldo	Well, I care so much, I think it'd be, like, deep in my heart. Or like a million tiny gems, like one crushed-up gem coursing through my blood, like-like... Bloodstone!
Steven	Perfect! That's your Crystal Gem name.
Ronaldo	Wait! Check it out! (Pulls out a sword) I have a Gem Weapon now, too!
Steven	Wow! A sword!
Ronaldo	I got it at DelmarvaCon last year. It's a replica from the anime I Can't Believe My Stepdad's My Sword. It can cut through a carton of milk like a carton of butter!
Steven	There's a half-full juice box by the TV.
(Ronaldo unsheathes the sword and hits the juice box, sending it flying to the fridge.)
Ronaldo	[Grunts]
(Steven tapes a paper star on Ronaldo's shirt)
Steven	Nice! That star looks good on you.
Ronaldo	Thanks.
(The other Gems warp in)
Amethyst	Mission time!
Ronaldo	Awesome! Let me grab my katana from upstairs. (Ronaldo jumps on the couch, trying to reach the sword and fails miserably.) [Wheezes, pants] I'ma take the stairs.
Pearl	Uh, I'm sorry, Bloodfry. You're going to have to sit this one out. It's a bit dangerous.
Ronaldo	But Steven gets to go.
Garnet	Steven is different. He's been training with us for years.
Steven	Don't worry, Bloodstone. I didn't get to come along at first either. We can start your training soon. Be back in a bit!
(The Gems warp out)
Ronaldo	But... I'm a Crystal Gem, too.
(Ronaldo is standing in front of Steven and inspecting him with a pair of binoculars)
Steven	Um... hi, Bloodstone.
Ronaldo	Oh. Hi, Steven. Didn't see you there. So... how'd the mission go without me holding you back?
Steven	Uh, it went fine. You know, the usual - fighting monsters, sharing emotions.
Ronaldo	I'm glad you didn't get hurt. With me not there.
Steven	Yeah... Well, I'm heading out.
Ronaldo	And you're going out like that?
Steven	Uh... like what?
Ronaldo	Well, I just think a real Crystal Gem would want to show off their gem, like, all the time. If I had a gem, I'd show mine off.
(Steven ties a knot in the bottom of his shirt, revealing his gem)
[The scene changes to the Beach House at night; Steven is in bed]
Steven's Phone	You are in a quiet forest. The trees are quiet. The sky is quiet. A small rabbit begins to sing. Ahhh...
Ronaldo	Rah!
Steven	What the-
Ronaldo	[Inhales] [Grunts] (Hits a milk carton with his sword, splashing milk in Steven's face)
Steven	[Sighs] Bloodstone, I know you want to train, but it's bedtime.
Ronaldo	Funny that you... sleep, when Gems don't need sleep. Why is that?
Steven	I-I don't know. Because I'm half human, I get tired and I...
Ronaldo	Huh. Well, I'm two halves human, and I'm not [Yawns] tired at all.
(Ronaldo swings the sword around. He drops it. Steven's eye twitches.)
Ronaldo	Ever since I became a Crystal Gem, uh... sleeping... [Chuckles] I don't... do it.
Steven	That's great, Bloodstone.
Ronaldo	(Sleepy) What a cool name. I'm so cool. (Falls off to the first floor)
[The next day, just outside of Steven's house, Connie is leaving.]
Steven	Bye, Connie! See you tomorrow for sword training! (Bumps into Ronaldo) Ah!
Ronaldo	Her gem weapon's a sword, huh? She totally ripped that off from me.
Steven	What?! That sword belonged to my mom!
Ronaldo	How come I don't get your mom's gempon? That's "Gem" and "weapon".
Steven	Well, Connie's been a part of the Crystal Gems longer than you, so...
Ronaldo	Admit it. She's just in because she's your girlfriend.
Steven	What are you talking about?!
Ronaldo	She doesn't even live here! I'm here all the time! Look at that quality groove I've established! If she was a real Crystal Gem, she'd be a little bit more dedicated!
Steven	Are you serious?! Bloodstone, ever since you got here, all you've done is boss me around! Who are you to tell anyone how to be a Crystal Gem?! You're just-You're just... a guy with a blog!
Ronaldo	(Deadpan) Is that love? Is that acceptance? Maybe you're the one that isn't a Crystal Gem. I think you need to leave and think about stuff.
Steven	(Pacing outside) What is my problem? He just wanted to be included. If I were really a Crystal Gem, I'd never... wait a second.
(Steven goes back into the Beach House)
Ronaldo	[Maniacally laughs] Amethyst! [Laughs]
Amethyst	Yo, I didn't even say anything.
Steven	Bloodstone! We need to talk! You're right! The Crystal Gems are about love and acceptance! But you've been acting really mean to me, and I don't love that. I don't accept that. I wish I hadn't snapped at you, it's just... I really thought you joined because you were interested in the Crystal Gems. But the second it wasn't about you, you stopped caring. This isn't the Bloodstone club about making Bloodstone feel good. This is my whole life! Do you care about that or not?!
(Ronaldo's star starts falling off, and then he faints)
Amethyst	Whoa! You truthed him so hard, he died!
Steven	No! Bloodstone! Bloodstone!
Ronaldo	[Snores]
Steven	[Sighs] He's just asleep. Guess staying awake for a whole week finally caught up with him.
Pearl	Well, what do we do with Fryrocko now?
[The Crystal Gems bring Ronaldo to Beach Citywalk Fries, and drop him on the ground outside]
Garnet	We should let his parent know he's back.
Amethyst	(Shapeshifts into Ronaldo) Hey, Dad. I'm back. Blog, blog, blog.
Pearl	That was really good!
Amethyst	(Shapeshifts back) Thanks!
Steven	I'll... text Peedee and let him know he's here. You think he'll be okay?
Amethyst	You've worried about him enough, Steven.
Garnet	Crystal Gems, let's head back.
(Garnet, Pearl, and Amethyst jump away farther down the beach and walk away)
Ronaldo	[Snores]
[Three weeks later, Steven is walking around the boardwalk with a worried expression on his face]
Steven	(Sees Ronaldo standing by a bench) Bloodstone!
Ronaldo	Oh. Hey, Steven.
Steven	Are you all right? I haven't seen you in three weeks.
Ronaldo	Yeah. I took a real long nap, and then I did some hard thinking. I wasn't acting like Bloodstone. I was acting like [Inhales] Jerknaldo. You accepted me, but I still felt like an outsider. I guess even amongst outsiders, I am the ultimate outsider. I think it's better Ronaldo Fryman work alone.
Steven	Are you sure? I was really glad you wanted to help our cause.
Ronaldo	I still do. (Hands Steven a new "Ronalphlet")
Steven	Oh. It's you and Pearl shaking hands. When did that happen?
Ronaldo	I used the magic of photo-editing software. Hey, but, uh... Ronalphlets aside, can I ask you something?
Steven	Yeah?
Ronaldo	Why don't you use your Gem name?
Steven	Oh. My Gem name is my mom's name. Actually, the only time Gems really call me that is if they're about to kidnap me or beat me up.
Ronaldo	That's rough, buddy. You want me to put that in the Ronalphlet?
Steven	Eh... maybe not.
Ronaldo	Got it.
(The screen closes in a star shape on Ronaldo's face.)