Rocknaldo/Transcript

Speaker	Dialogue
(The episode starts with a panoramic view of Beach City. Steven is taking a stroll.)
Steven	(Sighs) Space is great, but nothing beats some good ol' atmosphere.
Ronaldo	The horror! The terror! Protect yourself against the menace that threatens Beach City!
(Onion jumps in out of the blue)
Ronaldo	Protect yourself against the menace that threatens Beach City? Mr Smiley! Protect yourself against the menace that threatens Beach City!
Steven	I'll protect my self from the menace that threatens Beach City.
Ronaldo	Steven! I knew I could count on you!
Steven	Let's get knowledge-able! How to protect yourself against Rock People? What? Alien entities walk among us? They are adding mind controlling minerals to our water suppl- They hate men!
Ronaldo	Protect yourself against the menace that-
Steven	Ronaldo! Wait! What is this!
Ronaldo	Well, technically it's an infozine phamplet, but I've been calling them Ronal-plets.
Steven	I get that part. I'm talking about all this mean stuff you're saying about the Crystal Gems!
Ronaldo	No no no. Crystal Gems aren't Rock People. Crystal Gems "fight" Rock People. See my documentary Rising Tides Crashing Skies.
Steven	Crystal Gems don't just fight Rock People, we "are" Rock People. Also, don't say Rock People, it's offensive.
Ronaldo	Rock People are different, obviously. For starters, they have rocks embedded in their bodies.
Steven	(Lifts up shirt, showing Rose Gem) Like this?
Ronaldo	But they can summon weapons from the mud dimension.
(Steven summons Rose Thorn Shield)
Ronaldo	No no, you're not getting it. They can alter their forms. That's how they trick humans into loving them.
(Steven shapeshifts his finger into a cat-finger)
Ronaldo	Awww. Wait a second. You are a Rock Person?
Steven	I'm a Crystal Gem, Ronaldo. (Dismisses Cat-finger and Rose's Shield) And you are not wrong about everything. We are just ignored and misunderstood.
Ronaldo	I'm so glad you're the only one that took a Ronal-plet. I'm so sorry! (Weeps)
Steven	Hey! It's ok. Everyone makes mistakes. Just as long as you realize that the Crystal Gems and I aren't that different from you
Ronaldo	R-right.Thanks. Steven. I gotta go. Re-think some things.
Amethyst	I'm shutting down my blog. Blah blah blah social media blah. I may never come back to the internet. He-he. Woah dude.
Pearl	I suppose it's a good thing that he's taking time to think.
Steven	There's a new post.
Pearl	Hmmm.
Steven	It's a video.
Ronaldo	Good day loyal followers of Keep Beach City Weird. I've come to you today because I've prided myself in bringing you the truth, about all the weird stuff in Beach City the "man" doesn't want you to know about. But today I need to tell you some truths about this "man". I might ??? what it's right or wrong and ended up saying some pretty mean things about the Crystal Gems. I feel terrible about my mistake because I know more than anyone what it's like to do thankless work and to be an outsider. That's why I'm joining the Crystal Gems!
Amethyst	(Snorts) (Laughs)
Pearl	What!
(Ronaldo keeps playing in the background)
Ronaldo	(Knocks door, and slam opens the door) Steven!
Steven	Ronaldo...
Ronaldo	Guess what!
Steven	You want to join the Crystal Gems.
Ronaldo	(Gasps) I thought you'd never ask! You know I always felt strangely at home here.
Pearl	Uh-uh. No. You are "not" living here. And you certainly can't join the Crystal Gems.
Ronaldo	But...
Garnet	You don't have a gem. Your body is organic.
Steven	My body is organic and I'm a Crystal Gem.
Pearl	You are going to entertain this?
Steven	We are all different but we love and accept each other. That's what Crystal Gems do! And isn't it great that someone is actually interested in what we do? What better way to show 'em what we are about than to accept him as a Crystal Gem too.
Pearl	Uh...
Garnet	(Slowly claps)
Amethyst	(Claps) Let's do this!
Pearl	Well, it's not the strangest house's guest we had.
Ronaldo	So. When do I get issued my gem?
Steven	Oh... It doesn't really eh... if you had a gem what would want it to be.
Ronaldo	Well I care so much. I think it'd be like, deep in my heart. Or, like a million tiny gems, like one crushed-up gem coursing through my blood, like, like blood stone!
Steven	Perfect! That's your Crystal Gem name.
Ronaldo	Wait. Check it out! I have a Gem Weapon now too.
Steven	Wow a sword!
Ronaldo	I got it at a Del-Marba-Con last year. It's a replica from the anime "I can't believe my step dad is my sword". It can cut throught a carton of milk like a carton of butter.
Steven	There's a half-full juice box by the TV.
(Ronaldo unsheates the sword. And hits the juice box, sending it fly to the fridge.)
(Steven sticks a star on Ronaldo's shirt)
Steven	Nice. That star looks good on you.
Ronaldo	Thanks!
Amethyst	Mission time!
Ronaldo	Awesome! Let me grab my katana from upstairs. (Jump on the couch trying to reach the sword. He fails miserably) (Tired) Imma take the stairs.
Pearl	Uh, I'm sorry Blood-Fry. You are going to sit this one out. It's a bit dangerous.
Ronaldo	But Steven gets to go.
Garnet	Steven is different. He's been training with us for years.
Steven	Don't worry Blood Stone. I didn't get to come along at first either. We can start your training soon. Be back in a bit.
Ronaldo	But... I'm a Crystal Gem too.
(Ronaldo is inspecting Steven, with a pair of Binoculars, from a close distance)
Steven	Um, hi Blood Stone.
Ronaldo	Oh, hi Steven. Didn't see you there. So! How the mission go without me holding you back.
Steven	Uh, it went fine. You know. The usual. Fighting monsters, sharing emotions.
Ronaldo	I'm glad you didn't get hurt. With me. Not there.
Steven	Yeah... Well. I'm hanging out.
Ronaldo	And you are going out like that?
Steven	Uh, like what?
Ronaldo	Well, I just think a real Crystal Gem would want to show off their gem, like all the time. If I had a gem I'd show mine off.
(Steven ties a knot in the bottom of his shirt, revealing his gem)
MP4	[...] You are in a quite forest. The trees are quite. The sky is quite. The small rabbit begins to sing. Oh.
Ronaldo	Wah!
Steven	What the!
Ronaldo	(Breathes in) Ah! (Hits a juice box, splashing juice in Steven's face)
Steven	Ugh. Blood Stone. I know you wanna train but it's bed time.
Ronaldo	Funny that you, sleep. When Gems don't need to sleep. Why is that?
Steven	I... I don't know! Because I'm half human! I get tired and I...
Ronaldo	Ha! Well I'm two halves human and I'm not (Yawns) tired at all.
(Ronaldo swing the sword around. He drops it. Steven's eye twitch.)
Ronaldo	Ever since I became a Crystal Gem uh sleeping. Ha ha. I don't... do it.
Steven	That's great Blood stone.
Ronaldo	What a cool name. I'm so cool. (Falls off to the first floor)
(The next day, just outside of Steven's House. Connie is leaving the place)
Steven	Bye Connie! See you tomorrow for sword training. (Bumps into Ronaldo) Ah!
Ronaldo	Her gem weapons is a sword eh? She totally ripped that off from me.
Steven	What? That sword belonged to my mom!
Ronaldo	How come I don't get your mom's gempon? That's gem and weapon.
Steven	Well, Connie's been a part of the Crystal Gems longer than you, so...
Ronaldo	Admit it. She's just in because she is your girlfriend.
Steven	What are you talking about?
Ronaldo	She doesn't even live here! I'm here "all" the time! Look at that quality grub I've established. If she was a real Crystal Gem she'd would be a little bit more dedicated.
Steven	Are you serious? Blood Stone, ever since you got here all you've done is boss me around. Who are "you" to tell anyone how to be a Crystal Gem? You are just! You are just! A guy with a blog!
Ronaldo	(Deadpan) Is that love? Is that acceptance? Maybe you are the one that isn't a Crystal Gem. I think you need to leave and think about stuff.
Steven	It's my problem. Just wanted to be included. If I were really a Crystal Gem I'd never... wait a second.
Ronaldo	(Maniacally laughing) Amethyst! (Laughs)
Amethyst	Yo. I didn't even said anything.
Steven	Blood Stone! We need to talk. You are right, the Crystal Gems are about love and acceptance. But you've been acting really mean to me. And I don't love that. I don't accept that. I wished I hadn't snapped you, it's just... I really thought you joined because you were interested in the Crystal Gems. But the second it wasn't about you, you stopped caring. This isn't the Blood Stone club, about making Blood Stone feel good. This is my whole life. You care about that or not!
(Ronaldo's star start falling off, and he faints)
Amethyst	Woah! You truth-'im so hard he died!
Steven	No! Blood Stone! Blood Stone!
Ronaldo	(Snores)
Steven	(Sighs) He's just asleep. Guess staying awake for a whole week finally caught up with him.
Pearl	Well, what do we do with Fry-Rocko now?
(The Crystal Gems carry Ronaldo outside his home, and drop him on the floor)
Garnet	We should let his parent know his back.
Amethyst	(Shapeshifts into Ronaldo) Hey dad! I'm back! Blog blog blog.
Pearl	That was really good!
Amethyst	Thanks!
Steven	I'll text Peedee and let him know he's here. You think he'll be okay?
Amethyst	???
Garnet	Crystal Gems! Let's head back.
Ronaldo	(Snores)
(The next day, Steven is walking around, with a worried expression on his face)
Steven	Blood Stone!
Ronaldo	Oh. Hey Steven.
Steven	Are you alright? I haven't seen you in three weeks.
Ronaldo	Yeah. I took a real long nap and then I did some hard thinking. I wasn't acting like Blood Stone. I was acting like (breaths in) Jerk-naldo. You accepted me. But I still thought like an outsider. I guess even amongst outsiders I'm the ultimate outsider. I think it's better Ronaldo Fryman worked alone.
Steven	Are you sure? I was really glad you wanted to help our cause.
Ronaldo	I still do!
Steven	Oh It's you and Pearl shaking hands. When did that happen?
Ronaldo	I used the magic of photo editing software. Hey bud. Uh, Ronal-plets aside. Can I ask you something?
Steven	Yeah?
Ronaldo	Why don't you use your Gem name?
Steven	Oh. My Gem name is my Mom's name. Actually, the only time Gems really call me that is if they're about to kidnap me or beat me up.
Ronaldo	That's rough, buddy. You want me to put that in the Ronal-plet?
Steven	Eh... maybe not.
Ronaldo	Got it.
(The screen closes in a star shape on Ronaldo's face.)