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Season 1

You can see it on my blog, Keep Beach City Weird!

—"Cat Fingers"

I'm, uuhhhh-haa, going to end your reign of terror! GAAH!!!

—"Tiger Millionaire"

Steven's PREGNANT?!?!?

—"Steven's Lion"

I bet you're not even pregnant...

—"Steven's Lion"

This is a restricted zone! Only those with special clearance may enter!
Steven: ... May, I have special clearance?
Hmmmm, granted.

—"Keep Beach City Weird"

Snake People, or 'Sneople', control our government at the highest levels! Look! *shows Steven a dollar* The Snake represents their hold on our country, the diamond represents their underground mines, or their sharp teeth...the details aren’t important. They pit us mammals against each other with elections, sports and Anime message boards. We spend so much time fighting over 'dubs' or 'subs' that we miss the big picture!

—"Keep Beach City Weird"

Don't get hung up on these minor facts. Truth is about more than that, truth is a feeling in your gut that you know is true! Truth is searching for anything that proves you're right no matter how small, and holding on to that, no matter what.

—"Keep Beach City Weird"

You gotta look at the big picture here! Something important is finally happening to me!

—"Keep Beach City Weird"

How did I never see this before? *peers at dollar bill* I know what the diamond means.... Polymorphic sentient rocks!!!!

—"Keep Beach City Weird"

They're here to hollow out the Earth! It's part of The Great Diamond Authority! They’ll take on any form, you can read all about it... on my blog!

—"Keep Beach City Weird"

Don't mind me, just doing some live blogging about your weird watermelons. *laughs and starts typing on his phone* "Check... out... these weird... watermelon guys... down by the Funland... entrance... It's... really... weird..."

—"Watermelon Steven"

What? You're only selling them for five dollars!? Hey everybody!! Come get a Watermelon Steven! He's practically giving them away! Hurry before they're gone forever!

—"Watermelon Steven"

"Keep Beach City Weird" presents— oh hang on a second... *retrieves a spatula and a hand mixer* ... first, ever, official, mutant, watermelon, autopsy.

—"Watermelon Steven"

Steven! Get out of here! You're gonna ruin my web-sclusive!

—"Watermelon Steven"

C.G.?! Blasphemer! You saw the remake! I have the original. A true fan would accept nothing less.

—"Horror Club"

Yo, Steven, are you sure you can see with the couch in your way?

—"Horror Club"

Or maybe it's a gho-o-st?
Sadie: *chuckles nervously* Good one.
No, really. What if it's a gho-o-o-o-st? As a skeptic of mortality, I've long suspected that this place might be haunted. Aha! Spirit, I beseech you!

—"Horror Club"

This is no run-of-the-mill haunting! *shines his flashlight onto his own face* It's a poltergeist. A "ghost" only haunts a house. A poltergeist haunts a person! They're usually attracted to the terrifying inner world of the emotionally disturbed.

—"Horror Club"

Spirit, I deliver the package of darkness! Return to us the innocent Sadie!

—"Horror Club"

Our first paranormal discovery! We're gonna take on the world together!

—"Horror Club"

WHOA! What the heck? Huh? *picks up the T-shirt* Whoa, weird! Some kind of extraterrestrial space dad guitar shirt? Sooo... You've finally decided to make first contact, huh? WHERE ARE YOU?

—"Shirt Club"

Season 2

As an aficionado of the weird yourself, you've probably noticed ordinary people fear the cold leaded anchor of the truth. The abyss is no Sunday swan drive.

—"Full Disclosure"

Sounds typical. But it's a good reminder. This is no easy path we've chosen here. There are... sacrifices. Look at them all down there, Steven. It's our duty to let those simple people live out their simple lives, without ever knowing the burden of being friends with us.

—"Full Disclosure"

Is that giant hand from the sky sitting right in the middle of the beach?! I gotta get some of this for my blog!

—"Full Disclosure"

You can't make up drama this good!

—"Rising Tides, Crashing Skies"

With the space hand closing in for a high-five of the third kind, we fled the town. But then, just as mysteriously as the space hand appeared, it exploded into an explosion.

—"Rising Tides, Crashing Skies"

H-hey! You can't suppress the truth!

—"Rising Tides, Crashing Skies"

Everyone was too afraid to realize that they were actually afraid. Beach City needed a hero, and that hero would have to be me.

—"Rising Tides, Crashing Skies"

Peedee: Hm, that's too bad, now you won't have anything to blog about anymore.
Come on, dude, I'm trying to finish the movie!
Peedee: Well this relates to your movie, you said it yourself, the Gems cause all the weird stuff in Beach City, so now that they're gone, there'll be no more weird stuff.
No. Nooo! WHAT HAVE I DONE?!?!

—"Rising Tides, Crashing Skies"

THIS IS A MATTER OF WEIRD AND DEATH!

—"Rising Tides, Crashing Skies"

CRYSTAL GEMS!!! You have to stay! Every messed up consequence of your presence gives me reason to wake up in the morning! Without you, my blog doesn't stand a chance! Ah, I'm too late, what have I done? I've made Beach City... NORMAL! *cries* I've broken my promise to the city, and to myself!

—"Rising Tides, Crashing Skies"

I had skillfully negotiated for the Gems to stay, perhaps I have a future in... intergalactic diplomacy?

—"Rising Tides, Crashing Skies"

Season 3

...Are you saying you don't know the true power of the Supremo? *adjusts his glasses menacingly*

—"Beach City Drift"

I'm full... of sadness!

—"Restaurant Wars"

Season 4

Well, technically, it's an infozine pamphlet, but I've been calling them "Ronalphlets."

—"Rocknaldo"

Good day, loyal followers of Keep Beach City Weird. I've come to you today because I pride myself in bringing you the truth about all the weird stuff in Beach City the Man doesn't want you to know about. But today, I need to tell you some truths about this man! I've mixed up what is right and wrong and ended up saying some pretty mean things about the Crystal Gems. I feel terrible about my mistake because I know more than anyone what it's like to do thankless work and to be an outsider. That's why I'm joining the Crystal Gems!

—"Rocknaldo"

Well, I care so much, I think it'd be, like, deep in my heart. Or like a million tiny gems, like one crushed-up gem coursing through my blood, like-like... Bloodstone!

—"Rocknaldo"

I got it at DelmarvaCon last year. It's a replica from the anime I Can't Believe My Stepdad's My Sword. It can cut through a carton of milk like a carton of butter!

—"Rocknaldo"

Season 5

This is a nightmare. I'm the one who should be in space! Why does Lars get to be whisked away into the infinite cosmos, on an adventure of a lifetime? It's so ironic it hurts my soul!

—"Letters to Lars"

Greg: It'd be nice if we could have some kind of lookout. Maybe I'll buy one of those high powered telescopes for the lighthouse or something.
I VOLUNTEER! I LOVE LOOKING OUT! IF I CAN'T BE IN SPACE, I CAN AT LEAST LOOK AT IT!

—"Letters to Lars"

You have to come to the lighthouse. I found something weird.
Steven: You found something weird everyday since my dad got you that telescope.
I know; I'm amazing.

—"Can't Go Back"

Steven: Can't you call Nanefua?
Not a fourth time!

—"Can't Go Back"

You have a moon base!? I have so many questions! One: why didn't you tell me about your moon base? Two: take me to your moon base. Three: why does it look like a barn?

—"Can't Go Back"


ve Character quotes
Crystal Gems Half: Steven Universe

Unfused: Rose Quartz • PearlAmethystRuby • Sapphire • Peridot • Bismuth • Lapis Lazuli • Larimar
Fusions: Garnet • Alexandrite • Opal • Sardonyx • Sugilite
Hybrid Fusions: Stevonnie • Smoky Quartz • Rainbow Quartz 2.0 • Sunstone

Homeworld Gems Unfused: Aquamarine • Emerald • Diamonds (Blue Diamond • Yellow Diamond • White Diamond • Pink Diamond) • Lapis Lazulis • (Mean Lapis• Nice Lapis) • Pearls (Blue PearlYellow PearlPink Pearl) • Quartzes (Cherry Quartz • Holly Blue Agate • Jasper • Hippie Rose Quartz • Shy Rose Quartz • Superfan Rose Quartz) • Spinel • Rubies (ArmyDocEyeballLeggyNavy) • Zircons (Defending ZirconProsecuting Zircon)

Fusions: Bluebird AzuriteMalachite

Other Unaligned Gems: Fluorite • Padparadscha • Rhodonite • Rutile Twins

Other: Holo-Pearl

Humans Main: Greg Universe • Connie Maheswaran • Lars Barriga • Sadie Miller

Recurring: Andy DeMayo • Bill Dewey • Buck Dewey • Quentin Frowney • Mr. Fryman • Peedee Fryman • Ronaldo Fryman • Jamie • Kevin • Doug Maheswaran • Dr. Priyanka Maheswaran • Marty • Barbara Miller • Jenny Pizza • Kiki Pizza • Kofi Pizza • Nanefua Pizza • Shep • Harold Smiley • Sour Cream • Vidalia

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