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Non-canon
"Don't worry, bro. None of this is canon."
This article contains information on a subject that is not considered canon in Steven Universe.
Steven gallery This is a transcribed copy of "Say Uncle". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
Previous: "Joy Ride" Next: "Love Letters"
Speaker Dialogue
(Steven is sitting on the beach, eyes closed and taking deep breaths.)
Steven *deep inhale* Shield.
(Steven's gem begins to glow. He slowly opens his eyes and finds him encased in his bubble shield.)
Steven No! Not bubble shield!
(Steven dispels his bubble and throws a little tantrum.)
Steven *looks at his gem* What am I doing wrong? The Gems can all summon their weapons, why can't I? *gets desperate* Isn't there somebody who can help me?
(The area starts to rumble.)
Steven Wha... ?
(Steven gets and sees dolphins circling around in the sea, creating a whirlpool. A giant shell then emerges from the vortex, atop a water sprout.)
Steven Wha!? ... Huh?!
(Crabs start rushing past Steven into the ocean, startling him. The dolphins starts spitting water like fountains and the shell opens up in a glorious entrance before Steven, revealing to be... Uncle Grandpa, dressed up like Rose Quartz.)
Uncle Grandpa Good morning!
Steven Whoa!
Uncle Grandpa *suddenly appears beside Steven, buried as a sand mermaid* Bravo! *applauds* This guy sure knows how to make an entrance. What do you think Mr. Dolphin?
(Mr. Dolphin squeaks besides Uncle Grandpa. Uncle Grandpa gets up and starts dusting sand off him, rotating his torso 360° around.)
Steven Oh my gosh! Uncle Grandpa! You're really here, I can't believe it! I mean, I LITERALLY can't believe it. *excitedly* How is this even possible?!
Uncle Grandpa *pulls Steven in* Don't worry, bro. *speaks to the audience* None of this is canon. But this is!
(Uncle Grandpa pulls a giant cannon from Belly Bag and puts his head into it. He then fires his head into the air, spelling "April Fools" in smoke, and crashes into a ship. Lars and Sadie climbs onto the tip as the ship sinks.)
Lars Oh no-ho-ho-ho! OUR SHIIIIIP!
(Sadie holds on to Lars dramatically as the ship sinks with them.)
Uncle Grandpa Sooooo, I hear your belly's being a bit of a bummer. *poke Steven's belly*
Steven Yeah. *lifts his shirt* I've been trying to pull my shield outta my gem all morning.
Uncle Grandpa Hmmm...Well let's take a look-see... *clones his head from Belly Bag and gives Steven a check-up* You should make sure to get this thing polished at least twice a year. *knocks on Steven's gem, and something knocks in response*
Steven So... do you think you can help me? (Uncle Grandpa puts a tongue depressor in Steven's mouth.) At least I totally wanna protect my friends.
Uncle Grandpa Hmm... Yup, it's the belly blues. I've definitely seen this before.
Steven Really?!
Uncle Grandpa I was there! - Don't you remember?
(Uncle Grandpa replays the episode of "Gem Glow", as he tries to communicate with Steven via his own in-show commercial.)
Uncle Grandpa Uh whoa! Hey! It's a brand new cartoon picture show! Hey! Hey! Hi there! Hello? Hey! Good morning?
Steven I don't remember that at all.
Uncle Grandpa So your shield only comes out when you need to protect yourself. *scratches his head*
Steven Yeah?
Uncle Grandpa Well then, you just need something to protect yourself FROM! Like this cool mega super awesome rocket launcher! *pulls out a rocket launcher*
Steven Uh... Uncle Grandpa? *gets worried* This doesn't seem safe...
Uncle Grandpa Don't worry kid, I'm wearing a helmet.
(Uncle Grandpa fires a rocket at Steven, who holds up his hands in panic. The tiny rocket hits Steven in the forehead with no impact at all, lands on the sand and explodes harmlessly.)
Uncle Grandpa *floats in* Anything?
Steven No...
Uncle Grandpa Then how about a BEE-ZOOKA? *pulls out a Beezooka from Belly Bag*
(Steven runs away screaming, with giant bees chasing him.)
Uncle Grandpa Or a Snake Shooter?
(Steven runs away cautiously, with a snake slittering towards him.)
Uncle Grandpa Or the BEE-ZOOKA again?
(Steven runs away screaming again. Uncle Grandpa ponders as Steven, visibly stung and swollen, sits besides.)
Uncle Grandpa Hmm...Still nothin'. *snaps his finger* Oh, I know!
(Pearl then pops out from inside the Beach House as Amethyst watches the commotion from the porch.)
Pearl Amethyst, have you seen Steven this morning?
Amethyst Yeap. He's hanging out with some weirdo. *points to Uncle Grandpa* I think he's trying to vaporize Steven.
Pearl Whagahaha?!
(Pearl freaks out as she sees Uncle Grandpa aiming a giant death ray at Steven.)
Pearl STEVEN!!!!
(Everyone brace themselves as the death ray is fired, and Steven appears unharmed in his bubble shield)
Steven NOOOO! Not bubble shield! *claps away his bubble*
Uncle Grandpa Hmmm... I would've sworn the Doomtastic Death Ray of Dastardly Destruction would've worked, You wanna try the bees again?
Gems *jumps in* Steven!
Pearl What's going on?! Who is this... stranger?
Steven He's not a stranger, he's Uncle Grandpa!
(Uncle Grandpa honks his nose twice.)
Amethyst Uncle... Grandpa?
Pearl So that would make him Greg's brother... and father?
Garnet That would explain... a LOT. *folds her arms*
Belly Bag Thaaat's right! He's not just your Uncle Grandpa, Steven! (Uncle Grandpa pops his head out into space.) He's everyone in the world's Uncle Grandpa! And when he comes to town, you're sure to have a fun time!
(Steven's and the Gems' heads follow Uncle Grandpa's head too, as they start circling around the Earth.)
Steven Ahahaha, we're in space!
(The Gems' head return back to their bodies, and they are visibly frightened.)
Pearl *freaking out* O-o-oh, Gimminee.....! *feels Garnet's head* Yahuhuhahahehehetseyahutsui, Ahu-Aaaw... *faints*
Amethyst Augh! My head is on BACKWAAAAARDS! *runs away in panic*
Garnet *shivers* Woohoohaha...
(Uncle Grandpa's and Steven's heads return back to their heads too, and they calmly fist-bumps each other.)
Garnet Gem huddle! *huddles with Pearl and Amethyst*
Pearl Obviously, we're dealing with some super-powerful reality-warping entity.
Garnet He could be a danger to the fabric of space itself!
Amethyst I dunno guys! Hah, I kinda like 'im!
Steven Hey! *huddles in* What are you guys talkin' about?
Uncle Grandpa *butts in too* Are you forming a secret club? (A second Uncle Grandpa pops in as well.) Can we join too?
Gems AUGH! *breaks the huddle*
Pearl Eh-hem, Umm... Uncle Grandpa?
Uncle Grandpa Good morning. *waves*
Pearl Yes, we have decided to-
Uncle Grandpa *playing video games with Steven* Play video games?
Pearl No.
Uncle Grandpa *running around Steven* Run around in circles?
Pearl *starting to get annoyed* Noo.
Uncle Grandpa *eating a three way sub with Amethyst and Steven* Eat a three way sub?
Amethyst Yo.
Pearl *gets mad at Amethyst with crazed eyes* AMETHYST! *calms down* Eh-hm, no, we have decided-
Garnet -that you are a danger to Steven and the planet Earth, and we MUST destroy you!
Steven What?!
Uncle Grandpa *worried* Bad morning!
Steven Wait, no! You guys, don't hurt him!
(The Gems summon their weapons as a title card that says "CRYSTAL GEMS" appear before them. Another title card saying "RUN AWAY" appears before Uncle Grandpa and Steven, and they start to run.)
Uncle Grandpa Come on, kid! Let's gooo!
Amethyst *trips over the "y" on the "Run Away" title card* Whyyyyyy!?!?
Steven I'm sorry, they're not usually like this!
Uncle Grandpa Quick! Belly Bag, we need a plot hole!
Belly Bag Sure thing, Uncle Grandpa! OOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
(Belly Bag releases a white card from it and expands it big enough to cover the screen. Steven and Uncle Grandpa then runs into a blank white space.)
Steven Where are we?
(The screen goes black, and then Hot Dog Person is seen in space yelling Uncle Grandpa's theme song. Uncle Grandpa's head is seen over Earth greeting "Good Morning!"... as he and Steven enter his dimension.)
Uncle Grandpa *laughing and driving* Now where did I put that little kid? Oh yeah! *opens a cubby, revealing Steven inside* Good morning! Oh, lemme give you a hand there. *pulls Steven out*
Steven *fastened to the seat belt* Wow, where am I?
Uncle Grandpa Welcome to the "U.G.R.V."
Steven The... wha?
Uncle Grandpa The "Uncle Grandpa Recreational Vehicle".
Steven Oh, cool! My dad lives in a van too! Did you used to be a rockstar?
Uncle Grandpa I'm still a rockstar, kid. (Another Uncle Grandpa pops in from the back.) Hey Steven! I'll give ya the tour!
Steven Wow, it's huge! *looks around the U.G.R.V.* You can fit a million vans in here!
Uncle Grandpa Actually, it's more like 40 or 50 vans, see? *shows a pile of 40-50 miniature vans*
(Pizza Steve then appears, riding on a motorcycle through an obstacle course, crashing into the van pile in front of Steven and Uncle Grandpa, and throwing his motorcycle away, causing it to explode, and reveals it is all in his imagination.)
Pizza Steve Oh, hey! It's just me, PIZZA STEVE, just the coolest and tastiest Steve, who ever lived.
Steven Hi Pizza Steve, I'm a Steve too! Steven Universe.
Pizza Steve Stee-ven, Universe? *appears on Steven's head* Come on Uncle G, I've got two rules! No more than 40 or 50 vans, and only ONE Steve allowed. *points to self*
Uncle Grandpa Yeah, but THIS Steven is special.
Mr. Gus Yeah, he's a Crystal Gem.
Uncle Grandpa Good mornin' Mr. Gus.
Mr. Gus What's up, Uncle Grandpa?
Steven Wow, Mr. Gus! How do you know about me?
Mr. Gus I have a comprehensive knowledge of all magical denizens of the multiverse. I know ALL about the Crystal Gems! Come here man, check this out. *shows Steven a drawing on his computer* I even made my OWN gemsona. My gem is on my tail, and my weapon is a frying pan.
Uncle Grandpa Nice linework, Mr. Gus.
Steven That's really cool, Mr. Gus! I wish I was as cool as your drawing.
Mr. Gus Something wrong?
Uncle Grandpa Steven doesn't know how to summon his shield.
Mr. Gus You don't say? Ah, that's simple. Steven's powers are maternal. (Pizza Steve jumps off of Steven's head and vandalizes Mr. Gus's drawing.) Control of his gem is based on emotional clarity. His shield only comes out when he's feeling extreme emotions of-
Pizza Steve *interrupts* Hey, Mr. Gus,I fixed your drawing. (A poor drawing of Pizza Steve is shown across Mr. Gus's erased gemsona.)
Mr. Gus HEY! Why didn't you do that on a new layer?! *chases Pizza Steve*
(Giant Realistic Flying Tiger then pops in and roars.)
Uncle Grandpa Oh, hi Giant Realistic Flying Tiger! You got any advice for Steven?
(Giant Realistic Flying Tiger roars in response.)
Uncle Grandpa I'm not gonna tell him that. That only works on cats.
Steven Well... NOW what?
Uncle Grandpa We just sit here until something happens.
(Something then begins to suck Uncle Grandpa, Steven and Giant Realistic Flying Tiger away.)
Uncle Grandpa Something happened!
Steven Woaaaah, woaaah!
(The trio are sucked into a giant Belly Bag on a giant Uncle Grandpa.)
Giant Belly Bag *licks its lips* BUURRRPPPP!!!!
(Meanwhile, the Gems are seen running around in the blank white space, looking for an exit.)
Garnet Hoo, there's gotta be someway out here.
Pearl *shivering* WE'LL NEVER ESCAPE!!!! THIS IS OUR NEW HOME!!!!
Garnet Pearl, you're overreacting.
Pearl I'M NOT OVERREACTING!!!!!!
(Pearl starts running away the space, screaming at the top of her lungs, before crashing into Amethyst in her delirium.)
Amethyst *annoyed* Hey, where's Steven?
Pizza Steve *walks in , dressed up like Steven* Looking for me? PIZZA Steven Universe?
Pearl *gasps and freaks out* THAT'S NOT MY BABY! *hides behind Garnet*
Amethyst Aaaaw, nice! *gets up and approaches Pizza Steve*
Pizza Steve Woah, hold on! *runs away*
Amethyst PIZZAAAA! *chases Pizza Steve*
Pizza Steve Don't eat Pizza Steve! *whines*
(Amethyst devours Pizza Steve, pulls out his undigested glasses and wears them.)
Garnet Okay, I'm ready for this episode to end.
(Garnet stomps on the floor, causing the blank white space to crack and break. They are back on the beach, when Steven, Uncle Grandpa, Lion, and Tiger are seen having a tea party on the sand.)
Uncle Grandpa *sighs* I'm sorry I couldn't help you learn to use your shield, Steven.
Steven It's okay, Uncle Grandpa. I had a lotta fun today.
Gems STEVEN!!!! *arm themselves*
Garnet Get away from that man!
Pearl HE'S A MONSTER!!!
(Amethyst hisses and growls at Uncle Grandpa.)
Steven Hey, cut it out guys. He's done enough already. *gasps*
Uncle Grandpa (Amethyst's whip wraps around him.) Oh, good mornin'!
(Amethyst pulls Uncle Grandpa in and the Gems start beating him up. They then leap into the sky, leaving a beaten-up Uncle Grandpa on the ground.)
Uncle Grandpa That smarts...
Gems *dives towards Uncle Grandpa* FINISH HIIIM!!!!!
Steven *rushes in as a chibi* No, don't hurt him! *jumps towards Uncle Grandpa after releasing a small fart* STOOOOP!
(Steven's gem begins to glow and halts the Gems, in shock and surprise, with his shield.)
Steven Woaw!
(Giant Realistic Flying Tiger's jaw drops.)
Steven *turns to Uncle Grandpa* I did it, Uncle Grandpa! I really did it!
Uncle Grandpa Yay...
Pearl Protecting HIM activated Steven's powers?!
Garnet He must really care about this stranger.
Amethyst I hope he didn't care about that pizza... *looks at Pizza Steve's sunglasses*
Steven Listen! It was a big, weird surprise when Uncle Grandpa showed up here today. (Uncle Grandpa's ear falls off, and he quickly picks it back up.) We've never met anyone like Uncle Grandpa, but you can't just attack people you don't understand. (Pearl covers her mouth and blushes.) You have to stick up for them, and listen to what they have to say. (Giant Realistic Flying Tiger and Lion look at each other.) You guys always do that for me.
Pearl *blushing with tears in her eyes, feeling guilty and sorry* Steven, you're right. *cries loudly* HOW CAN I'VE BEEN SO BLIND!? I'M SO-RREEEEY!!!!!!! AWWWW, AWEEEE!
Amethyst I also apologize for Pearl.
Garnet Thank you, you taught us a valuable lesson, Uncle Grandpa.
Uncle Grandpa Welp, I think my work here is done. Bye bye!
(Uncle Grandpa's propeller hat starts spinning, detaching Uncle Grandpa's head from his head. He hovers over the Giant Realistic Flying Tiger, flying in the sky, and his body pops back out atop of it. Lion howls as they begin to depart.)
Uncle Grandpa Remember kids! Don't be afraid to be super we-e-e-eird! Steven and I have got your back. *his eyes turn cosmic* See with eyes unclouded by hate, and always remember to say... GOOD MORNING!
(A big "GOOD MORNING !!!!!!" message appears on the sky, as the Crystal Gems, crying, watch Uncle Grandpa departs.)
Uncle Grandpa *rubs his eyes* Boy, that sure makes my eyes hurt. Now let's see here... *holds out and reads a checklist of several other Cartoon Network protagonists* Dexter, Deedee, Blossom, Bubbles, Buttercup, Ed, Edd, Eddy, Billy, Mandy, Mac, Juniper, Swat Kats, Flapjack, Finn, Oh! Steven... *checks it off* Now who's next? (Clarence is shown at the bottom of the list.)
(The star iris zooms in on Clarence's name. An ending card then appears, with the poorly drawing Pizza Steve, and reads "In Loving Memory of Pizza Steve".)
[END]


ve Transcripts
Pilot Pilot
Season 1 A: Gem GlowLaser Light CannonCheeseburger BackpackTogether BreakfastFryboCat FingersBubble BuddiesSerious StevenTiger MillionaireSteven's LionArcade ManiaGiant WomanSo Many BirthdaysLars and the Cool KidsOnion TradeSteven the Sword FighterLion 2: The MovieBeach PartyRose's RoomCoach StevenJoking VictimSteven and the StevensMonster BuddiesAn Indirect KissMirror Gem/Ocean Gem

B: House GuestSpace RaceSecret TeamIsland AdventureKeep Beach City WeirdFusion CuisineGarnet's UniverseWatermelon StevenLion 3: Straight to VideoWarp TourAlone TogetherThe TestFuture VisionOn the RunHorror ClubWinter ForecastMaximum CapacityMarble MadnessRose's ScabbardOpen BookShirt ClubStory for StevenThe MessagePolitical PowerThe Return/Jail Break

Season 2 Full DisclosureJoy RideSay UncleLove LettersReformedSworn to the SwordRising Tides, Crashing SkiesKeeping It TogetherWe Need to TalkChille TidCry for HelpKeystone MotelOnion FriendHistorical FrictionFriend ShipNightmare HospitalSadie's SongCatch and ReleaseWhen It RainsBack to the BarnToo FarThe AnswerSteven's BirthdayIt Could've Been GreatMessage ReceivedLog Date 7 15 2
Season 3 Super Watermelon Island/Gem DrillSame Old WorldBarn MatesHit the DiamondSteven FloatsDrop Beat DadMr. GregToo Short to RideThe New LarsBeach City DriftRestaurant WarsKiki's Pizza Delivery ServiceMonster ReunionAlone at SeaGreg the BabysitterGem HuntCrack the WhipSteven vs. AmethystBismuthBetaEarthlingsBack to the MoonBubbled
Season 4 The Kindergarten KidKnow Your FusionBuddy's BookMindful EducationFuture Boy ZoltronLast One Out of Beach CityOnion GangGem HarvestThree Gems and a BabySteven's DreamAdventures in Light DistortionGem HeistThe ZooThat Will Be AllThe New Crystal GemsStorm in the RoomRocknaldoTiger PhilanthropistRoom for RubyLion 4: Alternate EndingDoug OutThe Good LarsAre You My Dad?I Am My Mom
Season 5 Stuck TogetherThe TrialOff ColorsLars' HeadDewey WinsGemcationRaising the BarnBack to the KindergartenSadie KillerKevin PartyLars of the StarsJungle MoonYour Mother and MineThe Big ShowPool HoppingLetters to LarsCan't Go BackA Single Pale RoseNow We're Only Falling ApartWhat's Your Problem?The QuestionMade of HonorReunitedLegs From Here to HomeworldFamiliarTogether AloneEscapismChange Your Mind
Film Steven Universe: The Movie
Future Little HomeschoolGuidanceRose BudsVolleyballBluebirdA Very Special Episode
Shorts Lion Loves to Fit in a BoxThe Classroom Gems: What Are Gems?We Are the Crystal GemsThe Classroom Gems: How Are Gems Made?UnboxingThe Classroom Gems: FusionCooking with LionGem KaraokeSteven ReactsVideo ChatSteven's Song Time
Other Crossover Nexus

Start a Discussion Discussions about Say Uncle/Transcript

  • Steven's Cousin

    3 messages
    • No.. She is just saying that out of confusion.
    • [http://uncle-grandpa.wikia.com/wiki/Uncle_Grandpa_(Character) Uncle Grandpa] is everyone's uncle *and* everyone's grandpa. I don...
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