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This is a transcribed copy of "Shirt Club". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
Previous: "Open Book" Next: "Story for Steven"
Speaker Dialogue
[Open Int. Beach House]
(Steven is drawing a flyer of Greg as "Guitar Dad" in his room with a pencil, and then making the final touches with a red marker.)
Steven *picks up the drawing and runs down the steps* PEARL! AMETHYST! GARNET! Uh-ah!
(Steven finds all the Gems are sitting on the couch in the living room.)
Pearl *reading a magazine* You don't have to yell, Steven, we're right here.
Steven I know, but I just finished this drawing, and I wanted to show it to you.
Pearl Oh! Uh... Of course.
Steven All right! *jumps on Garnet's lap and shows the Gems his flyer* Haha! "Guitar Dad teaches you guitar!"
Amethyst What is that?
Steven It's my dad. He's going to start teaching guitar lessons and he made me his P.R. Department.
Amethyst *points at some crosses on Greg's mouth* What's that stuff in his mouth?
Steven Those are his teeth.
Pearl What are the lightning bolts for?
Steven Ugh... Well, ah... I was trying to show that Dad really rocks on the guitar, and...
Garnet *points at the flyer* Then there should be rocks falling out of the guitar.
Steven I hear what you're saying, but it's too late for notes... this is permanent marker.
[Trans. Int. Big Donut]
(Steven tapes the flyer on the billboard inside the Big Donut.)
Sadie What's that cute flyer for, Steven?
Steven It's for my dad, he'll teach you guitar, you guys wanna sign up? My dad's really good.
Sadie Maybe I'll stop by and check it out.
Steven Here, lemme give you a flyer and—
(The door bell chimes and Buck enters.)
Sadie Welcome to the Big Donut.
Steven Hey, Buck.
Lars *surprised* Oh! W-what? *flaps his arms like a chicken* Buck, Buck, Buuuuuuuuck! Haha! *takes off his headphones* What's going on man? What can we get for you today?
Buck *looks at the menu, then at the donuts* Can I get a caprese salad?
Sadie Oh sorry, Buck. We only serve don-
Lars *barges in* DO-NUT worry, Buck! I'll whip ya up a salad, no sweat! *makes a thumb-up, sweating* I'll be right back. *runs into the break room*
Sadie Lars! We don't even have vegetables here! *runs after Lars*
Buck *looks at Steven's flyer* Heh, what's a "guitar dad"?
Steven Like my flyer? It's for my dad. *pretends to play a guitar* He'll teach you guitar! Here, take one of these with you. Actually, just wear it. *tapes a flyer onto Buck's shirt*
(Buck starts laughing uncontrollably.)
Steven Are you ticklish?
Buck This would make a rad shirt, man.
Steven Really?
Buck Yeah, let's make your flyer into T-shirts.
Steven Oh man, my dad would love that!
Buck Gimme five on it. *holds out his hand*
(Steven swings his hand too hard and misses Buck's hand.)
Buck Oh, you missed.
[Trans. Int. Abandoned Warehouse]
(Steven and Buck meet up with Mayor Dewey, who is unloading several boxes of campaign supplies from his van in the warehouse.)
Mayor Dewey Ho! I think it's swell you're returning to the family business, son. Gonna help the old man get re-elected again, eh? *hugs Buck and pats his head* Aww, son!
Buck *breaks free* Ugh! It's not for campaign stuff, dad. Steven and I are making art.
Steven *gasps* Art!
Mayor Dewey Art, huh? I don't understand it myself, but a boy's gotta have interests and ambitions. *slaps Buck hard on the back, causing his visor to fall off* WOAH-HO-HO-HO!
Steven *looks around at the supplies and equipment* This stuff can be used to make t-shirts?
Mayor Dewey Oh yeah, I've got all the latest, state of the art screen-printing equipment from years of campaigning. And other some such, mayorly things. Like this week, I'm commemorating... a bench!
(Mayor Dewey shows the boys a banner of "Bench City", which is just a banner that reads "Welcome to Beach City", with a "N" written onto the "A" with a marker.)
Steven "Welcome to... Bench City"? Thrifty!
Buck *moans* Dad, you can't use this.
Mayor Dewey Why not? You know I "gotta gank dat youth vote, boi"! *tries to do cool poses*
Buck Dad, stop.
(Steven goes to open one of the boxes and finds several flyers, similar to Steven's. He takes one out and it reads "Vote for My Dad" with a drawing of Buck and Mayor Dewey holding hands.)
Steven What's this?
Mayor Dewey What have you got there? *takes the flyer* Aww... I haven't seen this in years. Remember when you drew this, Buck? You couldn't wait to show it off to all your li'l Montessori friends.
Buck Okay, dad. Thanks for all your help, see ya later, bye. *starts pushing Mayor Dewey out*
Mayor Dewey Alright, kids. I mean... "Peace in the Middle-East, Holmes."
Steven *picks up another one of Buck's flyers* So cool.
Buck *quickly grabs and crumples the flyer* Let's just get started already.
(Buck and Steven proceed to make multiple copies of T-shirts using the equipment Mayor Dewey provided, with Steven's "Guitar Dad" flyer printed on the T-shirts.)
Buck *admires one of the T-shirts* Swag.
Steven Now everyone's gonna want lessons from Dad!
Buck This is bigger than your dad, Steven. It's art. And it's gonna flood the public consciousness. *his visor sparkles*
Steven Let's start handing them out.
Buck Too simple. We need to get controversial. We need to create boom— a scene.
[Trans. Funland Arcade's Rooftop]
(Steven is looking for victims to shoot their T-shirts at, through his binoculars, as Buck readies the T-Shirt Cannon.)
Steven Scanning for targets, T-Shirt Cannon loaded and ready. Beep, beep, beep-bibibibibi! *points at Sour Cream* Sour Cream sighted!
Sour Cream *using his phone* Wom, wom. Wom, wom, wom.
Steven Get ready... Take aim.
Buck Aaand... *shoots the cannon*
Sour Cream Wom, wom, wom- WOMP! *gets hit in the head by the T-shirt* What in the world? *picks up and examines the T-shirt* Oh. This is the coolest thing I've ever been hit in the head with!
Steven Ronaldo spotted, take aim!
(Buck fires another T-shirt and it knocks Ronaldo's fedora off of his head.)
Ronaldo WHOA! What the heck? Huh? *picks up the T-shirt* Whoa, weird! Some kind of extraterrestrial space dad guitar shirt? Sooo... You've finally decided to make first contact, huh? WHERE ARE YOU?!
Steven Lars sighted, take aim!
(Buck fires another T-shirt at Lars' head.)
Lars YEOWCH! What the—?! *picks up the T-shirt* What is this garbage? *looks up and see Buck and Steven* Buck made this?! *starts laughing aloud* This is hilarious! Thaaanks Buuuck!
[Trans. Int. Fish Stew Pizza ]
(Steven and Buck decide to take a break and eat pizzas together.)
Steven Cheers! *chomps his pizza slice* Buck, this was such a good idea! I don't know why we didn't collaborate on a project sooner. This'll make my dad so happy. I can't wait to see the look on his face when I stop by later.
Buck *eating his pizza slice* Yeah... should be good for a laugh.
Steven Huh? Why would it be good for—
Jenny *enters Fish Stew Pizza, wearing the "Guitar Dad" T-shirt* Giiiirl! Check out my new shiiiiirt!
Kiki It's really cute. Where'd you get it?
Jenny I dunno, it just landed in front of me when I was out walking.
Kiki Well, if I were you, I wouldn't wear some random shirt that just fell out of the sky. What if there were bugs in it?
Jenny Re-lax! Who cares where it came from? This shirt is the funniest thing I've seen in my life!
Buck Looks like our shirt has a really good buzz goin'.
Steven Yeah, but... I think they think it's a joke.
Buck Heh. The only thing that's important is that they're talking about it. That's how real art works.
Steven Oh. Well, I guess you're right.
[Trans. Ext. It's A Wash]
(Steven visits his Dad and sees Sour Cream taking a picture of Greg.)
Greg Uh... how's this? *poses*
Sour Cream Haha, so bad. *takes picture*
Greg Okay, let's get started with the first lesson! Have a seat and grab a— (Sour Cream walks off.) Where ya goin'? Oh, uh, I guess he's got an important text or something.
Steven How's it been going today?
Greg Really great! Lots of people have been coming by thanks to your t-shirts, little guy.
Steven That's great, Dad. I'm really glad I can help...
Jenny Yoohoo! Guitar Dad! *drives by* I just wanted to say I think you're wonderful and hilarious! *drives off*
Greg Uh... thank you? Huh, that's kinda strange.
Steven What is?
Greg Well, lots of people have stopped by, but no one's taken a lesson yet.
Steven *surprised* What?! Really?!
Greg Ah, maybe they're just checking out the scene before they come back to get a REAL lesson. *starts playing his guitar*
[Trans. Int. Abandoned Warehouse]
(Buck is printing more "Guitar Dad" T-shirts in the warehouse.)
Steven Buck! *runs in*
Buck Hey, there's my main man.
Steven The shirts aren't working, Buck!
Buck Yeah they are, *picks up a t-shirt* people love' em.
Steven But... nobody wants guitar lessons from my dad!
Buck That's not the point.
Steven What?! Then, what is the point?
Buck The point is, it's an amazing shirt.
Steven *blushes* Aww, my drawing's not that good, ahaha.
Buck Yeah, no. It's terrible.
Steven What?!
Buck That's what's so great about it. Your work is so naive. You really love your dad. It's funny.
Steven I... I don't wanna make these shirts anymore.
Buck Too bad, Steven, it's so current, you can't stop it. I'm a taste maker, and I'm gonna keep making tastes... forever.
Steven "Forever"? *gets nervous*
Buck Well, forever after I go to my dad's lame bench commemoration... peace. *holds a peace sign above his head and walks away*
[Trans. Int. Beach House]
(Steven runs back to his house and bursts through the door.)
Steven Garnet! Pearl! Amethyst!
(All the Gems stand up in high alert.)
Garnet Steven.
Pearl What is it?!
Amethyst Whoa, where's the fire?!
Steven It's an emergency! You have to help me get rid of all the shirts and stop Buck from making more!
Pearl Have the shirts come to life and possessed the bodies of their wearers?!
Steven No! They just-
Amethyst Are people catching on fire when they put on the magic shirts?
Steven No, no, they're just-
Pearl *spewing saliva while speaking in panic* Are the shirts destroying the wearer's will to continue on in this mortal coil, thereby shutting down BEACH CITY?!?
Steven NO!! They're... *sighs* They're just... using my art in a way I don't agree with.
Pearl Oh.
(All the Gems sit back down on the couch.)
Garnet *adjusts her visor* Eh, we'll pass.
Steven What?! But... But I really need your help.
Pearl Steven, this sounds like a very abstract problem.
Amethyst It's not something we can punch. *punches her own palm*
Garnet You must learn to help yourself. That's how you become stronger. *her visor sparkles*
Amethyst Good point, good point. *nods*
Pearl Absolutely.
Steven But...!
Amethyst *starts getting annoyed* Figure something OUT, Steven!
Pearl Yes! Why not dust off those conflict resolution skills?
Garnet Let your problem be known. Then you can work towards an understanding.
Steven *thinks of an idea and speaks eerily* Oh, I'll make them understand. *walks out* I'll make them all understand!
(The Gems are mildly surprised.)
Amethyst Eh, he'll be fine.
[Trans. Beach City Boardwalk]
(Several citizens are gathered around Mayor Dewey near a bench.)
Mayor Dewey Okay, is everyone here? *blushes and clears his throat* Hello! I was supposed to write a speech to uhm... *adjusts his neck tie* Uh... commemorate this... uh... new bench! But what had happened was I ran out of printer ink in my printer, that I keep at home!
(Steven, wearing sunglasses, appears on the roof of the Funland Arcade. He opens a guitar case and takes out a T-Shirt Cannon. He loads it and takes aim towards Mayor Dewey like a sniper.)
Mayor Dewey So, I went to the store and wouldn't you know it? They didn't carry the brand I was looking for, so-
Steven *whispering* Bye.
Mayor Dewey -I called up a buddy of mine who owed me a...
(Everything turns into slow motion as Steven fires a T-shirt at Mayor Dewey.)
Mayor Dewey (Slow motion) ...few political favors, and he wasn't home!
Bodyguard #1 (Slow motion) *spots the T-shirt projectile* Look out! *drops his sandwich and runs away*
Mayor Dewey (Slow motion) No!
Bodyguard #2 (Slow motion) Aaaah! *runs away*
(Mayor Dewey gets hit in the chest by the T-shirt and falls backwards onto the bench. Everything returns back to normal speed, as the crowd goes wild and runs in several directions.)
Mayor Dewey I've been... shirt.
(Steven fires more T-shirts into the crowd. Buck sees everyone running and picks up a T-shirt, noticing that they all have his "Vote for My Dad" drawing printed on them. Steven then slowly backs away into the shadows, smiling.)
Mayor Dewey Buck... *looking at a T-shirt, feeling touched* Did you make this?
(Buck is speechless. He looks over and sees Sour Cream and Jenny looking at the T-shirts too.)
Jenny Ahahaha! This shirt is genius! *laughs with Sour Cream* This is way funnier than "Guitar Dad"!
Lars Ahahahahahaha, ohoho! *holds a T-shirt, laughing aloud*
Mayor Dewey *stops blushing and looks at the T-shirt* This bench is actually pretty comfortable.
(Buck sheds a tear under his visor.)
[Trans. It's A Wash]
(Steven meets up with Greg again at his car wash.)
Steven Anyone else stop by for lessons today?
Greg So far, no, but I'm sure it'll pick up tomorrow.
Steven Yeah! I'm sure it will. *hands Greg a T-shirt* Oh, this is for you by the way. This is the last one so it's super limited edition.
Greg Aw, sweet! Thanks, Steven.
(Steven smiles.)
Buck Yo, Steven. *walks in* Just wanted to say uh... I'm sorry for what I did, and... uh...
Steven It's okay, Buck. You don't have to say any more than that.
Buck You're a cool cat, Steven Universe. *turns to Greg* Hey, Mr. U.
Greg You wanna take a picture with me or some junk?
Buck No way man. I want a lesson... from Guitar Dad!
(Buck lifts up his jacket and reveals a "Guitar Dad" shirt he is wearing. The star iris then zooms in on Buck's shirt, ending the episode.)

ve Transcripts
Pilot Pilot
Season 1 A: Gem GlowLaser Light CannonCheeseburger BackpackTogether BreakfastFryboCat FingersBubble BuddiesSerious StevenTiger MillionaireSteven's LionArcade ManiaGiant WomanSo Many BirthdaysLars and the Cool KidsOnion TradeSteven the Sword FighterLion 2: The MovieBeach PartyRose's RoomCoach StevenJoking VictimSteven and the StevensMonster BuddiesAn Indirect KissMirror Gem/Ocean Gem

B: House GuestSpace RaceSecret TeamIsland AdventureKeep Beach City WeirdFusion CuisineGarnet's UniverseWatermelon StevenLion 3: Straight to VideoWarp TourAlone TogetherThe TestFuture VisionOn the RunHorror ClubWinter ForecastMaximum CapacityMarble MadnessRose's ScabbardOpen BookShirt ClubStory for StevenThe MessagePolitical PowerThe Return/Jail Break

Season 2 Full DisclosureJoy RideSay UncleLove LettersReformedSworn to the SwordRising Tides, Crashing SkiesKeeping It TogetherWe Need to TalkChille TidCry for HelpKeystone MotelOnion FriendHistorical FrictionFriend ShipNightmare HospitalSadie's SongCatch and ReleaseWhen It RainsBack to the BarnToo FarThe AnswerSteven's BirthdayIt Could've Been GreatMessage ReceivedLog Date 7 15 2
Season 3 Super Watermelon Island/Gem DrillSame Old WorldBarn MatesHit the DiamondSteven FloatsDrop Beat DadMr. GregToo Short to RideThe New LarsBeach City DriftRestaurant WarsKiki's Pizza Delivery ServiceMonster ReunionAlone at SeaGreg the BabysitterGem HuntCrack the WhipSteven vs. AmethystBismuthBetaEarthlingsBack to the MoonBubbled
Season 4 The Kindergarten KidKnow Your FusionBuddy's BookMindful EducationFuture Boy ZoltronLast One Out of Beach CityOnion GangGem HarvestThree Gems and a BabySteven's DreamAdventures in Light DistortionGem HeistThe ZooThat Will Be AllThe New Crystal GemsStorm in the RoomRocknaldoTiger PhilanthropistRoom for RubyLion 4: Alternate EndingDoug OutThe Good LarsAre You My Dad?I Am My Mom
Season 5 Stuck TogetherThe TrialOff ColorsLars' HeadDewey WinsGemcationRaising the BarnBack to the KindergartenSadie KillerKevin PartyLars of the StarsJungle MoonYour Mother and MineThe Big ShowPool HoppingLetters to LarsCan't Go BackA Single Pale RoseNow We're Only Falling ApartWhat's Your Problem?The QuestionMade of HonorReunitedLegs From Here to HomeworldFamiliarTogether AloneEscapismChange Your Mind
Film Steven Universe: The Movie
Future Little HomeschoolGuidanceRose BudsVolleyballBluebirdA Very Special EpisodeSnow DayWhy So Blue?Little GraduationPrickly PairIn DreamsBismuth CasualTogether ForeverGrowing PainsMr. UniverseFragmentsHomeworld BoundEverything's FineI Am My MonsterThe Future
Shorts Lion Loves to Fit in a BoxThe Classroom Gems: What Are Gems?We Are the Crystal GemsThe Classroom Gems: How Are Gems Made?UnboxingThe Classroom Gems: FusionCooking with LionGem KaraokeSteven ReactsVideo ChatSteven's Song Time
Other We Deserve to ShineCrossover Nexus