Shirt Club/Transcript

This is a transcribed copy of "Shirt Club". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.

Previous: "Open Book"

Next: "Story for Steven"

Speaker	Dialogue
[Open Int. Beach House]
(Steven is drawing a flyer of Greg as "Guitar Dad" in his room with a pencil, and then making the final touches with a red marker.)
Steven	*picks up the drawing and runs down the steps* PEARL! AMETHYST! GARNET! Uh-ah!
(Steven finds all the Gems are sitting on the couch in the living room.)
Pearl	*reading a magazine* You don't have to yell, Steven, we're right here.
Steven	I know, but I just finished this drawing, and I wanted to show it to you.
Pearl	Oh! Uh... Of course.
Steven	All right! *jumps on Garnet's lap and shows the Gems his flyer* Haha! "Guitar Dad teaches you guitar!"
Amethyst	What is that?
Steven	It's my dad. He's going to start teaching guitar lessons and he made me his P.R. Department.
Amethyst	*points at some crosses on Greg's mouth* What's that stuff in his mouth?
Steven	Those are his teeth.
Pearl	What are the lightning bolts for?
Steven	Ugh... Well, ah... I was trying to show that Dad really rocks on the guitar, and...
Garnet	*points at the flyer* Then there should be rocks falling out of the guitar.
Steven	I hear what you're saying, but it's too late for notes... this is permanent marker.
[Trans. Int. Big Donut]
(Steven tapes the flyer on the billboard inside the Big Donut.)
Sadie	What's that cute flyer for, Steven?
Steven	It's for my dad, he'll teach you guitar, you guys wanna sign up? My dad's really good.
Sadie	Maybe I'll stop by and check it out.
Steven	Here, lemme give you a flyer and—
(The door bell chimes and Buck enters.)
Sadie	Welcome to the Big Donut.
Steven	Hey, Buck.
Lars	*surprised* Oh! W-what? *flaps his arms like a chicken* Buck, Buck, Buuuuuuuuck! Haha! *takes off his headphones* What's going on man? What can we get for you today?
Buck	*looks at the menu, then at the donuts* Can I get a caprese salad?
Sadie	Oh sorry, Buck. We only serve don-
Lars	*barges in* DO-NUT worry, Buck! I'll whip ya up a salad, no sweat! *makes a thumb-up, sweating* I'll be right back. *runs into the break room*
Sadie	Lars! We don't even have vegetables here! *runs after Lars*
Buck	*looks at Steven's flyer* Heh, what's a "guitar dad"?
Steven	Like my flyer? It's for my dad. *pretends to play a guitar* He'll teach you guitar! Here, take one of these with you. Actually, just wear it. *tapes a flyer onto Buck's shirt*
(Buck starts laughing uncontrollably.)
Steven	Are you ticklish?
Buck	This would make a rad shirt, man.
Steven	Really?
Buck	Yeah, let's make your flyer into T-shirts.
Steven	Oh man, my dad would love that!
Buck	Gimme five on it. *holds out his hand*
(Steven swings his hand too hard and misses Buck's hand.)
Buck	Oh, you missed.
[Trans. Int. Abandoned Warehouse]
(Steven and Buck meet up with Mayor Dewey, who is unloading several boxes of campaign supplies from his van in the warehouse.)
Mayor Dewey	Ho! I think it's swell you're returning to the family business, son. Gonna help the old man get re-elected again, eh? *hugs Buck and pats his head* Aww, son!
Buck	*breaks free* Ugh! It's not for campaign stuff, dad. Steven and I are making art.
Steven	*gasps* Art!
Mayor Dewey	Art, huh? I don't understand it myself, but a boy's gotta have interests and ambitions. *slaps Buck hard on the back, causing his visor to fall off* WOAH-HO-HO-HO!
Steven	*looks around at the supplies and equipment* This stuff can be used to make t-shirts?
Mayor Dewey	Oh yeah, I've got all the latest, state of the art screen-printing equipment from years of campaigning. And other some such, mayorly things. Like this week, I'm commemorating... a bench!
(Mayor Dewey shows the boys a banner of "Bench City", which is just a banner that reads "Welcome to Beach City", with a "N" written onto the "A" with a marker.)
Steven	"Welcome to... Bench City"? Thrifty!
Buck	*moans* Dad, you can't use this.
Mayor Dewey	Why not? You know I "gotta gank dat youth vote, boi"! *tries to do cool poses*
Buck	Dad, stop.
(Steven goes to open one of the boxes and finds several flyers, similar to Steven's. He takes one out and it reads "Vote for My Dad" with a drawing of Buck and Mayor Dewey holding hands.)
Steven	What's this?
Mayor Dewey	What have you got there? *takes the flyer* Aww... I haven't seen this in years. Remember when you drew this, Buck? You couldn't wait to show it off to all your li'l Montessori friends.
Buck	Okay, dad. Thanks for all your help, see ya later, bye. *starts pushing Mayor Dewey out*
Mayor Dewey	Alright, kids. I mean... "Peace in the Middle-East, Holmes."
Steven	*picks up another one of Buck's flyers* So cool.
Buck	*quickly grabs and crumples the flyer* Let's just get started already.
(Buck and Steven proceed to make multiple copies of T-shirts using the equipment Mayor Dewey provided, with Steven's "Guitar Dad" flyer printed on the T-shirts.)
Buck	*admires one of the T-shirts* Swag.
Steven	Now everyone's gonna want lessons from Dad!
Buck	This is bigger than your dad, Steven. It's art. And it's gonna flood the public consciousness. *his visor sparkles*
Steven	Let's start handing them out.
Buck	Too simple. We need to get controversial. We need to create boom— a scene.
[Trans. Funland Arcade's Rooftop]
(Steven is looking for victims to shoot their T-shirts at, through his binoculars, as Buck readies the T-Shirt Cannon.)
Steven	Scanning for targets, T-Shirt Cannon loaded and ready. Beep, beep, beep-bibibibibi! *points at Sour Cream* Sour Cream sighted!
Sour Cream	*using his phone* Wom, wom. Wom, wom, wom.
Steven	Get ready... Take aim.
Buck	Aaand... *shoots the cannon*
Sour Cream	Wom, wom, wom- WOMP! *gets hit in the head by the T-shirt* What in the world? *picks up and examines the T-shirt* Oh. This is the coolest thing I've ever been hit in the head with!
Steven	Ronaldo spotted, take aim!
(Buck fires another T-shirt and it knocks Ronaldo's fedora off of his head.)
Ronaldo	WHOA! What the heck? Huh? *picks up the T-shirt* Whoa, weird! Some kind of extraterrestrial space dad guitar shirt? Sooo... You've finally decided to make first contact, huh? WHERE ARE YOU?!
Steven	Lars sighted, take aim!
(Buck fires another T-shirt at Lars' head.)
Lars	YEOWCH! What the—?! *picks up the T-shirt* What is this garbage? *looks up and see Buck and Steven* Buck made this?! *starts laughing aloud* This is hilarious! Thaaanks Buuuck!
[Trans. Int. Fish Stew Pizza ]
(Steven and Buck decide to take a break and eat pizzas together.)
Steven	Cheers! *chomps his pizza slice* Buck, this was such a good idea! I don't know why we didn't collaborate on a project sooner. This'll make my dad so happy. I can't wait to see the look on his face when I stop by later.
Buck	*eating his pizza slice* Yeah... should be good for a laugh.
Steven	Huh? Why would it be good for—
Jenny	*enters Fish Stew Pizza, wearing the "Guitar Dad" T-shirt* Giiiirl! Check out my new shiiiiirt!
Kiki	It's really cute. Where'd you get it?
Jenny	I dunno, it just landed in front of me when I was out walking.
Kiki	Well, if I were you, I wouldn't wear some random shirt that just fell out of the sky. What if there were bugs in it?
Jenny	Re-lax! Who cares where it came from? This shirt is the funniest thing I've seen in my life!
Buck	Looks like our shirt has a really good buzz goin'.
Steven	Yeah, but... I think they think it's a joke.
Buck	Heh. The only thing that's important is that they're talking about it. That's how real art works.
Steven	Oh. Well, I guess you're right.
[Trans. Ext. It's A Wash]
(Steven visits his Dad and sees Sour Cream taking a picture of Greg.)
Greg	Uh... how's this? *poses*
Sour Cream	Haha, so bad. *takes picture*
Greg	Okay, let's get started with the first lesson! Have a seat and grab a— (Sour Cream walks off.) Where ya goin'? Oh, uh, I guess he's got an important text or something.
Steven	How's it been going today?
Greg	Really great! Lots of people have been coming by thanks to your t-shirts, little guy.
Steven	That's great, Dad. I'm really glad I can help...
Jenny	Yoohoo! Guitar Dad! *drives by* I just wanted to say I think you're wonderful and hilarious! *drives off*
Greg	Uh... thank you? Huh, that's kinda strange.
Steven	What is?
Greg	Well, lots of people have stopped by, but no one's taken a lesson yet.
Steven	*surprised* What?! Really?!
Greg	Ah, maybe they're just checking out the scene before they come back to get a REAL lesson. *starts playing his guitar*
[Trans. Int. Abandoned Warehouse]
(Buck is printing more "Guitar Dad" T-shirts in the warehouse.)
Steven	Buck! *runs in*
Buck	Hey, there's my main man.
Steven	The shirts aren't working, Buck!
Buck	Yeah they are, *picks up a t-shirt* people love' em.
Steven	But... nobody wants guitar lessons from my dad!
Buck	That's not the point.
Steven	What?! Then, what is the point?
Buck	The point is, it's an amazing shirt.
Steven	*blushes* Aww, my drawing's not that good, ahaha.
Buck	Yeah, no. It's terrible.
Steven	What?!
Buck	That's what's so great about it. Your work is so naive. You really love your dad. It's funny.
Steven	I... I don't wanna make these shirts anymore.
Buck	Too bad, Steven, it's so current, you can't stop it. I'm a taste maker, and I'm gonna keep making tastes... forever.
Steven	"Forever"? *gets nervous*
Buck	Well, forever after I go to my dad's lame bench commemoration... peace. *holds a peace sign above his head and walks away*
[Trans. Int. Beach House]
(Steven runs back to his house and bursts through the door.)
Steven	Garnet! Pearl! Amethyst!
(All the Gems stand up in high alert.)
Garnet	Steven.
Pearl	What is it?!
Amethyst	Whoa, where's the fire?!
Steven	It's an emergency! You have to help me get rid of all the shirts and stop Buck from making more!
Pearl	Have the shirts come to life and possessed the bodies of their wearers?!
Steven	No! They just-
Amethyst	Are people catching on fire when they put on the magic shirts?
Steven	No, no, they're just-
Pearl	*spewing saliva while speaking in panic* Are the shirts destroying the wearer's will to continue on in this mortal coil, thereby shutting down BEACH CITY?!?
Steven	NO!! They're... *sighs* They're just... using my art in a way I don't agree with.
Pearl	Oh.
(All the Gems sit back down on the couch.)
Garnet	*adjusts her visor* Eh, we'll pass.
Steven	What?! But... But I really need your help.
Pearl	Steven, this sounds like a very abstract problem.
Amethyst	It's not something we can punch. *punches her own palm*
Garnet	You must learn to help yourself. That's how you become stronger. *her visor sparkles*
Amethyst	Good point, good point. *nods*
Pearl	Absolutely.
Steven	But...!
Amethyst	*starts getting annoyed* Figure something OUT, Steven!
Pearl	Yes! Why not dust off those conflict resolution skills?
Garnet	Let your problem be known. Then you can work towards an understanding.
Steven	*thinks of an idea and speaks eerily* Oh, I'll make them understand. *walks out* I'll make them all understand!
(The Gems are mildly surprised.)
Amethyst	Eh, he'll be fine.
[Trans. Beach City Boardwalk]
(Several citizens are gathered around Mayor Dewey near a bench.)
Mayor Dewey	Okay, is everyone here? *blushes and clears his throat* Hello! I was supposed to write a speech to uhm... *adjusts his neck tie* Uh... commemorate this... uh... new bench! But what had happened was I ran out of printer ink in my printer, that I keep at home!
(Steven, wearing sunglasses, appears on the roof of the Funland Arcade. He opens a guitar case and takes out a T-Shirt Cannon. He loads it and takes aim towards Mayor Dewey like a sniper.)
Mayor Dewey	So, I went to the store and wouldn't you know it? They didn't carry the brand I was looking for, so-
Steven	*whispering* Bye.
Mayor Dewey	-I called up a buddy of mine who owed me a...
(Everything turns into slow motion as Steven fires a T-shirt at Mayor Dewey.)
Mayor Dewey (Slow motion)	...few political favors, and he wasn't home!
Bodyguard #1 (Slow motion)	*spots the T-shirt projectile* Look out! *drops his sandwich and runs away*
Mayor Dewey (Slow motion)	No!
Bodyguard #2 (Slow motion)	Aaaah! *runs away*
(Mayor Dewey gets hit in the chest by the T-shirt and falls backwards onto the bench. Everything returns back to normal speed, as the crowd goes wild and runs in several directions.)
Mayor Dewey	I've been... shirt.
(Steven fires more T-shirts into the crowd. Buck sees everyone running and picks up a T-shirt, noticing that they all have his "Vote for My Dad" drawing printed on them. Steven then slowly backs away into the shadows, smiling.)
Mayor Dewey	Buck... *looking at a T-shirt, feeling touched* Did you make this?
(Buck is speechless. He looks over and sees Sour Cream and Jenny looking at the T-shirts too.)
Jenny	Ahahaha! This shirt is genius! *laughs with Sour Cream* This is way funnier than "Guitar Dad"!
Lars	Ahahahahahaha, ohoho! *holds a T-shirt, laughing aloud*
Mayor Dewey	*stops blushing and looks at the T-shirt* This bench is actually pretty comfortable.
(Buck sheds a tear under his visor.)
[Trans. It's A Wash]
(Steven meets up with Greg again at his car wash.)
Steven	Anyone else stop by for lessons today?
Greg	So far, no, but I'm sure it'll pick up tomorrow.
Steven	Yeah! I'm sure it will. *hands Greg a T-shirt* Oh, this is for you by the way. This is the last one so it's super limited edition.
Greg	Aw, sweet! Thanks, Steven.
(Steven smiles.)
Buck	Yo, Steven. *walks in* Just wanted to say uh... I'm sorry for what I did, and... uh...
Steven	It's okay, Buck. You don't have to say any more than that.
Buck	You're a cool cat, Steven Universe. *turns to Greg* Hey, Mr. U.
Greg	You wanna take a picture with me or some junk?
Buck	No way man. I want a lesson... from Guitar Dad!
(Buck lifts up his jacket and reveals a "Guitar Dad" shirt he is wearing. The star iris then zooms in on Buck's shirt, ending the episode.)
[END]