| Speaker
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Dialogue
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| (The episode starts with Steven drawing the picture of "Guitar Dad" with a pencil, then making the final touches with a red marker.)
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| Steven
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Pearl! *picks up picture* Amethyst! *walks down stairs* Garnet! —Wah! *sees that all the Gems were just downstairs on the couch*
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| Pearl
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*reading a magazine* You don't have to yell, Steven, we're right here.
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| Steven
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I know, but I just finished this drawing, and I wanted to show it to you.
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| Pearl
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Oh! Uh... of course.
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| Steven
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All right!— *jumps on Garnet's lap* —Hup! *shows the Gems his flyer* Haha! "Guitar Dad teaches you guitar!"
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| Amethyst
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What is that?
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| Steven
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It's my dad. He's going to start teaching guitar lessons and he made me his P.R. Department.
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| Amethyst
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*points at Greg's teeth in the flyer* What's that stuff in his mouth?
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| Steven
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Those are his teeth...
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| Pearl
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What are the lightning bolts for?
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| Steven
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Ugh... well, ah... I was trying to show that Dad really rocks on the guitar, and...
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| Garnet
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*points at the flyer* Then there should be rocks falling out of the guitar.
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| Steven
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I hear what you're saying, but it's too late for notes... this is permanent marker.
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| [Transition to inside of the Big Donut]
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| Steven
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*tapes a flyer at the board* Mmm-hmm!
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| Sadie
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What's that cute flyer for, Steven?
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| Steven
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It's for my dad, he'll teach you guitar, you guys wanna sign up? My dad's really good.
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| Sadie
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Maybe I'll stop by and check it out.
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| Steven
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Here, lemme give you a flyer and— *door opens*
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| Buck
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*waves hand*
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| Sadie
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Welcome to the Big Donut.
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| Steven
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Hey, Buck.
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| Lars
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*surprised* Oh! W-what? *takes headphones off; making chicken movements with arms* Buck, Buck, Buuuuuuuuck! Haha! What's going on man? What can we get for you today?
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| Buck
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*looks at the menu, then at the donuts* Can I get a caprese salad?
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| Sadie
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Oh sorry, Buck. We only serve don-
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| Lars
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*attempting to impress him* DO-NUT worry, Buck! I'll whip ya up a salad, *thumbs up* no sweat! *sweating* I'll be right back. *runs toward the break room*
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| Sadie
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Lars! We don't even have vegetables here! *runs after him*
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| Buck
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*looks at Steven's flyer* Heh, what's a "guitar dad"?
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| Steven
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Like my flyer? It's for my dad. *motions playing guitar* He'll teach you guitar! Here, take one of these with you. Actually, just wear it. *tapes flyer onto Buck's shirt*
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| Buck
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*uncontrollable laughing*
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| Steven
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Are you ticklish?
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| Buck
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This would make a rad shirt, man.
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| Steven
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Really?
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| Buck
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Yeah, let's make your flyer into t-shirts.
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| Steven
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Oh man, my dad would love that!
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| Buck
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Gimme five on it.
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| Steven
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*high five misses*
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| Buck
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Oh, you missed.
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| [Trans. Int. Abandoned Warehouse]
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| Mayor Dewey
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*lifts heavy box* Ho! I think it's swell you're returning to the family business, son. *puts down box* Gonna help the old man get re-elected again, eh? *hugs Buck and pats his head* Aww, son!
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| Buck
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*breaks free* Ugh! It's not for campaign stuff, dad. Steven and I are making art.
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| Steven
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*gasps* Art!
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| Mayor Dewey
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Art, huh? I don't understand it myself, but a boy's gotta have interests and ambitions. *slaps Buck hard on the back which causes his visor to fall off* WOAH-HO-HO-HO!
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| Steven
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*looks around* This stuff can be used to make t-shirts?
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| Mayor Dewey
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Oh yeah, I've got all the latest, state of the art screen-printing equipment from years of campaigning. And other some such, mayorly things. Like this week, I'm commemorating a bench! (He shows the boys a banner of "Bench City", which is just a banner that says "Welcome to Beach City" with the "A" in "Beach" changed to "N" with marker.)
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| Steven
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*reads the banner* "Welcome to... Bench City"? Thrifty!
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| Buck
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*moans* Dad, you can't use this. *points at banner*
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| Mayor Dewey
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Why not? You know I "gotta gank dat youth vote, boi"!
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| Buck
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Dad, stop.
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| Steven
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What's this? (He opens box to reveal flyers similar to Steven's that say "Vote for My Dad" with a drawing of Buck and Mayor Dewey holding hands.)
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| Mayor Dewey
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What have you got there? *reads the flyer* Aww... I haven't seen this in years. Remember when you drew this, Buck? You couldn't wait to show it off to all your li'l Montessori friends.
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| Buck
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*pushes Mayor Dewey out* Okay, dad. Thanks for all your help, see ya later. Bye.
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| Mayor Dewey
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Alright, kids. I mean... "peace in the Middle-East, Holmes."
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| Steven
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*picks up another one of Buck's flyers* So cool.
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| Buck
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*quickly grabs and crumples the flyer* Let's just get started already.
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| (Buck and Steven make multiple copies of shirts with Steven's flyer printed on them.)
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| Buck
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Swag.
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| Steven
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Now everyone's gonna want lessons from Dad!
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| Buck
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This is bigger than your dad, Steven. It's art. And it's gonna flood the public consciousness. (The t-shirts reflect in his sunglasses.)
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| Steven
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*offers Buck a t-shirt* Let's start handing them out.
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| Buck
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Too simple. We need to get controversial. We need to create—boom—a scene.
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| [Trans. Funland Arcade's Rooftop]
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| (Steven is looking for victims to shoot his t-shirts at through his binoculars as Buck readies the T-Shirt Cannon.)
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| Steven
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Scanning for targets, T-Shirt Cannon loaded and ready. Beep, beep, beep-bibibibibi! *points at Sour Cream* Sour Cream sighted!
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| Sour Cream
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Wom, wom. Wom, wom, wom.
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| Steven
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Get ready... take aim.
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| Buck
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*about to shoot* Aaand... *shoots*
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| Sour Cream
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Wom, wom, wom-WOMP! *gets hit by the t-shirt and rubs head* What in the world? *picks up the t-shirt* Oh. This is the coolest thing I've ever been hit in the head with!
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| Steven
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Ronaldo spotted, take aim!
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| Buck
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*fires another t-shirt*
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| Ronaldo
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*the t-shirt knocks Ronaldo's hat off* WHOA! What the heck? *notices shirt* Huh? Whoa, weird! Some kind of extraterrestrial space dad guitar shirt? Sooo... you've finally decided to make first contact, huh? WHERE ARE YOU?
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| Steven
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Lars sighted, take aim!
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| Buck
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*launches another shirt*
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| Lars
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YEOWCH! What the—?! *picks up the t-shirt and reads it* What is this garbage? *looks up to see Buck and Steven* Buck made this?! *starts laughing* Oh-ohohoha, ahahaha, haha! This is hilarious! Thaaanks Buuuck.
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| [Trans. Int. Fish Stew Pizza ]
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| (Steven and Buck take a break and eat pizzas.)
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| Steven
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Cheers! *bites pizza* Buck, this was such a good idea! I don't know why we didn't collaborate on a project sooner. This'll make my dad so happy. I can't wait to see the look on his face when I stop by later.
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| Buck
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*eating pizza* Yeah... should be good for a laugh.
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| Steven
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Huh? *confused* Why would it be good for—
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| Jenny
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*enters Fish Stew Pizza wearing the "Guitar Dad" T-shirt* Giiiirl, Check out my new shiiiiirt! *models the t-shirt*
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| Kiki
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It's really cute. Where'd you get it?
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| Jenny
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I dunno, it just landed in front of me when I was out walking.
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| Kiki
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Well, if I were you, I wouldn't wear some random shirt that just fell out of the sky. What if there were bugs in it?
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| Jenny
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Re-lax! Who cares where it came from? This shirt is the funniest thing I've seen in my life!
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| Buck
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Looks like our shirt has a really good buzz goin'.
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| Steven
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Yeah, but... I think they think it's a joke.
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| Buck
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Heh. The only thing that's important is that they're talking about it. That's how real art works.
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| Steven
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Oh. Well, I guess you're right.
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| [Trans. Ext. It's A Wash]
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| (Steven visits his Dad and sees Sour Cream taking a picture of Greg.)
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| Greg
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Uh... how's this? *poses*
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| Sour Cream
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Haha, so bad. *takes picture*
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| Greg
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Okay, let's get started with the first lesson! Have a seat and grab a— (Sour Cream walks off.) Where ya goin'? Oh, uh, I guess he's got an important text or something.
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| Steven
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How's it been going today?
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| Greg
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Really great! Lots of people have been coming by thanks to your t-shirts, little guy.
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| Steven
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That's great, Dad. I'm really glad I can help...
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| Jenny
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Yoohoo, Guitar Dad, I just wanted to say I think you're wonderful and hilarious! *drives off*
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| Greg
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Uh... thank you? *confused* Huh, that's kinda strange.
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| Steven
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What is?
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| Greg
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Well, lots of people have stopped by, but no one's taken a lesson yet.
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| Steven
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*surprised* What?! Really?!
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| Greg
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Ah, maybe they're just checking out the scene before they come back to get a REAL lesson. *plays guitar*
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| [Trans. Int. Abandoned Warehouse]
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| (Buck is printing more t-shirts.)
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| Steven
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Buck!
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| Buck
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Hey, *points at Steven* there's my main man.
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| Steven
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The shirts aren't working, Buck!
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| Buck
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Yeah they are, *picks up a t-shirt* people love' em.
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| Steven
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But... nobody wants guitar lessons from my dad!
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| Buck
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That's not the point.
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| Steven
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*very confused* What? Then what is the point?
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| Buck
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The point is, it's an amazing shirt.
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| Steven
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*blushing* Aww, my drawing's not that good, ahaha.
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| Buck
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Yeah, no. It's terrible.
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| Steven
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What?!
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| Buck
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That's what's so great about it. Your work is so naive. You really love your dad. It's funny.
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| Steven
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I... I don't wanna make these shirts anymore.
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| Buck
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Too bad, Steven, it's so current, you can't stop it. I'm a taste maker, and I'm gonna keep making tastes... forever.
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| Steven
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"Forever"? *gets nervous*
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| Buck
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Well, forever after I go to my dad's lame bench commemoration... peace. *holds a peace sign above his head and walks away*
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| [Trans. Ext. Beach House]
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| (Steven rushes inside.)
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| Steven
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Garnet! Pearl! Amethyst!
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| (Surprised, the Gems stand up.)
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| Garnet
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Steven.
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| Pearl
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What is it?!
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| Amethyst
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Whoa, where's the fire?!
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| Steven
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It's an emergency! You have to help me get rid of all the shirts and stop Buck from making more!
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| Pearl
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Have the shirts come to life and possessed the bodies of their wearers?!
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| Steven
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No! They just-
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| Amethyst
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Are people catching on fire when they put on the magic shirts?
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| Steven
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No, no, they're just-
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| Pearl
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*panicked while spewing saliva* Are the shirts destroying the wearer's will to continue on in this mortal coil, thereby shutting down Beach City?!
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| Steven
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NO!! They're... *sighs* they're just... using my art in a way I don't agree with.
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| Pearl
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Oh.
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| (The Gems sit down.)
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| Garnet
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*adjusts visor* Eh, we'll pass.
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| Steven
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What? But... But I really need your help.
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| Pearl
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Steven, this sounds like a very abstract problem.
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| Amethyst
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It's not something we can punch. *punches her own palm*
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| Garnet
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You MUST learn to help yourself. That's how you become stronger. *visor sparkles*
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| Amethyst
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Good point, good point. *nods*
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| Pearl
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Absolutely.
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| Steven
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But...!
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| Amethyst
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*starting to get annoyed* Figure something OUT, Steven!
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| Pearl
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Yes! Why not dust off those conflict resolution skills?
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| Garnet
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Let your problem be known. Then you can work towards an understanding.
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| Steven
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*thinks of an idea and says evilly* Oh I'll make them understand. *walks out* I'll make them all understand!
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| (The Gems are mildly surprised.)
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| Amethyst
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Eh, he'll be fine.
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| [Trans. Beach City Boardwalk]
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| (Many people are gathered around Mayor Dewey.)
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| Mayor Dewey
|
Okay, is everyone here? *blushing* *coughs slightly* Hello! I was supposed to write a speech to uhm... *adjusts neck tie* Uh... commemorate this... uh... new bench! But what had happened was I ran out of printer ink in my printer, that I keep at home!
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| (Steven is hiding on the roof of the Funland Arcade and opens a guitar case with his T-Shirt Cannon inside.)
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| Mayor Dewey
|
So, I went to the store and wouldn't you know it? They didn't carry the brand I was looking for, so...
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| Steven
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*aims at Mayor Dewey, whispering* Bye.
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| Mayor Dewey
|
...I called up a buddy of mine who owed me a...
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| (The episode begins to play in slow motion as Steven fires.)
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| Mayor Dewey (Slow motion)
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...few political favors, and he wasn't home!
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| Bodyguard #1 (Slow motion)
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Look out! *drops sandwich and runs away*
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| Mayor Dewey (Slow motion)
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No!
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| Bodyguard #2 (Slow motion)
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Aaaah! *runs away*
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| (Mayor Dewey gets hit with the shirt and falls back onto the bench. The episode begins to play at normal speed as the crowd goes wild and runs in several directions.)
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| Mayor Dewey
|
I've been... shirt.
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| (Steven fires more shirts into the crowd. Buck sees everyone running and picks up a t-shirt, noticing that they have his drawings printed on them.)
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| (Steven backs away, smiling.)
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| Mayor Dewey
|
Buck... *picks up a shirt, feeling touched* Did you make this?
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| (Buck is speechless and sees Sour Cream and Jenny looking at the shirts.)
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| Jenny
|
Ahahaha! This shirt is genius! *laughs with Sour Cream* This is way funnier than "Guitar Dad"!
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| Lars
|
Ahahahahahaha, ohoho! *holds the t-shirt*
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| Mayor Dewey
|
*stops blushing and looks at the t-shirt* This bench is actually pretty comfortable.
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| (Buck sheds a tear.)
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| [Trans. It's A Wash]
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| Steven
|
Anyone else stop by for lessons today?
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| Greg
|
So far, no, but I'm sure it'll pick up tomorrow.
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| Steven
|
Yeah! I'm sure it will. *hands Greg a t-shirt* Oh, this is for you by the way. This is the last one so it's super limited edition.
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| Greg
|
Aw, sweet! Thanks, Steven.
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| (Steven smiles.)
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| Buck
|
*walks over to the two* Yo, Steven. Just wanted to say uh... I'm sorry for what I did, and... uh...
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| Steven
|
It's okay, Buck. You don't have to say any more than that.
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| Buck
|
*to Steven* You're a cool cat, Steven Universe. *to Greg* Hey, Mr. U.
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| Greg
|
You wanna take a picture with me or some junk?
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| Buck
|
No way man. I want a lesson... *shows them his shirt* from Guitar Dad!
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| [Star-shaped iris closes on Buck's Guitar Dad shirt, ending the episode]
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| [END]
|
