| This is a transcribed copy of Shirt Club. Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode. |
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(The episode starts with Steven drawing the picture of "Guitar Dad" with a pencil, then making the final touches with a red marker)
Steven: Pearl! *picks up picture* Amethyst! *walks down stairs* Garnet! —Wah! *sees that all the Gems were just downstairs on the couch*
Pearl: *reading a magazine* You don't have to yell, Steven, we're right here.
Steven: I know, but I just finished this drawing, and I wanted to show it to you.
Pearl: Oh! Uh...Of course.
Steven: All right!— *jumps on Garnet's lap* —Hup! (shows the gems his flyer) Haha! "Guitar Dad teaches you guitar!"
Amethyst: What is that?
Steven: It's my dad, He's going to start teaching guitar lessons and he made me his P.R. Department.
Amethyst: *points at Greg's teeth in the flyer* What's that stuff in his mouth?
Steven: Those are his teeth...
Pearl: What are the lightning bolts for?
Steven: Ugh...well, ah...I was trying to show that Dad really rocks on the guitar, and...
Garnet: *Points at the flyer* Then there should be rocks falling out of the guitar.
Steven: I hear what you're saying, but it's too late for notes... this is permanent marker.
[Scene: at the Big Donut]
Steven: *posts a flyer at the board* Mmm-hmm!
Sadie: What's that cute flyer for, Steven?
Steven: It's for my dad, he'll teach you guitar, you guys wanna sign up? My dad's really good.
Sadie: Maybe I'll stop by and check it out.
Steven: Here, lemme give you a flyer— *door opens*
Buck: *waves hand*
Sadie: Welcome to the Big Donut.
Steven: Hey, Buck.
Lars: *surprised* Oh! W-what? *takes headphones off; making chicken movements with arms* Buck, Buck, Buuuuuuuuck! Haha! What's going on man? What can we get for you today?
Buck: *looks at the menu, then the donuts* Can I get a caprese salad?
Sadie: Oh sorry, Buck. We only sell doughnuts—
Lars: *attempting to impress him* DOUGH-NUT worry, Buck! I'll whip ya up a salad, *thumbs up* no sweat! *sweating* I'll be right back. *runs toward the kitchen*
Sadie: Lars! We don't even have vegetables here! *runs after him into the room*
Buck: *looks at Steven's flyer* Huh, what's a "guitar dad"?
Steven: Like my flyer? It's for my dad. *motions playing guitar* He'll teach you guitar! Here, take one of these with you. Actually, just wear it. *tapes flyer onto Buck's shirt*
Buck: *uncontrollable laughing*
Steven: Are you ticklish?
Buck: This would make a rad shirt, man.
Steven: Really?
Buck: Yeah, Let's make your flyer into T-shirts.
Steven: Oh man, my dad would love that!
Buck: Gimme five on it.
Steven: *High five misses*
Buck: Oh, you missed.
[Scene: at the Abandoned Warehouse]
Mayor Dewey: *lifts heavy box* Ho! I think it's swell that you're returning to the family business, son. *puts down box* Gonna help the old man get re-elected again, eh? *hugs Buck and pats his head* Aww, son!
Buck: *Breaks free* Ugh! It's not for campaign stuff, dad. Steven and I are making art.
Steven: *Gasps* Art!
Mayor Dewey: Art, huh? I don't understand that myself, but a boy's gotta have adventures and ambitions. *slaps Buck hard on the back which causes his visor to fall off* WOAH-HO-HO-HO!
Steven: *Looks around* This stuff can be used to make T-shirts?
Mayor Dewey: Oh yeah, I've got all the latest, state of the art screen-printing equipment from years of campaigning. And other some such, marely things. Like this week, I'm commemorating: a bench! *shows the boys a banner of "Bench City", which is just a banner that says "Welcome to Beach City" with the "A" in "Beach" changed to "N" with marker*
Steven: *reads the banner* "Welcome to...Bench City"? Thrifty!
Buck: *moans* Dad, you can't use this. *points at banner*
Mayor Dewey: Why not? You know I "Gotta get that youth vote, boi"!
Buck: Dad, Stop.
Steven: What's this? *opens box to reveal flyers similar to Steven's that say: "Vote for My Dad" with a drawing of Buck and Mayor Dewey holding hands*
Mayor Dewey: What have you got there? *reads the flyer* Aww...I haven't seen this in years. Remember when you drew this, Buck? You couldn't wait to show it to all your li'l montessory friends.
Buck: *pushes Mayor Dewey out* 'Kay, dad. Thanks for your help, see ya later, Bye.
Mayor Dewey: Alright, kids. I mean..."Peace in the Middle-East, Holmes"~
Steven: *picks up another one of Buck's flyers* So cool.
Buck: *quickly grabs and crumples the flyer* Let's just get started already.
(Buck and Steven make multiple copies of shirts with Steven's flyer printed on them.)
Buck: Swag.
Steven: Now everyone's gonna want lessons from Dad!
Buck: This is bigger than your dad, Steven. It's art. And it's gonna flood the public consciousness. *the T-shirts reflect in his sunglasses*
Steven: *offers Buck a T-shirt* Let's start handing them out.
Buck: Too simple. We need to get controversy. We need to create—boom—a scene.
[Trans Funland Arcade's Rooftop]
(Steven is looking for victims to shoot his T-shirts at through his binoculars as Buck readies the T-shirt Cannon.)
Steven: Scanning for targets, T-shirt Cannon loaded and ready. Beep, beep, beep-bibibibibi! *points at Sour Cream* Sour Cream sighted!
Sour Cream: Wom, wom. Wom, wom, wom.
Steven: Get ready...Take aim.
Buck: *about to shoot* Aaand... *shoots*
Sour Cream: Wom, wom, wom-WOMP! *gets hit by the T-shirt and rubs head* What in the world? *picks up the T-shirt* Oh. This is the coolest thing that I've been hit in the head with!
Steven: Ronaldo spotted, take aim!
Buck: *fires another T-shirt*
Ronaldo: *the T-shirt knocks Ronaldo's hat off* WHOA! What the heck? *notices shirt* Whoa, weird! Some kind of extra-terrestrial space dad guitar shirt? Sooo...you finally decided to make first contact, huh? WHERE ARE YOU?
Steven: Lars sighted, take aim!
Buck: *launches another shirt*
Lars: YEOWCH! What the—?! *picks up the t-shirt and reads it* What is this garbage? *looks up to see Buck and Steven* Buck made this?! *starts laughing* Oh-ohohoha, ahahaha, haha! This is hilarious! Thaaanks Buuuck.
[Trans Int. Fish Stew Pizza]
(Steven and Buck take a break and eat pizzas.)
Steven: Cheers! *bites pizza* Buck, this was such a good idea! I didn't know why we didn't collaborate on a project sooner. This'll make my dad so happy. I can't wait to see the look on his face when I stop by later.
Buck: *eating pizza* Yeah... should be good for a laugh.
Steven: Huh? *confused* Why would it be good for—
Jenny: *enters Fish Stew Pizza wearing the "Guitar Dad" T-shirt* Giiiirl, Check out my new shiiiiirt! *models the T-shirt*
Kiki: It's really cute. Where'd you get it?
Jenny: I dunno, It just landed in front of me when I was out walking.
Kiki: Look, If were you, I wouldn't wear some random shirt that just fell out of the sky. What if there were bugs in it?
Jenny: Re-lax! Who cares where it came from? This shirt is the funniest thing I've seen in my life!
Buck: Looks like that shirt has a really good buzz goin'.
Steven: Yeah, but... I think they think it's a joke.
Buck: Heh. You know the thing that's important? It's that they're talking about it. That's how real art works.
Steven: Oh. Well, I guess you're right.
[Trans. It's A Wash]
(Steven visits his Dad and sees Sour Cream taking a picture of Greg.)
Greg: Uh... how's this? *poses*
Sour Cream: Haha, so bad. *takes picture*
Greg: Okay, Let's get started with the first lesson! Have a seat and grab a— where ya goin'? Oh...I guess he's got an important text or something.
Steven: How's it been going today?
Greg: Really great! Lots of people's been coming by thanks to your T-shirts little guy.
Steven: That's great, Dad. I'm really glad I can help...
Jenny: Yoohoo, Guitar Dad, I just wanted to say you're wonderful and hilarious! *drives off*
Greg: Uh... thank you? *confused* Huh, that's kinda strange.
Steven: What is?
Greg: Well, lots of people have stopped by, but no one's taking a lesson.
Steven: *surprised* What?! Really?!
Greg: Ah, maybe they're just checking out to see before they come back to get a REAL lesson. *plays guitar*
[Trans. Abandoned Warehouse]
(Buck is printing more T-shirts.)
Steven: Buck!
Buck: Hey, *points at Steven* there's my main man.
Steven: The shirts aren't working, Buck!
Buck: Yeah they are, *picks up a T-shirt* people love' em.
Steven: But... nobody wants guitar lessons from my dad!
Buck: That's not the point.
Steven: *very confused* What? Then what is the point?
Buck: The point is, it's an amazing shirt.
Steven: *blushing* Aww, my drawing's not that good, ahaha.
Buck: Yeah, no. It's terrible.
Steven: What?!
Buck: That's what's so great about it. Your work is so naive. You really love your dad. It's funny.
Steven: Ah... I don't wanna make these shirts anymore.
Buck: Too bad Steven, they're so current, they can't stop. I'm the taste maker, and I will keep making tastes... FOREVER.
Steven: "Forever"? *gets paranoid*
Buck: Well, forever after until I improve my dad's lame bench commemoration... Peace. *walks away*
[Trans. Ext. Beach House]
(Steven rushes inside.)
Steven: GARNET! PEARL! AMETHYST!
(Surprised, the Gems stand up.)
Garnet: Steven.
Pearl: What is it?!
Amethyst: Whoa, where's the fire?!
Steven: It's an emergency! You have to help me take down all the shirts and stop Buck from making more!
Pearl: Have the shirts come to life and possessed the bodies of their wearers?!
Steven: No! They just...
Amethyst: Are people catching on fire when they put on the magic shirts?
Steven: No, no, they're just...
Pearl: *panicked while spewing saliva* Are the shirts destroying the wearer's will to continue on in this mortal coil, thereby shutting down Beach City?!
Steven: No!!! They're...*sighs* they're just... using my art in a way I don't agree with.
Pearl: Oh.
(The Gems sit down.)
Garnet: *adjusts visor* Then we'll pass.
Steven: What? But.... I really need your help...
Pearl: Steven, this sounds like a very abstract problem.
Amethyst: It's not something we can punch. *punches her own palm*
Garnet: You MUST learn to help yourself. That's how you become stronger. *visor sparkles*
Amethyst: Good point, good point. *nods*
Pearl: Absolutely.
Steven: But—!
Amethyst: *starting to get annoyed* Figure something OUT, Steven!
Pearl: Yes! Why not dust off those conflict resolution skills?
Garnet: Let your problem be known, then you can make them understand the matter.
Steven: *thinks of an idea and says evilly* Oh I'll make them understand. *walks out* I'll make them ALL understand!
(The Gems are mildly surprised.)
Amethyst: Eh, he'll be fine.
[Trans. Beach City Boardwalk]
(Many people are gathered around Mayor Dewey.)
Mayor Dewey: Okay, is everyone here? *blushing* *coughs slightly* Hello! I was supposed to write a speech to uhm... *adjusts neck tie* Uh... commemorate this... uh... new bench! But what had happened was I ran out of printer ink in my printer, that I keep at home!
(Steven is hiding on the roof of the Funland Arcade and opens a guitar case with his T-shirt Cannon inside.)
Steven: *aims at Mayor Dewey, whispering* Bye.
Bodyguard #1: Look out! *drops sandwich and runs away*
Bodyguard #2: No! Aaaah! *runs away*
(The crowd goes wild and runs in several directions.)
Mayor Dewey: I've been... shirt.
(Buck notices everyone running and picks up a T-shirt, noticing that they have his drawings printed on them.)
(Steven backs away, smiling.)
Mayor Dewey: Huh... *picks up a shirt, feeling touched* Did you make this?
(Buck is speechless and sees Sour Cream and Jenny looking at the shirts.)
Jenny: Ahahaha! This is way funnier than "Guitar Dad"!
Lars: Ahahahahahaha, ohoho! *holds the T-shirt*
Mayor Dewey: *stops blushing and looks at the T-shirt* This bench is actually pretty comfortable.
(Buck sheds a tear.)
[Trans. It's A Wash]
Steven: Anyone else stop by for lessons today?
Greg: So far, no, but I'm sure it'll pick up tomorrow.
Steven: Yeah! Sure it will. *hands Greg a T-shirt* Oh, this is for you by the way. It's the last one so it's super limited edition.
Greg: Aw, sweet! Thanks, Steven.
(Steven smiles.)
Buck: *walks over to the two* Hey, Steven. Just wanted to say uh... I'm sorry for the way I acted, and... uh...
Steven: It's okay, Buck. You don't have to say any more than that.
Buck: *to Steven* You're a cool cat, Steven Universe. *to Greg* Hey, Mr. U.
Greg: You wanna take a picture with me or some junk?
Buck: No way man. I want a lesson.. *shows them his shirt* from Guitar Dad!
(Star-shaped iris closes on Buck's Guitar Dad shirt, ending the episode.)
[End]