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This is a transcribed copy of "So Many Birthdays". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
Previous: "Giant Woman" Next: "Lars and the Cool Kids"
Speaker Dialogue
[Open Int. Amethyst's Room]
(Steven and the Gems are walking through the piles of random junk in Amethyst's room, in search of an object causing the foul odor throughout the temple.)
Pearl *to Amethyst* How can you live like this?
Amethyst It was fine 'til you guys started whining.
Pearl *covers her nose* Whining?! The whole temple reeks!
(Steven probes some garbage with a stick and retrieves something wrapped in tinfoil.)
Steven I found it!
Pearl *pinches nose* What matter of magical alloy is this?
(Steven unwraps the tinfoil, and a puff of green gas plumes out.)
Garnet It's a burrito.
Amethyst *takes the visibly rotten burrito* It's the Tuna Burrito from Aqua-Mexican!
Steven That place closed like five years ago! (Amethyst takes a bite of the burrito, Steven flinches in disgust and Pearl looks on in horror.) Huh, what's this? *spots a painting of the Gems and Rose Quartz on it* It kinda looks like you guys and my mom.
Pearl *excitedly* Oh Steven, that is us.
Steven Really?
Garnet The hard part was getting the shark to pose.
Steven Why is everyone dressed like old timey people?
Pearl *places the painting on top of a junk pile* They are old timey people.
Steven Wait... But that would mean... how OLD are you guys?
Pearl Much older than any human.
Steven Does that mean you'll live forever?!
Pearl No, no. We don't age. (Steven makes a huge smile.) But we can still get hurt and die.
(Steven's smile quickly turns into a big frown. Amethyst then starts moaning in pain, visibly sickened, and keels onto the ground.)
Pearl ...But not from food poisoning.
Steven I just can't believe you guys are like a bazillion years old! How do you find a cake big enough for all those candles?
Garnet *briefly looks at Pearl* We don't really celebrate birthdays.
Steven *gasps loudly* Why not?!
Garnet *shrugs* It's not our way.
Steven Well I can't just ignore this tremesty [sic] of unjustice. I pledge that you will have your birthdays, with all the candy, cake, and ice cream you've been denied.
(The screen goes black as Amethyst throws up.)
[Trans. Ext. Crystal Temple]
(Outside, several birthday decorations are set up: a picnic mat with food items, a birthday cake with lots of candles, balloons, and a large "birthday throne". Amethyst sits on the throne wearing a cape, while Peal and Garnet sit on folding chairs. Lion is seen playing in the background.)
Steven *crowning Amethyst* And the birthday queen is, Amethyst! I hope you like it, Dad made me this outfit and it brings me special birthday luck every year. *begins to sing* ♫ It might as well be your birthday, so why don't we have a party? Even if your age isn't real and your body's an illusion. ♫ *notices Lion playing with a birthday hat, stops singing* Hey!, I-it goes like this. *puts the hat on Lion's head, and Lion tries to take it off* Lion, you're killing me.
Pearl *holding a balloon with a face drawn on it* Um, Steven? I know you put a lot of effort into... putting faces on things. But could it be that we're just a tad mature for this ritual?
Amethyst *using a birthday hat to simulate Pearl's nose, and pokes Pearl's nose with it* Boop.
Pearl GAH! *chases Amethyst* You will remove that this instant!
Steven Wait! Here. *offers Amethyst a bat with a ribbon on it*
Amethyst Awww, thanks! *takes the bat* I'll use it all the time! *attempts to hit Pearl with it*
Steven *immediately stops her* No! It's for the piñata. *holding the piñata, as a blindfolded Amethyst swings wildly at it* The piñata is an artifact from ancient Aqua-Mexico. (Amethyst almost hit Steven, scaring him.) A-a-aaaaah! *hands the piñata to Garnet and hides behind her*
Amethyst *swings and smacks Garnet repeatedly* Am I... getting... close?! *hits Garnet in the head*
Garnet Higher.
(Amethyst takes a peeks, jumps at the piñata and smacks it flying out and into the ocean.)
Amethyst *casts the bat aside* Ha, what next Steven?
Steven Well, you were supposed to get delicious candy when you broke it open.
Amethyst *gasps in sadness* Wait, you had candy and you didn't just give it to us?
Steven There will be more sweet treats at Pearl's party. I promise.
[Trans. Cliff facing Beach City]
(Steven brings them to a cliff overlooking Beach City. The Gems are sitting on a picnic mat, with Pearl now wearing the birthday outfit. Steven is dressed like a clown.)
Steven Happy Birthday! HONK. *honks his clown nose*
Amethyst Steven! That is a brave look.
Steven No, it's funny.
Pearl How?
Steven *tries to explain but stops* Oh geez, I'm breaking character. Wait wait wait. I wrote some jokes! *takes out a pile of papers* "Why did Pearl throw butter out the window?"
Amethyst *looks at a confused Pearl* You did what?
Steven To see a butter-fly!
Pearl I never did that. Steven, are you telling lies?
Steven N-no! Oh, I know! Pearl, do you like pie?
Pearl I DO like pie.
Steven *gets a pie out of a picnic basket* Well then you're in luck, I baked you a pie. *mickingly* I sure hope nothing happens to it!
Pearl Yes, me too.
Steven *intentionally trips* WOAH! Whoops!
Pearl *catches Steven* WOAH! Steven, I've got you. *stands him up* Be careful, you almost fell right on that- (Steven shoves the pie in his own face.) Ah!
Steven *face covered in pie cream* See, Pearl? It's funnnnnnnnny! *laughs* (Pearl hides nervously behind Garnet and whispers to her.)
Garnet Pearl says she's all partied out and she's ready to go home.
Steven This isn't going at all like it should. *tosses aside the pie tin and takes off his wig * I've got to pull out the ultimate birthday!
[Trans. empty lot near Big Donut]
(Steven brings the Gems to an empty lot. Garnet is wearing the birthday outfit now.)
Steven Okay, there's no way you're not gonna love this! *points to three small kiddie cars* It's kazoo racers! You get in a car, you play a kazoo, what more could you want?! *blows into a kazoo and holds up three more kazoos* Dad used to do this for me every year.
Pearl *whispers to Garnet anxiously* I think this is why aging makes humans die!
Garnet Steven, thank you for the birthday parties, but I don't think we'll need any more.
Steven Why not?
Garnet Our age is only an illusion. *takes off the birthday crown* And Pearl's pretty sure this ritual is more for human children.
Pearl *remorsefully* Nothing against children.
Steven Children? Everyone gets to have birthdays, seriously, give it a try. You're never too old.
Garnet We're just too big.
Steven You're not too big. Y-y-you just get in. *attempts to get into one of the kiddie cars* And then, uh...
Amethyst I can fit! *shapeshifts into a baby and sits in a small kiddie jeep* Which way to the baby war? *drives the jeep* EAT TREAD, DIRT BAGS!
Steven What if birthdays are just for little kids? What if even... I'm too old?
Amethyst *drives next to Steven* No way! You TOTALLY fit! *picks him up and attempts to shove him in* Oh, my bad, you are too old. *drives off and laughs*
Pearl Are you okay?
Steven I just need to think. *gets up with the car stuck to his behind* Kazoo Racers suddenly seems undignified. *walks off*
[Trans. Time Skip - Evening, Beach City Boardwalk]
(The sun is down and the place is turning dark. Steven walks alone on the boardwalk as a mist rolls in.)
Steven I never realized birthdays meant leaving things behind. All these parties, ugh, so embarrassing.
(As the mist envelops Steven, his gem starts to glow, causing him to mature into a teenager, with facial face and pimples. He sighs in a cracking voice, when he sees Onion at the Funland Arcade.)
Steven Oh Onion, so young, so innocent. (Steven turns around, as Onion pry open a game machine and steals the quarters from it.)
[Trans. Int. Funland Arcade]
Steven *walks into the arcade* Whacker Man Jr.! *looks around nervously* Ooh, I can't be seen playing a childish game like Whacker Man Jr. I better stick to sophisticated games, like regular Whacker Man. *starts playing it*
Whacker Man It's whackin' time. You're gonna get whacked! (Steven bops a figure with a mallet and chuckles nervously.)
[Trans. Beach City Boardwalk]
Steven *walking on the boardwalk again* That was fun, but a boy on the cusp of manhood can't spend the whole day whackering. I need to take control of my life. (Steven sees a "Help Wanted" sign on the T-Shirt Shop's window. His gem glows and ages him into a full-grown man, deepening his voice and his current clothes visibly too small for him now.) It's time, to get a proper job. *enters the store and looks at the shirts* But which one? Surf Master? No. Love Doctor? I'm too squeamish. Ah, now this is the job for me. *leaves the store wearing a red shirt that reads "Professional Beach Hunk"* Ha, this day went so fast, I need a pick-me-up. *walks towards the Big Donut, as his gem glows*
[Trans. Int. Big Donut]
(Steven enters the Big Donut as a middle-aged man with balding hair.)
Steven Two of the usual please, I've had quite a day.
Lars Ha, you must be confused pal, I work here everyday and I've never seen your mug before.
Steven Oh hardy har, Lars. (Lars and Sadie get startled and look at each other in confusion.) I used to make jokes, but you know what? I've had a lot of time to think today and sometimes you gotta smarten up, act like an adult. Because one day, if you don't, everyone you know is gonna grow up without you. And then you won't have little Steven to pick on anymore because I'll be a grown up too.
Sadie ... Steven... who?
Steven *shocked* STEVEN QUARTZ UNIVERSE! And I want THAT doughnut, right there! *points at the doughnut case and sees a reflection of himself in the glass* Woa-wooaaahhhh!
Sadie Sir, are you okay?
Steven I'M... OLD!
Lars Yeah, and nuts!
Steven I'm going to have to eat fiber cereal, all my teeth are gonna fall out, and then, I'll have to eat oatmeal and it'll be sugar-free! (His gem glows and ages him further.) Sugar-free! *wheezes* *sits down at a table, and Sadie comes over to comfort him* I need to reverse this! I need, a "reverse birthday"... The king costume. *to Sadie and Lars* Will you help me into my birthday suit?
(Sadie and Lars are stunned. Taking it the wrong way, Sadie chases the old Steven out of the Big Donut with a stool.)
Sadie *waving the stool above her head* Yeah! You better run!
[Trans. Beach]
(Steven continues to run along the beach, but hurts his back doing so.)
Steven *limping* I'm... too... old... for this. (His gem glows, aging him into a very old man with a gray beard, and he trips over. Lion then approaches him.) Lion... (Lion picks Steven up with his mouth and runs towards the temple.)
[Trans. Ext. Crystal Temple]
(The Gems are picking up the birthday decorations.)
Pearl *putting away a table* You know, Steven was right, this is fun.
Amethyst You don't have to keep wearing that stuff.
Garnet *still wearing the birthday outfit* It makes me feel... important.
(Lion comes in and drops the aged Steven in front of the Gems. Garnet and Amethyst rush towards him.)
Pearl Steven! *horrified* What's wrong with him?
Amethyst He's okay, he's just really, really, really, really old.
Pearl Gems can't die from aging. *starts tearing up* But he's half human.
Amethyst Can't we fix him?
Steven *whispering* My birthday suit might help.
(Garnet takes the birthday suit off her and Steven wears it, leaning against Lion.)
Amethyst Good as new!... Right?
Steven Thanks guys, but I guess this suit's all out of birthday magic. We had a good run, huh?...
(Steven continues to age further. Amethyst looks on in horror and Pearl is about to cry. Garnet grabs and pulls Pearl and Amethyst away.)
Garnet More birthdays. Now!*
Amethyst Check it out, B-Day Boy.
(Amethyst has shapeshifted into a kiddie car, with Garnet riding in her.)
Amethyst I'm a tiny car!
Garnet Beep beep.
Steven Kid... stuff..... (Steven keeps aging, and Amethyst shiftshapes back to normal.)
Amethyst *shapeshifts into a piñata* Ooh, piñata time! (Steven keeps aging.)
Garnet It's not working.
Amethyst *back to normal, walks off* Pearl! Get over here.
Pearl I can't!
Amethyst FOR STEVEN! *plants Pearl, wearing a clown costume and holding a pie, in front of Steven*
Pearl *approaches Steven, weeping* Oh, look!... I have what umm... what appears to be a delicious pie... I sincerely hope that... nothing happens to- OH STEVEN! *breaks down and shoves the pie in her face*
Amethyst Are you trying to kill him faster?! (Pearl starts crying and clings tightly to Amethyst.) Pearl! *tries to break free*
(Garnet shoves them aside and walks towards Steven. She picks him up and starts shaking him violently.)
Amethyst & Pearl GARNET?!?! *rush over to stop Garnet*
Pearl Wait a minute, what are you doing?!
Amethyst Garnet, STOP!!
Garnet I thought... violence... would be the answer. *slowly puts down Steven, who is still aging*
(The severely-aged Steven can only barely see and hear the Gems arguing in despair with one another. He slowly picks himself up.)
Steven *weakly* Would you guys, just please... (His gem glows again, turning him back into an adult.) Control yourselves?! (The Gems stop fighting and looks at Steven.) Ugh, oh no. *turns into a teenager and blushes* Oh, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have yelled. But I can't stand to see you freaking out like this! *turns back into an adult*
Pearl *in shock* Wha-?
Garnet Steven, you're changing!
Pearl Your age is fluctuating, I think your gem is reacting to your state of mind.
Amethyst Steven! Stop feeling old!
Steven *turns into a teenager* But I wasted your time... *turns into an old man* We all have such little ti-ime...
Garnet, Pearl & Amethyst Steven!
Pearl You have to feel like your self! Sweet and considerate and only occasionally obnoxious!
Steven *turns into a teenager* You really think I'm all those things?
Garnet Yes!
Amethyst Why else would you throw us all those parties?
Steven Oh my gosh, you're right. *turns back to normal* I am pretty great.
Pearl Oh, Steven! *rushes with Amethyst to hug Steven* Steven!
Garnet *pats Steven on his shoulder* We'll work on the rest, later.
(Steven pulls up his now-oversized shirt to reveal that he still has adult legs. He starts laughing and bouncing his legs up and down, as the star iris zooms in on Steven's face, ending the episode.)

ve Transcripts
Pilot Pilot
Season 1 A: Gem GlowLaser Light CannonCheeseburger BackpackTogether BreakfastFryboCat FingersBubble BuddiesSerious StevenTiger MillionaireSteven's LionArcade ManiaGiant WomanSo Many BirthdaysLars and the Cool KidsOnion TradeSteven the Sword FighterLion 2: The MovieBeach PartyRose's RoomCoach StevenJoking VictimSteven and the StevensMonster BuddiesAn Indirect KissMirror Gem/Ocean Gem

B: House GuestSpace RaceSecret TeamIsland AdventureKeep Beach City WeirdFusion CuisineGarnet's UniverseWatermelon StevenLion 3: Straight to VideoWarp TourAlone TogetherThe TestFuture VisionOn the RunHorror ClubWinter ForecastMaximum CapacityMarble MadnessRose's ScabbardOpen BookShirt ClubStory for StevenThe MessagePolitical PowerThe Return/Jail Break

Season 2 Full DisclosureJoy RideSay UncleLove LettersReformedSworn to the SwordRising Tides, Crashing SkiesKeeping It TogetherWe Need to TalkChille TidCry for HelpKeystone MotelOnion FriendHistorical FrictionFriend ShipNightmare HospitalSadie's SongCatch and ReleaseWhen It RainsBack to the BarnToo FarThe AnswerSteven's BirthdayIt Could've Been GreatMessage ReceivedLog Date 7 15 2
Season 3 Super Watermelon Island/Gem DrillSame Old WorldBarn MatesHit the DiamondSteven FloatsDrop Beat DadMr. GregToo Short to RideThe New LarsBeach City DriftRestaurant WarsKiki's Pizza Delivery ServiceMonster ReunionAlone at SeaGreg the BabysitterGem HuntCrack the WhipSteven vs. AmethystBismuthBetaEarthlingsBack to the MoonBubbled
Season 4 The Kindergarten KidKnow Your FusionBuddy's BookMindful EducationFuture Boy ZoltronLast One Out of Beach CityOnion GangGem HarvestThree Gems and a BabySteven's DreamAdventures in Light DistortionGem HeistThe ZooThat Will Be AllThe New Crystal GemsStorm in the RoomRocknaldoTiger PhilanthropistRoom for RubyLion 4: Alternate EndingDoug OutThe Good LarsAre You My Dad?I Am My Mom
Season 5 Stuck TogetherThe TrialOff ColorsLars' HeadDewey WinsGemcationRaising the BarnBack to the KindergartenSadie KillerKevin PartyLars of the StarsJungle MoonYour Mother and MineThe Big ShowPool HoppingLetters to LarsCan't Go BackA Single Pale RoseNow We're Only Falling ApartWhat's Your Problem?The QuestionMade of HonorReunitedLegs From Here to HomeworldFamiliarTogether AloneEscapismChange Your Mind
Film Steven Universe: The Movie
Future Little HomeschoolGuidanceRose BudsVolleyballBluebirdA Very Special EpisodeSnow DayWhy So Blue?Little GraduationPrickly PairIn DreamsBismuth CasualTogether ForeverGrowing PainsMr. UniverseFragmentsHomeworld BoundEverything's FineI Am My MonsterThe Future
Shorts Lion Loves to Fit in a BoxThe Classroom Gems: What Are Gems?We Are the Crystal GemsThe Classroom Gems: How Are Gems Made?UnboxingThe Classroom Gems: FusionCooking with LionGem KaraokeSteven ReactsVideo ChatSteven's Song Time
Other We Deserve to ShineCrossover Nexus