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This is a transcribed copy of "Steven's Birthday". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
Previous: "The Answer" Next: "It Could've Been Great"
Speaker Dialogue
[Open Ext. The Barn]
(The Crystal Gems are preparing decorations for Steven's birthday. Amethyst is blowing balloons, Pearl is making a ribbon bow, and Steven is helping Garnet make a banner.)
Steven I can't believe it's finally my birthday. You're sure it's okay we're taking a break from the drill?
Pearl Peridot will keep us on schedule.
Amethyst Yo, Peri! You sure you don't want to get in on this?
(Amethyst blows up a balloon that looks like Peridot and it pops. Peridot glares, puts on her welding goggles and disappears around the corner of the barn.)
Garnet We should celebrate our progress. We should celebrate your progress. You've grown a lot this year.
Pearl He certainly has.
Steven Yeah. Yeah, I guess so!
(A car horn is then heard, as Greg's Van arrives. Wearing a red party dress and a floppy sun hat, Connie climbs out clutching a suitcase.)
Connie Steven!
Steven Connie!
Connie Happy birthday! *runs up to hug Steven*
Steven Thanks. Welcome to the party! May I offer you... a refreshment? *pulls out two juice boxes from behind him*
Connie Oh, Steven! How genteel.
Steven & Connie Clink! *pats their juice boxes together*
Steven So, this is the barn! I'm surprised your parents are letting you stay for the weekend.
Connie *chuckles* It wasn't easy. They'd only let me come after equipping me with every piece of safety gear on the planet.
Greg What should I do with this defibrillator!? *pulls a defibrillator out of the back of the van*
Connie *blushes* Um, we can just leave it in the car for now!
Steven *giggles* Well, I'm glad you could make it.
Connie Me too.
Greg Alright, move it Connie, I was his best friend first. Happy birthday! *hugs Steven tightly* Ooookay, schtu-bal. Let me get a look at you.
Steven *embarrassed* Daaad!
Greg Sorry, I just can't believe my little boy is growing up so quickly. Seems like just yesterday you were a baby, and now you're turning fourteen years old.
Connie *does a spit-take* Steven! You're fourteen!?
Steven Yeah?
Connie But I'm only twelve and three quarters! You're older than me? I-I don't believe it!
Greg Well sure, check it out. (Greg pulls out a book with a star on the front under the name "Steven Quartz Universe". He opens it to reveal images of Steven on his birthday throughout the years.) Let's see, we have infant, baby, toddler - what's it called - adolescent, adolescent, adolescent, adolescent... Whoa, looks like you stagnated there a little bit, buddy.
Connie Mr. Universe, could I... show you how the defibrillator works?
Greg Oh, uh, sure! Be right back, kiddo. *walks off with Connie*
[Trans. back of Greg's Van]
(Steven decides to eavesdrop on Connie and Greg's conversation.)
Connie So he's not going to grow up?
Greg Well, it's hard to say. He's a Gem, and Gems don't really grow up. I mean, I've known the Gems since I was 22, and they never change! They just are what they are. But Steven's not like the other Gems, he's half-human. So, I'm not really sure how he's gonna age. We're just gonna have to wait and see.
Connie Yes, right.
Greg Are you okay?
Connie Yeah, yeah.
Greg Human beings? *holds out his hand*
Connie Human beings. *high-fives Greg*
(Steven ponders with visible concerns.)
[Trans. Ext. The Barn]
(Everyone is setting up the birthday party. Steven tries to hang up the banner on the barn, but he is too short.)
Amethyst Hey, birthday man! What'cha doing?
Steven I want to hang up this banner. So-
Amethyst Dude, it would be easier you just streeeeetch right up here! *extends her limbs and holds the banner at the barn's door* Hahaha! How's that?
Steven Oh yeah...
Amethyst Come on! What's the verdict? I can't hold this forever.
Steven Uh, it looks great. *gives a thumbs-up*
Greg There's my b-day guy.
(Amethyst retracts her limbs back to normal and walks away, while Greg, carrying Steven's Birthday Suit, approaches Steven.)
Steven Uh, what's up dad?
Greg We're almost ready to start. Got your birthday cape and crown ready too. Here. *hands the birthday suit to Steven* Put it on and go wait in the barn. *pushes Steven into the barn and snickers* Okay now, sit tight. You're gonna love this.
(Greg shuts the barn door with Steven inside. Steven throws his birthday suit aside and looks at his hands. He clenches his hands and begins to focus. Fade to black.)
Greg *knocking on the door* Okay Steven, open up!
(Steven opens the barn door, and Greg, Connie and the Gems are standing outside, presenting a Cookie Cat-shaped birthday cake.)
Greg, Connie & the Gems SURPRI-! *collectively gasp*
Garnet Wow.
Pearl Oh my.
Greg Huh?
(Everyone glare in shock, as Steven, now taller than usual, smiles and walks towards them, carefully taking each step forward.)
Pearl Steven... Are you feeling okay?
Garnet Heh, you look good Steven.
Steven *in teenager voice* Oh! *chuckles* Thanks, Garnet.
Amethyst Dude, your neck!
Steven Oh, uh, what about it?
Amethyst You HAVE one!
Connie So, you just grew... all of a sudden?
Steven I had a magical growth spurt, just now. Cool, right?
Connie Oh, right! It's totally cool!
Garnet Alright then, let's get this party started. *blows out the birthday candles*
Greg Yeah, let's eat this cookie cake!
[Time Skip]
(Connie and Steven sit alone on a picnic mat, when Lion naps besides them.)
Connie Here, Steven. *gives Steven a present*
Steven Wow, thanks.
Connie Oh, you don't have to untie that. It's just a box made to look like I spent a lot of time wrapping it. *giggles*
Steven *opens the box, tossing away the lid* Ohhh a new shirt! What a pretty color.
Connie Try it on.
(Steven puts on the shirt and tries to button it up.)
Connie Oh, I guess it doesn't fit since-
Steven No, don't worry. It fits fine just like this!
(Steven decides to wear the shirt like a coat and giggles.)
[Time Skip]
(Steven, Amethyst, Pearl and Connie are playing badminton together.)
Pearl Here it comes!
Connie I got it, Pearl! *hits the shuttlecock*
Pearl Nice, Connie.
Amethyst Hiiii-yah! *hits the shuttlecock out of the field, and it lands on a tree*
Pearl If you hit it, you get it.
Connie No worries, I'll grab it.
(Connie runs up to the tree and tries to jump and grab the shuttlecock, but fails. She then tries to climb the tree.)
Steven Connie, let me.
(Steven runs up, jumps and grabs onto the branch, causing the shuttlecock drop off the tree.)
Connie Oh, cool, thanks Steven! *picks up the shuttlecock*
Steven No problem, Connie.
Amethyst Yo, bring back that shuttlecock!
Steven Huh?
(Connie runs off, when Steven's arm begins to shrink down to its former size.)
Steven *gasps* Oh no!
(Steven then uses his gem power to stretch his arm again, and he sighs in a strained relief.)
[Time Skip - Evening]
(Pearl, Amethyst, Connie and Steven are dancing, while Garnet and Greg browse an array of vinyl disks to play. Greg pulls out a disc cover titled "Stella", and Garnet shoves her hand in Greg's face. Everyone is having fun, although Steven seems to be straining and sweating.)
Garnet This one goes out to the birthday boy, and his best friend.
(A calm romantic music begins to play, and Steven and Connie laugh. They both then begin dancing together.)
Connie I still can't believe all this time you were older than me. You should sneak me into a PG-13 movie sometime.
Steven *sweating* Oh yeah...
Connie *giggles* No, I'm just kidding, I would never ask you to break the law. It's funny that I have to look up at you now though.
Steven *gets fidgety* Funny good or funny bad?
Connie Funny good. *leans on Steven's chest, causing him to blush*
Pearl Aw... Steven's having fun.
Garnet We know how to throw a party.
Steven *clears his throat* Excuse me for a moment Connie, I'm gonna go freshen up. Be right back.
(Steven runs to the side of the barn, seemingly out of view of everyone, and shrinks himself back to normal size.)
Steven *in normal voice* Ohhh geez... *slumps against the wall in exhaustion* If I can just keep this up for the rest of my life, no one will suspect a thi-
(Steven's eyes widen, as he spots Greg and Amethyst, playing with a piñata, glaring at him. Greg then drops the piñata in shock.)
Amethyst What are you doing?!?
Steven W-Wha... Well uh... *ages himself again * What are... *in teenager voice* YOU doing?!?
Greg What are YOU doing to your body?!?
Amethyst Woah, woah, woah, have you been stretching yourself out all day?
Steven No! I was just... slouching.
Greg Why are you doing this? It... really isn't like you.
Steven Because, Dad, I can't stay a kid forever, when Connie grows up and becomes president what is that gonna make me? First Boy!?
Amethyst Steven, you can't just keep stretching forever. If you hold it too long, you could really hurt yourself.
Steven Yeah well, I'm half human so maybe it works different for me, we'll just have to wait and see, right?
Greg *sigh* Steven...
(Steven walks off, while Amethyst and Greg exchange concerned looks.)
[Time Skip - Night-time]
(Steven and Connie are sitting on a mat and star-gazing.)
Connie That one's... "Canis helicopterus".
Steven *sweating profusely* Uh-uh, "Helicopterus"?
Connie Yeah, Dogcopter, get it? *elbows Steven playfully* Now you make one up!
Steven Okay, um... *clears his throat* That one's, uh, snake constellation.
Connie That's... pretty good.. Are you okay? It looks like you're gonna throw up.
Steven Oh yeah, e-everything's fine! *forces a smile*
Connie Okay... that's good. You know, to be honest, I was a little worried before. This might sound silly, but... *leans towards Steven* I'm really glad that I'm going to get grow up with you.
(Steven becomes overwhelmed and begins to shrink, seemingly disappearing into his clothes.)
Connie ...Steven? *pulls Steven's shirt aside, revealing an infant Steven* Steven?! What's going on? What happened?
Steven Whaa?
(Steven blushes and examines his shrunken body. He looks at Connie and begins to cry. Connie then carries the crying infant Steven to show to everyone.)
Connie We were just talking then all of a sudden-
Pearl He turned back into a baby?!
Connie YES!
Amethyst *takes Steven* Dude, I told you... Stretching your body out for that long is not good for you!
(Steven speaks baby talk in response.)
Amethyst *holds Steven up to Pearl* Here you go, Pearl.
Pearl Oh, no, no, don't give him to me!
Garnet Hand him over, Amethyst. *removes her visor*
Amethyst *gives Steven to Garnet* Here you go.
(Garnet holds Steven up and starts blinking her eyes one by one. She then sticks out her tongue and makes funny noises to cheer Steven up. Steven, however, keeps crying.)
Garnet My power means nothing to an infant.
Greg Okay, this is my department. *takes Steven from Garnet*
Connie What are you going to do?
Greg Don't worry, I got this.
[Trans. Int. Greg's Van]
(Greg begins driving Connie and Steven, who is still crying, away from the barn while "Let Me Drive My Van (into Your Heart)" plays in the background. Connie tries waving a maraca to cheer Steven up but it does not work.)
Connie How can the Gems not know what to do?
Greg You think they know the first thing about raising a baby? That was all me, but I don't get it, driving always used to calm him down.
Connie But, how do we change him back?
Greg I don't know! Look Connie, let me take you home, I-I'll call you when this all this gets sorted out.
(Connie turns to look at Steven, while he tries to communicate in baby talk.)
Connie W-Wait no, I wanna stay.
Greg Are you sure?
Connie Yeah, I just want to be there for Steven. Don't worry Steven, it doesn't matter to me what age it seems like you are, I wanna hang out with you no matter what. Your dad still has his car wash and the Gems have to do gem stuff so I'll watch you when they're not around. I can come see you after I'm done training with Pearl too. Doesn't that sound fun?
(Connie holds up her finger to Steven, coos happily and holds onto it.)
Greg Look at that, he finally stopped crying.
Connie Well that's a start.
Amethyst Ahem.
Greg What's up, Amethyst?
(It is revealed that Amethyst had shapeshifted into a carseat for the infant Steven the whole time.)
Amethyst Baby Steven needs changin'.
[Trans. Ext. The Barn, The Next Morning]
(Connie wakes up in her tent, only to find Steven's shirt lying next to her.)
Connie Oh my gosh. Ooh my gosh! Did he get even smaller? Steven's microscopic! *tears up* He's reverted back to a zygote! *rushes out of the tent* Everyone! Steven is-
(Connie sees Steven, back to normal, wearing the shirt she gave him.)
Steven Look, it fits now.
Connie *wipes her tears* You're back to normal! *hugs Steven*
Steven Sorry this was a disaster, I wanted to look older for you. *blushes*
Connie That doesn't matter.
Steven I... heard what you said in the van. It's really okay if I don't age like a human?
Connie Of course it is. I like you just the way you are. *smushes Steven's cheeks*
Steven Oof, okay.
Connie Uh... Steven? You've got something on your cheek.
Steven Huh? *feels it and gasps* It's a facial hair!
Connie Really!?
Steven DAD!
Greg What is it little man?
Steven Look at this! *points at his facial hair*
Greg Holy smokes! You're growin' a beard! You really are getting older. *hugs Steven* Everybody! Look at this!
Pearl Unbelievable.
Garnet Very impressive.
Amethyst Is there more where that came from?
(The Gems start laughing together, and Connie giggles in relief too. The star iris then closes on Connie smiling, ending the episode.)

ve Transcripts
Pilot Pilot
Season 1 A: Gem GlowLaser Light CannonCheeseburger BackpackTogether BreakfastFryboCat FingersBubble BuddiesSerious StevenTiger MillionaireSteven's LionArcade ManiaGiant WomanSo Many BirthdaysLars and the Cool KidsOnion TradeSteven the Sword FighterLion 2: The MovieBeach PartyRose's RoomCoach StevenJoking VictimSteven and the StevensMonster BuddiesAn Indirect KissMirror Gem/Ocean Gem

B: House GuestSpace RaceSecret TeamIsland AdventureKeep Beach City WeirdFusion CuisineGarnet's UniverseWatermelon StevenLion 3: Straight to VideoWarp TourAlone TogetherThe TestFuture VisionOn the RunHorror ClubWinter ForecastMaximum CapacityMarble MadnessRose's ScabbardOpen BookShirt ClubStory for StevenThe MessagePolitical PowerThe Return/Jail Break

Season 2 Full DisclosureJoy RideSay UncleLove LettersReformedSworn to the SwordRising Tides, Crashing SkiesKeeping It TogetherWe Need to TalkChille TidCry for HelpKeystone MotelOnion FriendHistorical FrictionFriend ShipNightmare HospitalSadie's SongCatch and ReleaseWhen It RainsBack to the BarnToo FarThe AnswerSteven's BirthdayIt Could've Been GreatMessage ReceivedLog Date 7 15 2
Season 3 Super Watermelon Island/Gem DrillSame Old WorldBarn MatesHit the DiamondSteven FloatsDrop Beat DadMr. GregToo Short to RideThe New LarsBeach City DriftRestaurant WarsKiki's Pizza Delivery ServiceMonster ReunionAlone at SeaGreg the BabysitterGem HuntCrack the WhipSteven vs. AmethystBismuthBetaEarthlingsBack to the MoonBubbled
Season 4 The Kindergarten KidKnow Your FusionBuddy's BookMindful EducationFuture Boy ZoltronLast One Out of Beach CityOnion GangGem HarvestThree Gems and a BabySteven's DreamAdventures in Light DistortionGem HeistThe ZooThat Will Be AllThe New Crystal GemsStorm in the RoomRocknaldoTiger PhilanthropistRoom for RubyLion 4: Alternate EndingDoug OutThe Good LarsAre You My Dad?I Am My Mom
Season 5 Stuck TogetherThe TrialOff ColorsLars' HeadDewey WinsGemcationRaising the BarnBack to the KindergartenSadie KillerKevin PartyLars of the StarsJungle MoonYour Mother and MineThe Big ShowPool HoppingLetters to LarsCan't Go BackA Single Pale RoseNow We're Only Falling ApartWhat's Your Problem?The QuestionMade of HonorReunitedLegs From Here to HomeworldFamiliarTogether AloneEscapismChange Your Mind
Film Steven Universe: The Movie
Future Little HomeschoolGuidanceRose BudsVolleyballBluebirdA Very Special EpisodeSnow DayWhy So Blue?Little GraduationPrickly PairIn DreamsBismuth CasualTogether ForeverGrowing PainsMr. UniverseFragmentsHomeworld BoundEverything's FineI Am My MonsterThe Future
Shorts Lion Loves to Fit in a BoxThe Classroom Gems: What Are Gems?We Are the Crystal GemsThe Classroom Gems: How Are Gems Made?UnboxingThe Classroom Gems: FusionCooking with LionGem KaraokeSteven ReactsVideo ChatSteven's Song Time
Other We Deserve to ShineCrossover Nexus