Steven and the Stevens/Transcript

This is a transcribed copy of "Steven and the Stevens". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.

Previous: "Joking Victim"

Next: "Monster Buddies"

Speaker	Dialogue
[Open Int. Sea Shrine]
(The Crystal Gems are exploring the Sea Shrine and looking around a series of hourglasses.)
Steven	Hey, how about this one here?
Pearl	*walks over to Steven* What one?
Steven	This little one. *looks at the smallest hourglass with starry eyes* It's ad-orb-able.
Pearl	Steven, the legendary glass of time won't be nearly so small and insignificant. It'll be beautiful and grand. *looks at an big hourglass with an elegant design in excitement* Like this one!
Garnet	I think it's this one.
Steven	*looks up* Whoa!
Pearl	You mean the biggest one? (Garnet, Steven and Pearl looks up at the giant hourglass.) How are we even supposed to get that back to the Warp Pad?
Garnet	I can carry it. *cracks her knuckles*
Pearl	Wait! We need to be careful which one we touch, you remember what happened last time we were here.
Steven	What happened?
Amethyst	Hey, guys, I'm making the call. *picks up an oddly-shaped hourglass* And it's this janky one here!
Pearl	Amethyst?!
(The Sea Shrine begins to rumble.)
Amethyst	Uhhhh... Nope, it wasn't.
(The ceiling of the shrine disappears and water begins to rush in, flooding the place.)
Garnet	Look out! *grabs Steven and dodges the water alongside with Pearl* We don't have much time.
Pearl	Amethyst, come on!
(Steven runs away from Garnet and Pearl, back towards the hourglasses.)
Garnet	Steven?
Pearl	Wh-Where do you think you're going?!
Steven	Amethyst gets to keep hers!
Amethyst	*walks past, carrying her chosen hourglass* Darn tootin'!
Steven	I'm gonna get the one I picked out.
Garnet & Pearl	Steven!
Steven	*picks up the tiny hourglass* My name's Steven! You're gonna live with me. *puts it in his pocket*
Pearl	Steven, come on!
Steven	*runs towards the Warp Pad* Imma comin'! Imma comin'!
(More water gushes into the shrine, forming a huge wave behind Steven. Pearl starts to panic and Garnet quickly stretches her arm forward.)
Garnet	Hang on! *grabs Steven and pulls him in*
Amethyst	Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up!
Garnet	*brings Steven back to the warp pad* Gotcha!
Pearl	Well done, Garnet!
(The huge wave engulfs the Crystal Gems before they warp away.)
[Trans. Int Beach House]
(The Crystal Gems make it back to the Beach House's warp pad, bringing along a huge amount of water from the wave with them. The water soaks the whole room and washes Steven away from the Warp Pad, while the Gems have sea creatures clinging onto them.)
Steven	Ha-ha-ha-ha! Hot potato! We're doing that again, right?
Pearl	*removes a piece of seaweed from her hair* Unfortunately... we'll have to wait another hundred years for the sea shrine to reform because somebody couldn't keep their hands to themselves. *glares at Amethyst*
Garnet	*removes an octopus from her head and turns to Pearl* You have a lobster on your butt.
Pearl	Huh? *looks down at her backside* EEEEEEEE!
(Amethyst laughs at Pearl as she screams in shock. A Cookie Cat alarm clock starts to ring and Steven gets excited.)
Steven	Beach-a-Palooza!
Amethyst	Beach-a-wah-whooza?
Garnet	Palooza.
Steven	That was a lot of fun you guys. I'll see you later! After you sir. *opens the front door for a crab* Bye-bye!
[Trans. Beach City]
(Steven is humming as he makes his way to It's a Wash. Greg and Yellowtail are seen talking to each other.)
Greg	Yep.
Yellowtail	*nods* Mmhmm.
Steven	*approaches* Dad! Dad, you're ready to rehearse? Whoa!
(Steven then notices Yellowtail's fishing boat, stuck in the car wash.)
Greg	Uhhh, we're having a bit of a day.
Steven	Is it stuck?
Greg	Yeah.
Steven	Why does a boat need a car wash?
Yellowtail	Hah! Huhuhhuh- *speaks in murmurs and walks towards the boat*
Greg	Sorry, buddy, I don't think I can play in the concert tonight. I gotta deal with this.
Steven	You're bailing on Beach-a-Palooza? But the whole town's gonna be there!
Greg	Steven, that's like 15 people. *ruffles Steven's head* Next time, bud. I promise.
(Greg then walks off and starts talking to Yellowtail on his boat, as Steven turns away.)
Steven	Stupid boat getting all stuck. Nobody likes you, boat! I wish I could've been there to tell my dad you were too fat!
(Steven suddenly disappears. He then reappears back at It's a Wash, at the very moment when Greg is about to put the boat in the truck wash.)
Greg	That's it. Just back her in. She'll definitely fit.
Steven	What the-? *gasps* Dad! Dad!
Greg	Hey, schtu-ball! You excited for Beach-a-Palooza?
Steven	Dad, Dad, fat, it's fat! Fat, fat fat!
Greg	*looks at his own stomach* Rude.
Steven	Not you! The boat! The boat!
Greg	Whoa, whoa, whoa! Stop!
Yellowtail	*stops backing up the truck* Huh?
Greg	Nice catch, Steven. *runs off*
Steven	*pulls the hourglass out of his pocket and gasps* The thing! You took me back in time, didn't you? Oh, man! Pearl's gonna flip when she finds out you're the real one!
Greg	Look, I'm sorry, but the boat's fat.
(Yellowtail gets off his truck and starts arguing in murmurs, when the truck starts rolling away.)
Greg	Oh no, your truck!
(The truck crashes into an electric pole, knocking it over and it slams onto the truck. The electric wire then sparks and lights on fire. The fire travels along the wire to the roof of It's a Wash, causing an explosion and setting the whole roof on fire. Everyone screams in panic.)
Greg	*runs away* Gotta save the van!
Steven	*horrified* I wish I could go back and stop myself from stopping my dad.
(Steven warped away, back to the point when he is about to tell his dad that the boat is too fat.
Greg	That's it. Just back her in. She'll definitely fit.
Steven 2	*appears from his first wish* What the-? *gasps* Dad! Dad!
(Steven then suddenly appears and tackles Steven 2 before he could say anything.)
Steven 2	Wha- (Steven shushes him.) Future Steven?
Steven	Listen, two-minutes-ago-Steven, we can't go around trying to change time stuff. It just makes things worse.
(Yellowtail's boat gets stuck in the car wash once more.)
Greg	Oh, no! How did this happen?
Steven 2	Aw, man! I really wanted to play in Beach-a-Palooza. Too bad you and I can't be in a band.
Steven & Steven 2	Wait a minute!
(Steven and Steven 2 warp back to a point where he is on his way to see his dad and tackle Steven 3 to the ground.)
Steven & Steven 2	Steven!
Steven 3	Mmm... Steven? ... Steven? What's going on?
Steven	No time to explain!
Steven 2	Wanna join our band?!
Steven 3	Yes! But didn't Dad say he would play with us?
Steven 2	He had an emergency at the car wash.
Steven 3	We should go help him! *tries to run off*
Steven	No! *stops Steven 3* There's nothing we can do! The boat's fat, trust us.
Steven 3	Okay. So who's our fourth? We need a drummer.
Steven 2	Not a problem, Steven!
(Steven and Steven 2 pull out their respective Hourglass from their pockets.)
Steven 3	Hey, it's the time thing!
(The three Stevens warp away.)
[Trans. Int. Beach House]
(Back inside the Beach House, Steven begins to sing "Steven and the Stevens" with three other Stevens in a band.)
Steven	Can't you see it in my eyes I'm the one, I'm the- One!
Steven 2	Two!
Steven 3	Three!
Steven 4	Four!
Steven	I'm not like the other guys
Steven 4	(He's not like anybody, well)
Steven	That's not completely right There's a few that I'm just like Steven and the Stevens We're gonna make you smile Me, myself, and I, and him
All Stevens	Are all the same guy
Steven	Steven and the Stevens Come on, now, don't be shy Me, myself-
Steven 2	And I-
Steven 3	And him
Steven 4	(That's me!)
All Stevens	Are all the same guy
(A card reading "Steven and the Stevens" then appears after all the Stevens finish the song.)
Steven 2	Hey! Great singing, Steven!
Steven	Thanks, Steven!
Steven 2	Can I sing lead this time?
Steven	Well I usually sing lead vocals when I play with Dad.
Steven 2	So do I!
Steven 3	Me too!
Steven 4	Me too, too! We all do! We're all Steven!
Steven	Well, one of us has got to be the band leader...
(All Stevens ponder and "hmmms" at the same time.)
Steven 4	Oh! The leader should be the original Steven!
All Stevens	The one that's been around the longest! *points towards the original Steven* Yeah, alright, that's a good idea.
(A card reading "Steven and the Stevens" then appears again. Steven proceeds to label the other 3 Stevens by writing numbers on their cheeks with a marker.)
Steven	Done and done! Steven 2, you're the smart one, Steven 3, you're the funny one and Steven 4, you're the sensitive one and I'm...
(Steven styles his hair into a pompadour.)
Handsome Steven	...the handsome one! Okay?
Steven 2 & Steven 3	Okay!
Steven 4	Okie-dokie artichoke-y!
Handsome Steven	Steven 4, what are you doing? You're not the funny one, Steven 3 is.
Steven 3	Well, we are all the same person, so we are equally prone to being hilarious.
Handsome Steven	No, no, that was too smart an observation for you, 3! You're the funny one!
Steven 2	Wait, which one am I again?
Handsome Steven	Dang it, Number 2, you're the smart one!
Steven 4	Hey, if Steven is the handsome one, does that mean the rest of us aren't good looking?
Steven 3	No way! We are all extremely attractive!
Steven 2	Let's go get jobs as models!
Handsome Steven	Hey! None of you are the handsome one! I'm the handsome one! (All three other Stevens look down in dejection.) Ah! No I didn't mean! We decided...! Urgh... Let's take five.
All other Stevens	There's a fifth Steven?!
Handsome Steven	*annoyed* No, I mean a five-minute break!
All other Stevens	*giggles* We know!
[Trans. Ext. Beach House]
(Steven leans over the rails of the porch and sighs.)
Handsome Steven	I can't believe it, I'm so annoying. Maybe it's time for me to quit the music business.
(An electric guitar is heard inside the house and Steven goes back inside the house to find the other Stevens playing and singing "Ste-Ste-Ste-Steven" in a metal rock music style.)
Steven 3	Steven! Ste-Ste-Ste Steven! Ste-Ste-Ste Steven! Ste-Ste-Ste Steven! Ste-Ste-Ste-
(Steven covers his ears in annoyance.)
Handsome Steven	Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's all this noise? (The other Stevens stop playing.) I thought we all agreed that Steven and the Stevens was going to be a light-hearted throwback to early rock-n-roll, not this mess of screaming into distortion.
Steven 3	Look, Steven. Steven and I were talking, and Steven agrees. Your attitude: just isn't working for us.
Steven 2	We've been a lot more productive without you.
Steven 4	We already wrote an angsty song about the time you made us feel bad for not being handsome.
Handsome Steven	You're kicking me out of the band?! Wait, who's playing drums?
Steven 4	Amethyst said she would do it.
Amethyst	I'm down for whatever. *twirls a drum stick in her hand*
Handsome Steven	Oh, come on!
(The other Stevens proceed to play and sing "Big Fat Zucchini".)
Steven 3	Steven's a big fat meanie! A big fat meanie zucchini-
(Steven unplugs the socket of their instruments in anger.)
Amethyst	Whoa, dude.
Handsome Steven	Listen up! You can't kick me out of the band! I'm the original Steven! I created you! Steven and the Stevens was my idea! Without me, you'd all be nothing! *gasps* That's it! *begins to laugh maniacally and uses the Hourglass*
All other Stevens	Steven, no!
[Trans. Beach City]
(Steven warps back to the point when he is about to make his first wish.)
Past Steven	I wish I could've been there to tell my dad you were too- Ah-gah!
Handsome Steven	*covers Past Steven's mouth* Don't start the band Steven! It will only tear us apart!
(All other Steven warp back as "Big Fat Zucchini" plays again.)
All other Stevens	Ha-ha! We all have time things!
Handsome Steven	You'll never catch me, you turkeys! Ha! *time-travels away*
All other Stevens	We gotta stop me!
(The three Stevens time-travel away too, leaving Past Steven in shock.)
[Trans. Gem Glow episode]
(Gem Glow Steven buries a Cookie Cat wrapper in the ground and the Gems gather around him, when the four Stevens suddenly appear before them.)
Gem Glow Steven	I'm okay guys, I just... Wha-!?
Handsome Steven	Too far back!
(The other Stevens try to tackle Steven but he warps away. Gem Glow Steven then pukes after witnessing the untimely scene.)
[Trans. Rose's Room episode]
(The four Stevens appear in a room full of pink clouds and start fighting one another, when another group of four Stevens appear, as they tackle down their Handsome Steven. The original Steven warps away and the three Stevens pile onto the other group too, only to warp away too. Rose's Room Steven watches in confusion as he parachutes down from the slide he was on earlier.)
[Trans. Ocean Gem episode]
(Steven and the other Stevens, eight in total now, travel too far into the future and arrive what seems to be a sandy plains, with a cargo ship seen stuck on the ground in the background.)
Handsome Steven	Just take me back to the beginning!
[Trans. Sea Shrine]
(Steven warps back to the beginning, when he first retrieved the Hourglass from the Sea Shrine.)
Beginning Steven	Amethyst gets to keep hers!
Amethyst	*walks past, carrying her chosen hourglass* Darn tootin'!
Beginning Steven	I'm gonna get the one I picked out.
Garnet & Pearl	Steven!
Beginning Steven	*picks up the the Hourglass* My name's Steven-
Handsome Steven	*appears and interrupts* Stop right there! Give me the time thing, Steven.
Beginning Steven	Wait, are you future me?
Handsome Steven	Just hurry up and give it!
(Steven 2 and 3 then appear and knock down Steven. Another Handsome Steven appears behind Beginning Steven.)
Handsome Steven	Don't make me hurt me, Steven.
Beginning Steven	Why do you need it so bad?
Handsome Steven	Just give it to me!
(Handsome Steven begins wrestling with Beginning Steven for the Hourglass. Several other Stevens from alternate timelines begin to appear and fight one another too.)
Handsome Steven	Give it up, Steven! I know everything you're gonna do, before you do it! (He pushes Beginning Steven down and manages to snatch the Hourglass and starts laughing maniacally.) Huh?
(Handsome Steven looks down and notices a frightened Beginning Steven sitting in the water. He then looks around at the chaos of all the Stevens from different timelines fighting each other. A dumbfounded Garnet and Pearl watch on while Amethyst is busy counting the Steven.)
Handsome Steven	STOP IT!!
(All the other Stevens stop fighting and turn towards Handsome Steven.)
Handsome Steven	Look around you! This isn't right! *helps Beginning Steven up* When Steven fights Steven, who is the winner? What have we become?
(All the other Stevens begin to question themselves.)
Handsome Steven	We are not the Stevens we once were. And to fix that, I have to end it! Haaaaa! *smashes Beginning Steven's Hourglass, destroying it*
(Every other Hourglasses in the Stevens' hands also begin to disappear. All the other Stevens then start to scream and disappear into the water, one by one.)
Gem Glow Steven	Steven, please! You gotta— Ahh! *disappears away*
Handsome Steven	Steven! Dad can't play Beach-a-Palooza with you. The boat's fat, you gotta find another way!
Beginning Steven	I don't know what you're talking about!
Handsome Steven	Stay cool forever, Steven. *kisses Beginning Steven's cheek* Arrivederci.
(Handsome Steven then screams and disappears away, leaving behind a dumbfounded Beginning Steven, as water begins to gush in and flood the room in the background.)
[Trans. Ext. Beach City]
(Beginning Steven, now taking the place as the original Steven, performs "Steven and the Crystal Gems" at Beach-a-Palooza with the Gems instead of his father, with several residents of Beach City attending and listening.)
Steven	Can't you see it in our eyes We're the one, we're the— One!
Garnet	Two!
Pearl	Three!
Amethyst	Four!
Steven	We're not like the other guys
Amethyst	We're not like anybody
Steven	By the way, don't go back in time (Ahh) Or you'll destroy yourself (Ahh) Steven and the Crystal Gems We're gonna make you smile (Ah, ah, ahh) I accidentally created An alternate timeline Steven and the Crystal Gems Come on, now, don't be shy (Ah, ah, ahh) I learned to stay true to myself By watching myself die...
(An ending card reading "The End" then appears after Steven finishes the song, ending the episode.)
[END]