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This is a transcribed copy of "Steven and the Stevens". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
Previous: "Joking Victim" Next: "Monster Buddies"
Speaker Dialogue
[Open Int. Sea Shrine]
(The Crystal Gems are exploring the Sea Shrine and looking around a series of hourglasses.)
Steven Hey, how about this one here?
Pearl *walks over to Steven* What one?
Steven This little one. *looks at the smallest hourglass with starry eyes* It's ad-orb-able.
Pearl Steven, the legendary glass of time won't be nearly so small and insignificant. It'll be beautiful and grand. *looks at an big hourglass with an elegant design in excitement* Like this one!
Garnet I think it's this one.
Steven *looks up* Whoa!
Pearl You mean the biggest one? (Garnet, Steven and Pearl looks up at the giant hourglass.) How are we even supposed to get that back to the Warp Pad?
Garnet I can carry it. *cracks her knuckles*
Pearl Wait! We need to be careful which one we touch, you remember what happened last time we were here.
Steven What happened?
Amethyst Hey, guys, I'm making the call. *picks up an oddly-shaped hourglass* And it's this janky one here!
Pearl Amethyst?!
(The Sea Shrine begins to rumble.)
Amethyst Uhhhh... Nope, it wasn't.
(The ceiling of the shrine disappears and water begins to rush in, flooding the place.)
Garnet Look out! *grabs Steven and dodges the water alongside with Pearl* We don't have much time.
Pearl Amethyst, come on!
(Steven runs away from Garnet and Pearl, back towards the hourglasses.)
Garnet Steven?
Pearl Wh-Where do you think you're going?!
Steven Amethyst gets to keep hers!
Amethyst *walks past, carrying her chosen hourglass* Darn tootin'!
Steven I'm gonna get the one I picked out.
Garnet & Pearl Steven!
Steven *picks up the tiny hourglass* My name's Steven! You're gonna live with me. *puts it in his pocket*
Pearl Steven, come on!
Steven *runs towards the Warp Pad* Imma comin'! Imma comin'!
(More water gushes into the shrine, forming a huge wave behind Steven. Pearl starts to panic and Garnet quickly stretches her arm forward.)
Garnet Hang on! *grabs Steven and pulls him in*
Amethyst Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up!
Garnet *brings Steven back to the warp pad* Gotcha!
Pearl Well done, Garnet!
(The huge wave engulfs the Crystal Gems before they warp away.)
[Trans. Int Beach House]
(The Crystal Gems make it back to the Beach House's warp pad, bringing along a huge amount of water from the wave with them. The water soaks the whole room and washes Steven away from the Warp Pad, while the Gems have sea creatures clinging onto them.)
Steven Ha-ha-ha-ha! Hot potato! We're doing that again, right?
Pearl *removes a piece of seaweed from her hair* Unfortunately... we'll have to wait another hundred years for the sea shrine to reform because somebody couldn't keep their hands to themselves. *glares at Amethyst*
Garnet *removes an octopus from her head and turns to Pearl* You have a lobster on your butt.
Pearl Huh? *looks down at her backside* EEEEEEEE!
(Amethyst laughs at Pearl as she screams in shock. A Cookie Cat alarm clock starts to ring and Steven gets excited.)
Steven Beach-a-Palooza!
Amethyst Beach-a-wah-whooza?
Garnet Palooza.
Steven That was a lot of fun you guys. I'll see you later! After you sir. *opens the front door for a crab* Bye-bye!
[Trans. Beach City]
(Steven is humming as he makes his way to It's a Wash. Greg and Yellowtail are seen talking to each other.)
Greg Yep.
Yellowtail *nods* Mmhmm.
Steven *approaches* Dad! Dad, you're ready to rehearse? Whoa!
(Steven then notices Yellowtail's fishing boat, stuck in the car wash.)
Greg Uhhh, we're having a bit of a day.
Steven Is it stuck?
Greg Yeah.
Steven Why does a boat need a car wash?
Yellowtail Hah! Huhuhhuh- *speaks in murmurs and walks towards the boat*
Greg Sorry, buddy, I don't think I can play in the concert tonight. I gotta deal with this.
Steven You're bailing on Beach-a-Palooza? But the whole town's gonna be there!
Greg Steven, that's like 15 people. *ruffles Steven's head* Next time, bud. I promise.
(Greg then walks off and starts talking to Yellowtail on his boat, as Steven turns away.)
Steven Stupid boat getting all stuck. Nobody likes you, boat! I wish I could've been there to tell my dad you were too fat!
(Steven suddenly disappears. He then reappears back at It's a Wash, at the very moment when Greg is about to put the boat in the truck wash.)
Greg That's it. Just back her in. She'll definitely fit.
Steven What the-? *gasps* Dad! Dad!
Greg Hey, schtu-ball! You excited for Beach-a-Palooza?
Steven Dad, Dad, fat, it's fat! Fat, fat fat!
Greg *looks at his own stomach* Rude.
Steven Not you! The boat! The boat!
Greg Whoa, whoa, whoa! Stop!
Yellowtail *stops backing up the truck* Huh?
Greg Nice catch, Steven. *runs off*
Steven *pulls the hourglass out of his pocket and gasps* The thing! You took me back in time, didn't you? Oh, man! Pearl's gonna flip when she finds out you're the real one!
Greg Look, I'm sorry, but the boat's fat.
(Yellowtail gets off his truck and starts arguing in murmurs, when the truck starts rolling away.)
Greg Oh no, your truck!
(The truck crashes into an electric pole, knocking it over and it slams onto the truck. The electric wire then sparks and lights on fire. The fire travels along the wire to the roof of It's a Wash, causing an explosion and setting the whole roof on fire. Everyone screams in panic.)
Greg *runs away* Gotta save the van!
Steven *horrified* I wish I could go back and stop myself from stopping my dad.
(Steven warped away, back to the point when he is about to tell his dad that the boat is too fat.
Greg That's it. Just back her in. She'll definitely fit.
Steven 2 *appears from his first wish* What the-? *gasps* Dad! Dad!
(Steven then suddenly appears and tackles Steven 2 before he could say anything.)
Steven 2 Wha- (Steven shushes him.) Future Steven?
Steven Listen, two-minutes-ago-Steven, we can't go around trying to change time stuff. It just makes things worse.
(Yellowtail's boat gets stuck in the car wash once more.)
Greg Oh, no! How did this happen?
Steven 2 Aw, man! I really wanted to play in Beach-a-Palooza. Too bad you and I can't be in a band.
Steven & Steven 2 Wait a minute!
(Steven and Steven 2 warp back to a point where he is on his way to see his dad and tackle Steven 3 to the ground.)
Steven & Steven 2 Steven!
Steven 3 Mmm... Steven? ... Steven? What's going on?
Steven No time to explain!
Steven 2 Wanna join our band?!
Steven 3 Yes! But didn't Dad say he would play with us?
Steven 2 He had an emergency at the car wash.
Steven 3 We should go help him! *tries to run off*
Steven No! *stops Steven 3* There's nothing we can do! The boat's fat, trust us.
Steven 3 Okay. So who's our fourth? We need a drummer.
Steven 2 Not a problem, Steven!
(Steven and Steven 2 pull out their respective Hourglass from their pockets.)
Steven 3 Hey, it's the time thing!
(The three Stevens warp away.)
[Trans. Int. Beach House]
(Back inside the Beach House, Steven begins to sing "Steven and the Stevens" with three other Stevens in a band.)

Can't you see it in my eyes
I'm the one, I'm the- One!

Steven 2 Two!
Steven 3 Three!
Steven 4 Four!
Steven I'm not like the other guys
Steven 4 (He's not like anybody, well)

That's not completely right
There's a few that I'm just like
Steven and the Stevens
We're gonna make you smile
Me, myself, and I, and him

All Stevens Are all the same guy

Steven and the Stevens
Come on, now, don't be shy
Me, myself-

Steven 2 And I-
Steven 3 And him
Steven 4 (That's me!)
All Stevens Are all the same guy
(A card reading "Steven and the Stevens" then appears after all the Stevens finish the song.)
Steven 2 Hey! Great singing, Steven!
Steven Thanks, Steven!
Steven 2 Can I sing lead this time?
Steven Well I usually sing lead vocals when I play with Dad.
Steven 2 So do I!
Steven 3 Me too!
Steven 4 Me too, too! We all do! We're all Steven!
Steven Well, one of us has got to be the band leader...
(All Stevens ponder and "hmmms" at the same time.)
Steven 4 Oh! The leader should be the original Steven!
All Stevens The one that's been around the longest! *points towards the original Steven* Yeah, alright, that's a good idea.
(A card reading "Steven and the Stevens" then appears again. Steven proceeds to label the other 3 Stevens by writing numbers on their cheeks with a marker.)
Steven Done and done! Steven 2, you're the smart one, Steven 3, you're the funny one and Steven 4, you're the sensitive one and I'm...
(Steven styles his hair into a pompadour.)
Handsome Steven ...the handsome one! Okay?
Steven 2 & Steven 3 Okay!
Steven 4 Okie-dokie artichoke-y!
Handsome Steven Steven 4, what are you doing? You're not the funny one, Steven 3 is.
Steven 3 Well, we are all the same person, so we are equally prone to being hilarious.
Handsome Steven No, no, that was too smart an observation for you, 3! You're the funny one!
Steven 2 Wait, which one am I again?
Handsome Steven Dang it, Number 2, you're the smart one!
Steven 4 Hey, if Steven is the handsome one, does that mean the rest of us aren't good looking?
Steven 3 No way! We are all extremely attractive!
Steven 2 Let's go get jobs as models!
Handsome Steven Hey! None of you are the handsome one! I'm the handsome one! (All three other Stevens look down in dejection.) Ah! No I didn't mean! We decided...! Urgh... Let's take five.
All other Stevens There's a fifth Steven?!
Handsome Steven *annoyed* No, I mean a five-minute break!
All other Stevens *giggles* We know!
[Trans. Ext. Beach House]
(Steven leans over the rails of the porch and sighs.)
Handsome Steven I can't believe it, I'm so annoying. Maybe it's time for me to quit the music business.
(An electric guitar is heard inside the house and Steven goes back inside the house to find the other Stevens playing and singing "Ste-Ste-Ste-Steven" in a metal rock music style.)
Steven 3

Steven! Ste-Ste-Ste Steven!
Ste-Ste-Ste Steven!
Ste-Ste-Ste Steven!

(Steven covers his ears in annoyance.)
Handsome Steven Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's all this noise? (The other Stevens stop playing.) I thought we all agreed that Steven and the Stevens was going to be a light-hearted throwback to early rock-n-roll, not this mess of screaming into distortion.
Steven 3 Look, Steven. Steven and I were talking, and Steven agrees. Your attitude: just isn't working for us.
Steven 2 We've been a lot more productive without you.
Steven 4 We already wrote an angsty song about the time you made us feel bad for not being handsome.
Handsome Steven You're kicking me out of the band?! Wait, who's playing drums?
Steven 4 Amethyst said she would do it.
Amethyst I'm down for whatever. *twirls a drum stick in her hand*
Handsome Steven Oh, come on!
(The other Stevens proceed to play and sing "Big Fat Zucchini".)
Steven 3

Steven's a big fat meanie!
A big fat meanie zucchini-

(Steven unplugs the socket of their instruments in anger.)
Amethyst Whoa, dude.
Handsome Steven Listen up! You can't kick me out of the band! I'm the original Steven! I created you! Steven and the Stevens was my idea! Without me, you'd all be nothing! *gasps* That's it! *begins to laugh maniacally and uses the Hourglass*
All other Stevens Steven, no!
[Trans. Beach City]
(Steven warps back to the point when he is about to make his first wish.)
Past Steven I wish I could've been there to tell my dad you were too- Ah-gah!
Handsome Steven *covers Past Steven's mouth* Don't start the band Steven! It will only tear us apart!
(All other Steven warp back as "Big Fat Zucchini" plays again.)
All other Stevens Ha-ha! We all have time things!
Handsome Steven You'll never catch me, you turkeys! Ha! *time-travels away*
All other Stevens We gotta stop me!
(The three Stevens time-travel away too, leaving Past Steven in shock.)
[Trans. Gem Glow episode]
(Gem Glow Steven buries a Cookie Cat wrapper in the ground and the Gems gather around him, when the four Stevens suddenly appear before them.)
Gem Glow Steven I'm okay guys, I just... Wha-!?
Handsome Steven Too far back!
(The other Stevens try to tackle Steven but he warps away. Gem Glow Steven then pukes after witnessing the untimely scene.)
[Trans. Rose's Room episode]
(The four Stevens appear in a room full of pink clouds and start fighting one another, when another group of four Stevens appear, as they tackle down their Handsome Steven. The original Steven warps away and the three Stevens pile onto the other group too, only to warp away too. Rose's Room Steven watches in confusion as he parachutes down from the slide he was on earlier.)
[Trans. Ocean Gem episode]
(Steven and the other Stevens, eight in total now, travel too far into the future and arrive what seems to be a sandy plains, with a cargo ship seen stuck on the ground in the background.)
Handsome Steven Just take me back to the beginning!
[Trans. Sea Shrine]
(Steven warps back to the beginning, when he first retrieved the Hourglass from the Sea Shrine.)
Beginning Steven Amethyst gets to keep hers!
Amethyst *walks past, carrying her chosen hourglass* Darn tootin'!
Beginning Steven I'm gonna get the one I picked out.
Garnet & Pearl Steven!
Beginning Steven *picks up the the Hourglass* My name's Steven-
Handsome Steven *appears and interrupts* Stop right there! Give me the time thing, Steven.
Beginning Steven Wait, are you future me?
Handsome Steven Just hurry up and give it!
(Steven 2 and 3 then appear and knock down Steven. Another Handsome Steven appears behind Beginning Steven.)
Handsome Steven Don't make me hurt me, Steven.
Beginning Steven Why do you need it so bad?
Handsome Steven Just give it to me!
(Handsome Steven begins wrestling with Beginning Steven for the Hourglass. Several other Stevens from alternate timelines begin to appear and fight one another too.)
Handsome Steven Give it up, Steven! I know everything you're gonna do, before you do it! (He pushes Beginning Steven down and manages to snatch the Hourglass and starts laughing maniacally.) Huh?
(Handsome Steven looks down and notices a frightened Beginning Steven sitting in the water. He then looks around at the chaos of all the Stevens from different timelines fighting each other. A dumbfounded Garnet and Pearl watch on while Amethyst is busy counting the Steven.)
Handsome Steven STOP IT!!
(All the other Stevens stop fighting and turn towards Handsome Steven.)
Handsome Steven Look around you! This isn't right! *helps Beginning Steven up* When Steven fights Steven, who is the winner? What have we become?
(All the other Stevens begin to question themselves.)
Handsome Steven We are not the Stevens we once were. And to fix that, I have to end it! Haaaaa! *smashes Beginning Steven's Hourglass, destroying it*
(Every other Hourglasses in the Stevens' hands also begin to disappear. All the other Stevens then start to scream and disappear into the water, one by one.)
Gem Glow Steven Steven, please! You gotta— Ahh! *disappears away*
Handsome Steven Steven! Dad can't play Beach-a-Palooza with you. The boat's fat, you gotta find another way!
Beginning Steven I don't know what you're talking about!
Handsome Steven Stay cool forever, Steven. *kisses Beginning Steven's cheek* Arrivederci.
(Handsome Steven then screams and disappears away, leaving behind a dumbfounded Beginning Steven, as water begins to gush in and flood the room in the background.)
[Trans. Ext. Beach City]
(Beginning Steven, now taking the place as the original Steven, performs "Steven and the Crystal Gems" at Beach-a-Palooza with the Gems instead of his father, with several residents of Beach City attending and listening.)

Can't you see it in our eyes
We're the one, we're the— One!

Garnet Two!
Pearl Three!
Amethyst Four!
Steven We're not like the other guys
Amethyst We're not like anybody

By the way, don't go back in time (Ahh)
Or you'll destroy yourself (Ahh)
Steven and the Crystal Gems
We're gonna make you smile (Ah, ah, ahh)
I accidentally created
An alternate timeline
Steven and the Crystal Gems
Come on, now, don't be shy (Ah, ah, ahh)
I learned to stay true to myself
By watching myself die...

(An ending card reading "The End" then appears after Steven finishes the song, ending the episode.)

ve Transcripts
Pilot Pilot
Season 1 A: Gem GlowLaser Light CannonCheeseburger BackpackTogether BreakfastFryboCat FingersBubble BuddiesSerious StevenTiger MillionaireSteven's LionArcade ManiaGiant WomanSo Many BirthdaysLars and the Cool KidsOnion TradeSteven the Sword FighterLion 2: The MovieBeach PartyRose's RoomCoach StevenJoking VictimSteven and the StevensMonster BuddiesAn Indirect KissMirror Gem/Ocean Gem

B: House GuestSpace RaceSecret TeamIsland AdventureKeep Beach City WeirdFusion CuisineGarnet's UniverseWatermelon StevenLion 3: Straight to VideoWarp TourAlone TogetherThe TestFuture VisionOn the RunHorror ClubWinter ForecastMaximum CapacityMarble MadnessRose's ScabbardOpen BookShirt ClubStory for StevenThe MessagePolitical PowerThe Return/Jail Break

Season 2 Full DisclosureJoy RideSay UncleLove LettersReformedSworn to the SwordRising Tides, Crashing SkiesKeeping It TogetherWe Need to TalkChille TidCry for HelpKeystone MotelOnion FriendHistorical FrictionFriend ShipNightmare HospitalSadie's SongCatch and ReleaseWhen It RainsBack to the BarnToo FarThe AnswerSteven's BirthdayIt Could've Been GreatMessage ReceivedLog Date 7 15 2
Season 3 Super Watermelon Island/Gem DrillSame Old WorldBarn MatesHit the DiamondSteven FloatsDrop Beat DadMr. GregToo Short to RideThe New LarsBeach City DriftRestaurant WarsKiki's Pizza Delivery ServiceMonster ReunionAlone at SeaGreg the BabysitterGem HuntCrack the WhipSteven vs. AmethystBismuthBetaEarthlingsBack to the MoonBubbled
Season 4 The Kindergarten KidKnow Your FusionBuddy's BookMindful EducationFuture Boy ZoltronLast One Out of Beach CityOnion GangGem HarvestThree Gems and a BabySteven's DreamAdventures in Light DistortionGem HeistThe ZooThat Will Be AllThe New Crystal GemsStorm in the RoomRocknaldoTiger PhilanthropistRoom for RubyLion 4: Alternate EndingDoug OutThe Good LarsAre You My Dad?I Am My Mom
Season 5 Stuck TogetherThe TrialOff ColorsLars' HeadDewey WinsGemcationRaising the BarnBack to the KindergartenSadie KillerKevin PartyLars of the StarsJungle MoonYour Mother and MineThe Big ShowPool HoppingLetters to LarsCan't Go BackA Single Pale RoseNow We're Only Falling ApartWhat's Your Problem?The QuestionMade of HonorReunitedLegs From Here to HomeworldFamiliarTogether AloneEscapismChange Your Mind
Film Steven Universe: The Movie
Future Little HomeschoolGuidanceRose BudsVolleyballBluebirdA Very Special EpisodeSnow DayWhy So Blue?Little GraduationPrickly PairIn DreamsBismuth CasualTogether ForeverGrowing PainsMr. UniverseFragmentsHomeworld BoundEverything's FineI Am My MonsterThe Future
Shorts Lion Loves to Fit in a BoxThe Classroom Gems: What Are Gems?We Are the Crystal GemsThe Classroom Gems: How Are Gems Made?UnboxingThe Classroom Gems: FusionCooking with LionGem KaraokeSteven ReactsVideo ChatSteven's Song Time
Other We Deserve to ShineCrossover Nexus