The Test/Transcript

This is a transcribed copy of "The Test". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.

Previous: "Alone Together"

Next: "Future Vision"

Speaker	Dialogue
[Open Int. Beach House]
(Rain water drips from a hole in the ceiling, crudely mended with a few planks nailed into it, into a pot. Lion is seen napping nearby while the Crystal Gems are playing a board game.)
Steven	Ooh hoo! You've got freezer burn, Pearl! Looks like you lose all your fish sticks.
Pearl	What? I needed those for my bachelor meal combo. Now I can't ring the dinner bell. *pulls out a very long list of game rules and reads it* These rules make no sense.
Steven	The game of "Citchen Calamity" may be played for fun, but the hunger is real!
Amethyst	*starts laughing* Tough break, Pearl. *picks up a game card and reads it* "The sponge in your sink is covered in mold." But I can still eat it, right?
Steven	No, no, that means that you lose two turns.
Amethyst	That's baloney!
Pearl	*still reading the rules list, looks at Amethyst in surprise* What? You have a "bologna" card?
Steven	Garnet, your move.
Garnet	*picks up a different game card and reads it* "I'm now the owner of the "Golden Can Opener"". Yesssss!
Steven	Now you can check your soups for the alphabet bonus.
Pearl	Who wrote this game?
Steven	My turn! *reads another game card and gasps* I've gotta roll the dice to escape the eggquake! *presses the game blender which rolls game dices* C'mon, papa needs a new skillet! (The dices emerge from underneath the blender, both displaying an "egg" face.) Yeah! Double sunnies! I did it! *moves his player piece across the game board* I win! Yeah! This Citchen Calamity has been cleaned up! Woohoo! *laughs*
Amethyst	I don't get it, but nice job. *starts clapping*
Pearl	Yes, well done. *claps as well* That was very, very complicated.
Garnet	Well played. *pets Steven*
Steven	*giggles and blushes* So, what do you want to play next? *walks to a closet*
Pearl	There are more?
Steven	*looks through the closet* Oh sure. I got "Polly Polly", "Toppler", "Conquerors of Eldermore", "Not That Sorry", "Don't Wake Father Figure", and "Non-Invasive Operation". I think that one's missing a couple organs. I also have checkers, if you want to take tur- (The Moon Goddess Statue rolls out of the closet.) The Sea Spire statue...
Amethyst	*scoffs and laughs* Oh, so that's where you left it. (Pearl looks at her annoyed.)
Steven	I... forgot I still had this. *picks it up and looks at it in guilt* I... I'm really sorry I forgot it on our mission that time.
Pearl	Oh, Steven.
Steven	If I had just remembered to pack it, then maybe the Sea Spire would still be around. But now it's gone forever, 'cause of me.
Amethyst	Well yeah, but... Don't worry about it, 'kay?
Garnet	You did your best on that mission, and that's what counts.
Steven	But the Sea Spire. It was a special, important, Gem... place!
Pearl	*walks to Steven and kneels down* Oh, Steven, no, no, no. If the Spire had been crucial, we wouldn't have used it as a test for you. It's fine, really.
Steven	*skeptical* "Test"? What do you mean, "test"?
(Garnet and Amethyst glance at each other, and Pearl gets worried. Thunder is heard outside.)
Pearl	Uhh... Well it wasn't really a "test", per se. Not in the traditional sense. We just wanted to see if you were ready to go on missions.
Steven	... That's exactly what a test is!
Pearl	*gets nervous* Euuuugghhhhh...
Garnet	Steven, it wasn't something we planned behind your back. We just saw an opportunity and...
Steven	*gasps* And I failed it... I failed the test.
Amethyst	No way, you got at least a 50%.
Pearl	Oh, and you had that raft so we didn't have to swim home, that's a solid 75, not failing at all! Besides, that Spire was in much worse shape than we thought. It should have been even easier.
Steven	I failed an easy test?!
Amethyst	*glares at Pearl, unimpressed* Nice one.
Garnet	*gets up and groans at Pearl* Hmmm!
Pearl	That's not what I meant! I—
Steven	No. I need another test! A hard one! *gets excited*
Pearl	*exchanges glares with Amethyst* But Steven. You've come so far-
Steven	Let me prove it. *gets hyped* Test me! Test me!
(Pearl and Amethyst look at Garnet.)
[Trans. Ext. Crystal Temple]
(The Crystal Gems stand before the Temple Gate.)
Pearl	Alright, Steven. We've adjusted the metaphysical properties of the temple to create a customized dungeon for you. *projects a hologram of the dungeon* Now, just beyond here are three chambers designed by each of us to simulate the challenges of a mission. Should you succeed, you will unlock the final door, where we will be waiting for you.
Steven	Alright! That's more like it!
Garnet	*places her hand on Steven's shoulder* Steven, this won't be easy. Be careful in there.
Steven	Right. I won't let you down this time.
Pearl	That's the spirit!
Amethyst	Yeaaah! Get amped, Steven!
Steven	I'm ready.
(The Gems open the Temple Gate and Steven walks into a dark hallway.)
Amethyst	Good luck! You're gonna need ittttt!
(The Temple Gate closes, separating Steven from the Gems and leaving him in the darkness.)
[Trans Int. Amethyst's Chamber]
(Purple torches then lit up, dispelling the darkness, and reveals a long stone ramp with deep pits on both sides before Steven.)
Steven	Num-ero uno. I wonder if Amethyst made this one. (Bars suddenly raise and block the entrance behind Steven, and he looks up and see an Amethyst statue at the top of the ramp.) Definitely Amethyst.
(Steven walks across the ramp, when a giant boulder emerges from the mouth of the Amethyst statue and rolls towards Steven. Steven starts running away from the approaching boulder, and sees a door on a ledge across a gaping pit.)
Steven	The door!
(Steven leaps off the ramp and grabs onto a vine hanging above the pit. The giant boulder barely misses him as he swings across the pit and over to the ledge, and touches the door. The door then starts to foam out towards Steven.
Steven	Whoa? *backs off a bit, but remembers the pit behind him* Uh-oh! Uhh...
(The door pops, releasing star-shaped balloons and confetti, as a fanfare plays.)
Steven	Oh. *chuckles* Yeah! *laughs*
(Steven approaches through the door into the second chamber.)
[Trans. Int. Pearl's Chamber]
(Bars block the entrance behind Steven again, and he sees a door high up on the wall across the room.)
Steven	How do I get up there?
(A short music score starts to play, and certain tiles on the floor glow to each note.)
Steven	Huh?
(The music score plays again, and another series of tiles glows this time.)
Steven	Hmmm... Oh! A music puzzle. Must be Pearl's room. Only she would make me think. Okay, let's see. Ummm... *steps on a tile* Bing. *jumps to another* Bing. *jumps to the last two* Bing, bing. ...Did that do it?
(A chime is heard and the tiles in front of Steven raise, forming stairs to the door.))
Steven	*laughs and climbs the stairs* Easy! (A pendulum blade suddenly swings past behind him.) Not easy! Aaaaah!
(Steven quickly runs up the stairs, avoiding several pendulum blades. He barely dodges the last pendulum blade and reaches the door. The door then bursts into star-shaped balloons and confetti while the fanfare plays again.))
Steven	Woo-hoooo! That was close. *panting* That was... really close.
[Trans. Int. Garnet's Chamber]
(Steven steps into the final chamber and bars once again block the entrance. Smoke emanates from his flip-flops as they sizzle on the hot floor.))
Steven	Alright, let's see what we've got.
(Steven can see a door straight ahead, separated by a lava pit, connected by a narrow bridge between them. A wall of fire then shoots up from one of the cracks in the bridge.)
Steven	Looks like Garnet... turned up the heat. *chuckles at his own pun* Nice one, Steven.
(Steven starts to advance, when another fire wall shoots through another crack. He then avoid several other fire walls on the bridge, quickly reaching the other side. He starts walking confidently towards the door, when spikes suddenly fall from the ceiling above Steven.)
Steven	Ah? *cowers* Aaaaahhh!!... Huh?
(The spikes stop short just above Steven's head, before retracting back to the ceiling. Steven steps away from the spikes and they repeatedly pound hit the ground. Steven then sticks his arm out, the spikes stop just above his arm and retract again.)
Steven	What?
(Steven backs a bit more over a crack on the bridge, when it starts to glow. A fire wall then shoots up from the crack, but it goes around Steven. He then sticks his arm into the fire wall and finds that it is missing him on purpose.)
Steven	Oh no. It can't be true!
(Steven looks at the door that leads out of the chamber, and at the door from the previous chamber, now opened, and ponders.)
[Trans. Int. Pearl's Chamber]
(Steven returns back to Pearl's room and sticks his whole body at a pendulum blade. It swings by and Steven finds that it completely phases through him.)
Steven	Whaaattt!?
(Steven starts tapping two floor tiles together, finding it plays the same music score and activates the stairs. He then taps on just one tile, and the stairs still activate.)
Steven	It didn't even matter!?
[Trans. Int. Amethyst's Chamber]
(Steven returns back to Amethyst's chamber, forgetting about the pit in the room, but quickly finds himself standing on invisible ground over the pit.)
Steven	This too!?
(Steven walks back to the ramp and the giant boulder starts rolling towards him again. He stands his ground as the boulder approaches, and it stops just in front him.)
Steven	Everything's riiiiigged!
(Steven starts yelling as he walks up the ramp, pushing the ball back into the mouth of the Amethyst statue.)
[Trans. Ext. Test Dungeon]
(Steven then finds him outside the test dungeon, standing atop a big rectangular prism over a black void. He sees all the fake traps as he walks around, examining the setup.)
Steven	I... can't believe it. Ugghhh! "It won't be easy. Good luck, you're gonna need it." How am I supposed to prove myself if you guys keep—
(Steven suddenly hear the Gems talking and walks to the edge of the prism. He then see them standing at a platform, with a large bouquet of star-shaped balloons and a banner reading "Congratulations".)
Amethyst	What's taking him so long?
Pearl	I didn't think mine was very difficult. Do you think he hurt himself?
Garnet	There's no way. It's impossible for him to fail.
Amethyst	Ugggh. So what's the point?
Pearl	The point is that he's come so far. He can make Rose's bubble! And he's pulled out Rose's shield twice. But he's lost his healing powers. We have to give him another "success". He can't lose his confidence like that again.
(There is a brief silence between the Gems.)
Amethyst	...We're bad at this.
Pearl	What?!
Amethyst	Yeah! You can't control him, and he shouldn't be taking advice from me, and we don't have Rose to tell us what to do!
Pearl	But he needs us to show him how to be a Gem!
Garnet	Steven is not just a Gem. There's never been anything or anyone like Steven. We don't know what he needs.
(Steven is surprised by what the Gems said about him. He then decides to reenter the test dungeon. He walks confidently through the three chambers, unfazed by the fake obstacles, towards the final door. He pushes it open to a dark doorway. A pathway lights up, and the Gems start clapping as fireworks set up upon Steven's arrival.)
Garnet	Congratulations.
Pearl	Congratulations, Steven!
Amethyst	Yeaaah, congrats little man! Woop, woop, woop! Woop.
(Steven, looking down, walks up to the Gems and kneel down before them.)
Pearl	Thank goodness you made it! How did it... go?
Steven	*seemingly angry* I can't believe you guys. That was so... *happily* ...insane!
(The Gems look at each other in relief.)
Steven	Where do I even begin? Man, you should have seen me. That boulder was coming at me and I just jumped for it. And then the tiles were going like "Bing, bong, bing" and I was like "I see what's going on here". And I thought there's no way I could have been ready for all that fire and lava and spikes but I did it! I really... did it. I... You guys are the best. Thank you so much for doing this for me. This was just what I needed.
Pearl	Oh, Steven.
Amethyst	Aw, shucks, guy.
Garnet	Mmmm.
(The Gems all step forth one by one to hug Steven together.)
Pearl	I'm so proud of you.
Amethyst	Yeah, you da man!
Garnet	I knew you could do it.
(Steven smiles and embraces the Gems tightly, as the star iris zooms in on his content face, ending the episode.)
[END]