| Speaker
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Dialogue
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| [Open Int. Crystal Temple]
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| (The Crystal Gems warp back onto the Crystal Temple Warp Pad. Pearl is scolding Amethyst for her recklessness.)
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| Pearl
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How could you possibly think punching a blood polyp was a good idea? Look at all the gunk you got on me! *flicks away a small piece of gunk on her arm* And look at Steven!
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| Steven
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*is covered in thick gunk except for his face* It's not so bad once you get used to it.
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| Amethyst
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See? He likes it.
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| Pearl
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He certainly won't like it when it hardens.
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| Steven
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*starts to worry* Uhh, what? Umm, I'm gonna go wash. *waddles away*
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| Pearl
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*off-screen* He shouldn't have been so close in the first place.
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| (Steven waddles towards the fridge, when the gunk hardens him in place.)
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| Amethyst
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How was I supposed to know they pop?
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| Steven
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Uh, guys?
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| Pearl
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You're always putting us in danger with your little outbursts! (Amethyst puts her fingers in her ears and sticks out her tongue playfully.) Ugh, you are just... so... CHILDISH!
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| Amethyst
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Yeah, yeah. And don't forget "reckless", "vulgar", "loud mouth". *yells* And that's just what makes me so awesome! *to Garnet* Right, Garnet?!
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| Garnet
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*shifts her visor* Amethyst, you are a Crystal Gem. You need to act like it. (Pearl crosses her arms.)
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| Amethyst
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*turns around* Fine.
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| (The Temple Gate activates, but Amethyst walks into her room.)
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| Pearl
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smiles* I think we really got through to her!
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| Garnet
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*groans*
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| Pearl
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Right, Garnet?
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| (Garnet and Pearl both leave the house, ignoring Steven.)
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| Steven
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*still trapped* Guys?
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| [Time Skip-nighttime]
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| (Steven is fast asleep in the hardened shell of the gunk. The Temple Gate opens, waking Steven up. Amethyst rushes out of the door wearing a cape and leaves the house. Steven falls over and the mold shatters, freeing him.)
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| Steven
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Amethyst?
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| (Steven follows Amethyst, shapeshifting as she runs, to a warehouse.)
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| [Trans. Int. Abandoned Warehouse]
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| (Steven peeks through a window of the warehouse. Mr. Smiley is seen emceeing a wrestling tournament, while Amethyst reveals herself as a wrestler in the center of the ring.)
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| Mr. Smiley
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For those of you befuddled by the events of athleticism, you are about to see the Purple Puma, raah, is the single most hated wrestler in Beach City Underground's...HISTORY!
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| (The audience collectively boos while Purple Puma basks in pride.)
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| Steven
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*whispering* What!?
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| Mr. Smiley
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Alright ladies and gentlemen, let's introduce his opponent, or should I say victim, hahaha, the Loch Ness Bloggster!
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| Ronaldo
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*dressed as the Loch Ness Bloggster* I'm... *chuckles nervously* ...going to end your reign of terror! Gaah! *charges at him and almost immediately gets knocked out with a block*
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| Mr. Smiley
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*laughs* Well, now, now that was quick. (Purple Puma steps on Loch Ness Bloggster while the audience boos.) Yeah, yeah, I don't like it either, but hey, what do you do? (Purple Puma lifts Loch Ness Bloggster up and tosses him at the audience.)
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| [Trans. Ext. Abandoned Warehouse]
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| (Purple Puma bursts through the warehouse back doors, roars in victory and shapeshifts back to Amethyst. She sighs, when Steven suddenly grapples her from behind.)
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| Steven
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Amethyst!
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| (Amethyst, startled, flips Steven onto his back.)
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| Amethyst
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*shocked* What are you doing here?
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| Steven
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*starry-eyes* Are you a secret wrestler?
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| Amethyst
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Yeah.
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| Steven
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*gasps excitedly and gets up* But how? But when? But why?
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| Amethyst
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Come here. Let me explain something to you. (Steven shuffles towards Amethyst and she wraps his arm around him.) In the ring, NOBODY can tell me what to do! And if they try, I HIT 'EM IN THE FACE WITH A CHAIR!
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| Steven
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And people... like that?
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| Amethyst
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"Like it"? They love it! Ha! Well, they hate it, but it's all part of the fun, you know? E-Everyone here gets that. Urggh! You don't know what it's like having Pearl and Garnet on your back all the time!
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| Steven
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Are you kidding me?! *impersonates Pearl* "Oh, Steven, I told you before not to take peanut butter on missions." *impersonates Garnet* "I'm not going to say anything, but I expect you to understand that was wrong."
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| Amethyst
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*chuckles*
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| Steven
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Let me be a wrestler with you! I'm so stifled!
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| Amethyst
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*thinks for a moment* Well, I haven't won the tag team belt yet... but you can't tell Pearl and Garnet.
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| Steven
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Deal!
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| [Trans. Int. Beach House]
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| (Steven grabs various props inside his house, such as a collared shirt, a tie, suspenders, and a small tiger mask. He puts on the props and slicks back his hair with Margarine. Amethyst is napping on the couch when Steven bursts in and wakes her up.)
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| Steven
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Are you ready! Presenting Tiger Millionaire! Rich feline industrialist from Jungle Island, once the single child of the wealthy Tiger Family, he clawed out his own destiny, making money in the coconut mines-
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| Amethyst
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*interrupts his imagination* Wow! You just came up with all that?
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| Steven
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Well, yeah. What's your backstory?
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| Amethyst
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Pumas are cool.
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| Steven
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Uhh... We'll workshop that later.
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| [Trans. Int. Abandoned Warehouse]
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| Mr. Smiley
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Two local heroes in the ring tonight, they build hospitals for the sick, and they build muscles that look slick! Give it up for.... Concrete Heat and Chunk Truck! Facing off against the Purple Puma and our newest, mewest competitor, Tiger Millionaire!
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| (Again, the audience boos.)
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| Lars
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*in the audience with Sadie* That little guy's gonna get creamed.
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| Sadie
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*eating popcorn* From here, he kinda looks like Steven.
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| Lars
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Pfft! Yeah right!
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| (Tiger Millionaire tries to step into the ring, when Purple Puma halts him.)
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| Amethyst
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Steven, wait! I'm just using you to get the tag team belt, I'll do all the actual fighting.
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| Steven
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Do I still get to wear the costume?
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| Amethyst
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I don't care!
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| Steven
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OK! *gives Purple Puma a thumbs-up*
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| (The bell rings, starting the fight. Purple Puma roars and charges at Chunk Trunk, knocking him away. The audience boos while Concrete Heat sneaks up behind Purple Puma.)
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| Mr. Smiley
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Oh! Devastating move by Puma!
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| Steven
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Uhhh... Purple! Purple Puma! Look out!
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| (Concrete Heat shoves a traffic cone onto Purple Puma's head, blinding him. The audience cheers.)
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| Mr. Smiley
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What a gross usage of safety equipment, and your tax dollars.
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| Steven
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That's not fair...!
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| Mr. Smiley
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It may not SEEM fair, but hey, anything goes in wrestling.
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| Steven
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It does?!
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| Mr. Smiley
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Oh yes, it does!
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| Steven
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Looks like this Tiger's gotta turn cheetah! Hey, Chunk Truck! I'll give you a million jungle bucks to throw the match!
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| Mr. Smiley
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What's this? It looks like Tiger Millionaire is offering a bribe!
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| Chunk Truck
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Why, we could fill a thousand potholes with-
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| (Tiger Millionaire opens his briefcase, smacking Chunk Truck under his chin.)
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| Lars
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*surprised* Oh, snap! Did you see that?!
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| (Purple Puma pulls the traffic cone off his head and body-slams onto Chunk Truck.)
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| Mr. Smiley
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Ohh! I mean... just... wow!
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| Amethyst
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Way to go, Tiger!
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| (Purple Puma grabs Tiger Millionaire's hand and raises it in triumph, the audience boos away.)
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| (A montage of Purple Puma and Tiger Millionaire winning several more wrestling matches is shown, mostly by playing dirty, all while Pearl and Garnet are slowly finding pieces of Steven's props. In one match, Tiger Millionaire throws his tie into the audience, which Lars catches and cheers in delight, as opposed to the audience booing and throwing trash at Tiger Millionaire.)
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| Mr. Smiley
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*sweating* Record breaking heat tonight folks! Could it be? Tiger Millionaire has bought out our soda stand. Maybe he'll share with his thirsty fans- Ohh! (Tiger Millionaire drops the soda he is carrying all over the ground.) Now there's no sodas for anybody. Wha- And now he's putting on galoshes? (Steven stomps in the puddle while the audience boos away.) Wow, folks, this is really hard to watch.
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| Lars
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*laughing in joy* Classic! Tiger! Hey, Tiger! *holds up his soda cup* Would you sign this? It'd be so rad!
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| Steven
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You couldn't afford it!
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| (Tiger Millionaire smacks Lars' soda off his hand. Lars looks crushed and blushes in embarrassment. He stomps away and throws Tiger Millionaire's tie on the ground.)
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| Mr. Smiley
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Whoa... Never thought I'd live to see the day when a contender turned down his own fans.
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| Steven
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I thought we were just having fun!
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| Mr. Smiley
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Tiger Millionaire, you're the cruelest creature on the planet!
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| (The crowd jeers and boos at Tiger Millionaire.)
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| [Trans. Int. Steven's house]
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| (Steven, in just his underwear, is looking at his tiger mask, visibly upset and in guilt.)
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| Amethyst
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Hey, Tiger! Are ya ready to win our final match?
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| Steven
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Amethyst, am I the cruelest creature on the planet?
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| Amethyst
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*chuckles* Oh, Steven! Those are just words people use to describe how they feel about you. (Steven grows more upset.) Listen, Steven, you can't let anyone make you feel like garbage.
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| Steven
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Is that how you feel?
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| Amethyst
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I only feel how I wanna feel. *storms off*
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| [Trans. Int. Abandoned Warehouse]
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| Mr. Smiley
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Ladies and gentlemen, fans of wrestling, welcome to the tag team championship! In the ring tonight... They stomped their way through the tournament and into out hearts, give it up y'all! Give it up! For Dashing Danny Doober and Handsome Hank Hackleschmidt! (The audience cheers loudly.) Only one thing would make these men look better folks, it's the tag team belt! But! Standing in their way are the ruthless kings of the jungle, they'll eat your kids and fire your parents! Ooh! Yes, it can only be... the Purple Puma and Tiger Millionaire! (Severe booing comes from the audience, while Tiger Millionaire is visibly saddened.)
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| Random Man
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Don't you dare hurt those men, you monsters!
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| Sadie
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Man, people are really hating on Tiger M!
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| Lars
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He's awful because he hurt me specifically! *holding up a sign reading "TIGER IS A JERK!"*
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| (Purple Puma steps into the ring, when suddenly, all the lights turn on, and Pearl and Garnet jump in.)
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| Steven
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Pearl? Uh, Garnet?
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| Amethyst
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What are you doing?!
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| Pearl
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What are we doing? What is this?! *holds up a drawing of Purple Puma and Tiger Millionaire*
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| Steven
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I thought we could use some promotion. (Purple Puma glares at Tiger Millionaire angrily.)
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| Mr. Smiley
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Looks like we have some new opponents!
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| Pearl
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No, you don't! *shoves Mr. Smiley and turns to the audience* This match is cancelled!
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| Steven
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What? Why?
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| Pearl
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*incredulously* "Why"?! I can't believe you've been sneaking off to this... this circus of... violence! *turns to Amethyst* And you! *whispers* Using your Gem powers on humans?!
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| Amethyst
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It's not enough that you're on my case all the time, you have to ruin this for me too?!
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| Pearl
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We're not here to fight!
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| (The audience starts chanting "Fight!".)
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| Garnet
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Steven. Amethyst.
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| Amethyst
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What?!
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| Garnet
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Go back to the temple.
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| Amethyst
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I don't wanna! *shoves Garnet*
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| (Everyone gasps.)
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| Garnet
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Don't do this.
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| (Garnet summons her gauntlets and is locked in a fist fight with Purple Puma.)
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| Steven
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Guys, stop!
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| (The fight shakes the whole ring and a microphone rolls towards Tiger Millionaire. He picks it up and runs towards Garnet and Purple Puma.)
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| Steven
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*into the microphone* Wait! I want to tell you Purple Puma's backstory. He was the wildest cat in the jungle, so wild, the other cats couldn't take it. So she, I mean he, went to look for somewhere he fit in, somewhere with other people who felt misunderstood.
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| Sadie
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That really sounds like Steven.
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| Lars
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Shh!
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| Steven
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That's why we're all here. To be wild and free, and body slam each other, and wear cool costumes, and make up nicknames and uh... so can't we just have this? Can't we just wrestle?
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| (Garnet walks over and takes the microphone.)
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| Garnet
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No!
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| (Everyone gasps.)
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| Garnet
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Because we are... the Notorious O-Order of... Wrestling Haters.
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| Pearl
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That's right! Um... *takes over the microphone* We wanna stop all wrestling everywhere! Are you going to let us destroy all wrestling? *laughs nervously* Hee-huh?
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| Lars
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You gotta save wrestling! Come on! *holds up a renewed sign reading "TIGER IS NOT A JERK"* Tiger! Puma! Tiger! Puma!
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| (The audience starts chanting "Tiger! Puma!".)
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| Steven
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We'll stop you!
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| Mr. Smiley
|
What a stunning turn around! The Jungle Duo are fighting back! (Tiger Millionaire and Purple Puma faux-fight Pearl and Garnet, seemingly knocking them out.) And they've taken down Captain Square, but wait wait, it's the... it's the Good Looking Gang with a ladder! Are they planning to steal the belt? No! Oh, they're actually helping Tiger up! He's climbing and- (Mr. Smiley's words slowly fade into the background.)
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| Amethyst
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*kneels beside Garnet, who is lying on the floor* Sorry for... uh... sorry.
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| Garnet
|
Same here.
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| Mr. Smiley
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Tiger Millionaire has claimed the Tag Team Belts! Tiger and Puma have won the championship! ... And saved wrestling!
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| Sadie
|
Lars, I'm really confused. *claps slowly*
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| Lars
|
I love you, Tiger Millionaire. *sheds a tear*
|
| (The star iris zooms in on Lars' tear, ending the episode.)
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| [END]
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