| Speaker
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Dialogue
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| [Open Ext. the Barn]
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| (Peridot is seen holding a tape recorder and speaking into it, using it to record all of her logs ever since her limb enhancers were thrown off the Galaxy Warp.)
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| Peridot
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Log date 7-11-2. It's the third rotation of the Earth since commencements of a... *inhales deeply* ...collaborative approach to stopping The Cluster.
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| Pearl
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I've finished drawing out the blueprints for the drill head. Peridot, if you could come take a look at this.
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| (Peridot stops recording on her recorder.)
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| Peridot
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Remind me again why I should listen to you? Oh, right.
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| (Peridot rewinds her tape recorder.)
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| Tape Recorder (Peridot)
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"...The Pearl here has exhibited an aptitude for engineering that I begrudgingly respect, though that doesn't explain the spontaneous singing, crying, singing while crying."
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| (Amethyst snickers.)
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| Pearl
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Why did you give her that?
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| Steven
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Well, we did destroy all her stuff. I thought it might make her feel a little better.
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| Tape Recorder (Peridot)
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"Clods!" *fast-forwards* "Muddy clods!" *fast-forwards* "-running out of ways to say "clods"!"
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| Garnet
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Alright, I chased away those cows, let's get to work.
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| Peridot
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*clears her throat* Before we begin... would you mind un-fusing? It's making me incredibly uncomfortable.
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| (Everyone breaks into an uncomfortable silence as Steven, Amethyst, and Pearl look at Garnet. Garnet then ties Peridot to a fence with a child leash and leaves her be.)
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| Peridot
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What?! ... what'd I say?!
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| Steven
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Do we really have to do that?
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| Garnet
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Her having free reign of the place made me incredibly uncomfortable.
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| (Peridot then attempts to reach for a nearby microwave, but the leash holds her back, forcing her to struggle to reach it. Meanwhile, Steven and Amethyst brings a bunch of spare parts to Pearl, who is cutting a turbine with a blowtorch.)
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| Steven
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Here you go, Pearl!
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| Pearl
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Oh, good. Hmm... *inspects the parts* No... No, no, no, no, I said I needed tungsten. Tungsten?
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| Steven
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Uh... what does "tungsten" look like?
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| Amethyst
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"Tongue-sten". *sticks out her tongue* Ahh.
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| Pearl
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Ugh... Never mind. I'll just do it. *walks off annoyed*
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| Amethyst
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*shrugs with her tongue still out* Meh..
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| Peridot
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*grunting while working with the microwave* I just need some sort of leverage optimizer.
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| Amethyst
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"Leverage optimizer"?
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| Peridot
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That's what I said.
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| Amethyst
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Ooooh! Ha, you mean you want a screwdriver? *laughs*
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| Peridot
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Do you have one or not?
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| Steven
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Uh.... why don't you just use this one? *picks up a nearby screwdriver on the ground and hands it to Peridot*
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| Peridot
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Because it was outside my radius. *grabs the screwdriver*
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| Amethyst
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He-hey, hey Peridot, what do you call this? *points at her nose*
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| Peridot
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A scent sponge.
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| Steven
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Huh?
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| (Amethyst laughs, while Steven looks at and touches his own nose.)
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| Amethyst
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Okay, what's this? *holds open one of her eyes*
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| Peridot
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Vision sphere.
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| Steven
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Peridot, that's-
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| Amethyst
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Wait, wait, Steven. Peridot, these? *wiggles her fingers*
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| Peridot
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*annoyed* Touch stumps.
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| Amethyst
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This!? *points at her foot*
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| Peridot
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*angered* Gravity connectors!
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| Amethyst
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This!? *points at her butt*
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| Peridot
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THAT'S YOUR BUTT!
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| (Steven and Amethyst both laugh hysterically.)
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| Steven
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Oh man, Peridot, you're killing me! *slaps the top of the microwave*
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| Peridot
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I am not! That would violate our truce agreement!
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| Amethyst
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No, no, no- You're funny!
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| Peridot
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"Funny"?
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| Pearl
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Peridot, if you can get the magnetron out of that microwave, we'll have everything we need... except for the drill head.
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| Peridot
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Why don't I just get an Injectors drill head from the Kindergarten?
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| Pearl
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...Oh, well, I guess that's something you could try.
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| Garnet
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She's not going to the Kindergarten without a chaperone!
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| Peridot
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What? You've got to be joking!
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| Garnet
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*drops a stack of tires she is carrying* You'll know when I'm joking.
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| Peridot
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Nyahhh...
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| Amethyst
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Me and Steven can go with her!
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| Steven
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Yeah, we'll keep an eye on her.
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| Garnet
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Approved. Keep her in line, Amethyst.
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| Amethyst
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You got it!
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| (Peridot groans at the proposal.)
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| [Trans. Int. Prime Kindergarten]
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| (Peridot is logging on her tape recorder, while Steven and Amethyst are dismantling a broken Injector.)
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| Peridot
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Log date 7-11-2. The Amethyst and the Steven have volunteered to help me dismantle this Era 1 drill. How stylistically displeasing. The newer ones have a nicer finish.
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| Amethyst
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You making more nerd notes?
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| Peridot
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*stops the recording* What is... "nerd"? (Amethyst snickers.) Can you use it in a sentence?
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| Amethyst
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Ahem. "Nerd". You are a nerd. *laughs*
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| Steven
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*jumps down from the Injector* Amethyst! Cut that out!
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| Peridot
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*speaks to her tape recorder* As you can see, this planet is annoying and everything is annoying. Amongst its... transgressions is the need for the Amethyst to ask permission from the perma-fusion.
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| Amethyst
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"Perma-fusion"? Is that what you call Garnet?
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| Peridot
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I could call her lots of things. *pulls down her tape recorder* I could call her two things! Two clods! *laughs* Walking around like she's... one clod! *snickers*
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| Steven
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What's wrong with that?
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| Peridot
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She's not even fighting! She's, you know, she's just, y-you know like the... *pounds her fists together* you know!
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| (Amethyst laughs hysterically while Steven pounds his fists together too in confusion.)
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| Amethyst
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You're a real gem, Peri.
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| Peridot
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Yes, I am... a Gem.
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| Amethyst
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Okay, okay. Do Steven next. What's weird about Steven?
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| Peridot
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Where do I even begin?! He's some sort of hybrid abomination, I don't even understand how he functions! His organic half consumes so much energy that he has to constantly feed, and he spends so much time expelling, that he has a whole room dedicated to it!
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| Steven
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*blushes in embarrassment* Ah, no, something else! Talk about something else!
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| (Amethyst continues laughing hysterically, and Peridot decides to keep indulging her.)
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| Peridot
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*laughs* The strangest thing is, Amethyst, you think you have to listen to them! *laughs* You're the one who should be in charge!
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| Amethyst
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Ha, that's your best joke yet.
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| Peridot
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No, really. Pearl is a pearl, Garnet is a fusion, I don't even know what he's supposed to be! *points at Steven*
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| Steven
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Hey!
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| Peridot
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You're the only Crystal Gem, that's actually a Gem!
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| Amethyst
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Uhm... *laughs nervously* What?
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| Peridot
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You outrank everyone on your team. They should be listening to you! You're a strong, singular, fully-functional soldier, despite the fact you're defective.
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| (Amethyst's face drops.)
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| Amethyst
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Defective?
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| Peridot
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Well sure! You're small!
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| Amethyst
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So?
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| Peridot
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Well, you're not supposed to be! Hold on, wait, wait. Let me guess. This! This is the hole you came out of! Too small, too low. The exit marks look 500 years newer than every other hole. Hmm, this place must have been empty when you came out. No wonder you have no idea what you're supposed to look like!
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| (Amethyst grows increasingly irritated.)
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| Steven
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Peridot...
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| Amethyst
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*halts Steven by placing her hand on his shoulder* What was I supposed to look like?
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| Peridot
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Well, you're a quartz. They're huge, loyal soldiers. You should be twice your size. Broad shouldered, intimidating. But you simply stayed in the ground too long.
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| Amethyst
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*angered* Are you saying I'm wrong?!
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| Peridot
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*laughs* Gemetically speaking, yes. When you think about it it's all so... *snickers* ...funny!
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| (Peridot chuckles, while Amethyst looks upset and angry.)
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| Steven
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Amethyst?
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| Peridot
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Hey, soldier. Maybe you can help me get this hunk of drill off-
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| (Amethyst summons her whip and violently severes the drill head off the Injector in one clean cut.)
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| Peridot
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See, look at that! You can do everything a normal quartz can do. Let's head back, and shove this thing in Pearl's face!
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| Steven
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Amethyst? Are you okay?
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| Amethyst
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Don't worry about it.
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| [Trans. Ext. the Barn]
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| (Pearl is inspecting the drill head that Steven, Amethyst and Peridot brought back, while Steven and Peridot are separating the nails and screws.)
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| Pearl
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Oh, it's lovely! To think we'd be using the same technology that started all this to fix it! This drill is pure irony!
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| Peridot
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Actually, it's mostly carbonite.
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| Steven
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Would that make it... "carbony"?
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| (Peridot groans at Steven's joke, when Amethyst walks past.)
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| Peridot
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Oh oh oh oh, Amethyst!
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| (Amethyst, still irritated, pauses and turns to look at Peridot.)
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| Peridot
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Check out this... *picks up a hammer from the ground* Hmm... Rhythmatic pulverizer!? *falls backwards on the ground laughing* That's funny, I'm so funny!
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| Amethyst
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Whatever, dude. *walks away*
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| Peridot
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That was the incorrect response. Hey, Amethyst isn't laughing when I do these things. Why isn't she laughing?!
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| Steven
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Peridot, you really hurt her feelings.
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| Peridot
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What?
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| Steven
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You were pretty mean to her at the Kindergarten.
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| Peridot
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Mean? No way! I was being... "cool". Amethyst loved it. She's probably telling the Pearl how much fun she had now. *sees Amethyst looking at her and waves at her* Amethyst, hi, hi, hi, Amethyst! (Amethyst turns away and walks into the barn.) She... she won't even look at me. It's making me feel... smaller.
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| Steven
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You feel bad! That's how you made her feel.
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| Peridot
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*snorts* Who cares about how she feels? Who cares about any of you?! You're all just rocks! Ruddy, muddy clumps beneath my gravity connectors! *grunts, kicks into the air and falls over*
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| Pearl
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Ugh, another one of her temper tantrums. I'm surprised you two made it back from the Kindergarten without driving each other crazy!
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| Amethyst
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Yeah...
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| (Time passes by, Peridot is working on the drill alone, grunting in frustration, while Steven is holding onto her leash.)
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| Peridot
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This little thing... *grunts loudly*
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| (Peridot then sees Amethyst walking past, without even turning to look at her. She grunts and returns back to working on the drill.)
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| Steven
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How's everything going up there?
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| Peridot
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Fine... ! There's nothing wrong, everything's fine! *pushes a button, which accidentally turns on the drill* Ah! No, no, no, no, NO, STOP!
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| Steven
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Peridot?
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| (The drill starts spinning, causing Peridot to fall off of it.)
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| Peridot
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*coughs* The panel...!
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| (Steven jumps onto the drill as it begins to spin out of control.)
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| Peridot
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Wait!
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| (Peridot tries to chase after Steven, but her leash gets caught on a piece of rock, tugging her back and causing her to fall to the ground. She then gasps in horror as Steven clings onto the drill.)
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| Steven
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It's okay, I got it!
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| (The drill spins out of control around the yard with Steven inside it. Unsuspecting, Amethyst comes around the corner of the barn, only to be faced with the drill heading towards her.)
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| Amethyst
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What the- GAAHHH?!
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| Peridot
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Amethyst!
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| (Peridot pushes forward against her leash, causing it to rip, and manages to push Amethyst out of the way of the drill just in time. Steven manages to climb abroad the drill and rips out the control panel, successfully stopping it. )
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| Steven
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*dizzy with spirals in his eyes* It's okay, everything's okay! It was just a drill! *laughs and collapses against the side of the drill*
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| (Peridot coughs, as dust clouds caused by the drill subside, and looks down to see that she is sitting on top of Amethyst, who is surprised that Peridot had saved her from the drill.)
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| Amethyst
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Uh... Peridot?
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| Peridot
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Ah! *jumps off quickly* It was an accident, I swear!
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| Steven
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Hey, don't worry about it. *walks towards Peridot and Amethyst* We know you didn't mean to start the drill.
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| Peridot
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Uh... yeah. That was an accident, too...
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| (Amethyst looks at Peridot in shock and confusion. Time passes by, Pearl and Garnet return to observe the havoc.)
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| Pearl
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*horrified* We leave for one second and everything goes off the rails!
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| Garnet
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I blame the cows.
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| Pearl
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No, it's fine, it's fine. We'll rebuild it! Stronger, better. We'll add seat belts!
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| (Amethyst and Steven are seen cleaning up after the drill, digging and pulling out items buried in the drill's rampage. Amethyst then pulls out an unicycle from the ground.)
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| Steven
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Hey, are you alright? That was a close one. It's a good thing Peridot was there to save you.
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| (Amethyst rolls her eyes and throws the unicycle away.)
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| Peridot
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*walks up from behind* Yes, it is a good thing. *pauses and stares at Amethyst for a bit* Listen, I... uhm...
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| Amethyst
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Just spit it out.
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| Peridot
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Ughh! *facepalms* Why are you earthlings so difficult!?
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| (Peridot slams the playback button on her tape recorder and holds it out to Amethyst.)
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| Tape Recorder (Peridot)
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"Log date 7-11-2. This entire planet is backwards. There hasn't been one instance of correct behavior exhibited by any one of these "Crystal Gems". I have concluded that they are all defective. But I am no better. I failed my mission and now I'm working with the enemy. And I can't even get that right. I have apparently "hurt" Amethyst's "feelings", which was not my intent. If I've damaged my standing with the best Gem here, then I've made a serious mistake. I'm still learning. I hope you understand. I want to understand. I'm sorry. Peridot. Facet 5. End log."
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| Peridot
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*stops the tape recorder* As you can see—
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| Steven
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*touched* Oh, Peridot.
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| (Peridot looks away, making an odd angry noise.)
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| Amethyst
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Peridot... (Peridot looks at her.) ... Thanks. *smiles*
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| (Peridot smiles awkwardly at her.)
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| Amethyst
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But you're still a nerd. *walks off*
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| Peridot
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*slightly annoyed* I'll be sure to add that to my notes.
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| Steven
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How do you feel?
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| Peridot
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*pauses* ... Big.
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| [END]
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