Too Short to Ride/Transcript

This is a transcribed copy of "Too Short to Ride". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.

Previous: "Mr. Greg"

Next: "The New Lars"

Speaker	Dialogue
[Open Int. Beach House]
(Steven holds out a rectangular-shaped gift, wrapped in light green paper, to Peridot.)
Steven	Special delivery!
Peridot	Oh. Wow. Thanks. *rips open the gift* It's a... a rectangle.
(Steven puts the ribbon from the gift wrapping on Peridot's hair.)
Steven	And a tablet! *takes the tablet and turns it on* My dad bought it, but he decided he didn't need it. He said something about over-saturation of media being a plague to one's mind, so I thought you might like it. Here.
(Steven starts demonstrating how to use the tablet, and Peridot is awe-struck.)
Steven	You can use your fingers to work it.
Peridot	Like my old finger screens!
(Peridot scrolls through the screens of apps on the tablet.)
Steven	But now you have the Whole Worldwide Web to hang out on.
Peridot	Worldwide? Ha! I had the ability to search and retrieve data from across multiple star systems.
Steven	Hmm, impressive. But I can do you one better: TubeTube.
(Steven taps the TubeTube icon and it opens up to a cat video. Peridot watches it in perplexity.)
Peridot	Why was this documented?
Steven	You can log your thoughts on the internet, too. You just have to keep it under 140 characters.
Peridot	*in awe again* That's so many people!
(Peridot continues watching the cat video, emitting clattering sounds and cat yowls.)
Steven	I can make you an account so you can start logging as soon as you want.
(Peridot chuckles in anticipation as Steven sets up a social media account for her.)
Peridot	I really, really like this, but it's a shame it doesn't come attached to your body. *gasps* Oh wait!
(Peridot runs to the Steven's storage cabinet inside the steps and begins rummaging through it.)
Steven	I'm gonna leave the profile stuff blank for you to fill in later. There.
Peridot	Gimme!
(Peridot snatches the tablet off of Steven's hand and tapes a strap of velcro onto its back.)
Peridot	*chuckles* Behold! My innovation!
(Peridot dramatically shows off her handiwork, strapping the tablet on a velcro band on her waist while making robotic noises, and does various dramatic poses.)
Peridot	Cha-cha-cha-cha-cha... Cha-cha-cha-cha-cha... Hraaa... Shing! Shing! Hraaaaa... shing-shing! I've harnessed the power of your interlocking fabric strips.
Steven	*chuckles* Good thing I grew out of those shoes.
Peridot	*caresses her tablet and sighs* To have tech again. It feels good when everything is at your fingertips.
Amethyst	Yo. *walks in* You guys look like you're having fun.
Peridot	Oh, Amethyst. *shows off her handiwork* What do you think?
Amethyst	You look like a square.
Peridot	It's a rectangle.
Amethyst	Heh, truth. Anyway, you two ready to go or what?
Peridot	Go?
Steven	Yeah. Amethyst and I were gonna go out, and we wanted you to come, too.
Peridot	"Hang out"? Oh, yeah. *blushes slightly* That's a friend thing to do. So, where are we hanging out, friends?
[Trans. Beach City Funland]
(Steven and Amethyst brings Peridot to the Beach City Funland.)
Steven	Ta-da! Welcome to Funland!
Peridot	*looks at the entrance* You brought me to a sign!
Amethyst	Nah, nah. You got to go inside.
(Steven and Amethyst pushes Peridot into the fun fair, and the trio watches a roller coaster ride by with people screaming.)
Peridot	Aha, a speed pattern transportation circuit.
Steven	And a roller coaster.
Amethyst	You've got to do the most fun thing in Funland first.
Peridot	Hmm. Bold. Let's follow this logic!
(Steven, Amethyst, and Peridot run to the The Appalachian ride, which Mr. Smiley is the operator of.)
Steven	Three, please!
Mr. Smiley	Sure. We got some new rules, first.
(Mr. Smiley points to a height chart and the trio measures their heights for eligibility to ride the Appalachian. Steven and Amethyst grunts in disappointment, being too short. Peridot smiles widely as she surpasses the height limit, but Mr. Smiley gets skeptical. He then pushes Peridot's hair down to see her real height, and it aggravates Peridot as she bursts into a tantrum.)
Mr. Smiley	Ha-ha! Sorry, guys. Looks like this squad has some growing to do before you can ride.
Peridot	I do not have to grow. This height is indicative of my rarity and importance. I demand entry, you CLOD!
Mr. Smiley	*clears his throat* You kids want another lifetime ban?
Steven	No thanks, Mr. Smiley. *pulls Peridot away and leaves*
Amethyst	Shorty Squad out. *leaves as well, and joins up with Steven and Peridot* Well, that stinks.
Steven	*sighs* We'll just have to maintain a healthy lifestyle in hopes we grow before the end of the season.
Amethyst	*slaps her forehead in epiphany* Ah, of course. Let's just grow!
(Amethyst shapeshifts herself to look like a human teenager.)
Steven	*gasps* Shape-shifting!
(Steven uses his gem power to stretch his legs up to Amethyst's height. Peridot then attempts to shapeshift herself, as she starts straining, grunting and sweating.)
Steven	Uh, Peridot?
Peridot	*stops straining, panting* Uh, I... I must be a little rusty. Why don't you two just go?
Steven	Aw, what?
Peridot	What?
(Amethyst and Steven stare at the dejected Peridot.)
Amethyst	You sure?
Peridot	Sure I'm sure. I can just look up what a roller coaster feels like. Just hurry up and go so you can hurry up and come back. *flails her hand at Amethyst*
Amethyst	Oh, okay.
(Amethyst and Steven, now heightened thanks to shapeshifting, passes the height limit and ride the Appalachian. Peridot watches from below as the two have fun. They both eventually rejoin Peridot's side, back in their normal sizes.)
Amethyst	So good!
Steven	What next? What next?
Peridot	Yes! What next that doesn't have a height restriction?
Amethyst	Uh, there!
(Amethyst points off to a distance and the trio enters the House of Mirrors. Amethyst and Steven are already having fun, laughing and shapeshifting in front of the mirrors, while Peridot just stares gloomy at her deformed reflections in the mirrors, unable to shapeshift to alter them.)
[Time Skip]]
(Steven, Amethyst and Peridot begin walking around and checking out the game booths.)
Amethyst	Ha, this place is fun.
Steven	Yeah! It totally does live up to its name!
(Peridot searches "am I having fun?" via a search engine, and the dictionary definition for "fun" pops up, causing Peridot to sigh in disappointment.)
Amethyst	Let's see who can eat the most chili dogs before we go on the Tilt-a-Whirl.
(Peridot stops in front of a ring toss game booth and stares at the various alien plush toys hanging around the booth. She then gasps in excitement.)
Peridot	Steven, Amethyst! Look at this being! Its large head, swollen with thoughts! Those compassionate eyes. It understands. I need it. NOW!
Steven	Peridot, that's a prize. You have to win it first.
(Steven rings a bell at the booth, and Mr. Smiley runs around to stand inside the booth, panting heavily.)
Mr. Smiley	Hey there, Steven.
Steven	Mr. Smiley, you're working the ring toss, too? *hands Mr. Smiley some tickets*
Mr. Smiley	Yeah. You can say we're a little "funderstaffed". *pulls out a bunch of rings*
Steven	Ha! I get it.
Mr. Smiley	I'm glad you seeing the humor in it, Steven, because I haven't seen a bed in six days!
Steven	... Oh. *laughs nervously*
(Peridot grabs a ring and tosses it flying over the bottles and hits something off-screen.)
Peridot	I win!
Steven	Um, well...
Amethyst	You have to land the rings first, broski! Shorty Squad throw!
(The trio begins throwing rings together at the bottles, with none landing on the bottles, much to Mr. Smiley's growing boredom.)
Amethyst	Okay, last chance. We got this.
(The trio throws their last rings in unison, which collide into one another and missing the bottles, and they groan in defeat.)
Amethyst	This biz is rigged!
Peridot	I didn't save Earth for this.
Steven	Sorry, Peridot.
Amethyst	Hmm. No. We're gonna get you that prize. Hey, Mr. Smiley. Is that Onion trying to light the roller coaster on fire?
Mr. Smiley	I'm not falling for that one again. Woah!
(Screams are then heard in the distance, grabbing Mr. Smiley's attention. Onion is then seen holding two cotton candy cones lit on fire in front of a screaming crowd, next to the Appalachian.)
Mr. Smiley	NO! I'm still paying off the last lawsuit! *rushes out of the booth*
Amethyst	Heh, good old Onion.
(Amethyst grabs a ring, extends her arm and drops it onto a bottle. Mr. Smiley then returns, his clothes visibly tattered.)
Mr. Smiley	All this running around. I'm not even in a union.
Amethyst	Yo, Mr. S. While you were gone, Peri got a ring.
Peridot	I did?
Amethyst	*whispers* We're lying.
Peridot	*begins sweating* Oh, uh, yes, I did land the ring. I also do not steal Steven's clothes when he's not looking.
Steven	What?
Mr. Smiley	Huh. Would you look at that? And I thought this thing was rigged. Here you go, kid.
(Peridot smiles and opens her arms widely, anticipating a big alien plush toy, but Mr. Smiley places a small alien figure on her finger instead. Peridot, still smiling, then stares at the finger puppet in slight disbelief.)
Mr. Smiley	It's a little sister. *laughs*
Peridot	Um, excuse me, but you're wrong. I'm supposed to win that one. *points at the alien plush*
Mr. Smiley	You mean the big guy? Sorry. That one's 10 rings.
(Peridot stares at the alien finger puppet in sheer disappointment. Time passed by, Steven and Amethyst are relaxing and eating corndogs, while Peridot tries to click away from a "Find Roommates" ad on her tablet using the alien finger puppet.)
Tablet Ad	"Find cute roommates in your area."
Peridot	I'm all set, thanks.
Steven	That toy you won is really cool, Peridot.
Peridot	You mean that Amethyst won, with shapeshifting. Maybe they should call it shapeshift land because it's a land where you go to shapeshift.
Amethyst	What's wrong with shapeshifting, bro?
Peridot	You mean besides being an insult to your intended form?
Amethyst	... Okay, what's really wrong with it?
Peridot	I can't do it... at all.
Steven	Well, we can help you try.
Peridot	What?
Steven	I didn't ever think I could use my powers, either, but then the Gems helped me out. We can help you, too.
Amethyst	Yeah, man. *chomps down the rest of her corndogs* Mmm! We'll give you the shapeshifting lowdown. *noogies Peridot* Shorty Squad style.
(Peridot looks down in uncertainty.)
[Trans. Beach.]
(Steven and Amethyst begins demonstrating various shapeshifting acts for Peridot to follow. Firstly, they extends their tongues to lick their elbows, which Peridot is unable to do. Secondly, Amethyst shapeshifts into a cat, Peridot simply can only curls her hands like a cat. Steven shapeshifts one of his fingers into a cat head, which frightens him, and he quickly dunks it into the sea to get rid of it. Meanwhile, an unamused Peridot uses her tablet to send a "cheep" regarding her earlier remark about "shapeshift land", chuckling in the process. Lastly, Amethyst shapeshifts into a ball and throws herself at Steven. Steven extends his arms to catch Amethyst and bounces her towards Peridot. Peridot fails to catch Amethyst and takes a direct hit in the face, leaving her laying face-down on the sand and moaning in pain. Amethyst shapeshifts back to normal and walks up to Peridot with Steven.)
Amethyst	Uh, okay. Maybe we just have to activate it manually. You grab her feet. I'll grab the arms.
Steven	Okay.
Amethyst	Ready? Pull.
(Steven and Amethyst starts pulling on Peridot, causing her to chant "Ow" monotonously.)
Steven	Is it working?
Amethyst	I think so. Pull harder!
(Steven and Amethyst tugs on Peridot harder, and Peridot begins chanting "Ow" faster.)
Steven	I think I just heard a crack
Amethyst	That's her powers opening, Steven.
Peridot	Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow-ow-ow-OW! Drop me now!
(Steven and Amethyst let go of Peridot, dropping her back on the sand.)
Peridot	This isn't going to work.
Steven	Maybe if we keep trying...
Peridot	No. *gets up and sits up on the beach shore* My lack of skill is an objective fact. I'm an Era-2 Peridot. I am new. Resources are dwindling on Homeworld. They can't make Gems like they used to. That's why they give Era-2 Peridots technological enhancements because we... don't have powers. *clings onto her tablet*
Amethyst	*walks up to Peridot, slightly irritated* Per, I'mma be really real with you for a sec. This whole time we've been here, you've just been focusing on what you can't do. Of course you're not having any fun. (Peridot begins typing on her tablet.) You think that all you are is who you could be, but we don't hang out with you because of who you could be. We like you.
(Peridot ignores Amethyst and continues typing on her tablet.)
Amethyst	I know you just heard me.
(Peridot, in her frustration, types "CLODS" fifteen times to "cheep", exceeding the characters limit.)
Amethyst	Stop playing with that thing. Ugh. Gimme that! *grabs Peridot's tablet*
Peridot	*tightly holds onto her tablet* NO!!
Amethyst	You don't need it!
Peridot	You don't know that!
Amethyst	Yes. I. do! *manages to snatch the tablet away*
Peridot	Wait! Wait-wait-wait-wai-w-w-w-wait!
(Amethyst hurls the tablet to the ocean.)
Peridot	NO!! IT'S ALL THAT I AM!
(Peridot reaches her arms out in desperation.)
Steven	Peridot...!
(Peridot slowly opens her eyes and realizes she is suspending her tablet in mid-air.)
Steven	Metal powers!
Amethyst	... Dude.
(Peridot giggles as she begins maneuvering her body around to draw the tablet towards her, while Steven paces around the beach in excitement.)
Steven	Do you know what this means? You can open really tight jars. You can remove staples without a staple remover. You can open doors without having to touch them after you wash your hands.
Peridot	*successfully retrieves her tablet* No! I know exactly what I can do.
[Trans. Beach City Funland]
(Back at the ring toss game booth, Peridot uses her newly-found power to levitate and drop the ten rings onto the bottles, while an unsuspecting Mr. Smiley is fast asleep.)
Peridot	*excitedly rings the bell* 10! That's 10!
Mr. Smiley	*jumps awake* Wah! That's 10, alright! Well, I guess you won fair and square, or fair and triangle. *laughs* Because your head looks like a triangle. Here you go, kid.
(Peridot reaches out with open arms as she receives the big alien plush reward, hugging it tightly.)
Steven	Hehe, You did it, Peridot.
Amethyst	Give it up for Pea-Pod!
(Three star irises close on the trio.)
Peridot	No. Give it up for the Shorty Squad.
[END]