Episode Descriptions

Since I am not allowed to edit the synopses tabs on the episode pages, I'll be making a list of them on this post.

Open Book - Steven finally finishes Connie’s favorite series of fantasy novels (a little bit of Tamora Pierce, a little bit of Harry Potter, a lot of His Dark Materials), and learns that Connie hated the ending (wherein the witch hero got married to her falcon familiar-turned-human). Trying to cheer her up, Steven takes her to his mother’s room to make up a new one – you know, the one where he can conjure anything he wishes for out of clouds? Connie goes to pick the perfect costume for the new ending, but Steven’s impatient wish to see her ends up creating a fake Connie, who goes from overly agreeable blank slate to real threat when Steven tells her to stop doing everything he says. The fake Connie turns on him, demanding he reveal his true feelings: that he really liked the ending after all.
Joy Ride - After a hard day trying to gather up the wreckage of the crashed Gem ship, Steven is talked into a night of hanging out with local teens Jenny Pizza, Sour Cream, and Buck Dewey. The group finds Peridot’s crashed escape pod in a cornfield (sans the Gem in question), and some harmless fun driving the pod around turns dangerous when Steven gets trapped inside with the weapons system locked on.
Say Uncle - Frustrated at his inability to call his shield (this episode is non-canon, by the by, but if it were canon it would take place before the events of "The Return"/"Jailbreak"), Steven ends up accidentally summoning Uncle Grandpa to Beach City. Hijinks ensue (literally the only version of the recap that didn’t involve a long string of "and then this weird thing happened and then" ending with Steven successfully summoning his shield in defense of Uncle Grandpa).
Story for Steven - Greg tells Steven about his first meeting with Rose (now with Marty). It seems Mr. Universe was so starstruck that he gave up his musical career just for the chance to get to know that Mysterious Giant Lady.
Shirt Club - Steven designs a poster for Greg’s guitar lessons and Buck Dewey convinces him to put the design on a(n instantly popular) t-shirt. Steven’s feelings about the situation become complicated when he realizes people are enjoying his picture ironically rather than appreciating its original intent.
Love Letters - Jamie, Beach City's local mailman, returns from pursuing his acting dreams in Kansas, only to declare love at first sight for Garnet (who’s way too busy searching for Malachite at the bottom of the ocean, not to mention way too taken already, to deal with this). Connie and Steven try to let Jamie down easy via return letter, but only wind up making things worse.
Reformed - A corrupted Gem is loose in Amethyst’s room. Amethyst gets “poofed” (that’s getting her physical form disintegrated in Steven-speak) and rushes through multiple quick-fix regenerations in an attempt to impress Garnet, doing harm to herself and letting the monster get away in the process.
Sworn to the Sword - Eager to help defend the Earth and Steven, Connie begins taking sword-fighting lessons from Pearl. Things go awry when Pearl’s old wounds begin filtering into her lessons, leaving Steven afraid that Connie might be prepared to go too far to protect him.
Rising Tides, Crashing Skies - A hard-hitting webumentary by Ronaldo Fryman about the lurking danger that lives on the very shore of Beach City – the Crystal Gems. A nice check in with our local townsfolk after the crash of Peridot’s ship in which the plot temporarily grinds to a halt.
Keeping It Together - The Gems head to the abandoned Kindergarten in search of Peridot, and find her overseeing the progress on horrific Gem fusion experiment, carried out on the shattered remnants of the fallen supporters of Rose’s rebellion.
We Need to Talk - After accidentally meeting Stevonnie for the first time, Greg tells the kids about the first time he learned about Gem fusion – and his own attempts to fuse with Rose.
Chille Tid - The Gems are still searching for Malachite at the bottom of the sea, but it’s clear our heroes are reaching their limit. Steven declares a slumber party for himself, Amethyst, and Pearl, but finds that his dreams have become a means of connecting with telepathically with Lapis Lazuli.
Cry for Help - Steven’s favorite cartoon, Crying Breakfast Friends, has been interrupted by a strange signal – it’s Peridot, who’s been busy repairing an ancient Gem communication hub and is now using it to broadcast the titular cry for help.
Onion Friend - Amethyst and Steven pay a visit (well…after a fashion) to Onion’s house, where Amethyst reunites with her old friend Vidalia. Meanwhile, Steven spends an interesting afternoon with Onion.
Historical Friction - Steven helps Jamie put on a play about the founding of Beach City. The script (written by Mayor Dewey) turns out to be a little lacking in the historical accuracy department, so Steven enlists Pearl’s help to tell the real story.
Friend Ship - The Gems finally track down Peridot, but Pearl’s desperate desire to prove herself and earn back Garnet’s trust leads to them getting trapped in an old Gem spaceship.
Nightmare Hospital - Steven offers to let Connie borrow his mother’s sword for training, only for Connie’s mother to confiscate it. Their attempts to retrieve the sword lead to a standoff with some fusion experiments at the hospital and a few overdue revelations.
Sadie's Song - Steven convinces Sadie to sing a song in Beachapalooza, but quickly gets caught up in the excitement of planning the show (along with Sadie’s mother, Barb) and takes it way past Sadie’s comfort levels.
Catch and Release - The Gems finally manage to catch and bubble Peridot but Steven, convinced she’s scared and in possession of a secret, sets her free. Stripped of her weapons, Peridot can’t do much but hole up in Steven’s bathroom, muttering about something called the “cluster” that’s set to emerge and destroy the planet.
When It Rains - Peridot agrees to tell Steven more about the Cluster, only for the two of them to get over their heads at the Kindergarten. At Steven’s request, Peridot agrees to ask the Crystal Gems for help.
Back to the Barn - The Gems determine that they’ll need to get to the Cluster before it emerges. And to do that, they’ll need a drill. When Pearl and Peridot butt heads over who should be in charge of the building project, Steven suggests the most logical solution—giant robot Olympics.
Too Far - Peridot tries to impress Amethyst by being funny but winds up doing more harm than good when her Homeworld mentality starts creeping into her comments.
The Answer - Garnet tells Steven the story of how she joined the Crystal Gems. Sapphire was a royal Gem whose future sight was being used by Homeworld to predict battles with the rebels, with Ruby acting as one of her bodyguards. The two accidentally fused when Ruby saved Sapphire from an attack that should’ve been fatal, which also threw off Sapphire’s prediction about defeating the rebels. Rather than allow Ruby to be smashed for this breach of social strata, Sapphire rescues her former guard and the two try to make their way through the unknown of Earth, fusion, and each other.
Steven's Birthday - Connie is surprised to learn that Steven is turning 14, making him a whole year-and-a-quarter older than her. Distressed at the thought of remaining a child while Connie becomes an adult, Steven tries to use magic to make himself look older.
It Could've Been Great - The drill is finally complete, but it’s not usable until it has coordinates for the location of the Cluster. The Gems take a trip to an old moon base to get the information they need, and Peridot proves that while she’s warmed up to the Crystal Gems her views on Gem society remain as harmful as they ever were.
Log Date 7 15 2 - Steven sneaks a listen to Peridot’s tape recorder and winds up learning about how Peridot gained a rapport with Garnet.
Super Watermelon Island - Steven discovers Malachite’s location while dream-inhabiting the body of a Watermelon Steven, and the main trio form Alexandrite to take her down. While they’re eventually able to separate Jasper and Lapis, the earthquakes caused by the cluster break up the island, causing the unconscious Jasper to slip beneath the waves.
Gem Drill - With time running out, Steven and Peridot have to operate the drill and attempt to stop the Cluster on their own. Feeling a strange resonance with the forming shards, Steven is able to connect with them and begins trying to bubble the shards for their own safety. He fails, but the shards are able to bubble one another, allowing them to speak with each other without feeling compelled to form.
Same Old World - Steven tries to help Lapis find a place that she can call home. While Steven tells Lapis about Earth, Lapis at last tells the story of how she ended up trapped in the mirror.
Barn Mates - Steven tries to help Peridot apologize to Lapis for forcing her to act as an informant back in season one; the team is discovered by a Roving Eye ship from Homeworld, piloted by a fierce-looking Ruby.
Hit the Diamond - In order to keep the team of Rubies from finding Peridot, the Crystal Gems disguise themselves as humans and play a game of baseball to determine whether the Rubies will have to leave forever; however, it turns out that the Gem in trouble isn’t Peridot at all, but the missing Jasper.
Steven Floats - Steven discovers he has the power to float, but accidentally jumps too high and gets stuck on a long, slow descent. Worse, it seems like the fall is going to take so long that he won’t get to be there to try the Big Donut’s fresh new made-in-house donuts.
Drop Beat Dad - Greg's former manager, Marty, comes to town to give him a long deferred check for $10 million and, running across his son, Sour Cream, promises to help with his DJ show as a way of making up for lost time. The show turns out to be a front for Marty’s deal with Guac-cola, and Sour Cream elects to do the show on his own.
Mr. Greg - Greg decides to use his newfound fortune to take his son on a vacation to Empire City, and Steven invites Pearl along in order to force the two to talk about the rift between them.
Too Short to Ride - Steven, Peridot, and Amethyst spend the afternoon at the amusement park and try to help Peridot activate her powers.
The New Lars - Steven wakes up in Lars’ body and spends the day trying to "fix" Lars’ life, particularly his relationship with Sadie. This proves to be an exceedingly poor plan.
Beach City Drift - Steven and Connie fuse to take on their old nemesis, Kevin, and beat him in a race.
Restaurant Wars - After Steven orders some mozzarella sticks from Beach Citywalk Fries (containing "the basic elements of a pizza"), he accidentally reignites the age-old restaurant war between the fry shop and Fish Stew Pizza next door. Feeling guilty, Steven enlists Ronaldo, Peedee, Kiki, and Jenny to try and help him solve the problem.
Kiki's Pizza Delivery Service - When Steven accidentally projects himself into Kiki’s dreams and saves her from a giant pizza monster, she asks him to help her out with what turns out to be a nightly stress dream.
Monster Reunion - Steven’s healing powers have returned, and he’s determined to use them to heal Centipeetle. But while he’s able to restore her partially to her former self, memories of her past keep threatening to revert Centipeetle back to her monstrous form. Corruption is harder to fix than cracking – maybe impossible.
Alone at Sea - Steven tries to heal Lapis’ connection with the ocean by taking her on a boat trip, but things turn sour when Jasper tracks them down and tries to pressure Lapis into reforming Malachite.
Greg the Babysitter - Greg tells Steven about how he got his job at the car wash after a disastrous day of babysitting an infant Sour Cream.
Gem Hunt - Steven and Pearl accompany Connie on her first mission, which is supposed to be a simple retrieval. But things are never simple – one corrupted Gem turns into two, and Jasper is hunting them too.
Crack the Whip - Amethyst is put in charge of Steven and Connie while Garnet and Pearl go out looking for Jasper. Unfortunately, Jasper comes to Beach City to pick a fight instead. Amethyst takes a beating, shaking her self-confidence, while Stevonnie is able to drive Jasper away.
Steven vs. Amethyst - Amethyst trains with Steven and gets frustrated when she can’t keep up. The two argue, both feeling like they’re not living up to expectations, and decide to have a fight to prove which one of them is the worst.
Bismuth - Steven finds a bubbled Gem in Lion’s mane. She turns out to be Bismuth, the former blacksmith for the Crystal Gems during the Rebellion. While the others were told she “disappeared,” Steven finds out the truth when Bismuth tries to show him her plan to fight Homeworld–Bismuth was bubbled when she and Rose disagreed over whether it was right to shatter enemy Gems.
Beta/Earthlings - Steven tries to cheer Amethyst up by taking her to visit Lapis and Peridot; in turn, Peridot tries to reassure Amethyst about her creation by showing her the substandard Beta Kindergarten where Jasper was formed. But Jasper is already there, using the holes to hold her corrupted army prisoner. While Amethyst can't take her down, the newly formed Smoky Quartz wins handily, and Jasper breaks down before succumbing to corruption.
Back to the Moon - The Rubies are back from Neptune and still looking for Jasper. Amethyst is able to fool them with her shapeshifting, but the ruse falls apart when they’re taken to the moon to attempt to issue a report to Yellow Diamond. In the ensuing scuffle Steven is sucked out into space. Which should give him plenty of time to contemplate the news that Rose Quartz shattered Pink Diamond as part of the Rebellion.
Bubbled - Steven is stuck floating through space in his bubble, with Eyeball as an impromptu passenger. While the two initially bond over their attempts to survive in space, Eyeball turns murderous when she learns Steven is actually Rose Quartz.
Kindergarten Kid - The Crystal Gems finish poofing and bubbling the remainder of Jasper’s failed army, except for one Gem. Convinced it can’t be that hard, Peridot volunteers to catch the monster on her own (with help from Steven) but quickly finds out that she vastly underestimated her opponent.
Know Your Fusion - When Steven and Amethyst reveal that they’ve fused, an ecstatic Garnet and Pearl fuse into Sardonyx and try to learn absolutely everything about the newly formed Smoky…unthinkingly stealing their thunder in the process.
Buddy's Book - Steven and Connie visit the library. There, they find the journal of Buddy, the first mate of Beach City’s founder, as he chronicles his journey around the world and chronicling of many Gem landmarks.
Mindful Education - Garnet helps Steven and Connie learn to communicate their problems more openly, so that they can maintain a better fusion. While this helps Connie, Steven is troubled by bigger ghosts of his recent failures to help various Gems.
Future Boy Zoltron - After accidentally breaking Mr. Smiley’s fortune telling robot, Steven agrees to fill in to pay for the damage. While he’s able to help just about all of his friends in Beach City, he’s stymied by a melancholy stranger who’s come to town looking to make amends.
Last One Out of Beach City - Pearl offers to go with Steven and Amethyst to a concert, meaning to cut loose by gently moshing and drinking juice. The plan goes a bit haywire when Pearl and co. wind up chasing a cute mystery girl and running from the cops instead.
Onion Gang - Onion invites Steven to hang out with his friends, a group of other silent children who all gather in the woods.
Gem Harvest - Greg's estranged cousin Andy shows up at the barn and wants to chase Lapis and Peridot out, so Steven tries to win him over with a big meal and convince him that the Gems are family too.
Three Gems and a Baby - Holed up during a major blizzard, Greg tells a story about the last time he weathered such a storm with the Gems, when Steven was only a few months old. When Steven's gem glowed for the first time, Greg and the panicked Gems realized they’d need to work together to give Steven - neither fully human nor Gem - the upbringing he needed.
Steven's Dream - Trying to uncover why he's been having strange dreams, Steven and Greg travel to Korea to find the Palanquin that once belonged to Pink Diamond. There they encounter Blue Diamond, who, still thinking the planet is going to be destroyed by the Cluster, has come to mourn one last time. Seeing Greg as an opportunity to preserve Pink Diamond's legacy, she kidnaps him before Steven can intervene.
Adventures in Light Distortion - Figuring that Greg was taken to the "zoo" Pink Diamond kept while she was alive, the Gems and Steven head to space in the Rubies' ship; the ship's gravity drive proves to be a challenge as the Gems struggle to keep their forms in the face of lightspeed travel.
Gem Heist - Steven and the Gems attempt to infiltrate the Zoo and rescue Greg from under the watchful eye of Holly Blue Agate. Unfortunately, their plan is cut short when word comes that Blue Diamond is on her way, and Steven winds up processed and trapped inside the zoo himself.
The Zoo - Steven and Greg spend time with the humans in the zoo, who've never seen Earth and have adapted to following the orders of an automated voice in their earrings. Trying to find a way to open the service door to the outside, Steven and Greg wind up introducing unknown concepts like "choice" and "hurt" into the colony and throw its inhabitants into chaos.
That Will Be All - Steven and Greg reunite with the Gems and escape from the zoo, but not before accidentally eavesdropping on a conversation between Yellow and Blue Diamond, who debate whether it’s better to preserve Pink's memory or move on by wiping out the Gems that shattered her and the planet she colonized.
The New Crystal Gems - Connie fills Steven in on what she, Lapis, and Peridot were doing while the others were on their mission at the zoo.
Storm in the Room - Steven visits Rose's room to try and work out his feelings about his mom.
Rocknaldo - After learning that his views on “rock people” were misinformed, Ronaldo decides to correct the problem… by declaring that he’s joined the Crystal Gems.
Room for Ruby - Garnet and Steven witness a falling star that turns out to be Navy, the most airheaded member of the Ruby squad. Determined to help her fit in on Earth, Steven takes her to the barn and asks Peridot and Lapis to help him show her the ropes. But Navy's ditziness turns out to be a façade, and she double crosses them as soon as she's able to get ahold of the Ruby ship.
Lion 4: Alternate Ending - After Lion coughs up a mysterious key, Steven travels around the world searching for the lock that fits it, hoping to find his destiny.
Doug Out - Connie's dad comes to Beach City to investigate reports of trespassing in Funland, and Steven and Connie tag along to help him out.
The Good Lars - Lars is invited to a potluck with the Cool Kids; with coaxing from Sadie and Steven, he agrees to show off his newly revealed love of baking. While Sadie gets on well at the party, Lars never shows – and it’s not clear if sinister influences are behind it.
Are You My Dad? - People have been going missing around Beach City. The culprits, Aquamarine and Topaz, have been sent by the Diamonds to recover what they think is one of every "type" of human on Earth. In order to save the others, Steven reveals himself to be Rose Quartz, and allows himself to be taken back to Homeworld (without knowing that Lars is still trapped onboard).
Stuck Together/The Trial/Off Colors/Lars' Head - Steven and Lars are taken to Homeworld, where Steven is put on trial for the shattering of Pink Diamond. The more his public defender, Zircon, questions the facts of the case, the more mysteries about Pink Diamond come to light: how, exactly, do you shatter a Diamond?

Yellow cuts the questions short, allowing Steven and Lars to escape in the confusion. They meet a misfit bunch of "off-color" gems who attempt to hide them in an old Kindergarten; and when Lars discovers that robonoid scanners can't see him, he steps up to protect the others at the cost of his life.

Steven's tears bring Lars back to life, but also turn him pink; and that, in turn, makes Lars's hair into a portal just like Lion’s mane – so alike that the portals are connected. Back on Earth but with Lars and his new friends stranded, Steven now has a direct route to the heart of Homeworld.